Beards

I nominate the omnipresence of beards / unshaven men, on the mong box and in the mainstream media for a thorough cunting. Having a face resembling hirsute female genitalia, as illustrated in vintage publication ‘The Joy of Sex’, is far too commonplace nowadays. Beards were once only seen on porn stars, teachers with BO and blood pressure problems and fucking vagrants.

Soy boy, beta male, fashion victim, hairy growler faced fucks. Have a shave you scruffy cunts.

Nominated by Bertie Blunt

Hipster Beards, better known as WANKER BEARDS. Grown by wimpy doormats as compensation for the fact that most couldn’t get laid in a Thai brothel, trying to assert or rather remember what masculinity meant before being guilt-tripped and pussy-whipped into submission by the coloured-haired snot-hanger nose-ringed, usually overweight leftist “feminists” who’ve taken a leaf out of the Australian Cane Toad fashion look.
TV ads are filled to bursting with these emasculated dickless cunts, the VW Tiguan advert with the wimp-faced wanker-bearded “father” clearly way down the pecking order to the daughter who was probably fathered by the local roofer as said bearded wanker looks like he had his dick chopped off 30 yrs previously.
Then there are the Dunelm ads again with the heavily wanker-bearded, meal ticket, beta-male doing as he’s told by his “empowered” harridan.
Lastly for now, the Karcher advert, with a bloke sporting a beard that looks like he’s spent 5yrs on a desert island, with no mirror, razor or deodorant. A scruffy unsightly cunt who looks like he could do with a good hose down with said Karcher pressure washer and industrial strength carbolic.
An extra special, megaton cunting for the fair-trade, usually Corbynista, ashamedly middle-class, “hipster” castrati who, in trying to reclaim their masculinity, have in addition to the Wanker-Beard, that fucking stupid looking “man-bun”, coathanger sized ear piercings, often one of those god awful snot-hanger nose-rings or a hanging metal bogey “septum piercing”, and let’s not forget the armful of tattoos making them all look identically “individual”
Buy a fucking RAZOR and grow up…. UTTER, utter, cowardly, wimpy, masculinity-void, CUNTS.

Nominated by Sheikh Anvakh

33 thoughts on “Beards

  1. Jim-my Hill……..is a wanker…..is a wanker!

    Ah….the good old days. 😃

  2. That big soft wanker in the VW Tiguan advert looks like he has saved his pubic hair trimmings for 5 years and then attempted to stick them to his lower face with Gorilla Glue.

    Honestly, I have rarely seen another beard that looks so false. Apart from that other daft fucking advert with that Canadian prick dressed as some military type. I can’t for the life of me remember what it advertises as is the effectiveness of it.

    Wank.

    • The worst advert by far featuring a bearded wanker is the one for Viagra with that David Mitchell lookalike. He celebrates his “reconnection” with his partner by dancing, or should that be flouncing downstairs to the sound of Steve Harley’s “Make me smile” ( one of the best pop records ever, immediately spoiled). I would happily solve his E.D problem by chopping of his willie but I doubt if I could find it. The insufferably smug bearded cunt.

  3. I saw some Asian Doris with more facial hair than Anjem Chodhury the other week.

    Talking about all things Ali snack bar, how the FUCK did that Shamima bird get legal aid?

  4. That Jergen Klopp is also a scruffy bearded cunt, along with that Jamie Redkob cunt!

    What is wrong with these fuckers? Can’t they be arsed to get the electric razor out? Or at least get some other cunt to shave them (mommy perhaps?)

    These beardy types are just another evolutionary step down from the goatee cunts from years ago; not forgetting “Stubble Man” that sits somewhere in the middle.

    Never understood the need for a beard unless its for lazy cunts who want to eat breakfast leftovers from earlier in the day! (a sight that I actually saw on a train journey not so long ago with some cunt picking morsels out of his bush and eating them!)

    I bet some of these cunts are scared shitless to shave: probably worried about cutting themselves or suffering skin rash when they splash on the aftershave. (Now of course its Nivea for “Men” hand cream they splash on beforehand. I mean WTF?)

    Fuck ’em

  5. One of the best written cuntings I’ve had the pleasure to read on here.

    Good shout, gents.

  6. A sold choice for the Micro Brewer. Barber and “Barista”. All worthy of cuttings in there own right.

  7. Good Cunting chaps. I’m not feeling very creative myself this morning but will say this:

    It’s the millennial hipster-sheep who really gather my ire. Prime example:- the cunt who sits next to Golfinos (on Uni Challenge) with the twirled up Salvador Dali ends.

    ZZ Top have sported those beards (except the clean-shaven drummer……real name Frank Beard I kid you not!) since the 1960s so are exempt from this cunting.

    • Relevant to nothing really but if you look past the MTV video stuff from the 80’s, some of ZZ Top’s back catalogue from the current day right back to the 70’s is really, really good.

  8. Superb cunting!

    In the late 1970s I grew a full Charlie Manson just to see what it would be like. Fully grown it stank of stale beer and tabs, so after about a year it had to go, though in the spirit of ‘waste not, want not’ I recycled the discarded hair, incorporating it into a portrait of my father that I was working on at the time. It currently hangs proudly in the drawing room at Creampuff Manor.

    The most famous bearded cunt is Father Christmas, aka God. Closely followed by the Devil, James O’Shithead and Jeremy Corblimey.

    Then there’s Catherine Bearder. She’s a right traitorous bitch. She took AC Grayling to see Guy Verhofstadt, to encourage the EU to give us a really shit deal. As we now know, they succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uSFSGR94iE

  9. Mrs B complained about my stubble, (she complains about a lot of things) so I let it grow, never let it get to bad though and ended up buying a beard trimmer.
    Fantastic gizmo with multiple heads that do all sorts of shit, one to my surprise was a nose hair trimmer, being one that likes value for money I gave it a bash, big mistake almost as bad as when one of my mates shaved his arse crack for a bet,
    Fucking nasal hair growing back itches like fuck, causing me to be permanently picking my nose.
    Any way one of the joys of said object is the fluff residue, having failing eyesight I rarely notice the hairs hiding on the bathroom mat, this was bought to my attention recently by a scream from the bathroom and Mrs B complaining that she now had “Feet like a hobbit” after exiting the shower.

  10. I find shaving a tedious and unnessesary expense. Though I daily wash brush my beard and only eat with cutlery I do look like a derro. I also take cuntish delight in the unease in my presence this causes chair warming staff at my work and the general public. I only wish I could get away with having a brown paper bag with a bottle of cheap plonk to complete the ensemble.

  11. Men have been emasculated via TV adverts for years!
    The TV cunts think by sticking a beard on a downtrodden beta male people won’t notice that the fucking wimps getting bossed about by his nagging cow of a wife/ girlfriend etc etc
    Infact the only time a man doesn’t appear to be getting ordered about is when we have the black male with his mandatory white lady!
    It’s a wretched state of affairs, men are paraded as thick and pathetic, completely unable to make a decision unless their ballbuster gives clear instructions! And no amount of facial hair can disguise it….
    So fuck them…….
    How long before women start moaning “ where are all the real men?”
    You drove them away with this tsunami of feminist shit……. 😂

  12. Saw a twat with a beard only this week, he had platted in into a pony tail.

    If only I had a pair of scissors. ✂️

    Cunt.

  13. I alternate between having a ‘tache and having a goatee. The reason being that I look even more of a cunt without one.

    • Same here. Shaved it all off a few years back and the Mrs told me I looked like Chris fucking Tarrant.
      Grew it back quickly as possible…

  14. I’ve had a beard of some description for longer than I care to remember. It was never trendy for most of my life and then hipster cunts began growing beards and poofing about with beard hair products and Edwardian styles.

    A beard is a living organism, it should contain beer suds, an odd breakfast particle and on a good day the lingering scent of fine fresh pussy.

  15. The last time I didn’t shave for a few days, I looked like a tortoiseshell cat with grey, brown and red patches, but without the urge to shit in the flower beds.

  16. Excellent cunting.

    I fucking hate beards, the rancid, flea ridden, food-containing, pube-resembling messes that they are.

    My ex only went so far as to grow a kind of longish stubble and that was fucking bad enough. It was like kissing a brillo pad and brought my overly sensitive skin to a point of resembling sandpapered sunburn.

    My cousin’s husband has one of those peaceful type beards. Nobody can understand why he has grown it as it not only covers up his nice face, but gives him the distinct look of BIn Laden’s infidel, distant relative. Bloody awful.

    BEARDS AND BEARDOS ARE CUNTS.

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