H M Revenue and Customs

I have received a notice from these cunts headed “Annual Tax Summary 2017 -18”. This piece of crap outlines how much I paid and how each pound was spent by the Government. It doesn’t purport to be a tax demand or anything other than an advice.

Now I could cunt the actual items of expenditure but this is not what made my piss boil.

My anger is aimed at the cost of sending this sort of crap out to 30 million taxpayers….we all have to pay tax and I receive a P60 every year. If it costs £1 in postage and admin, the cost to us is £30 million (I may be simple of mind but I checked the arithmetic on two calculators). The statistics are freely available online indicating expenditure. So this is a pointless exercise, probably thought up by some young numpty who has never really earned an honest penny. After all, it’s not their money to throw away.

My piss was then doubly distilled by the timing of this. I am a PAYE employee. My tax is paid up front every month. It therefore took HMRC, 12 months to produce this piece of very absorbent arse roll. If I was a day late in producing anything to the tax authorities, there are what they describe as “Stiff Penalties” for non compliance.

Thankfully, we have a strong and stable government that will sort this kind of wasteful nonsense out……NOT!

Cunts.

Nominated by Cunting Time

43 thoughts on “H M Revenue and Customs

  1. It’s your fault. If you were a rich cunt you wouldn’t have to pay any tax at all .🎩
    Think how much money that would save the government and what they could spend it on. 🇫🇲

  2. The tax man, clever how they\we neatly transfer the attention away from the Government and onto the mythological slender man like being we call the tax man.

    It’s the fucking government, once the government have taken their pound of flesh its yapping dog local government comes back for its slice, council tax.

    Then there’s the equally legendary VAT man.

    Still that’s the price of living in a democracy where we get to vote on our desired Taxation vampire government.

    Ever get the feeling you’ve been had?

  3. What about all the money shelled out for those tv and radio adverts about leaving the EU when the cunts knew, all along, it was never going to happen ?
    Fucking bastards.

  4. Cunts
    I paid a tax bill in October by cheque, I received a letter in February to ask why I hadn’t paid.
    Useless….

    CUNTS

  5. As a UK taxpayer, I get a warm glow of satisfaction from knowing that my contributions to India’s navy and space program are gratefully recieved.
    I don’t feel like a fucking mug at all. Honest…. 😣

    • You just know the Indian space program is going to go tits up, and it will fail, fall back into our atmosphere and with luck on our side, land on parliament, eradiating all the fawning wankers in there!.

  6. As we now live in a non democratic country we should stop calling it taxation.
    Perhaps…..income appropriation? It was always legalised theft anyway.

    • Do we need to go back to 1776 to understand what action is required ? A bunch of uppity colonials kicked the British Army and Navy out of America when they felt cheated….

      “No taxation without representation” – James Otis (1761)

      “Give me liberty, or give me death! – Patrick Henry (1775)

  7. Due to their greed and some questionable accounting practices at my end, I owe these cunts 15k. God knows how they think they’re getting that…..

    • Tell them you naffink abaaaaaht it…
      If they still keeps asking tell them Abdul at Peaceful accountants did the work… They’ll leave you alone then.

      • Ha. Sounds good. Can I quote my mate ‘black and white cunt’ off the internet when I impart this good news to HMRC?;)

  8. Jobs that you wonder why anyone would want.
    Tax inspector
    Traffic warden
    Bin man
    Teacher
    Policeman
    The man that tests stool samples
    Being Brian May

      • If you’re an estate agent, you get to fuck…other estate agents.
        eg. spunktrumpet Phil and Kirstie (who waddles, claims to be size 12, and manages to make a Burberry trench look ugly).

        Saw Sarah ‘Busty’ Beeny on the box about a week ago. She sizzles more than ever. Age has done her some good.

    • Life guard at local swimming pool
      Working in a shoe shop
      Working in a stinky charity shop
      Dog grooming service
      Call centre
      Working for Deliveroo
      Working in an old peoples care home
      Pub landlord

    • Jobs that you wonder why anyone would want ; ‘Bin man’

      Being on the bins is apparently a great job – they never advertise vacancies, they are so in-frequent.
      Someone I know works on the bins – you have to get someone already there to put a good word in, on your behalf. There is a huge waiting list of wannabes.

      Most bins now are on wheels, with well fitting lids. once you roll it to the back of the wagon, a hydraulic ram does the heavy lifting. Good pay for a 30 hour week allegedly, and a proper union that looks after its guys. No in-built redundancy ; there will always be rubbish to get shifted.

      You get dirtier picking old stock off the shelves in Tescos.

    • Flabbot’s Gynecologist – would appeal to experienced potholers and the likes of Star Trek’s Jean Luc Picard – to boldly go where no cunt has gone before!

  9. Have always found HMRC to be fair, polite and helpful.

    They do need to change the existing laws ensuring the large multi nationals pay their fair share of Corporation Tax on their UK revenue.

  10. Revenue and Customs can piss off. Cash is King. As a cunter mentioned above, we pay tax on the money we earn, pay council tax after tax, VAT on the overpriced shite we pay for, oh and the Energy companies cartel shit on us as well.
    Never mind cunters look on the plus side the Somalian family of nine down the road are very comfortable now. You’re all very charitable and I’m sure you don’t mind.

  11. Any organisation that works for the benefit of the Government is a cunt.! End of .

  12. I was in HMRC for over 30 years (and no, it wasn’t my first career choice…). I was glad to get out; I was fed up with being a legalised thief.

  13. Income tax was introduced in 1799 by the then Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger.

    Like the Irish backstop, in Mrs May’s treacherous Withdrawal Agreement, it was only meant to be used as a temporary measure.

    Fast forward 220 years later…

    • Gauke says she can’t ignore MPs who want soft Brexit, but it seems she can ignore 17.4m people who want to leave now.

      • She also can’t ignore the 170 Tory MPs and Ministers who signed a letter demanding that the UK leaves without a deal.

        The whole thing’s been an EU /UK Establishment stitch up from day 1.

      • I didn’t realise or didn’t know, there were that many in her party wanting no-deal.
        I suppose that is down to biased media saying ERG are just a handful of hard brexiteers, although I don’t see it as hard Brexit.

  14. I received a missive from these retarded cunts saying I owe them £600. Well who’s fault is that you cock sucking bastards?

  15. The HMRC hounded me for 56p; 3 years later after around 30 brown envelopes received, I eventually paid them out of spite.

    • You should have paid them 57p back thus guaranteeing more abject wastage as the computerised system fights to pay you that 1p back!

  16. The last time I remember them writing to me, about three years ago, they told me I’d paid too much tax. They’re very nice people and I won’t hear a bad word said about them.

  17. Has anyone ever sat down and worked out just how much tax is paid out of an average weekly wage ?
    Income Tax
    Council Tax
    Fuel Duty/ Insurance Tax / Road Tax / Congestion Charges
    VAT on all “non-essentials” like for instance fuel to get to work to pay your tax, “luxury” foodstuffs, Bog Roll, Soap, Fanny Hammocks etc
    Numerous other stealth taxes…..

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