Crap Cover Versions

A nomination for crap cover versions of crap songs. Too many to mention, but in my opinion, top of the list must be UB40 with the dreadful ‘I got you babe’ and ‘Red red wine’. More like whine, as that’s how the lead ‘singer’ of that crap group used to ‘sing’ .

Nominated by Mystic Maven

58 thoughts on “Crap Cover Versions

  1. Can I just say, fuck tapes, fuck cd’s, fuck downloads, only an album on a turntable will do.
    I won’t have it any other way and that’s vinyl….

    ….and just for the record, I’ve bought a new stylus….

  2. I heartily agree with this nomination and the example given, ‘I Got You Babe’. I’m sure it’s been used by some vast, faceless telecoms giant to advertise their shite services, amongst other twee, dippy hippy numbers.
    Bbbllecchh.

    • I think Rolf Harris and the Pope sung this a few times in the the playground. Cliff richard doing back up. Oh no, Cliff never did that, i forgot,

  3. Yep…..plagiarism is the hidey hole for any talentless artist (as someone else once said).

  4. Piss poor covers often used by manufactured bland boy and girl ‘bands’ when there is no suitably innocuous conveyor belt tripe available.

  5. The one I cannot abide is ‘Unchained Melody’.

    Frankly, I am not a huge fan of the original by The Righteous Brothers, but the cover that really made my ears bleed is the one by Gareth bloody Gates. Every time the little shit came on the TV warbling that tripe, my size 7’s came within seconds of being launched at the screen.

    Any cover is bad enough, but one that is (ahem) ‘sung’ by a talentless gimp is even worse.

    CUNTERY.

  6. What about those pricks like Sting who do cover versions of their own songs that are pitiful to hear. I understand it must be boring to have sung a song thousands of times but that´s what the fans want.
    Another guy who annoyed me was my former idol Leonard Cohen. When I was a student layabout in the 70s I pined away in my crappy bedsit enjoying feeling suicidal thanks to Leonard. However, he did not have the sense to admit that his voice, which was never that good anyway, totally disappeared but he kept on pretending. In his later years, with his fedora and gangster suit, he didn´t even sing. He just grunted and mouth farted yet managed to gain a new generation of fans. When he died I was astonished to learn that his most famous song was called “Hallelujah” which I never even heard of it. I played it and turned it off after a minute as it was not in the same league as masterpieces like “Suzanne”, “The Partisan” and “Bird on the Wire”.

  7. Tribute bands too.
    An excuse to make money out of talented musicians.
    You were right to slag off UB40 Mystic, arguably the worst band on the planet with that ugly bastard Ali Campbell and his stupid forced voice pretending to be a black bloke. I hate reggae, and they’ve murdered some decent songs.
    There’s even UB40 tribute bands. What a cuntfest.

  8. Superb cunting MM.
    I used to loathe those talentless cunts Westlife for all the shit covers that they did.

    Some particular hates of mine are;
    Madonna American Pie (woeful)
    Jessica Simpson These Boots Are…
    The Flaming Lips Lucy In The Sky (with Miley Cyrus, fuck off)
    U2 Happiness Is A Warm Gun
    Britney Spears Satisfaction
    OneD All You Need Is Love (flaming arseholes)

    And any version of Yesterday or My Way by absolutely anybody is a total cunt
    And boybands in general are utter, utter cunts

    • We’re going to need a whole new section for the “Britain’s got talent”, Ex-Fuckter & “the (no) voice”, ALL singing someone else’s stuff usually badly with the now mandatory warbling whoaaooooaoooaoaoaoaoaoao all over the shop, NO real talent, not a fucking original song, almost all the same tirned-oit-in-someones-bedroom, mechanical, samey, boring, musical dysentry that is virtually every fucking tune.

      As for Eurovision, every year another nobody singing an utterly forgettable nothing song, chosen from a selection of utterly forgettable nothing songs to ensure that we don’t have to stump up the cost of hosting the next year’s bore-fest.

      Personally I think last year’s win by the Israeli blimp was part of a huge anti-israel conspiracy to offload the cost onto the Jews & give the BDS & Fascist Left Pali-cock-gobbling toerags a diversion, using Israel as the punch bag.

      Ireland has sensibly also seen the astronomical cost of hosting this artificial display of “togetherness” & mutual luvvie backslapping, as a water of time and for the last couple of years entered some truly dismal offerings. I actually think that the Father Ted, Song for Europe” episode was uncomfortably close to the truth, especially as many Irish wanted to use “My Little Horse” as the Irish entry last year.

      Poor old Israel, suckered into hosting the EuroBoreFest that is acting as a lightning rod for the Fakestinians permanent whine machine. It’ll be interesting to see how many cunts & cuntries don’t attend ‘coz it’s the (Jews forbidden) ockyoopaaaaaayyyyyshuuunn, ‘innit

      • With any luck we’ll be banned from taking part after Brexit… which will also save Corbyn demanding we boycott it.

  9. That UB40 singer used try his damndest to sound ‘black’. Unfortunately he just sounded like he was trying to force out a particularly hard and massive turd.

    • UB40’s dad was a famous folk singer from the 60s, Ian Campbell. which he had the original ‘dirty old town’ which the Pogues covered……fucking snap or what?
      still cunts though.

  10. A cover version should only be attempted if it improves on the original. A rare thing, indeed. The worst cover version of all time is undoubtedly Mariah Cunty’s slaughter of “Without You” which, in a fair and just world, should have resulted in the removal of her larynx by the music police.

  11. I like cover versions simply for the fact that most of them are so crap that you dig out and appreciate you brought the original version all those years ago.

    Ditto the cover bands, makes you appreciate the real deal when you see them live.

    So covers have their place.

    When some snowflake says this song is good by some homosexual boy band you can then put them to rights by naming the original and then seeing the smile promptly wiped off their face when they realise they’ve just be duped by Slyman Cow (again), while he is deciding on which one of the Pic n Mix (aka tarts in little dresses 2 sizes too small), he wants to pork that night. Cunt.

  12. The Damned – cover of Rolling Stones’ “Citadel” = Better than original
    Penetration – cover of Buzzcocks’ “Nostalgia” = Better than original
    The Dickies – cover of Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid” = Better than original
    The Dickies – cover of Barry Ryan’s “Eve Of Destruction” = Better than original
    Frankie GTH – cover of Springsteen’s “Born To Run” = Better than original
    The Wildhearts – cover of Icicle Works’ “Understanding Jane” – almost as good as….

    That’s about it though

  13. Yaaaaah that pile of wank “Red red wine” more like fucking WHINING REDS. On the other hand an honourable exception is Alexandra Burke’s version of Hallelujah, bloody excellent.

    What REALLY gets, kills, skins and barbeques my goat are LAZY TALENTLESS CUNTS who sample bits of other genuinely talented people to insert then into the repetitive talentless, atonal, WANK an pass it off as original, generally completely ruining the original for me. A classic example is that whining, squeaking, needy, hag and Muslim convert, Janet Sodding Jackson who fucked America’s “Horse with no name” forever.

    Utter, utter, despicable cunts.

    • A great shout Sheikh; that’s a disgusting cover.
      This could run on…
      Another one which gets my goat is Aretha Franklin’s shriekingly awful cover of ‘I Say A Little Prayer’. Soul my arse; it’s a fucking horror of a cut.

  14. Lets never forget the UTTER CUNTWANKERY from the cheeky Luuunnduunn cockney kunts, Madness’ complete ABORTION of “It must be love” by Labi Siffre.. A guaranteed meat cleaver through the offending radio.

    • Bloody Nora that’s going back. I used to like old Labi, he was so laid back I thought he was going to fall off his chair when he was performing. Any idea what became of him?

      • Another of cheeky fucking chappie Suggs’ Medness (his pronunciation) war crimes, is what the cunt did to an already irritating song, Simon and Garfunkel “Cecilia”. Took an annoying, echo drumbeat in your subconscious for the next month, ghastly “song”, and here’s the real genius, actually made it WORSE. A suitable retaliation for this pile of steaming badger shit would be small tactical nuclear device to take out Camden Town, commemorated in another of Mednesses dirges. Fucking hell, it gets worse..

  15. And while I’m on a roll ANYONE and I mean ANYONE, who uses fucking Auto-cunting-tune. Michael bloody Bublé, and in particular CHER, the howling, irritating, TDS suffering botoxed old harpie.

    Her version of “Do you believe” makes me wish for that fucking asteroid, but the EORST is her fucking disgraceful sonic GENOCIDE of Marc Cohn’s “Walking in Memphis” or as she sings it, Walking in MemFFUSS. Yaaaaaahhhhhhhh. A clear shooting offence for the raddled old bat. CUNT of the first order for that. There’s a special place reserved in Hell next to Tusk, Blair and Verhofstadt for these bastards who fuck up great songs for the rest of us while the music circle-wank publicity machine rams it incessantly down our ears on the radio.

    Should be flayed alive & left out for the crows, except they’re too discerning to touch her. Fucking HELL.

  16. Although not a cover, I think O’ fellow Counters, that you’ll grant me posting this rotting squid carcase of a song.

    Laydeeezz, Genermennn and fellow Cunts, eye give yew… David Essex wiv ‘Old me Claows” his pronunciation of Hold me Close.

    The ONLY reason David Essex did well was his pretty boy looks for the teeny girls. He could’ve sung Hitler’s Nuremberg speeches in a squeaky Chinese accent and still got into the fucking charts.

    A flavour of it was that firstly he couldn’t fucking sing and when he tried, even with decent backing vocals, was like having your ears syringed out with sulphuric acid and engine oil.

    Ow’d me claoss doh’nn le’ me gaow. Ow now.
    Wi’ yor luvv luy’ shuynin’
    Evree cloudz go’ a siwvahh luyning
    Sow ‘owd me claoss down le’ me gaow

    The epitome of sonic wankrage and fuckingcuntritudeness from Our Duyvidd Essixx.

  17. Ok… Sick buckets at the ready.

    The Stranglers rape, mutilation and strangling of “Walk on by” by Dionne Warwick.

    What the FUCK possessed them to put that pile of festering fox shit on an otherwise good album?

    • Or Clive Dunn singing “Graaaaaandad.”

      So many of today’s “artistes” make Florence Foster Jenkins sound like the greatest show on earth.

      • Or THE WORST ever vomit inducing pool of musical diarrhoea “There’s no one quite like grandma” sung by a kid with a resonance like a nose full of bogeys. Followed by “Mother of Mine” by Neil Reid which was played on fucking repeat at my aunt’s house. Decades on and I still shudder at the mere memories of these sonic abominations.

      • Neil fucking Reid. One of countless abominations foisted upon the suffering public by that cunt Hughie Green on Opportunity Knocks. Anybody remember Bonnie Cunting Langford or Anna Shitting McGoldrick?
        Fucking hell.

  18. Worst covers ever?

    Anything Cilla Black ever did
    Skanklett Johansscunt butchering Bizarre Love Triangle
    Manic Cunt Preachers with Suicide Is Painless
    Oasis and Cum On Feel The Noize
    Madogga destroying American Pie
    U2 murdering Everlasting Love
    Annie ‘cunt’ Lennox doing Train In Vain
    Siouxsie and the Banshees slaughter both Dear Prudence and Helter Skelter

    • WOW. you could get sent to The Hague for Crimes against humanity, for playing that lot. They’d bring back the death sentence specially for you.

      • Cilla Fucking Black. My grandad used to say that listening to that cunt’s nasal Scouse drone was like hearing the Luftwaffe overhead during the Blitz. One of the most talentless cunts ever to foist herself upon us, he and her phoney girl next door ‘lorra laffs, luv’ persona.
        I’d formally cunt the cunt if she hadn’t fucked off this mortal coil already and save me the trouble.

  19. Also, a thumbs-up for Dame Edna singing “The night we burnt my mother’s things.”
    Made me look on the bright side of life when my old mater shuffled off; she didn’t waste any money passing via a twilight home.
    I made bloody sure of that (along with easily-led medicos)…

  20. The worst cover version ever?

    Duffy murdering, embalming, cremating and burying “Stay with me, baby”

  21. Top covers?

    Happy Mondays ‘He’s Gonna Step On You Again’
    Scott Walker ‘If You Go Away’
    Shirley Bassey ‘Something’
    Fatima Mansions ‘Everything I Do’
    Ian Brown ‘Billie Jean’
    The Jam ‘Disguises’
    Carpenters ‘Nowhere Man’
    Vanilla Fudge ‘You Keep Me Hanging On’
    The Beatles – ‘Long Tall Sally’
    Small Faces ‘Every Little Bit Hurts’

    • A few more:

      The Doors – Back Door Man
      Jimi Hendrix – All Along The Watchtower
      The Mothers Of Invention – Directly From My Heart To You
      The Blues Magoos – Tobacco Road
      Vanilla Fudge – Some Velvet Morning
      Blue Cheer – Summertime Blues
      Love – My Little Red Book
      Cream – Spoonful (Wheels of Fire)
      The Byrds – Mr Tambourine Man
      The Amboy Dukes – Baby Please Don’t Go

      • Ya beat me to it with Jimi and the Byrds, RTC. Both great, and different, interpretations of Dylan originals. I always had a soft spot for Roberta Flack’s take on ‘The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’ as well.

      • Sorry meant to add the Byrds’ take on ‘Bells of Rhymney’ as well. Wonderful chiming Rickenbacker guitar work.

      • 100% Ron – Byrds did too many great Dylan covers to name! My Back Pages, You Ain’t Going Nowhere, This Wheel’s On Fire…

    • Norman… you really got me goin’ now…

      Free – The Hunter
      Klaus Nomi – Lightnin’ Strikes
      John Coltrane – My Favourite Things
      Big Brother & The Holding Company – Ball And Chain
      The Residents – Hey Jude (plus everything else on The Third Reich And Roll LP)
      Spooky Tooth – I Am The Walrus
      Alizee – Ella, Elle L’A
      Ramones – California Sun
      MC5 – Tutti Frutti
      The Who – Young Man Blues

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