Jamie Oliver
Cunt. Every fucking recipe I’ve followed of this jumped up little shit turns out as a disaster. Roasted a whole topside beef following this thunder cunt’s recipe. The outcome of the recipe was a topside beef that was drier than an 80 year old nun’s snatch. Waste of cunting time and money. His gravy recipe to accompany the disaster turned out like diarrhoea after drinking a dodgy pint of Guinness the night before. It had been soaked in the pool of excrement to even make it chew-able. Turns out it wasn’t chew-able enough and I almost choked to death on it, then I had to watch my elderly relative remove her denture to pick the bits of beef out.
Fuck Jamie Oliver.
Nominated by Stumpy Mc-Cunty
And don’t get me started on this cunt’s “15 minute meals”…
15 minutes my fucking hairy hoop.
15 minutes if you’ve already spent half an hour preparing the cunting ingredients, getting water on the boil and the pans up to temp. 15 minutes if you’ve measured out the spices (or, more accurately, got a lowly member of the production team to do it).
Oh, and what the fuck is happening with his hair? It looks like he’s rubbing a tin of boot polish through it.
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When he was little his mum asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up
‘I want to be shot into space Mummy’ he said
‘Well if your dad had been quick enough that day on Southend Pier you would have been my son’ came her reply
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