Overuse of the word ‘Artisan’

I would like to cunt the excessive use of the word “Artisan”.
Every cunt with a beard and gelled hair who starts a small business sneaks that fucking word into his advertising.
Sandwich Artisans
Carpentry Artisans
Bricklaying Artisans
Pot-making Artisans
Coffee Artisans
Signwriting Artisans
A mate lent me a copy of the new custom motorcycle magazine “Built” which is full to the brim with beardy check shirt wearing hipster cunts happily chopping up nice 1970s bikes into cut down knobbly-tyred matt-blacked exhaust-bandaged mutants that, in a few years time when the fad ends, will be worth fuck all except as spare parts. The dopey cunts will then probably have to pay someone like myself to restore them back to original, at great expense (I’ll make sure of that).
And if one of them refers to ME as an “artisan”, I’ll drown the cunt in his own hair products.
Utter bollocks all of it. Artisans my arse…

Nominated by Mr Bastard

30 thoughts on “Overuse of the word ‘Artisan’

  1. I think that partly it’s the new buzzword for ‘tradesman’; used by trendies to pretend they’re not condescending to manual labourers and the like.
    I’m just waiting to hear some posh tart gushing on about how her bit of rough took her ‘up the artisan’s entrance’.

    • Our cats have clubbed together to buy the wife an Artisan Anal Douche Enema Bulb for Christmas.

  2. You can flog any old shite to mugs at a tasty markup if you prefix your offering with the word ‘artisan’ – coffee, bread, printer toners etc.

  3. I heartliy agree. Also add “Craft !” to the cunting. Craft beer for example. This really gets my goat. Their is good beer and shit beer and no one can tell you which is which because your choice is your choice. Hipster cunts who have been fed a diet of shit beer all their lives become an expert on “Craft beer,” after a couple of pints of IPA cunts the lot of them.

  4. I like the expression, I am without a doubt an anal artisan.
    Not for reasons you would imagine I might add, But it was noted whilst on holiday and away from our faithful hounds that I was able to replicate the exact eye stinging flatulence that our two sighthounds produce after bin raiding.

    • Not complete without the loud yelp of surprise and pain that occurs a microsecond after the explosion. For that you need a well-ripened dead sheep as feedstock (and as a grooming aid). True artis-anal dogowners know this.

  5. 100% with you on the bike issue. However, it may be a self-solving irritation as the fucked-about poser weekend mounts usually have lethal steering issues. Here’s hoping, anyway.

  6. Nice one Mr Bastard.

    I can honestly say the word Artisan has NEVER passed my lips. Nor Mrs Creampuff’s, to my knowledge. Or our kindly next door neighbour’s… or his offensive wife’s.

    Craft markets are cunts too, full of overpriced remoaner tat made by remoaner cunts for other gullible remoaner cunts to piss their remoaning Euros down the shitter on. Get fucked.

  7. I once had artisan bread served on a rustic wood board. Or was it rustic bread on an artisan board? Fuck knows but it was still the same shite product, most likely just a microwaved Tescos loaf.

  8. And don’t forget, said artisan will get article in Guardian describing how they’ve curated their iteration of their product which will be offered or indeed showcased at a boutique…ok I just died

  9. Its like anything that pretentious cunts want to ‘revamp’ by adding words like ‘artisan’ or ’boutique’ to a basic service or product. The whole bottled water scam comes to mind, the way its marketed to gullible twats who wank over the fact its fair trade, low emission carbon footprint, ethically sourced from majestic Alpine peaks and purified through the arse crack of a yodelling shepherd.

  10. Tesco breadsticks 80p
    Tesco artisan breadsticks 180p, they weren’t all that good either, makes me a cunt for buying them

    • I had a yellow-stickered loaf from Tossco the other day, was nice enough to have again. I bought it on way back from coleg (sparky evening classes), was hungry, and it was what was available…
      Something like Cranberry, Raisin, Cashews, Walnuts. Not overpriced, and a decent supper with a lump of cheese.
      Their Vienna Rolls (with poppyseeds on top), are the real deal – what I had in Vienna for two years (Semmeln, locally).

  11. Saw some bottled water that apparently came from icebergs that broke off a Newfoundland glacier.
    “Water that started a journey 15,000 years ago”….

    Best before Aug 2019….

  12. I once told a bird I was an artisan face-painter.

    The look of indignation on her face after I’d painted it with a few bootlaces of the good stuff!

  13. its like these handmade xmas gifts wanky( mostly women) types make;the smug implication being its artisanal. Is it fuck like. A manufacturer uses a designer an engineer and machinery and labour to turn out a crafted well turned article. Artisan shite is a hotchpotch of badly stuck together bit of cardboard and baubles that even the maker thinks is third rate but thinks you will be stupid enough to be overjoyed to receive. pshaw. cunts
    good evenin

  14. More hipster wankery. Cunts with beards who think they’ve reinvented bread, gin, beer, cheese, etc.

    • Was glad to see that when I was punting through some gin websites, one of them had a link to Society for the Preservation of Real Gin, or similar title.
      The explanation being that far too many hipster-artis-anal gins are being sold that have fuck all to do with juniper berries, but a lot to do with poncey fragrances that would not be out of place in cheap ice-cream, bubble bath, or toilet cleaner… Or Christmassy “liquers.”
      Gin should be gin.
      And Treesa the Appeaser should be kicked in the cunt.

      I’d like to try Hayman’s Royal Dock… Anybody here drink it ?

  15. It is not only vague in concept, but also misleading in any handmade worker regarded as artisan. Can you say the sex doll manufacturer is artisan?

    • RealDoll certainly can !!

      They do a Stormy Daniels version, comes complete with “Attitude & Blue Waffle Package”.

      Now that she’s got to pay Big Don damages, those license-out fees should come in handy…

  16. Good cunting.
    The word artisan is a sure sign that you’re dealing with a cunt.
    The other word that pisses me off is Solutions. Any company with solutions in their name will never get my business, they can fuck off.

    • A village garage I pass occasionally has started advertising itself as “Advanced Repair Solutions” – its logo consists of the initials. Not sure I’d go there for new plugs, personally.

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