Pointless Statistics

Since when did we get into this convoluted bag o’ shite?

Ever more obscure and totally unneeded examples are spouted by the likes of ( you guessed it) Linemepockets, without fail, when introducing EACH and EVERY game on MOTD. Invariably of the “Spurs haven’t won at Old Trafford playing in yellow in March since 1962” level of banality. Check out the BBC website match reports……always a load of bollocks bullet-pointed crap at the foot of match reports. There must be an entire office block of cunts dreaming all this up!

And what’s an “assist” when it’s at home? I’ll bet Greavsie or Shearer never worried about how many they supplied !

Well here’s a stat you can shove up your chocolate “99% of ISAC readers think you’re all a bunch of cunts”

Nominated by Isaac Hunt

41 thoughts on “Pointless Statistics

  1. Saw one the other day for a toothpaste – 52% of 167 people agreed. Which also implies that 48% of people interviewed think Colgate is crap. And why 167 people? Is it to show that they took the troble to worry a further 67 people once they reacehd a hundred? Absolute bollocks!

    • It’s because 52% are thick, ignorant toothpastists who didn’t know what they were voting for and the other 48% were progressive and enlightened.

    • They should have a Dental Vote…

      On the other hand, teeth are white, so obviously have no rights whatsoever.

  2. 100% of ISAC cunters think Treasonous May is a EU sell out and has spunked our chance of freeing ourselves from the toxic corrupt cesspool of Brussels up the wall.

    • 99.999999999 percent of all jellyfish interviewed said that they have no confidence in Treesa May, and will approach a lawyer for jellyfishy rights if anyone implies that they are related to a well-known woman who does PM impressions (albeit very bad ones).

  3. Bang on, Isaac.
    Another couple of useless statistics that give me the gips are;
    *Giving a person’s age when 95% of the time it’s irrelevant. ‘…36 year old actor Eddie Redmayne’ or whoever. If he’s celebrating his 100th fair enough, otherwise who gives a fuck?
    * Giving a completely random number in some context. ‘…more than 33 cases have been reported’. Eh? Why 33, rather than 31, or 32? Why not just say the actual number?
    Ok, I’m a pedantic cunt, but it just annoys me for some reason.

    • “Up to…%” should automatically inspire the question “…and down to what?”

      AS pretty well no-one in the public domain – journos, politicians, ad agencies etc – has the ghost of a nascent clue about statistics, either their function or their application, anything for which they invoke a statistic can safely be disregarded.

      And that is up to 100% true.

  4. Stats are often used completely out of scale or context. Usually for health scares or cures. They are also invariably manipulated to support the right-on agenda.
    Stop and Search is a good example of this. 90% stopped are black. Racist!!! However, put it in context: — what % of the people out in that area at that (night) time are black? Answer comes there none. Then, what % of violent crimes are carried out by blacks? You wont get an answer to that either because the truth is racist!!!!

    I realise the cunting is making a point about the drivel that surrounds football. But stats are misused for more sinister purposes.

  5. Apparently JRM to issue letter of no confidence in May.

    Personally (and seriously) I feel she has some sort of mental health problem. How is it possible to get up in the house and tell everyone that we are leaving the EU after providing evidence to the contrary. She should be sectioned under the mental health act.

    Jacobs letter should include every cunt in the House of Commons and every cunt in House of Lords.

    Apologies for the few principled people, but mostly self interested cunts.

    • The stance of this woman is beyond logic or belief. She has persisted with this plan, cooked up by her loyal Remoaning Civil Service and herself (fuck knows what the purpose of the Brexit secretary ever was) since it’s Chequers birth. No fucker liked it then. Even fewer people like it now.
      It sells NI off to the EU and keeps the UK under it’s malign influence in perpetuity. What the fuck world does this idiot live in?
      Surely she cant last the week? She should be fucking sectioned.

      • @ Willie & Cuntstable

        That’s precisely what my next door neighbour said this morning: “In the real world she would be sectioned.”

        Great posts btw. I’ve been out since 10 o’clock, so have missed all the excitement…

  6. Pointless shit unless you have the actual data… “dash cam owners (cunts) increase 50% year on year”… means fuck all without the starting number.

  7. Here are some culled from news outlets over the past couple of days:

    “Unemployment has increased by 21,000 but a rise in people finding jobs means a record number are now officially in work, new figures reveal.”

    “Unemployment and employment both up”

    “Employment continued to increase, up by 23,000 to a record high of 32.4 million,despite unemployment rising by 21,000 said the Office for National Statistics (ONS).”

    For fucks sake cant they make their minds up?

    • This one is easy to explain. 21,000 more white british people are now unemployed, but the 500,000 eastern europeans that came in last week have all found minimum wage jobs.

  8. May’s honesty. Not one but two Brexit secretaries have resigned. And they were the ones who were supposedly doing the negotiations. Obviously she must have gone behind their backs. She hasn’t been honest with them. See, I would have thought that (in Raab’s case) he would in large part be the AUTHOR of the Withdrawal Agreement. He has only just resigned. So right up to time of the publication he was on side. Then suddenly he sees the document and realises it is not what he negotiated and feels he has to resign. Doesn’t that speak to her honesty? Or dishonesty.

    • Raab wants another referendum.He wants May,s job, and quitting is simply ruse to seduce the electorate

    • Here’s the thing. The Brexit secretary has obviously been a non-job from day one. Davis, being a lazy cunt, was happy to take the money until ‘Chequers’ made the post untenable. Raab, apart from apparently flying to Brussels a few weeks ago to prevent a May/Civil Service crafted legally binding fuck-up, has served no purpose either.
      May has never had any intention on delivering on the referendum. She is in the same league of cunt as Blair and his dodgy dossier. At least 100s of 1000s are not dead but the outright lie is similar.

      • Agreed.
        May is nothing but a Fourth Reich quisling. She has never had ANY bloody intention of delivering a serious Brexit. She is a remainer, and she did NOT find herself in the PM role accidentally.

        We have been stitched up into a very rank-smelling body-bag.

        Despite the fact that I had a very exhausting one off the wrist earlier (thinking about Penny Mordaunt), I am feeling exceptionally violent towards May.

        Kick her in the cunt.
        Hang her.
        Sod her.
        Bin her.

        I might go to the shop on the corner that does sports trophies, and get myself an ISAC standard made. K-H-S-B…

    • Raab, like Davis before him, was just a patsy… a front man at best.

      Doubt he knew half of what Oily Robbins, May & Barnier were cooking up behind his back.

    • I prefer what was said of Lady M:

      Is this a Cuntwitch I see before me?
      The hunchback towards my hand, come let me punch thee.

      • ‘Remove your thought it doth abuse your head. If any wretch have put this in your head let heaven requite it with a serpent’s curse for if she be not honest there is no man happy’.

  9. 8 out of 10 owners said their cats preferred it?? To what?

    A lethal injection down the vets?
    Next doors staffie grabbing them by the throat?

    What was the sample size…..
    maybe they asked a 1000 groups of ten idiots until they found 8 cretins to agree, The other 2 probably didn’t speak English!

    I saw a statistic that 99.9% of people think statistics are fucking rubbish 100% of the time………

  10. Treason May has taken a almighty sloppy shit and deposited it on the once great Blighty,,

    Watching sly news, I wish somebody would run up to that pro eu fucking heckler on the megaphone and knock him the fuck out,

    Please please please

  11. May has deliberately run brexit up a blind alley, she and her cunt in crime partners knew this brexit deal would not pass parliamentary scrutiny!! So what’s gonna happen? Deals rejected then take your pick from second referendum? Election? Etc etc The useless Cunt has every chance of surviving a leadership challenge as the remoaners want to keep their Trojan horse in play!
    How long before the EU offers the U.K. some fuckin shiny captain cook baubles to forget about brexit??
    A wanky handbrake on FMOP?
    Which off course will be ignored
    A promise we can keep the pound ? Wouldn’t last 5 years…
    Blair has been mooting these points over the last few months
    Paving the way to sooth the masses…… fuck the EU and fuck any weak minded Cunt who believes it………

  12. Simple plan to remain….
    get a Trojan horse ✅
    Get 2 fall guys✅
    Get remainer to set agenda ✅
    Run the clock down ✅
    At last minute offer terrible deal ✅
    Then offer accept fraudulent deal or else ultimatum ✅

    The or else deal is the status quo ✅

    Then let the people panic and beg to stop the horrible deal happening and beg to stay ✅

    The people have changed their minds!! Hurray………
    Long live democracy………. 😡

    • Evening Q….!

      The status quo will not be an option. May’s sellout deal is better for the EU than our previous terms of membership, they won’t accept us back unless we agreed to join the Euro, Schengen, and forgo our £4 billion rebate. They’ve had enough of the pesky Brits pouring cold water all over their dreams of a United States of The 4th Reich, not to mention that Nigel Farrige fellow.

  13. I’m one hundred percent sure that Theresa May’s personal Brexit advisor, Oliver Robbins is a cunt. I’m also one hundred percent sure that the draft agreement was deliberately engineered to force another referendum, in the hope that yes voters have either died off or have become pissed off with the shit we’ve had to put up with from innumerable political fuckwits over the last two years. Bunch of cunts – I hope they suffer terribly, very soon. On the original matter, I like statistics, especially the 38, 24, 36 variety (with a shaven fanny, as the icing on the cake). Or am I mixing my metaphors?

  14. There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.

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