Joanna Lumley [3]

I don’t know if GB still has a four-minute warning system in case of nuclear attack, but I think the meejah might be testing something new…

An aggravating, faux-posh whine which is transmitted frequently on ITV; I must get in sandbags, zinc buckets, Dettol liquid &c. and barricade myself in under the stairs.

Yes, it’s a next-week warning for yet another bloody Joanna Plastic-Bumley series.

I pray that it’ll all be over before Christmas… What a dog-awful CUNT she is.

Nominated by HBelindaHubbard

82 thoughts on “Joanna Lumley [3]

  1. Well counted.

    Cannot stand her or anything she has EVER appeared in. Including the Avengers (or was it the Bew Avengers)? Emma Peel for me any day of the week.

    Untalented in everything she does, and with that incredibly fucking annoying patronising voice.

    Could not even watch her in yet another of her travel programmes (most recently to Japan, a country I am absolutely fascinated with) due to my dislike of her, plus the fact she is off on yet another BBC license payers jolly.

    And don’t get me on the subject of the Garden Bridge and the huge waste of yet more taxpayers money.

    Pointless BBC luvvie who should have been put out to pasture a long time ago, with the likes of Lenny Henry.

    • Diana Rigg was shit hot, but Linda Thorson (as Tara King) was also top drawer… Only two good things I have seen Lumley in are Coronation Street (when Albert Tatlock called her a snobby cunt) and Steptoe & Son… And Absolutely Fabulous is absolutely shite….

  2. I must admit to having a teenage “thing” for Lumley when she did the New Avengers back in the late 70s- posh bit of totty with a nice rear end.

    I then realised the error of my ways and moved onto far more discerning crumpet fantasies, until the 90s came along and she reappeared in “Absolutely Fabulous”. I only bothered with that because of the delectable Julia Sawalha – another posh bit of bespectacled totty!

    Can’t stand Lumley however. She’s so far up her own arse with “ishoos” that she must be her own self-serving proctologist, and just as irritating!

  3. Apologies for the thread-jack but the killing of the Westminster Bridge Islamic Terrorist Attacker (yes, not some cunt from Kent – ABBC twats) by the Met Police has been deemed “lawful” an inquest concluded today.

    An inquest? For what fucking purpose?

    Was it not obvious by the way he crashed into cunts on the bridge and then proceeded to stab to death a police officer with two fuck off big knives before proceeding further towards Cuntminster, all the while shouting “Ali’s Snackbar”?

    Plod had no idea if he had a bomb vest on, etc.

    I’d have thought that “lawful killing” would have been a given without pissing away – no doubt – millions of taxpayers money on what should have been a forgone conclusion and rubber stamping exercise!?!

    Oh, wait a minute, it was probably to keep the Muslim Council of Great Britain happy, right? Seeing how these Shariah zealots run our country now. I mean you can’t even have a selfie taken with the wrong person now without that hateful organisation moaning about it and getting folk sacked, can you!

    The sooner we fuck Shariah Muslim hate preachers and their elicit organisations off, the better IMO.

    Any other “peaceful” cunt can then integrate, learn the language, accept our traditions and values or – simply put – FUCK OFF!

    I’m fed up of the establishment cow-towing to and appeasing these backwards “make believe” followers to the detriment of MY country!

    They – allegedly – make up a small proportion of the population and therefore their say in what goes on in this country should be commensurate with that proportion, i.e., they should have fuck all say!

    Instead they have all the say.


    • Its only the start of the mud coloured takeover Rebel. Its in its infancy but in some areas like Londonistan its already started.
      The cuntish Boiled Beef and Carrots did one of their ever so nice but thinly veiled pop at Blighty yesterday on the regional news. A school in Darlington (100% White) got some awful shite about not performing, poor GCSE results, worn out teachers, useless pupils, you get the picture. Whizz down to some inner city academy in downtown Walthamstow (99% Kneegers and 2% white) and most of the cunts are set to become architects and teachers. Now I can buy a bit of bullshit the same as any old sea dog but the beating on our own in favour of every other cunt and his ragged headed dog just drives home the fact that Mud will soon rule this continent of Europe, its been in the Mad Mullah’s crosshairs since the 60’s. We are sliding down the pan like a greased turd, blindly having our “whiteness” changed for that mud coloured, flared nostril pubic hair headed cunt that is the “New European” Kalergi foretold and Soros has financed.

        Reported on by ALBBC – Eurotunnel and power supplies to Ireland may be cut post Brexit.
        That’s no trains from Europe – not a bad thing
        Paddies in the dark – cant say that bothers me either
        NEXT PLEASE.

    • I wondered myself the need for a costly enquiry when it was FUCKING OBVIOUS WHAT HAPPENED.

      More taxpayers money wasted on the legal profession.

      • Don’t these armed police get trained to fire a gun accurately? Why didn’t they shoot him in the legs? Then he could have been nursed back to health on the NHS, been given the best lawyers to protect his rights and represent him in court, and then, if found guilty, we would have had the pleasure of spending £40,000 a year on his keep while he did his bit to radicalise more of our middle-eastern cousins detained at her majesty’s pleasure. I feel an opportunity has been wasted here. And all because of a trigger-happy cop.

        • I hadn’t considered that angle Alan.
          Tis a pity the cop was such a bad shot – all that lovely tax payers money lavished on him with Diannasaurus Flabbopotamus and Emily Thornycunt defending his right to a fair trial and decent treatment in one of HMP’s finest high security nick with 4 square a day (halal of course) dressed in regulation pyjamas like the blambo taxi drivers wear with unfettered access to the book of Satan (AKA the Koran) and HMP supplied prayer mats.
          The fucking murdering sewer rat should have received the treatment his IS chums would have dealt out – burn the cunt in a cage and backfill the cunt in. But then, that would be so UnBritish wouldn’t it?

        • I remember visiting the FBI museum in Washington once and watching a live demonstration in which a G-man reduced cut-out baddies to shreds within seconds and deafened us with his firepower . I naively asked if they ever tried to wound suspects by aiming at the legs. “No sireee. We just fire right at their bodies and blast them to bits”. BTW, he was black and the cut-out was White.

    • And a knighted Assistant some cunt or other of the Metropolitical police PLC sits in his car, all doors locked, shaking like a shitting dog. Fucking bulldog spirit my left knacker. Soft shite cunt who should be binned with no access to his huge pension. No doubt he will quietly “retire” in a couple of months to his home in Surrey and his gold plated pension till the day he pops his clogs.
      Fuck me – this country has lost the meaning of what constitutes a Hero. We are totally fucked.

      • At least we have had the pleasure of him having to live with the shame after admitting to the world to being nothing more than a snivelling yellow bellied coward.

        He must surely know that is what everyone thinks of him now.

        • Wouldn’t be so sure Willie. These Cunts are specially trained in the art of self delusion.

          Most likely expecting to be awarded the Queen’s Police Medal for gallantry.

    • And adding insult to injury RwaC, the jury took over two & half hours to reach their decision!!!! Imagine the differences if boot was on the other foot!! Just why does the despicable government, police, & justice system continue to cowtail this scum.

  4. It’s that breathless,supposedly alluring,voice on the old crow that fucks me off. She still seems to think that she’s some desirable bit of totty. I’d have thought that the only people who would be tempted by her, these days, would be that French pervert Macron,or possibly Burke and Hare.
    I’ve said before that nobody wants to see old biddies on television,but I particularly don’t want to see this example of the taxidermist’s art.Neither do I want to hear a voice that puts me in mind of a sexually-aroused Camilla,Duchess of Cornwall. (although good on that old bag for boycotting Eugenie’s wedding.)

    Fuck Off, you deluded old trout.

    • I repeat Dick, I still would!

      Even better if she called me “Gambit”!


      • Gareth Hunt did himself no favours lowering himself to doing wanker gestures in Nescafe ads. Shame he passed on though. Patrick MacNee has been gone a while too. Ugh!

        Something you just don’t think about when you’re young is the passing of (properly) famous people you like, enjoy and admire. I hate that about getting older. That’s is a subject worth cunting.

      • Well I’d take a set of chimney-sweep rods and brushes to knock the cobwebs out and a 5 gallon drum of Swarfiga with you,the days of natural lubrication’ll finished about the time that Hitler was rolling into Poland.
        She wouldn’t call you “Gambit”,she’s probably think that you were The Grim Reaper making a 30 years too late home visit.

    • For me, her voice is very alluring. Imagine the late 70s version of JL whispering what she’d like you to do to her. Wow! Think I need a lie down now.

      • “what she’d like you to do to her”…..give her a zap with the defibrillator, probably….say “No” and pull the fucking plug out in case anyone else attempts to revive the old bat.

    • I agree, Dickie… There have been far sexier voices out there… Fenella Fielding (RIP), Lauren Bacall, Susan George, Katherine Hepburn, Diana Rigg, Kate O’ Mara, Barbara Bain… Even Una Stubbs as Aunt Sally has a sexier voice than Lumley, and she was even better in Till Death Us Do Part (Fucking Scarse Git!)….

      Lumley’s ‘sexy’ voice always came across to me as trying too hard to be… A bit like Marilyn Monroe’s staged ‘Mr President’ voice….

      • Mariella Frostrup’s husky voice always did it for me when she was presenting on Ch4 and ITV back in the late 80s and early 90s.

        She used to do a show about the latest cinema releases, and I remember distinctly how she would say “Coming near you very soon!” in a very provocative, prick-teasing voice.

        • There was a Caroline Langrishe scene in The Fortunes of War, where she was nibbling a cake in a Bucharest caff. She has such greedy eyes. And a gorgeous voice.

  5. Age is never kind and the once lovely fuckableness of top totty fades. And that’s a cunt.

    That said, always had a hard spot (see what I did there) for Joanna Lumley. I’m actually working my way through the box set of Sapphire and Steel at the mo, teaching Mrs Yank the wonders of cult classic Brit TV of yesteryear. JL was just gorgeous in The New Avengers back in the day. Anyone looking for a reference point, check out the episode called Target. Watch it and you’ll know why I recommend it.

    Ahhh…thinking back to those years. Remember Susan Penhaligon in A Fine Romance? Check out the first ever episode. White blouse, no bra. Yum. Diane Keene in loads of things. Fiona Fullerton, who turned up as a Bond girl in A View To A Kill. Susan George too. Just wonderfully beautiful women.

    • Ah yes, Ms Penhaligon, Keene, Fullerton and George – what a gorgeous collection of 70s totty!

      Add to that Ms Felicity Kendall, Paula Wilcox, Tessa Wyatt and Francoise Pascal – golly gosh I’m surprised I’m not blind by now after all that teenage crumpet spilling out all of my TV back in the 70s and 80s!

      • Add to that: Penny Spencer, Catherine Schell, Carol Hawkins, Linda Thorson, Gabrielle Drake, Suzanne Danielle, Chris Evert, Caroline Munro, Candy Davis, Lynda Carter, Susan George, Jacqueline Smith, Kate Jackson, Cheryl Ladd, Farah Fawcett, Connie Booth, Suzi Quatro. Lynsey De Paul, Kiki Dee, Olivia Newton John, Susan Hampshire, Angharad Rees, Debbie Harry, Katy Manning, Louise Jameson, Glynis Barber, Kate Bush,Tanya Roberts, Frida and Agnetha, Hot Gossip, Pan’s People, Legs and Co… Fucking hell, now wonder I couldn’t sleep when I was a lad…

        • Wow Norman……fabulous taste there, Sir!! Not a single duff one amongst them!!

          Particularly fond memories of some of those very rare sightings-Catherine Schell, Carol Hawkins, Caroline Munro and Lynda Carter especially!!

          I was always a Cherie Lunghi man myself. She’s still got it!!

          Always amused to see ‘Goody Two Shoes’ Chris Evert on that list-as good as the biggest self-confessed nympho since Messalina. Binned off Hubby No 1 for becoming a porn addict; then there was some skier bloke; 3rd ex-hubby was golfer Greg Norman. Add in Conners, Adam Faith and the entire High School football team and many many more we’ve never heard of. Fucking Hell what a yo-yo knickers!!

          • Sally “Tiswas” James – always loved a faceful of whipped frothy cream.

            Lesley Ash, Susan Hampshire, Judy Geeson, Jenny Agutter, Susannah York, Julie Christie and Glenda Jackson = all of them 70s TV and film icons and drop-dead shaggable.

          • All the girls on Moonbase were fit.

            If I’d been Straker, I’d have been performing re-entry on all of them in strict rotation.

          • I saw Kiki Dee in concert once. Support for the rather lovely Vanessa-Mae.

            It was Kiki Dee and some guy playing an acoustic guitar. He was fucking brilliant. Cunt! Made me hate all my guitars. KD was superb as well. Great night.

        • Just to think these well deserved women were complete before the days of Botox, fillers, twatter, instacunt and vigasil.

        • And how could I forget the Bond selection?
          Jane Seymour, Jill St John, Barbara Bach (you spawny cunt, Ringo!), Britt Ekland, Ursula Andress, Diana Rigg, and Maud Adams….

    • Just watched a clip of target with her climbing the drain pipe (fnarr)
      Lovely sexy gimpse of stocking top.
      Need to pop to the loo.

  6. Ah the passing of the years. I am thinking of that skincare advert with Helen Mirren. Fuck me they must have spent a whole month getting the lighting effects right. She’s bathed in white light. Bathed so as NOT to show us her true skin. So sad really. And how beautiful she was when young as Rosalind back in 1978. In her later career she became the dominant ‘strong female character’ in tv dramas. But I always thought of one of Rosalind’s lines when I saw in such roles-‘The little strength I have, I would it t’were you’.

  7. Lumley could give Princesses Bea and ‘Eugenics’ a run for their money in the Jurassic-sized orthodontics stakes. Lumley could chew a whole box of Devon toffees through a fucking tennis racquet without even pausing to remove the wrappers first.

    An OK, yah, horse-faced old cunt with an incredibly irritating voice.

    A most worthy cunting. Any programme featuring her face, which now resembles a stegosaurus’ scrotal sack, gets an automatic culling in our household.

  8. Latest Brexit scare story Mr Fiddler, a no-deal Brexit could cripple horse racing. As a fan I’m sure this is keeping you awake at night, each day it veers between the hilarious and the deranged over this supposed cliff edge.

  9. We were joking the other week about the right-onness of Dr Who, about how it’ll be a black, trans disabled or something…
    Kindly click on this link of a “trans black disabled model”!
    I’m not sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for the poor cunt. You rather get the feeling that he/she/it is taken advantage of by certain wankers, don’t you?
    He/she/it is probably just sat there in their wheelchair wondering why they smell of piss and what’s for dinner.

      • Bloke’s talking to his mate. They’re watching his dog lick his bollocks.

        “Wish I could do that” says his mate

        Bloke replies “Give him a bone and he’ll let you”

    • I cannot get my head around why the lefties encourage these perverts.
      If I dressed up like that they’d want me locked up, but if you’re bent or “identify” as something is perfectly acceptable.
      I don’t care what people get up to in private, but for fucks sake, KEEP IT FUCKING PRIVATE!

    • it should be banned. The ‘biannual fox hunt’ Now I know it’s only role play where ‘human pups hunt down human foxes’ but that’s beyond the pail.

  10. Off topic, but…

    Did anyone else see Gerrard Batten fighting off a panel of disgusting Libtards on ‘Politics Live’ this afternoon? Makes for pretty grim viewing.

    Batten conducted himself extremely well under the circumstances, I thought at one point he was going to nut the lying Labour hag he was forced to sit next to… the clip shows the ABBC in a nutshell for the leftist, peaceful apologist Cunts they are:


    • Great post Mr Creampuff.

      Just watched the clip.

      In my humble opinion, despite how badly Tommy Robinson has been treated by the media, police and the institution for sticking up for the discrimination and crimes against the indigenous population of this country he was wrong to get himself involved outside of Leeds magistrates court.

      I feel Tommy Robinson should not be allowed to join UKIP despite agreeing with much of what he says, and despite agreeing with much of what UKIP stand for. The reasons are clear from this clip. If UKIP is to become a mainstream party (and lets be clear, the only party most would trust to get us out of the EU), they have to be seen not to entertain perceived “extremists” (although fully appreciate anyone who voted for Brexit such as myself is now labelled by Remoaners as extremists, racists or extreme right wing).

      Extremely disappointed with the way that Jo Coburn handled Gerard Batten, thought she was very aggressive towards him, and extremely biased in favour of those speaking against him, especially as he handled himself extremely well, did not interrupt, and was only trying to answer the questions despite the opposition. Can clearly see why right of centre (I think) Andrew Neil has been moved away from peak time viewing.

      As I have said before I would love to see interviews such as this end in fisticuffs. To be honest absolutely amazed it has not happened already.

    • That Jo Coburn is a pig-shit thick, beaky old cunt.

      How Batten didn’t fuck her right off I don’t know. The likes of Coburn would be one of the first to squeal if one of her kids was fucked in the arse by a peaceful grooming gang above a grubby Bradford takeaway.

      • Thinking about it Batten has said he (and UKIP) wants to abolish the BBC licence fee.

        On today’s evidence and their anti Brexit stance hope he gets his way.

        • I was impressed by the way Gerrard Batten handled that interview despite being hissed at by the usual London-centric libtards. A worthy successor to Farage?

          • As one highly esteemed Cunter put it a few weeks ago:

            “Farage went to great lengths to try and pursuade the general public that “racists” had no place in UKIP. Whether he was successful in that is debatable, but accepting Robinson would merely add grist to the mill of those who would seize on his membership to justify their claims that UKIP is an inherently racist party.

            I think that they’ll be making a mistake if they do accept him.”

    • That is fucking sickening and every lame-stream media outlet in the pocket of Cuntminster and the Imams still refer to Robinson as “far right extremist” (which is as mild as it gets) when he hasn’t been involved with the EDL since 2010 and has been an online journalist for the last 5 years!

      The lame-stream media hate Robinson for daring to expose what they were afraid to in case it upsets our Shariah Ayatollah leaders (cos it’s clear to me they call the shots these days while our weak Govt and military leader cow-tow to the cunts).

      Only last week Sly News tried to do a stitch-up job on Robinson by editing quotes from different parts of the same interview together to frame him in a waycist/islamaphobic light to serve their own agenda.

      It was the same Sly cunt reporter who tried to hijack Robinson for an interview as he left prison only to be told: “I’m not giving you an interview because you lot tell lies! You’ve fake news!”

      Well Robinson was proved to be right because – unbeknownst to the cunts at Sky – the full Sly interview was being secretly filmed and showed exactly where the stitch up was done.

      I thought that there was a code of conduct and/or ethics that genuine reporters were supposed to be governed by? Apparently not.

      And the hell of it is that if anyone dares call out the AL-BB-CERA, Sly or CH4 news as being “fake news” they get all ass-hurt and arsey. But they are fake news!

      And to just tell one view or one side all the time no longer makes them news agencies but propaganda outlets.

      The heartening thing now is that more and more people are realising this and are now seeking alternate online information sources, all the while lame-stream media outlets become less and less trusted.


      Fuck you ABBC!

      Fuck you Sly!


      • So much for the principle of BBC due impartiality…

        News in whatever form must be treated with due impartiality, giving due weight to events, opinion and main strands of argument.  The approach and tone of news stories must always reflect our editorial values, including our commitment to impartiality.
        Presenters, reporters and correspondents are the public face and voice of the BBC – they can have a significant impact on perceptions of whether due impartiality has been achieved.  Our audiences should not be able to tell from BBC output the personal prejudices of our journalists or news and current affairs presenters on matters of public policy, political or industrial controversy, or on ‘controversial subjects’ in any other area.  They may provide professional judgements, rooted in evidence, but may not express personal views in BBC output, including online, on such matters.

      • Here here Rwac. It’s refreshing to hear another supporting the real truth behind the Tommy Robinson witch hunt, by all news channels, who true to form manipulate the viewers each and every way they can. They are left ignorant of his past, as a child, witnessing injustices against his family, & relations by the local Muslims, and police turning a blind eye. He formed the EDL after studying the Muslims religious beliefs, fearing the dangers & destruction it would reek upon our country, as complicit governments did nothing. He has always maintained, throughout, he is not racist, and he is not.But the power & craftily placed rhetoric of the onerous media, TV, is an ongoing force to contend with. The politically motivated witch-hunt, of him, & extended members of his family, over many years, and the depths of depravity the Police force have sunk to, just to dirty his name further. His imprisonment the latest.. especially when they moved him from one prison, to another vastly populated Muslim one. Murder by default Is what “they” were hoping for. He may, or may not have legally been outside those courts on that day of the tape trials. But as one of the these rapists victims was his niece, you can understand his reasons. If we turn all of this on its head, and put a Muslim in Tommy’s shoes, imagine the differences. What grates the most, despite the cover up, spanning ten years, of these girls being systematically drugged and raped, covered up by social services, government and police, it took the likes of Tommy, and an Independent newspaper reporter, to bring it to the public attention. And even then, despite all the media coverage it entailed, the outcry, and protestations of the snowflake mums in particular, along with any other mum or parent, was virtually non existence. And that’s just one of the very dangerous paths we are headed. Cross a line enough times, that line disappears.

  11. There’s been a lot of masturbatory talk on here today, which I can’t say I care for very much.
    I asked my doctor if it was true that excessive masturbation leads to poor eyesight.
    He said “you’re in Burger King mate.”

  12. I had to see the Doctor to get some test results….
    He said “Its been a while since I saw you, but there is some news, some good, some bad.”

    I said “Give me the bad news.”

    He said “You’ve probably got about a year to live.”

    I said “What’s the good news?”

    He said “Did you notice the large breasted, pert arsed blonde on reception?”

    I said “Yeah.Why?”

    He said “I’m fucking her”….

    • Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.

      Patient: Oh my, tell me the bad news first.

      Doctor: We’re going to have to amputate your legs.

      Patient: But what’s the good news?

      Doctor: The guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers.

    • A guy goes to the doctor.

      “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.'”

      “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

      “Is it common?”

      “It’s not unusual.”

    • I’ll second that HBH. Great jokes, with no political motivation. Having said that, still waiting for good Muslim one. Bugger ” racism.”

      • Q. What do you call a “peaceful” in a job centre?

        A. Lost!


        Q. How do you get a “peaceful” woman pregnant?

        A. Cum on her sandals and let the flies do the rest!


        Q. What’s the difference between the London Mayor and a radicalised “peaceful” taxi driver?

        A. About £150k a year!

      • P.S. Islam is a religion not a race.

        Don’t worry, the lame-stream media make that mistake all of the time as well.

  13. I reckon with those gnashers, if Pwincess YouJaney sneezed, she’d feckin decapitate herself.

  14. Anyone else see that Cara Delevigne at the wedding of Princess Tombstone Teeth?
    All I can say is this…. What a complete and utter fucking cunt!

    • And Robbie Cunt and his horrendous wife (and fucking mother in law!)…
      You’re fooling no one, Williams… You fat fruit….

      • Just another vacuous bird with a fake trout pout!

        And then there’s his wife…


  15. Would like to see her interviewing Pete Sutcliffe when he is in a bad mood,tooled up with his 30 oz Ballpein hammer and sharpened pozidrive.!

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