Spontaneous Human Combustion

Have navigated me old arse orn countless occasions acrorss the world and have heard tell orf the phenomena from time to time. Moonshine you may say. Fakery and fuckery say others. Stop smoking in bed say the quacks. Well all I have to say is every so orten it appears that some cunt bursts into flames for reasons unknown. A random old mare (happens more often to mares apparently) is sitting orn the crapper and next second she is pile of blackened crisps and a pair orf surprisingly untouched comfy slippers. Unlikely to be a jihadi but these days you never know.

Was all the rage in the ‘60s and ‘70s, standard media story then and Arthur Brown nearly achieved it a few times but not by intention (Google the cunt). Amazing the crazy cunt is still alive (have got the cunt in The Pool cunts). Now that brings YT to me intention orf me little homily, a certain Fuck Puppet that steals me noms using a collection orf snide accounts to do so. Making me complaint the army way, no names but cunt, you know who you are.

A chap’s noms are special to him and represent to us senior cunters many years orf selection and nurturing waiting to come up orn the Cunt Grand National. Many fallers but only one who makes it over the final fence. Thus Yours Truly is outraged, enraged and incandescent with rage over this cunt with no name. Spontaneous Human Combustion? Is that me old arse smoking?

Nominated by Sir limply Stoke

21 thoughts on “Spontaneous Human Combustion

  1. A bloke who after reading about him should be elevated to the right hand of king cunt,blair. Ian bone what a measly mouthed little cunt, pic in paper of him says it all weak chinned little fecker wants a good stamping on. Never worked in his life and has affrontery to SLAG off JRM and Royal family. I would have to take sandwiches if i was goin to do him some damage i would be there all day,cunt.

  2. Spot on, CD. This pointless waste of space epitomises everything I despise about unimaginative lefty-libtard cunts. Still banging the same, crapped-out old drum. Rather like seaside Punch & Judy, but they’re a lot more clever, and funnier.

    My Grannie would’ve knocked back half a pint of Peter Dominic’s Military Gin (she had it in litre bottles, delivered by the crate; Queen Mum and the Pantomime Princess had NOTHING on her in the 10am gin-drinking stakes) and flogged the little runt to death.

  3. Fascinating nom. Sir Limply. Any man capable of linking cases of Spontaneous Human Combustion with the snaffling of noms. in the Deadpool is either a visionary capable of thinking far beyond the boundaries which constrain lesser minds….or a rampaging maniac fuelled by strong liquor.
    It’s nice that we have you,the visionary, amongst our number.

  4. Mr Fiddler maybe he feels he will spontaneously combust with rage at the theft of his noms? Has he subconscously made that connection in his mind?

    • Perhaps it’s the superheated enough to cause one’s piss to boil temperature generated by the theft that causes the combustion?

      • Plus inflammable piss – the unmetabolised excess of 160 degree proof Polish spirit which I take to be Sir L’s daily tipple.
        Would watch the old liver, though, your Sirness, if that much is eliminated neat.

  5. “I think Europe belongs to the Europeans…. they (migrants) ultimately should rebuild their own country.”

    Wh- What? What kind of nasty, unkind racist lacking in compassion and intellect would suggest such an abhorrent concept?

    Oh, the Dalai Lama.

  6. I would imagine spontaneously combusting would be a right cunt indeed. A phenomenon that could bring more benefit to both humour and the world in general should it occur far more frequently.
    Occasionally my nom’s get nicked, but thankfully shaun mostly strikes at night when I’m on shift so I can swiftly nick them back again before the perpetrator gets up.

  7. I wonder if people who shove candles up their arses are more likely to be afflicted by this terrible problem. Me myself personally, I think it’s gerbils’ revenge.

    It won’t be long before there’s a cross-party working party assigned to this, mark my words.

  8. Lee Rigby: Charity fundraiser Gary Gardner guilty of two fraud charges.

    A fundraiser has been convicted of two counts of fraud after pocketing cash collected for the young son of murdered soldier Lee Rigby.
    Gary Gardner, 56, raised at least £24,000 but only £4,000 made its way to any organisation, a court heard.

    What an amoral cunt. What the fuck is wrong with people?

    Cut his fucking head just as those evil cunts almost succeeded in doing to Lee Rigby.

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