GP receptionists [2]

Receptionist: (Sighing) Yes?

Cap’n M: Good morning, I’d like to see my Doctor, please.

Receptionist: Have you made an appointment?

Cap’n M: No. My Doctor’s name is…

Receptionist: You can make an appointment up to six weeks in advance.

Cap’n M: I understand, but I’ve taken the time off w…

Receptionist: We’re extremely busy.

Cap’n M: I didn’t know I was going to be ill six weeks ago.

Receptionist: I can book you in for three weeks on Thursday.

Cap’n M: If I’m still alive.

Receptionist: …Or we have an open clinic on Wednesday afternoons, 2-4, though it’s a long queue.

Cap’n M: I don’t get much for my tax, do I?

(Receptionist shrugs)

Cap’n M: Are there any slots this morning? I don’t mind waiting.

Receptionist: What’s the problem?

Cap’n M: Pardon?

Receptionist: What’s your medical matter?

Cap’n M: Are you a Doctor?

(Receptionist rubs the bridge of her nose and sighs)

Receptionist: Name?

Cap’n M: Dr.Banglagashawanaradashi.

Receptionist: Your name!

Cap’n M: Captain Magnanimous.

Receptionist: …and what are you seeing the Doctor for today?

Cap’n M: Sorry, are you qualified?

Receptionist: There’s no chance the GP can see you today.

Cap’n M: You’ll excuse me but I’m not comfortable discussing medical matters in a packed waiting room, without privacy, to an unqualified person.

Receptionist: Try the A & E at the local hospital although the waiting time for tax-payers is a minimum of five hours.

Cap’n M: (mutters) That’s 18 miles away!

Receptionist: You’ll have to speak up.

(Pause)

Cap’n M: Alright then. I’VE GOT SCROFULOUS-LOOKING BROCCOLI SPROUTING FROM MY BEANBAG, MY COCK IS PEPPERED WITH A SWEATING, YELLOWY RASH, MY SPHINCTER HAS THE ODOUR OF CHEAP, FRENCH CAMEMBERT AND MY GOOCH IS PERMANENTLY ITCHY. I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A GENDER CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS! Could you help?

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

I made an appointment eventually for next week after putting up with the bad attitude and being explained to like a fucking three year old about how over worked my highly fucking paid GP is, yesterday I get I get a text to say my appointment is today at 8.45, so I think ok I must have made a mistake, I procede to move heaven and fucking earth rather than cancel, only to be told [even with attitude at this point] you must have made a mistake your fault,even when I showed her the text [still with attitude,i cant get you in today],I don’t want to be in today, sort your text machine out and can the attitude you cunts, its not like I want to be here its a fucking total ball ache…..so doctors receptionist are cunts…..

Nominated by fuglyucker

43 thoughts on “GP receptionists [2]

  1. My GP clinic is only a five minute walk away, but for the last couple of years, every time I’ve gone there to make an appointment I keep getting told “you have to make an appointment by telephone.” My answer is always “it’s always engaged or no one answers it!!”

  2. The several receptionists at my GP practice prefer to hang around in the background playing with bits of paper, pretending they’re too busy to notice the ever growing queue of disgruntled patients waiting to make appointments or pick up prescriptions, etc.

    The GPs have also gone part fucking time. No wonder I had to wait 6 weeks to discuss my gender dysphoria and resultant arse grapes.

  3. My surgery is forever changing the goalposts.
    Book in advance then call on the day then back to book in advance.
    Thick as mince receptionists….except the cute one who looks like she needs to be bent over her desk and taken as roughly as she wants

  4. Same here. 10 doctors, you have to call at 8am to get a same day… you call at 8:03… All gone. Cunts are worse than ticketmaster. It’s all a sham, all lies. Never a shortage of fat fuckers or parky postboxes in the waiting room though (I live in a shit area). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this left liberal mentality is a mental disorder. I’d simply say to ‘said’ receptionist – what do you thinks going to happen to your lovely index linked pension when ‘I’, the only fucking taxpayer in the building, decides he doesn’t want to pay anymore because you take his money and provide me no service. Do you think fatty over there is going to scrape enough tax coins together to keep you sitting on your arse answering the phone to retirement? Do you think Ninja Kahn has ever or will ever pay any tax? I should be the last cunt you dare want to fob off, yet I always seem to be first… one of these days I’m going to demand my money back bitch, and I will revel in your poverty and cry sweet tears as your pension goes into a lifeboat, which I will then tirelessly campaign to have sunk without trace. I dont forgive you, i wont forget you. Change is coming and you are on the very wrong side of reality.

    • Very well said. Every year these cunts go on strike demanding more money while delivering ever worse service. About 20% of our taxes are spent on this shit and I personally would love to have the option to not pay that 20% and just rely on far better private healthcare instead.

  5. I always get the impression Health Centre receptions are first trained as Post Office Counter Staff Totally abnoxious people with proper attitude We’ve got one at our health centre she is a proper little cunt full of her own self importance When you try to book in (should be a computer link that never works) Id like to see Dr reply from four eyed receptionist isn’t the computer working My reply good job it’s not or you would be out of a job! These people need to remember they work for us not us them be polite if you don’t want the job let someone else have it

  6. Emergency cunting for Chris Evans who has just named his twins Ping and Pong.
    Those poor kids have got to grow up being constantly ridiculed. It’s fucking child abuse.

    • Good point, the Evans cunt has been winding me up something rotten. Had the misfortune to be stuck in a room yesterday morning with no control over the radio and had to listen to the cunt going on and on about his wife’s impending delivery of twins. Even had the midwife of the year no less giving it what for. Banging on about induced birth, breaking waters fuck me thought the cunt was going to give out cervical dilation info as it happens. Did the cunt film the glorious moment for YouTube? Fuck me women have babies everyday of the year, my youngest daughter is a Midwife. Never before have I experienced the crock of shite I had to endure yesterday morning. I really think the cunt had been on the marching powder or he was suffering from a manic episode caused by mental illness. Thank fuck he is off to join one of the other mega cunts so please God I do not have to listen to the cuntwinder again.

    • I got the impression that the ping/pong thing was a joke by the ginger spazzer, rather like , if it were me, I would tell the media they were called “fuck” and “the EU.”
      However, being the offspring of slebs, they will end up with ridiculous names anyway. Of course they will be going to private school where most cunts will have names like “Hiawatha Wind” and “Princess Polly” or shit like that. I wouldn’t worry too much about their future the rich little bastards.

    • That’s okay if their mothers Chinese…..😎
      Let’s hope they have another set of twins and call them ding dong
      Daft Cunts!!!

      (Although contrary to most people’s perception ping pong was invented by the English around late 1800,s )

    • I hope his wife fired them out of her clam to a leering drunken audience, maybe into cheap beer, like some cheap vietnamese slag entertainer.

      Fuck that fuzzy ginger scrote.

  7. This is more about the GP. Mid June. Routine blood test – GP surgery. The surgery has an on line service so I can check my test results. PSA levels high and notes say further investigation needed. Two weeks go by – nothing. I phone surgery, asked by receptionist: “Do I really need to see the doctor”. I explained that the result is an indicator of possible prostate problems. Doctor phones me. Yes, it is bit (why didn’t you spot it methinks). I’ll refer it on to the department at the hospital. Letter comes from referred department, nothing to do with us, they say, refer back to GP. Hear nothing. Contact what I think the department should be, it is, and because of the high PSA, they see me in a couple of days. Great. They arrange for an MRI scan within two weeks, yep there is a problem. Today I go for a biopsy on the prostate. Meanwhile the GP surgery has made an appointment for me to see the GP next week to discuss the bloods and options.

    Fuck me. If I hadn’t seized the initiative I could be sliding into prostate cancer (I might anyway), but the GP has been no use whatsoever. She wants to see me three months after the blood test. Twat.

    • Sadly this being fucked about is a symptom of all that is wrong with the system. Nobody seizes the initiative and makes a decision; everybody’s shit scared of getting it wrong.

      Every time the NHS bleats about shortage of money I want to scream at Albeebera ”NO…YOUVE GOT TOO MUCH ALREADY !!!”

      • One of the biggest problems in medical management is System 1. Too complex, too many windows, complex navigation routes and rarely read.
        The bain of my fucking life it was. System 1 should be cunted!

    • Outstanding double cunting this am.
      Similar problems to our GP by the sound of it. Thing is, 15 yrs ago it was nothing like this, but since cunts started poring in from all over Eastern Europe, to add to the numbers from everywhere else, sheer numbers have overwhelmed the practice.
      Just to sign in, you have to choose from a menu of about 20 different languages. One of the great benefits of our immigration policy over the years.

      • Our GP surgery is a nightmarish smorgasbörd of NATO, a black bag convention, and a coughing, spluttering Iron Curtain Eurovision Song Contest dooshka-dooshka-dooshka -ing away in the loudest, most garrulous voices. Rapacious, freeloading parasites. This is all before you’ve even arrived at the reception desk to be “greeted” by a Nazi receptionist who’s either as lazy as an Australian, as incompetent as a Frenchman, or as truculent as a gum-chewing Alex Ferguson.

        Cunts, the lot of them.

      • They should employ these Receptionists as Border Patrol guards. That’ll keep the “refugee” numbers down.

        “Me wanna enter, me wanna benefits and easy, white women.”

        “We can book you in for an appointment in 2025. Morning or afternoon?”

  8. And just to stir the ISAC faithfuls into a frenzy our old mate the musical mong is in the running for a mercury award??
    Just sayin 😂

      • The Musical Mong is a title that is used in the most sarcastic terms possible… As in a spaz with a tambourine making a godawful din… Technically musical, but not musical at all…

        Talking of which, why do Lloyd’s Bank now have a big poster in their windows of a mong gurning at that black horse? It’s just patronising and virtue signaling treacle of the highest order… Do the cunts at Lloyd’s expect us to believe that they actually care about people like that? Do they fuck… Also, as if someone like the lad in the advert is going to be their bread and butter, which is what they really care about… It’s just more ‘aren’t we great for being good and caring’ shite and -like those BBC scum – trying to ‘educate’ all us ‘intolerant’ riff raff… So Lloyd’s can fuck off….

      • In my Lloyd’s bank their is a video on a loop with 2 bummers embracing and thrusting hips because the bank have just bung them a loan. Just to let all shirt lifters know their welcome .Probably get favourable bum rates ? virtue signaling in the extreme.

      • I’ve also seen the doughnut punching ad in Lloyds, Fenton… Now it’s a crosseyed windowlicker with the black gee gee… Still, the Judy Garland as Dorothy (err why?!) in Halifax are almost as crass and offensive….

  9. Amazing that those of us who have paid in all our lives can’t get to see a quack when we need one for love nor money… Yet the walk in centres are crammed with peacefuls and euromuck (Me want Doctor! Me no wait!) who have never paid a bean into the system and never will… Not to mention the flocks of Bogo-Bogos that clog up town centres and shopping areas with their NHS gift walking sticks for their ‘disability’… Nice to know who the NHS is being run for and who matters these days, eh?…. Cunts!

  10. I moved to a much smaller GP surgery. It’s an old house with oak panels around the GP’s room and when it’s time to go in he comes out to the waiting room and invites you in. Just like when I was a kid growing up in the 60’s. All very quaint. Unlike the last one which was so over subscribed that you had to wait 3 weeks for an appointment, hoards of Polaks, umbongos and peaceful cunts queuing out on the road waiting to get in , You never got called in but had a digital read out on the wall. Fuck knows what blind people did. Probably waited all day.

  11. “Love not hate, not all white people are racists and Christianity is the religion of peace” said Sadiq Khan after yesterdays game of peaceful skittles outside an Islamic centre to London. Then I woke up.

  12. The NHS is not overstretched due to artificial immigration inflation of 1 million souls extra every 3yrs.

    To intimate such is waycist.

    The law of Supply and Demand is not applicable where the NHS is concerned (nor housing, school places or the congested fuck-up the road network is), again this is waycist.

    So Appeaser May promises an extra £2bn of OUR money to be pissed away on the undeserving (like bringing Mr & Mrs Mohammed’s 9th little bomb-maker into the world, or some deluded cunt’s sausage chop on the nashy, etc.) into the NHS.

    Hell Tess, why not throw £100bn or a cool trillion at the fucking problem because until you tackle the DEMAND side of the issue and start making it really fucking uncomfortable for “peaceful” and Kyle scum to procreate at will, you’ll never have enough money to piss at it!

    And – just to balance the fuckwit political equation – Comrade Steptoe and MacNationalise immediately say “NOT ENOUGH!”. Well how much *IS* enough to piss away on YOUR imported votes (cunt Blair) at the expense of the undeserving indigenous population? Maybe you could get the DFS Leather sofa to work out the finances? She thinks a bar of choccy is two buttons, a bit of string and a toy unicorn at the local “peaceful” corner shop, so based on that it has to be two Tonka toys and a scalectrix at least!

    Ah, the useless Cunts of Cuntminster!

    And let’s face it, the dregs that become these Napoleonesses across the length and breadth of UK GP surgeries only do what can only be described as a cunt job because:

    a) They’re nosey cunts.
    b) They’re only in it for the cuntish (un) civil servant pension.

    When they’re not off sick that is! Cunts!

    • The Benefit-claimers/Cheating Immos are our bosses now. We work for them and subsidise their lives. It’s almost a feudal system, an inversed, invisible colony. We might not realise it yet; but they definitely do.

  13. Fucking NHS. Try to make appointment, not a Doctor anymore, care navigation pathway fucking team. Receptionist, no I can’t give you an appointment, it’s triage first. What is this, a fucking battlefield. The nurse will ring you, then decide if you need an appointment, ok ok. Woman rings, hello I’m Sarah, hi Sarah, are you the fucking work experience girl or could you let me know your credentials. What’s the problem, well you know it’s a bloke thing and. Ah fuck it. Can’t help there she says, well I could have fucking well told you that at the start. The GP will ring you she says, did they, did they fuck. I absolutely swear to god that around here the NHS is in total fucking meltdown. I’m no acolyte of Jordan Peterson, but when he said men bring order, women bring chaos, he was right.

    • Women will be the end of the civilised world… This PC and Me Too shit is just the start… Nukes and AIDS have nothing on demented misandrist wimmin…

  14. Most receptionists in state owned or subsidised agencies are snide petty tin Jesus’s, abusing to the hilt the tiny bit of power they have (often the only they will or ever have). Having to deal with them within the company I once worked for (referred to by staff as Shit Goes Sideways) brought no end of frustration when needing to consult a boss, being obstructed by some bint who had only done a six month secretarial course in a company full of people one or more science degrees. I can only hope they marry layabout chancer and get fat.

  15. With you every step orf the way on this one Cap’n. However receptionists are the way they are because that is how doctors want them to behave. Front orf House does the shitework leaving the doctors to the empathetic touchy feely act. Met the chief dragon from the surgery oit walking her dog and she had had enough, just fucked orf and got a job at Tesco’s. Could not take being piggy in the middle any more. Abuse from both sides. Just to keep her happy told her what I thought orf her.

  16. I’d happily give two of the middle aged ladies at my surgery a good seeing to. That would sort my issue without the need to disturb the doctor. My STD treatment could wait.

  17. Feck me im a lucky bugger my surgery is staffed mainly by lovely ladies though one is a monotone stick to the rules starchy drawed young madam. Me GP has now gone 3days a week which is a bit of a piss take but you can see why, he’s only chap there out of 20ish staff , should be put forward for Victoria Cross .

  18. Couldn’t agree more with this cunting spot on
    Up our way it’s trying to get past the dragons at front of house first
    My job means I have to refer people’s to the Gp /nurse ( with paperwork all official) Had people back to see me saying “ can’t get an appointment “ as were told; (am not shitting you here)
    “ oh we don’t syringe/ irrigate ears anymore “
    Like fuck – you do it’s part of primary healthcare
    I then phone up and get an appointment- after explaining if they don’t do it then they will need to refer onwards to ENT ( and at 150 k a year the consultant will go ape fucking shit to be removing wax )
    CUNTS

  19. The NHS started as an emergency service , broken bones , heart attacks etc . Within 18 months it was in debt. What with all the self entitlement and Johnny Foreigner leaching off of it, it’s going to revert back to when it started. Unless it’s a service that consecutive governments are will to pour tax payers money into , it won’t survive another 10 years.

  20. Most of these types look as if they’d happily whip patients, or turn their skin into lampshades.
    Going back to dear old farmers, when I had my first run in I desperately needed a repeat prescription, having run out of cream. Chemist said new legislation is coming in soon to allow chemists to dispense these “low-level” prescription-only things without further ref. to GP, but not quite yet.
    Receptionist said min. of THREE days wait. Told them it was DESPERATE. No can do. I went outside, scribbled an in extremis note, and gave it to a laddie behind the counter (who may have been on work experience, or possibly a GP’s son). “Please could you pass this to a GP as and when one’s free, for a sig ?”, with a hopeful and pleading expression on my face.
    Was sorted within 24h.
    May the great and merciful Bum-Dog keep the laddie farmers-free for life.
    Amd all the wimminz were blobby old munters.

  21. Was talking to medic type guy recently, he said really to get anywhere in NHS really helps to be middle class. They do everything they can to tick their box and get rid of you. You need to know and game the system, make your presence felt. Like any govt system, it exists for the benefit of its employees not it’s paying customers. Always remember you are a supplicant, and don’t you dare show anything but gratitude for they have deigned to give you ten minutes of their six figure salary time. A surgeon before op asked me where I worked. On a weighbridge I said. He grunted and walked off. Should have said I was a fucking F35 instructor he might have done a better job!

  22. True story. My wife and I were out dog walking. Met this lady and we chatted a bit. I can’t remember how the subject came up but my wife starts cunting the attitude of the receptionist at our local doctors. The lady says ‘oh really, I’m one the receptionists there.’

  23. Same as those cunt pharmacists when you go to pick up a prescription. They want to know all your personal data, have you taken this before, what the problem is etc, to hand over a packet of pills, and get all flustered when you tell them to FUCK OFF AND HAND IT OVER CUNT YOU’RE NOT MY FUCKING GP.

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