Cliff Richard [2]

I must confess to feeling a degree of sympathy of late for ‘The Peter Pan of Pop’. I mean, it must have been a laugh a minute having the scuffers raid your house on the basis of sexual abuse allegations made against you (unsubstantiated, and very likely bogus, it seems). To add to the fun, you had the Beeb avidly filming events to splash across the national news, apparently acting on a tip off from the cops at that. It sounds like the stuff that prolonged and hellish nightmares are made of, and could have been the fast track to ruin. Still, no case was ever made, and you sued the rozzers and the Beeb and won, earning apologies and a nice piece of change in the process. Fair play on that one.
I have to say however that my sympathy has entirely evaporated since learning that you’re now staging a ’60th Anniversary Tour’. What the fuck? Now it may be that some geriatric biddies will moisten the front of their incontinence pants watching you trying to gyrate your creaking hips, but I’m afraid that it’s a big fat ‘meh’ as far as the rest of us are concerned. Spare us the embarrassment, and yourself the risk to life and limb. People at our time of life need to exercise a degree of caution. If things get a bit exuberant as you wheeze out such all time greats as ‘Congratulations’ and ‘Devil Woman’, you could easily slip a disc, and that’s some serious grief, I can tell you. If things really were to go tits up, you might even do a Tommy Cooper and cark it on stage, and your selfishness would have deprived us of a ‘national treasure’.
Seriously, why are you doing it? You really can’t need the money. I heard that you’ve got a swanky pad in the West Indies or somewhere, so why not retire quietly and gracefully, put your feet up, and enjoy the sun? It’s what any other coffin dodger in your enviable position would do.
(Oh and a word in your shell like by the way. Nobody believes that your hair is really that colour).
Peter Pan? Down the pan more like, if you don’t turn it in. Stop being a fanny and get a grip.

Sir Cliff Richard is 77.

Nominated by Ron Knee

60 thoughts on “Cliff Richard [2]

  1. We all know dear old Cliff would bend over backwards to please Anthony Blair, and ladies of a certain age like Gloria Hunnicunt and Sue Barker dream of the day the butch songster will blow the cobwebs away from their clits, but he is a fucking greedy bastard. This religous man (so religious he lived with his spiritual adviser for years) obviously doesn’t turn the other cheek (or only to selected chums) as the money he got out of us (the BBC only have our money), wasn’t enough and he has the go-ahead to sue for me. You can’t take it with you, Cliff duckie, it will probably melt. I bet the old tightwad has the cheapest funeral expenses insurance, and he only has that because the decaying old motherfucker couldn’t resist the free Parker pen from Michael Parkinson.

    • He needn’t make a will or take our insurance because he’s never going to die.

      Manly Cliff will live on forever in people’s hearts, people’s memories, and the man himself, the Gentleman’s relish of machismo, the Peter Pan of Colostomy bags, will be alive and shining in the Kingdom of God and his voice will abound like wired for sound and it shall be Heavenly and all shall be glorious.

      Tickets £5000 e-mail God@tesco.co.uk

    • Ouch!
      A couple of serious sub cuntings from WC and the Captain, there!
      Excellent work, you chaps!

  2. A good and much deserved cunting, sir!

    Never liked Cliff – smug cunt at the best of times, especially when he was giving a one-handed serve and volley to Sue Barker back in 70s when all Barker was good for was looking up her short pleated skirt when she played (and failed repeatedly) at Wimbledon.(A tennis era free of the grunts, groans and other orgasmic prattling that we get from the wimminz these days!)

    Cliff won’t hang up his incontinence pants just yet; he’s a bit like Roger Daltry, Mick Shagger and other old singing bastards – they just can’t let the showbiz bug go even though they really don’t need the mullah!

    Wouldn’t surprise me if he did do a Tommy Cooper while singing “Congratulations” – seems appropriate somehow.

    Anyway – fuck him and his false barnet. And you wanna know why?

    Because he’s a Cunt!

  3. He started out as an embarrassing Elvis copy. He progressed to bland pap via religion and shirtlifting. He typifies what Wimbledon is all about. Truly a national treasure.

  4. Never liked the man, shite music, something not quite right about the cunt, another Saville row in the making, time will tell, excellent cunting by the way

  5. Perfectly chosen fecal matter Ron.

    Sir Cliff is the living embodiment of Cunt. A shallow, vacuous, sanctimonious, holier than thou fuck. Mediocrity in action. National treasure? National embarrassment more like. And what’s with all the faux humble praying hands shit? I thought he was supposed to be some sort of infantile Christian, not a plastic toytown Hindu, ffs.

    Just what possessed me to spend all my pocket money on a Summer Holiday single and a glossy ‘signed’ B&W photo from Scunthorpe Market in 1963, I’ll never know. Except I do really, but was only 9 at the time…

    Did I mention that I hate Sir Cliff and everything the gender neutral wuss represents?

    • Spot on RTC. Utterly shite and always has been.

      If you paid good money for some of his crap back in 1963 then you were definitely “the cunt in Scunthorpe” that day.

      • Fortunately the Beatles came to my rescue a few weeks later with the release of Please Please Me… it was a revelation of Damascene proportions, blaring from a jukebox in Ipswich Airport of all places…

  6. so what was the allegation made against him all about? was the person making the allegation lying? has that person been charged? if not why not? i may have missed it but what was the reason the charges against Cliff were dropped?

  7. Sir Cliff is a hero in my eyes, not only for stitching up and humiliating the BBC hypocrites but for having the raw courage to knob the obnoxious Sue Barker. Can we blame him for developing a taste for cock and arse after that horrifying experience?
    Of course i’ll undoubtedly change my mind at Christmas when I am dodging shopping trolleys in Sainsbury’s and “Mistletoe and Wine” comes rolling out of the speakers.
    In fact i’ve changed my mind already . Kill the cunt!

    • ” having the raw courage to knob the obnoxious Sue Barker”

      Allegedly. He was probably giving her strap-on a blowjob.

      • If he was any sort of randy bastard like most of us are, Cliff would have at least attempted to have a crack at Chris Evert… I also heard that he actually also knobbed Grease era Olivia Newton-John… Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! If it’s true! Jammy fucking spawny cunt!

  8. Kevin Spacey’s House of Cards character is officially dead.

    Last year, Spacey was accused by actor Anthony Rapp of trying to seduce him in 1986 when Rapp was 14. Spacey claimed to have no memory of the events but publicly apologised.

    On Wednesday, it was announced that Spacey will not be prosecuted over an accusation of sexual assault that allegedly took place in 1992.

    No charges, no prosecutions on accusations made 32 and 26 years ago.

    Clearly as now seems to be the norm in Hollywood another case of guilty as accused.

    • Same goes for James Franco… Effectively eliminated and frozen out of the Oscars, because some daft slags spouted some ‘Me Too’ shit on Twatter… But the most guilty offender where Franco is concerned is the despicable Skanklett Johansscunt…. Whether she was put up to it by the Academy Awards board, or her Feminazi superiors, Skank Jo knew exactly what she was doing and why she was doing it when she verbally attacked Franco… It was to get Jimmy Franco from being a dead cert at the Oscars to being public enemy number one…. And she succeeded, the corrosive little celebrislag cunt…

    • Kevin Spacey is indeed a seismic cunt, but more troubling in my opinion is the Orwellian airbrushing of people out of history. It took them mere weeks to replace Spacey’s mug in some film which was undergoing post-production around the time he was accused of being a kiddyfiddler.

      You will see CGI overwriting in TV and film become the norm for disgraced artists and that will probably include anyone to right of Che Guevara, judging how Western society is becoming consumed by left-wing diatribe.

      Ominous, indeed.

    • He might’ve been exonerated of that one but there are a few more cases being investigated. When he was Head at the Old Vic in London he had an extremely “hands-on” approach, apparently. We’ll see.

      Nonetheless, a good point. The merest sniff of potential scandal, be it rumour or hearsay, and people are dropped and erased like a Stalinesque photograph.

      • Apparently there was some poor cunt in a group photo of the Kraut surrender at Stalingrad. Next day in Pravda he was missing on picture and ran like fuck never to be seen again. Turned out he wasn’t next for the chop, photographer had cropped pic to fit. Well, tickled me.

  9. Like most people on here, ive heard unsubstantiated rumours around this fella for many,many years… none involving kids, but a running theme always included a nearby army barracks and a few coldstream guards… I’ll leave the rest up to imagination. Either way, his music is just terrible, even the heyday stuff from the 60s. Perhaps Shaun could have him in the deadpool? That won’t take long.

    • I heard on many occasions in the early 60s that as a very young singer, he used to enjoy practising his *oral skills* in the bathroom. I am just surprised he didn’t live in the country where he could have found his own private cottage

  10. As Freddie the Frog has said, of all the visions of hell I can conjure up, including the fucking world around me, one would include being forced to listen to Mistletoe and Wine and that execrable Simply Having a Wonderful Xmas Time for the rest of eternity.

    • Don’t forget that truly execrable pile of steaming donkey ‘Can You Stop the Cavalry’ (ya ta ta ta ta ya ta ta ta ta).
      I’d personally like to piss on every copy of it in existence, and then force that cunt Jonah Louie to lick them as punishment for inflicting this mind blowingly irritating filth on us every 12 months, the cunt.
      PS. Jonah Louie is a fucking cunt who gives me earache. The cunt.
      PPS. ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ is a cunt as well.

      • On Sir Clifford of Richard’s other godawful Christmas No.1 ‘Saviour’s Day’ does he sing ‘He is gobbling you, a-gobblin’ you’?

        Jona Lewie is like Bill Wyman without the latter’s bass playing talent… Listen to ‘In Another Land’… It sounds like Jona Lewie on acid…

      • I hate Cliff’s Christmas shite and his Eurocrap stuff but his Always Guaranteed album and Rock and Roll Juvenile are excellent…

        Anyhow, on the subject of Jonah bloody Lewie, you’ll be pleased to know I’m butchering it as my 2018 Christmas song…

    • For me the sheer hell of “I wiss it could be kissmas every day” sung by kids who are now probably knocking 60 and the sanctimonious “Feed The World” virtue signalling from that filthy dirty Oirish cunt beats even Dame Cliff for sheer fucking annoyance.

      Just to avoid the attention of litigious Lady Richard I’d just say he is as straight as the next man. Just a shame the next man is Alan Carr. Hello, sailor!

  11. Saw Cliff at Euston Hall last year. Given all the shit he had to put with courtesy of plod and the BBC – plus he was recovering from a gall bladder operation – he put on a remarkable show.

    I like Cliff’s stuff. I confess I recorded ‘Move It’ on my last album. Still a classic song. And I’ve got tickets for his 60th Anniversary tour which I will be using on his birthday.

    Also worth mentioning that he’s not keeping a penny of the out of court settlements as he’s given them all to charity and footed the legal bills himself. Good for him, I say.

    As regards retiring, why should he? He enjoys performing. It’s not about the money. And his fans still want to see him live so what’s the problem?

    Could do without his compulsory ‘God spot’ but other than that I hope I can still do the business at his age.

    I have great respect for the bloke.

    • A little confession is good for the soul, they say. I just find him a great big fucking liar and a fraud. He reminds me of Liberace, who once had the gall to sue William Connor (“Casandra”) for him suggesting that Liberace was a bit of a nancy. He won his case of course and said later he cried his way to the bank. Of course years later Connor was proven to be right, but I think most of us knew that back in the 50s when the case went to court. Of course Liberace was better known than Connor

  12. Give him a short back and sides put some steal rimmed glasses on him and he would look like one of those characters off the Carry on Films Sorry I’ve forgotten his name again remind me ? Either way curl up and die you silly old cunt he’s going in my next dead pool so don’t pinch him

  13. The cunt is not to bothered about the bbc heard him on radio 2 plugging some shite fucking album he was releasing ……. I don’t believe the brass neck on this old faggot
    He has made enough money…. Give us a break and go and shovel shit in the sun with your spare arse
    And leave is in peace
    You sanctimonious old cunt

    • If you don’t like his stuff, then don’t buy it. Simple.

      Music is subjective. Lots of people slag off my stuff, but others buy it. There’s no such thing as good or bad music. – just music you like and music you don’t like.

      Except rap. That’s not really music at all.

  14. Can’t cunt Cliffy too much. Granted his music isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, although Devil Women does kick arse and does get the air guitar in full swing. Poor sod had the shitcunts at Al-Ja Beeba swarming all over his property with the fuzz expecting to find him hanging out the back of a 13 year old boy. And, boy how fucking wrong they got it.

    I suspect the BBC hate him for his Christian views. If Cliff was some goat-penetrating or Cat Stevens, Peaceful type then the cunts wouldn’t have gone near him. In the same way that they are not too speedy off the mark in investigating Muzzie rapists in Yorkshire.

    Cliffy has shit, nylon hair which he needs to have a word with, and he is a silly old fart posing on those calendars, but to my knowledge he hasn’t harmed anyone (e.g. like Blair) or spouted wank (e.g. like Brand), so his cuntitude credentials are somewhat questionable.

  15. Fuck me, what dodgy word is in my post now? I have avoided the obvious one that rhymes with spoon. Jesus, this is getting painful.

    • Isn’t that part of the fun though, PM?
      Getting words through like ‘pakcies’ and ‘ni99erz’ is always amusing…

      • The thing is that was not my intention in this post.

        The words I used were reasonably anodyne (for this site anyway). I did put in the slang word for Muslim that has a double z in the middle, but surely that can’t be on the banned list?

        • Muslim with double z automatically goes into moderation – I used it a few weeks ago and my comment disappeared, then appeared about 8 hours later, presumably once the moderators had decided the word wasn’t being used inappropriately.

      • You could always get shit through the Daily Mail censor with words like ñîggĕr, wôg, Pâki and yîd just by using accents. I had great fun pissing people off.

  16. Cliffclangers. Noun.

    Heavy, swollen bollocks, eg the sort that might be owned by an ageing Christian rock n roll singer who has yet to find the right girl.

  17. Coleen Nolan cancels all work after online trolling apparently (Boo fucking Hoo!)…
    So. I take it, we’ve seen the last of the attention craving, revolting media whore lardy slag cunt? Fat chance…. Fat chance? Get it? Boom Boom!

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