Imperial Leather

WHAT ? It’s soap – you can’t cunt soap for Fuck’s sake. It lathers up reasonably well, cleans all your dangly bits, cludge, pits, mush… Hell, I wash my hair with it ’cause I’m way too tight to buy fancy shampoo.

No, it’s the shape of the fucking thing. Imperial Leather is a harsh unyielding rectangle with vicious corners – not smooth and rounded or tactile in any way. Corners that dig into your vulnerable bits until eventually worn smooth* by manual lathering (*the corners, not your vulnerable bits)

And as for those sharpened edges all round – Fuck Me – Drop the bastard in the shower and if the fucking corner doesn’t get you, those brutally chiselled edges will attempt to liberate your toes from your feet like a blunt soap axe.

I’d swap to Dove but it whangs like a tart’s boudoir…

Nominated by Cunt Reviled

53 thoughts on “Imperial Leather

  1. Brilliant, pubes yesterday and now Imperial Leather, proper random, love it.

    2 Nuns in a bath, one says ‘where’s the soap’, the other one says ‘yes it does doesn’t it’.

    I’ll get me coat…..

    • 2 nuns cycling through Oxford. One says “I’ve never come this way before”, the other replies “must be the cobblestones”.

    • Better than the thinly veiled “all immos are great” neo-liberal cuntfest – by the (wealthy American resident) Mexican director Guillermo Del Toro: The Shape of Water!

      I’d rather have an impromptu circumcision with a bar of Imperial Leather than watch that cuntfest!

  2. Can’t use the stuff, mildly allergic to most soaps and deoderants. Shower with water only, coal tar on special occasions. If I’m starting to stink up the place, perhaps a soak in tub with a bit of salt.
    I dont think it makes that much difference tbh. Most soaps are cunts from my perspective.

  3. Tesco shoppers had to receive medical attention for shock, after it was revealed that the bar of soap that triggered the “unexpected item in bagging area” alarm, was found amongst the shopping of a Pakistani family….

    Coat already on….

  4. Mum used to use Vim on my knees when I was a kid. Probably be classed as child abuse now.
    In my usual avalanche of socks and toiletries for Christmas, someone got me some David Beckham shower gel (FFS) , anyway I thought waste not want not , fuck me !! Me tackle and groin exploded in a fucking angry rash, the stuff must be made from industrial waste .
    Irritating.

  5. Coal Tar or Palmolive. Both are rounded, neither smells like a night in a whorehouse, and, despite the increasing tendency of retailers to promote something I believe are called shower gels (and other diluted soap products with unwanted additives) they’re usually available somewhere. For tuff Northerners, there’s (assertively square) Co-op own brand, which smells of what it is made of, sodium stearate, and calls a spade a spade.

    But see Willy Stroker, above. Really.

  6. I only use fairy washing up liquid for my ablutions, it goes a long way ,removes the huge amount of crud i accumulate in a day and compared to the proper soaps and lotions is cheap as fecketty feck.

    • Have been known to use it too. Essential for cleaning the bike, and its rider, after servicing sessions. God knows what’s in it, but it’s the dog’s bollocks for any kind of filth – no other washing up liquid comes close. Accept no substitutes!

  7. We use liquid soap exclusively here at Sandringham House.

    Simple® (no artificial perfume /colour) or Radox® at a pinch if Simple® isn’t on special offer that week in Superdrug.

    Anything ‘anti-bacterial’ can fuck right off!

    TBH, didn’t realise the oldfangled solid stuff was still available – haven’t clocked a bar since 2002 when we moved from 23 Railway Cuttings…

    Btw, you still on for afternoon tea tomorrow Dick?

  8. brilliant dismantling of Jeremy Corbyn. the last paragraph asks an excellent question.

    .www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6072939/Jeremy-Corbyn-got-guts-honest-backing-terrorists.html

  9. **BREAKING SLY NEWS!**

    Ariana Grande has just broken down in tears on some shit radio station somewhere… while coincidentally promoting her new ‘album’.

    • Cunts. Another cunt is Julian Dunkerton who has donated £1, 000, 000 to the People’s Vote campaign. Glad to say I’ve never bought any of his shitty overpriced clothing.
      Super dry? Super cunt. Fuck right off, anti democrat.

        • No apologies necessary, these things need to be picked up and passed on at every opportunity so the cunts get exposed to as many people as possible . Carry on cunting !

          • Jack, or Komodo, you should write that up as a Cunting.
            A £1million? What a over-privileged hater of democracy. I’d boycott the shops but I don’t wear that flimsy tat. Probably all made outside the EU anyway. The desperation stakes are raising.

      • My Japanese wife says that the Japanese writing on the Superdry clothing does not make any sense.

        Bit like the owner of the company then.

        • Your good lady is obviously and completely correct. While I was putting in some quick checks on the subject I learned that Superdry’s branding requires “exotic” Japaneserie to be superimposed on shite American-inspired clothing, and is in fact a steal from Japanese producers who put – to their more gullible customers – “exotic” English words printed on their designer wear. Neither the Japanese nor the English is required to have any meaning whatever.

          This is plainly an unacceptable debasement of language, and Komodo Ventures LP is currently exploring a deal which will ensure that Oriental students arriving here for much-needed EFL courses are emblazoned with trendy logos such as ‘Lube Boy’, ‘Ten Quid an Hour’ and ‘Millwall FC Pussies’. Further suggestions are welcome.

  10. This just in from the far reaches of cuntspace:

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-45235655

    “One of the co-founders of the fashion label Superdry has donated £1m to the campaign for another EU referendum.

    Multi-millionaire Julian Dunkerton said he was backing the People’s Vote campaign because “we have a genuine chance to turn this around”. ”

    Superdry, in which the cunt Dunkerton still retains shares, has a large presence in the EU. Astonishing.

    • Doubtful… Nigel tends to broadcast from Brussels, and besides, O’Shithead is on in the morning, while Nigel’s does evenings (7pm).

      Doesn’t stop O’Shithead from slandering Nigel with hate speech at every ten minutes. If Nigel was black or a libtard O’Shithead’s feet wouldn’t touch the ground!

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