British Gas


Have been a British Gas customer ever since I purchased my first property back in 1983. Thirty five years.

Have been in my current property since 1993 (twenty five years in August).

Throughout that time our gas consumption has been fairly consistent from one year to the next- using more gas in the winter naturally than in the summer. They can clearly check this from their records if they could be the least bit bothered.

Despite this our direct debits have varied from £25 a month up to an eye watering £160 month. At one stage we had built up a credit in excess of £1,600, which I demanded back and which they paid (not with interest of course).

The last time I spoke with the cunts was paying £110 a month and was in credit (again). Told them just to take my average usage over the past year and divide by 12. They said they would be reducing my monthly direct debit to £35 a month. I said call it £50 because sick and tired of the yoyo effect of the monthly payments. After doing this within two months have already increased from the agreed £50 to £70. Cunts.

Last week I decided to submit my meter reading online which I did. Thought this would help matters. During the process I was continually directed towards getting a smart meter. Did I want a smart meter. Did I want to learn more about smart meters. Did I want to speak to someone about smart meters. No, no and for fuck sake no.

Regarding smart meters I have hear many bad reports about these devices using old technology and being unreliable, saving on average only £26 a year (whoopidoo)- scrub that, after this weeks news make that £11 A YEAR, and NOT having the ability to send the usage details back to the supplier, have arrived at the stark conclusion that they are a complete waste of fucking time, money (everyone contributes towards the cost of the useless devices) and simply not worth the hassle.

Have been waiting for my latest bill to arrive. Instead, this morning, whilst having breakfast I received a knock at the door from a dopey cunt gas meter reader. This is despite my meter having been read by me only a week ago (and the reading forwarded to British Gas as per their two automated phone messages) and again within the last two months.

Rather unusually for me I became rather irked, questioning the necessity of having my meter read (unannounced and during breakfast) yet AGAIN. I questioned the logic of this and what was the point on submitting a reading online? He (the outsourced cunt) informed me that they are usually sent out to read a meter when they have had a reading already submitted by a customer. This I understand (from my reliable next door neighbour) to be complete bollocks.

I will be writing directly to British Gas to complain about this mornings incident as it was unnecessary and an unwanted intrusion of our privacy.

Surely in the 21st century it is not beyond the realms of possibility for British Gas have a system that works efficiently for the customer? By not having meters read every 5 fucking minutes, not increasing and decreasing direct debits every two or three months especially with long standing customers, and not persevering with smart meters which has condemned as being a waste of time and not fit for purpose.

Perhaps if they did the would not be losing so many of their long term customers.

Nominated by Willie Stroker

28 thoughts on “British Gas

  1. Have you considered simply moving to another supplier, Willie?
    I was with SSE for years until they fucked me off so I changed to ‘Bulb’ a couple of weeks back, purely because of their excellent rating.
    They may well turn out to be cunts too, of course.
    This is the most boring and sensible thing I’ve ever posted in ISAC.
    Shit…er…benders…er peacefuls, etc.

    • Well, there’s one positive side to this… At least it’s “British” gas.

      If it were “German Gas”, there’s no knowing what would be fed ito our pipelines…

      Although I believe Hydrogen cyanide (Zyklon B) is both explosive and combustible.

    • They all charge roughly the same, and whilst you are thinking about switching to a marginally cheaper one, their rates increase.

      The big six have the market to themselves, they know exactly what to do and when.

      The regulator (Ofgem) should get involved but they are a toothless waste of time and not fit for purpose.

  2. All utility providers are cunts. BT wants to hike my mother’s monthly broadband even though the data arrives by horse and cart. BT should be paying her to use this appalling service. They even have the cheek to charge for peak phone calls when any half-arsed mobile contract gives you free calls.

    Thomas is right; the answer is to switch. A pain, I know, but if we all do it, the cartels will start to compete properly. So mum’s going to Talk Talk. The broadband speed will be no quicker (using BT’s copper wires) but it’s cheaper and unlimited calls.

    And where did smart meters come from? All I can see in them is that they are a useless gadget that consumes electricity.

  3. Both me and my next door neighbour are with British Gas, yet our experience could not be more different!

    Next door’s DD set up and problems with BG are remarkably similar to your’s Willie, whereas we submit quarterly readings online and only pay for what we’ve used, again quarterly online. Simples.

    Can’t remember when we last had a problem (touch wood) if ever… apart from the extortionate price rises of course! Meter reader comes round approx once a year.

    Suggest you cancel your DD and go quarterly. Or change supplier – though remember:

    THEY’RE ALL CUNTS OUT THERE!

  4. “Surely in the 21st century it is not beyond the realms of possibility for British Gas have a system that works efficiently for the customer?”.

    It is, except that BG aren’t anywhere near the 21st century.

  5. I took over a small business a few years ago. In it there was a gas meter but absolutely nothing attached to it. I therefore consumer zero gas. At first they said “ok no charge as we are aware that nothing is attached”

    After a couple of years they started sending bills for a standing charge on the basis that the premises has a meter, the charge was about £80 a quarter for commercial.

    So i contacted them in a nice way saying that 1) I have never consumed gas, 2) I have no contract with you. 3) Do use any of your services 4) Please feel free to remove the meter.

    The cunts started playing hardball – they said i either paid the standing charge or pay £250 to have the meter removed. They claimed that i was a DEEMED CUSTOMER cos i had a meter. I said, look cunts, I DEEM your meter to be renting space in my shop and pay me rent.

    This went on for ages – i never paid them a penny and they started getting debt collectors involves. In all they passed it onto 3 separate debt agencies. I stood firm and didn’t pay. I challenged them to take me to court. Of course they never did.

    After about 2 years of this they eventually came round and removed the meter for free.

    In all this time they acted like complete CUNTS and i spent fucking hours dealing with them. Imagine how many people must be intimidated by them and pay up.

    The key is NEVER REFUSE TO PAY – always keep it in a situation of DISPUTING THE CHARGES. This way they have to justify everything

    • Well done, C !

      Having a passing interest in the law myself (I once tried retraining as a Legal Exec.), I would say that the whole Standing Charge thing re a gas-meter that is NOT in use is highly dubious, and your “four-pronged” line of contact with them was highly professional.

      My opinion, FWIW, is that a meter is there to record the amount of gas that is being used. Stating the b. obvious, I know, but…

      In legal terms, you were not in any way deriving profit from, nor “enjoying use” of any gas supplied, as indeed there WAS no gas supplied.
      At the risk of sounding flippant, but I also believe this to be a perfectly fair legal point, would any energy supplier actual sell anyone any of their product WITHOUT a meter ? I very much doubt it.
      Even if pressurised gas was present on the energy company side, you defo did the right thing and, as you said, they avoided going to court.
      If I’d been in their legal dept., I’f have told them to stop twatting about, and desist from wasting your time, and giving themselves a worse name than they already have.
      Not only are they cunts, they are stupid cunts.

  6. So Labour has ruled out No Deal.

    Which means they’ll have to accept whatever deal the government ‘negotiates’ with the 4th Reich. If not, what would be the alternative? Can’t be Remain, cos that’s already been ruled out by the 2016 Referendum result.

    Bearing in mind that the EUs bottom line is to see the UK end up with a worse deal than Remaining, the dim 5th Columnist Liebour cunts might just as well fuck off home now with their big white flag and await the ‘meaningful vote’ in Parliament next March, at which time they can return and rubber stamp whatever terms and conditions the EU has decided to impose re Brino.

    Apologies Cunters – feeling a bit hacked off this morning…

    • These people are cunts of the nighest order. If they are trying to write nazis and germans out of their views on military history, who the fuck do they think the allied forces were fighting in 2 world wars? And if they want to write things out of history, perhaps they’d like to start with all the old houses they’re responsible for and simply scrap their own organisation.

  7. No apologies necessary, RTC.

    As bad as the Tories are, the thought of a Zanulabour victory at the next election with Gummidge, Fatty Abbott and McSemtex at the helm, would be too much of a pyrrhic victory for a proportion of the 17m Brexit voters, despite May’s treachery.

    Jeremy Hunt deserves a special cunting; the boggle-eyed, weasel-faced cunt of mammoth proportions.

  8. Sorry chaps but why does every other thread descend into more boring fucking shit about Brexit.

    I’m no techy but maybe the mods can give you a Brexit thread like the World Cup thread.

    The whole thing is one long fucking yawn.
    Tell me I’m not alone on this one….

    • Wake me up when Junker is sitting in Parliament on a throne made from the bones of leave voters with May as his footstool, Gary Lineker our de facto Prime Minister and Boris farting on command as the court jester.

    • Sorry Cuntley – I had planned to post a whinge about James O’Brian this morning, but unfortunately he’s on holiday this week so piss insufficiently heated.

    • Wouldn’t the thread be more accurate if it was titled ‘The Sellout of the United Kingdom by the Coward Theresa May and her Treacherous Cabinet’?

  9. You’re not alone, JRC. But I reckon it’s like ‘the weather’ for stereotype Brits. It’s ISAC’s safe conversational topic: “The Brexit’s crap today – hear the forecast?” “Yeah. Says there’ll be prolonged heavy Remain all day with a risk of juncker later…”

    • Brexit not an important issue for you K? It may be a lost cause, but hard to let lie or ignore, I’d have thought.

      Some cunts even imagine it’s the defining issue of our time!

      Like climate change… aka the weather, ha ha.

      • Where the hell did you get that idea? I was just offering JRC a word of sympathy, as he too has noticed that whatever the topic of the day, we end up discussing Brexit. Could do with a bit more on climate change, aka climate change, ha ha, though. But things might get too, er, heated.

        • @Komodo

          Just thought your comment… ‘It’s ISAC’s safe conversational topic: “The Brexit’s crap today – hear the forecast?” “Yeah. Says there’ll be prolonged heavy Remain all day with a risk of juncker later…”’ came over as somewhat dismissive of those choosing to debate or comment on the ongoing disaster that is Brexit, comparing it outside of ISAC to small talk about the weather. 🙂

          Am now off for a well deserved wank.

          • It is one of the joys of ISAC that you can compare whatever you like (or don’t) to anything you choose. My comment had nothing to do with Brexit per se, but with harping on about it in the course of unrelated cuntings. Your comment came across as dismissive of my frequently demonstrated and unequivocal support for Brexit, incidentally.

            The remainder of the day in the Midlands will be mostly dry.

          • Looks like we’re quits then.

            The stars are matter, we are matter, but it doesn’t matter.

  10. I use comparison websites for power and insurance every renewal. I switched suppliers in March.
    I switch every year. So far, I have managed to dodge the bullet with smart meters, my dd has been steady and I haven’t seen a meter reader in 3 years.
    Basically, the cunts cannot keep up with me.
    Incidentally, phoned my mobile phone supplier EE for a puk code to switch networks. I told the cunt at the end of the phone that I wanted a code and he went through all their wonderful products. I kept saying that I wanted a code and he offered me internet and a SIM for more that I am paying. So I asked him to offer me unlimited calls and texts, along with 6gb of internet for £10 per month and I will stay. He couldn’t but then queried whether the internet signal of my proposed supplier would be of the same quality as EE. When I told him it was Virgin operating on the EE network, the cunt said that it would still not be of the same quality. What a cunt…….I have now switched. The world hasn’t ended. I can still view my very special adult interest instructional videos. Life goes on.

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