Lynx Deodorant

 

I can’t bear to breathe in this shite. Every time I smell it, I feel as if my nose has been viciously assaulted. It makes me heave. Anyone over the age of 15 who wears this needs to be sectioned and attended to by the men in white coats. Why would anyone want to smell like a sweaty year 8 boy’s changing room anyway? The adverts depict a daft bloke intensely spraying himself in this shite while he is surrounded by a load of wimmin all clucking round him. What a load of cobblers. This shite may as well be called ‘human repellent’ because when one chooses to wear it, they won’t have anyone within a five mile radius of them. Lynx is an abomination and whoever continues to produce it is a cunt.

Nominated by, Jayniño

 

78 thoughts on “Lynx Deodorant

  1. The deodorant choice of Alan Partridge. Probably nothing more needs to be said.

    • The filthy gyppo in our house-share wears gallons of this and it DOESN’T disguise the fact that he’s a filthy, soap-dodging cuuuuuunt !

      He just smells like an accident in an agro-chem factory.
      I suspect it’s a by-product of novytolchock production.

      • Have a couple of those at my work, even though because of the chemicals used it’s mandatory to shower. At least the lead oxide will make the fat smelly cunts sterile and not live long enough to collect a pension

  2. How about all those old 70s TV commercials for Hai-Karate, Brut 33 and Denim?

    When I was a teen wanting to pull girls I used to buy all that stuff by the boatload. Smelt like goat piss but when you’re a sex starved teen you really didn’t give a shit if it actually worked! (quite often it didn’t!)

    I don’t know if any of those three examples are still around, but yeah, Lynx is nothing but stale piss with a hint of dead corpse muff juice mixed in. Wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole.

    • That has got to be the most accurate and well described odour of all time NCFOM.! “Dead corpse muff juice”

      Spat me cornflakes at that!

      • You’re welcome!

        If you’re finding it difficult to find a dead corpse, just wade your through Serena Williams dirty washing bin, pull out a pair of her used panties after a 3-set tennis match on a hot sweaty day, and just pull them over your head and smell the “fragrance!”

        That’s the Lynx Effect!

    • Old skool NCFOM 😂
      Didn’t the denim advert finish with the woman’s hand sliding into his denim shirt? And the hook line “ for men that don’t have to try too hard”
      arabpiss was another 70,s/80,s delight….
      The funniest one I ever saw was
      Matchroom ( yep the snooker Cunt Barry Hearn) it’s screw off top unsurprisingly was a red ball, a friend of mine unwittingly thought wearing it would bring him the wealth of Steve Davis or Barry Hearn? Unfortunately it smelt like old cats piss from behind your rubbish bin!! …
      nasty stuff!!!

      Excellent cunting J

    • Yes indeed, “dead corpse muff juice” was well crafted. That prompted quite a loud laugh from IY.

      Though one wonders how said muff juice would or could be extracted from a dead corpse.

      Answers on a postcard to ‘I Really Don’t Want to Know’, TX, Yankland.

  3. It’s just been announced that the electoral commission has fined Vote Leave for breaking campaign rules and referred them to Dibble. So it begins. Cunts.
    Good morning.

    • Plod will relish the chance to boot in a few doors on behalf of their masters.
      The stitch up moves up a gear…

      • They should start with George “I was only following orders” Soros. And Soros wannabe Branson, I suspect he has the entire Lynx range lined up by the sink.A year ago I would have said that traitorous cunt Compo was unelectable, now I can envisage him being PM in 2 years time. With Vince Cable as deputy PM. How did the world come to this?

      • It’s got establishment written all over it!!
        How about the 9 fucking million the government spent of taxpayers money on their REMAIN pamphlet?
        Have remain been subjected to the same kind of “fishing expedition “ scrutiny that leave have? No chance…….
        Remain are so so desperate! I heard more bollocks on Russian interference in U.K. referendum today…… it’s simply a case of throwing as much shit as possible and hoping something sticks….. fuck remain!!

    • All very conveniently timed down that May has lost the plot and Brexit is on its dying legs.

      You can see what this is all building up too: another referendum!

      Which makes you think what a complete waste of time, effort, stress, and of course money the last two years have been – only in the country can we completely fuck things up way past the event, and then pretend it never happened.

    • Yes, Mr.Cunto, it’s the top story on Al BBC. Strange how quick they are to prioritise this but ignore yesterday’s latest resignation.

      Leave overspent by 500k.

      Naturally, Cameron’s £9 million pamphlet scaremongery isn’t overspending..

    • For an overspend of £500,000 ??
      That’s surely less than some MPs diddled on their expenses.

      And a fuck of a lot less than Sorearse is chucking at the Brussels-lead project fear campaign.

      Just caught this on Al-BBCeera, Rugga Munchetty getting very obviously stimulated…

  4. Holy shit! Brut – now there’s a blast from the past. I used lynx as a teenager but even I thought brut was for cunts.

    • Remember that old cunt Henry Cooper telling people to *splash it on*?. It stunk horribly. That horrible dark green tin…

  5. Deodrant and aftershave in general is offensive nasal wank. Why would you pay to smell like a rotting pine tree? I can’t imagine what we smell like to dogs.

    • My dog likes to put his snout up skirts for a good sniff, I didn’t train him to do it, he just likes the smell. I am going to take him to meet the royals at the next shake hands with the public event. Start working on your entry for the caption competition now.

  6. Isn’t there a warning, on all aerosol cans, not to inhale the contents ???

  7. I am not a connoisseur of these products, but I imagine Lynx is the one that smells worse than post-garlic-feast BO, precedes its wearer into the room and lingers there for hours after he (sometimes she) has left. It would seem to be distilled from sow urine. It is indeed a cunt.

    But, for those obliged to meet the public, the current weather necessitates the use of something to mask the stench of even the hygienically maintained armpit without substituting something worse: solutions are increasingly hard to find for this delicate problem. Since Boots stopped stocking their own-brand cheapo deodorant, which actually did last 24 hours, I have successively reeked of peppermint, car polish and something astringent I can’t identify but which at least dries up the flowing snot on a day of high pollen count. None of these give my colleagues more than 6 hours’ protection.

    Any recommendations from cunters will be gratefully received.

    • I go full hippy and use a dash of lemon juice. It wont stop you sweating but it kills all the bo bacteria. So long as you’re healthy and don’t eat curry all the time you’ll smell pretty neutral.

      All the industrial chemicals in deodrant products, going right where you have lymph nodes in your pits. Fuck that.

      • Hmmm….terpenes going right where I….?

        There’s nothing sacred about natural. Ricin is natural.

        • If it’s a choice between naturally occuring compunds in lemon vs a whole list of industrial bullshit that is probably made in china and contaminated with fuck knows..

          Fuck sacred. I’d rather just not needlessly increase my chances of cancer in order to smell like a douche

    • I’ve been getting Sure roll-on from Home Bargains; there’s usually a selection, and at £1-.

      The advantage of a roll-on is the total absence of the flit-gun effect…

      Sadly, my snout seems to be getting more sensitive with the advancing years…or is it just an increase in the stinky element of the population ?

    • Just slap on some antibacterial hand gel. Does the job alot better and you’re not putting aluminium in your system like a dumb cunt.

  8. Chaps you can get BRUT 33 at your local boots for £4.25
    Also ; TABAC & Jovan
    And let’s not forget …… old Spice

  9. To give some idea as to how bad this stuff smells….top of the range is ‘Lynx Wheelie Bin’….

  10. Wilco’s deodorant and shaving gel cheap as fuck
    Oh and huge tub of hair gel £0.75 p
    No need to splash the cash on £5 hair sculpting products

  11. One of many areas in which men suffer shameful discrimination and bias is that of perfumed products. Wimminz, I remember from reluctantly accompanying my mother on ritual visits to the West End in my extreme youth, are permitted to sample the smells with which they hope to disguise their natural reest, and assess which most expresses their personality, if they have one.

    Men, on the other hand, are faced with a shelf full of indistinguishable antiperspirants in sealed, odour free, cans, and should they attempt to test them, the security camera will undoubtedly furnish evidence in the subsequent trial. I imagine most of us simply grab any can not labelled ‘Lynx’ at random, in the unfulfilled hope that at last here’s one that doesn’t smell like a Mumbai whore’s knickers.

    I propose that in the interests of equality and male empowerment, any establishment selling fragrances for men should make available a sample of each product for trial purposes. We would soon see the laws of market selection functioning to remove the more florid productions of the organic chemist’s art from retail outlets countrywide. I offer this as an open-source idea.

    • I remember going to Shinners of Sutton once, with my (now) ex. It was like Grace Brothers on a VERY bad day.

      Suddenly, a little slut that bore the visible marks of the previous night’s cat-fight leapt out from between the counters, waving a bottle of something, shrieking :
      “Smells like a number two, and you spray it all over yourself !”
      I had to ask my ex to explain, once I’d got over the shock.
      Apparently, in wimminz-speak, a “number two” is not what I understood it to be.
      There again, the wimminz don’t fart, either…?

    • Trump is a treacherous cunt for dissing his own people to curry favour with Putin. But I suspect all is not quite as it seems. The question is: who is playing who for a sucker? Neither, perhaps. Both want to stay in power: they have that much in common. Pass the popcorn.

        • Half the US electorate and his entire security services. Who have provided him with adequate reason to believe that Russia interfered in the US elections…which he “cannot see.” The man’s a cunt. A dumb cunt, because he can’t even disguise the fact..

          • I must have missed the bit where he dissed half of the US electorate and denied any Russian meddling.

            I thought he was just slating the partisan, Democrat cunts at the FBI who conspired against him and that he was just reiterating that there was no collusion between the kremlin and the Trump campaign.

            But I might be wrong because I was drunk last night when I watched it on YouTube.

          • As in:
            “I have great confidence in my intelligence people. But I will tell you that President Putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today,” Trump said. “Dan Coats [the director of national intelligence] came to me and some others, they said they think it’s Russia. I have President Putin. He just said it’s not Russia. I will say this: I don’t see any reason why it would be.”

            Other than the fact that ‘his’ intelligence people – three agencies – are united and unequivocal in saying that it is Russia. Eh?

          • I agree that he should have said that he told Putin that Russian meddling in foreign elections is unacceptable and has to stop.

            But I would have gone further and stated that the USA interfering in foreign elections (which has been US policy for fucking decades) is also unacceptable and has to stop.

            Either he is too trusting (he said he trusts Kim Jong Un as well) or he is making unnecessary compromises or both.

            As for the US Intel agencies, if the FBI can be abused and misused by Democrat – favouring partisans within said organisation in order to mislead the US public as a pretense for removing a sitting president, then I see no reason the same could not happen to the CIA, NSA etc.

          • None of them can be trusted and need to be watched like hawks, but the idea you would take the word of a kleptocratic sociopath like Putin or trust the FSB /SVR before your own security services is naive in the extreme.

          • Like I said, he should have denounced both the Russians and CIA election interference.

    • Yes. His actions are disturbing and you wonder what lies beneath. He has completely unsettled an otherwise amusing progress through the halls of cunt.

      • Puzzling. Does Trump not recognise a dangerous psychopath when he sees one? Maybe he simply doesn’t care.

        Either way, very disappointing after the stroke he pulled putting those cunts on notice at the NATO summit.

  12. Totally agree RTC…..
    no idea what tango man was thinking ( not thinking) …….
    Asking those skinflint Cunts over at NATO to actually pay their fair share is one thing but sucking up to putin and not backing his security services has only made him look weak to Russia!!

    • Quite. Seems he’s great for winding up Libtards but maybe not a lot else.

      That said, saving the world from Killary would normally guarantee him a Nobel peace prize .

      • Putting it at its kindest, he’s being very careless around someone who has gained total ownership of a bunch of oligarchs any one of whom could squash Trump. Putting it at its unkindest, Putin already owns him.

  13. See the thing is Big Don says something and he means it at the time – but has a very short attention span
    Putin however is a crafty Wee Cunt who will play all sides to get what he wants
    I’d imagine Big Don has promised not to be a cunt ( but will )
    And putin will keep being a cunt because he can
    As my Old Dad used to say though
    It won’t put anymore money in my pocket
    Fuck the pair of them
    CUNTS

  14. Dove For Men unscented. Smells of nowt and lasts for ages.
    Lynx makes an excellent fly spray though….

      • I bought one of these a few years ago but it’s not as useful as I’d hoped. The house is too little to be swinging this thing around so the flies often get the better of it. However, there is immense satisfaction to be gained from a blinding flash and loud crack as you twat some cunt of a fly that’s been buzzing around for hours.

        • Don’t have much room myself, but once the irritating little cunt has settled on a vertical surface, it’s mine; a short sweep upward, a flash, a bang, and if you get it right, the victim is accelerated upwards and will fall back on the correct trajectory for the coup de grace. However the attack from below risks just blowing their legs off, in which case it’s harder for them to settle and they hopefully die of exhaustion.

          • Better than fly-spray, and particularly good when the little bleeders have alighted upon a flat surace, is some strong surface cleaner pump-action spray, eg Dettol / Dettox &c. One puff, and about 3 seconds later, they flip over on their backs and wiggle their legs for the last time. Then one wipe, and it’s all clean…

        • Another major problem is seeing the bastards. Although we have traditional rental magnolia walls we have enough dark stuff in the house to render them invisible as they fly past, so missing the opportunity. Getting them on the net curtains works for me then it’s bbq time, even though it fucking stinks.

          • WD-40 on flies is fucking ace…. They spaz about like Lily Mong having an eppy after a ton of coke….

          • An uncared-for trainer or slipper which has been in constant use will often lure them out of the crevices, and when they land inside, you have them trapped.

            Another point to note is that while the Silent Housefly and its slightly larger cousin the Really Irritating Housefly head for the dark, in accordance with their satanic nature, bluebottles are usually in a room by accident, and will head for the brightest light they can see – an open window being ideal. I have yet to write a paper on this, but I may well do.

          • I endorse WD-40, and have also found brake cleaner is good for the knockdown before standing on the cunt, while leaving no residue.

  15. MP ‘s are to vote on whether to start their summer holidays a week early, wonder which way that’ll go ? Cunts.

  16. In the light of cuntsumer feedback, their new advertising strapline:

    Lynx Stynx

  17. Lynx is the most overpriced and overrated shit around…. Smells fucking awful and is useless, especially in the sort of glorious weather we have been having recently…. FCUK,Ted Baker, or even the Adidas one does a better job… I reckon that the Lynx myth (the ridiculous notion that it pulls birds) came about with all that other crap those wankers at Loaded. GQ, and FHM spouted throughout the 90s…. Utter bollocks, of course…

  18. And who else wants to slap that daft slag on a loop at the end of the current Lynx advert?…

    Irritating fucking bitch….

  19. One old tabby i had a dalliance with moaned like fuck that i didnt use smelly deodorant, so i rooted about under the sink and had a dousing with what i found, she was delighted with the stuff or was till i told her it was Christmas scented air freshener, soppy cow, that relationship didnt last especially when she had lit a load of candles around the bath and i extinguished them by knocking em into the bath, why the feck do ladies thing that sort of bollocks is a good thing.

  20. My 13 year old son wanted a Lynx deodorant and aerosol. About £5-6 for the two, said no, one or the other.

    He chose one.

    Subsequently he now prefers my much cheaper non brand aerosol which is about 1/3 of the price.

  21. The only good quote Liam Gallagher ever made…

    Interviewer: ‘What’s the difference between Oasis and Nirvana?’

    Gallagher: ‘ Deodorant! They (Nirvana) are smelly cunts!’

  22. Yes…I fucking hate this shite . To call it a deodorant is an oxymoron.
    cheap smelling noxious, that smells like a turd that had been squeezed out in a derelict wooden shed. Lads who wear this crap are fuckin morons

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