Key fobs.

I am going to nominate a key fob

Now I was given a key fob by an acquaintance. we all like to please and use the gift given.
I took my car down the car wash big mistake, next thing you know it’s tumbleweed time, they all fucked off leaving partially washed cars and yours truly high and dry with a dirty car.
However I must admit I did this on purpose after the first reaction at my local kebab shop.
Pulled up went in ordered my food , the guy at the counter spoke to the cook popped out the back for a fag and 15 minutes later no kebab and no staff.
The reason as far as I can tell would be my key fob.

It says “home office border agency” they are available on e-bay (item number listed below)<

However don’t buy one unless you are willing to wash your own car, have a barbeque and don’t like curry!

Nominated by Lord Benny

24 thoughts on “Key fobs.

  1. Aye Benny … the same thing happens up here in Scotland when someone from the benefits office accidently walks into a pub full of tartan army supporters 🏃‍♂️

  2. Cleverly-written, your Lordship. I might invest in one of these key fobs. Do they do tee-shirts as well? I recently cunted Hand Car Washes (they are copious near me) and this is a similar topic.

    First, they are smuggled into the county; next, they are housed like rats; then they work in these jobs, cash-in-hand, and get away with it. They either build up a hill of cash (and subsequently open their own “start-up business”) or they send it all back to their particular (Middle-eastern /Easy European/ African) shitehole cuntry.

    It is estimated that there are a million illegal immigrants in the UK. They are below the radar but above the law. They can sell drugs, mug anybody, or commit any crime as they don’t exist. Any one of us could be hit by their uninsured vehicle or burgled by these cunts at any time.

    They are like an invisible army of mosquitoes, languishing at our expense and slowly sucking the wealth from every neighbourhood.

    Well-written and jocular though rather depressing that the actual Home Office Border Agency can’t see what the every blindly-optimistic, obedient tax-payer can see..

    • Whoa, whoa, whoa!

      These are just jobs they take in between doctor, scientist and architect roles.

      How dare you! Immigration is great you waycist/xenophobic cunt! Don’t you watch or listen to James O’Brien!

      So what if their are no houses, NHS beds or school places for British people – they don’t deserve them anyway. I mean – apart from paying taxes etc. – what the fuck have Britons ever done for Britain!?!

      Immos illegal or otherwise are the lifeblood of our nation and should be put on pedestals over and above the natives, who are all cunts.

      These are the guidelines from Cuntminster and Mayor’s Office of the Kalifate of Londonistan.

      Please take note you British cunt!

      • You cannot ever believe how much I apologise. Calling me a racist has compelled me to completely rethink my entire argument. It’s a perfect strategy. Humbly will I atone for my wacism.

        Incidentally, it’s racist to pay your taxes. Oh, and it’s also racist to NOT pay your taxes. I saw that on the ‘Racist History’ show hosted by vaGina Miller.

        • It’s only waycist to pay taxes if you don’t think the “culturally enriched” deserve every penny for doing fuck all while your loved ones have their savings raped and pillaged in order to pay for care in later life that the “culturally enriched” get FOC anyway.

          It’s only waycist not to pay taxes if you’re not paying so that the “culturally enriched” cannot enjoy the fruits of your labour.

  3. I think the worst are the “hilarious” ones,such as “My Other Car’s a Porsche”…..Laugh? I fucking near piss myself every time I see that one.
    My own key fob says “World’s Greatest Lover”……. I bought it myself.

    • I wondered why a bunch of wimminz were beeping and making rude gestures at me as I drove happily along in my awesome £250 Toyota Carina. Then some wanker keyed it in Asda car park. Then someone kicked a dent in the driver’s…ffs. My mate reckons it’s probably something to do with my numberplate:
      RAP 15 T

    • Yes I love the wit of these things. ‘You don’t have to be mad to work here’ always creases me as well.
      My fob just says ‘cunt’. If I mislay my keys they are always returned to me.

    • Saw some cunt in Essex once who had “ my other cars a Porsche “ on a new 911 …..
      TBH I actually laughed at it…..

  4. Anyone remember those traffic light car air fresheners from Halfords back in the 90,s,smelt delish unlike Abbots clunge,
    I’m a sucker for magic trees or is it Little Trees,they don’t do the red coloured spice one now the cunts,it smelt divine inline Gina Miller’s fan box…

    • I certainly do smasher!!
      I recently purchased a new air freshener from a garage , it came in a small metal tin and was called Malibu? I’ve never been to Malibu but I can’t believe it smells anything like this air freshener which actually reminded me of my local municipal tip in the summer….. instantly replaced with magic tree……

    • Yeah they were called “Feu Orange”.

      Smelled like retirement homes.

  5. Key fobs are useless tat which do nothing except make it hard to get your keys out of your pocket.
    If you must add things to your keys it should be some kind of weapon. Like slimline knuckledusters. With C U N T across the knuckles.

  6. Appeaser ‘Ramadanadingdong’ May said ‘President Trump advised me to sue the EU’….

    Then, for once in your spineless life, show some guts and do it, you daft old bitch!

  7. Mavis could be in big fucking trouble this week with these 2 votes coming up in Parliament. I’m sure there are Tory phones which are red hot with all the activity……..seeing if they can rustle up enough votes to dump the bitch.
    They’ve taken a big dip in the polls and I suspect their constituency parties have been inundated with complaints about this Chequers bollocks.

    It’s a fucking sell out and everybody knows it!

    • I think she will be on her bike. Davis has a decent counter proposal in the Times today, Donald has made her look a right cunt and her party have just about had enough.
      By the way, Trump might be a cunt but his antics upsetting every fucker this week makes him my kinda cunt.

    • I cannot see her surviving, and that’s putting wishful thinking out of my mind.

      Most of the country would sooner be ruled by daleks or klingons, and that’s probably what we’ll get.

      I rather liked those creatures from the original Star Trek, the flying omelettes with tomato ketchup on top, that would land on someone’s back and incapacitate them.
      I suspect that that is what most politicians are in reality, once they get home and close the front door…

  8. I like the Donald for one big reason he fecks off the liberal left especially the creatives and the superior smug goatee beard wearers.

  9. That spineless hunchback was never anything more than a Trojan horse for remain!! Fuck her and I’m praying the required amount of letters hit the chairman of the 1922 committee…….
    And her threat of NO BREXIT if people don’t go along with her plan is about as fucking empty as her brexit means brexit mantra!! Treacherous old cunt….

  10. I’m sure those cunts have had the 48 letters for yonks now. The question is do they have enough votes to beat her in a vote of no confidence. If they lose they can’t challenge her for another 12 months. That’s why all the behind the scenes manouverings are going on.
    Of course, if she loses the no confidence vote the bitch can still stand for re-election but I can’t see the remoaners going for that.
    My guess would be Hammond or that peaceful Home Secretary wanker, forgotten his foreign name.

  11. Just looked up the cunt’s name. It’s Suckdick Javid apparently.
    A pisspoor effort on my part….. I need to get used to these foreign names.
    My apologies.

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