China

I’d like to nominate China for a cunting. Not Chinese people as such (although Chinese tourists with their fucking awful shell suits and total lack of social awareness are total cunts), or indeed China as a geographic area, but China as a state and China as the imaginary entity so lauded by modern western “free thinkers” and lefty cunts.

1. China – no matter what others might say about sub-prime mortgages and the credit crunch – fucked up the world’s economy with its total lack of economic acumen. Cunt.
2. China is creating a future even-worse-migration-crisis by bribing African shitholes then sucking them dry. Cunt.
3. China is fucking up the world’s fragile fish stocks by ignoring international and localised fishing conventions. Cunt.
4. Chinese culture thinks it’s acceptable for people to torture dogs and hunt tigers to extinction in order to make them more potent in bed and to make them look hard. It does neither. Weak cunts.

We keep getting told how China is a force to be reckoned with in many spheres. So;

1. How come they all wear western clothes?
2. How come all modern Chinese buildings are based on European architecture?
3. How come China regularly had the shit kicked out of it by Japan (on home soil)?
4. How come China can’t do anything well apart from Table Tennis (you know, that kid’s game played by under-12s at dodgy church youth clubs) and yet there’s 1.2 billion of the cunts?
5. How come all the mathematics principles the Chinese kids are forced to learn off by heart originated in Europe?
6. How come the music played on pianos in China was all written by Europeans?

I’ll tell you how come – because China is a fucking cunt, that’s why.

Nominated by DaveM

 

37 thoughts on “China

  1. Great food and hopelessly shit motorcycles.
    Are the Chinese still communists by the way, or they they finally figure out that it was all unworkable bollocks?

    • Unquestionably shit motorcycles. But give ’em time. Their scientific optics used to be shit too, but now they’re good mediocre and very affordable…

    • Ah, Cato…

      You forget the Yellow River Concerto !! (a load of piss ??).
      “We like Chinese…a one, a three, a nine and lychees”

  2. There are elements of unfairness in this cunting.

    Chinese kids are taught, and learn ‘our’ maths* far more effectively than ours do. Everybody builds ‘Western’ architecture nowadays, and it’s all ugly.
    They wear Western clothes probably because they manufacture most of them. And most Western white goods and digital comms…and…and. Don’t like them, don’t buy them
    I agree on Africa, but we’re doing it too. Blair’s just returned from doing that last week and the Minister for Africa was in Sierra Leone all that week too.
    I can’t throw the first stone as regards economic acumen, either. I have nominated a cunting on that, as it happens.

    Occupying disputed areas of the South China Sea and militarising them, OTOH, is the act of a cunt nation. Backing N. Korea is another.

    I like the Chinese people I’ve worked with, and I am envious of their artistic heritage (which the Western Impressionists among others were happy to pinch and adapt) and feel no shame in borrowing their cuisine when whipping up a stir-fry, thoughI prefer Japanese soy sauce to theirs. They are far from total cunts, IMHO.

    *Now the most universal language of all

    • And I guess they’re not teaching their kids to be ashamed of their country and culture where as “we” are.
      They’re taught to be proud.

      The difference between our military recruiting ads say a lot too.
      I’d post some links but I can’t be arsed.

      The Chinese promote strength and pride whereas we promote crying, being in touch with your emotions, women on the front lines (they can do everything men can *scoff*) and fucking Muslims stopping to pray while the whole platoon waits around for his mate to turn up and alluuuuu akkhhhbaaa *boom*.

      Our soldiers are better than theirs, but they don’t have lefties in charge…

      • I do like their ‘can do’ attitude in regards of getting shit done. The government has only just voted to build a third runway at Heathrow after how many years of pissing around? The chinks have probably built dozens of entire airports in this time.

        Ok this is a combination of a one party state who doesn’t have to worry about environmental issues or land rights, a superpower with untold billions in the bank, backhanders plus the incompetence of our own elected cunts.

      • The difference beween us and China is one ignores and thwarts democratic mandates and the other is fucking China.

  3. A group of scientists in China have successfully cloned a giant Panda…

    “It’s almost impossible to tell them apart” said one of the Pandas….

  4. I’ve never liked the Chinks since 1981. Myself and a group of friends stopped for a takeaway after a long day on the beer. I was joshing with the little slanty-eyed fucker behind the counter,nothing unpleasant,just calling him Chairman Mao and asking if his son was called Pol Pot while using my fingers to make my eyes slanty and sticking my teeth out, “You got wubbery chicken?” etc….hilarious stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree. Anyhow,I noticed that my meal came later than my friends,but thought nothing of it as we ate walking back to my friend’s house where we were all staying. About 5 minutes after finishing it, I started to puke up,however that wasn’t the worst of it, I also got the squirts. Luckily one of my friends had the presence of mind to tell me to shit in the little cup thing…yep,it was the local golf-course that we were cutting across,and it was the eighth green where Emperor Ming’s revenge really took hold.
    I felt terrible the next day,washed out,sore guts,bad head etc…and all that Chinkie’s fault. The only comfort I took from the whole sorry episode was knowing that I’d ruined the first golfer to putt out on the eighth’s day. Golfers are boring old Cunts.

    Fuck them.

    • I’ll also add that Chinks are Cunts at casinos. I stopped going to the Casino Royale in Newcastle after the Chinks started using it instead of their normal one. They stunk,pushed and shoved,jabbered away in Chinky at each other,had foul manners,and you had to watch the women for trying to palm £5 or £10 chips at the roulette table. They’d put their chips down and then try and palm a bigger value chip as their hand came back.
      They also look and act like cockroaches.

      • Stir-fry is shit too. Half-cooked silage fit only for cattle and vegetarians.
        Cunts.

      • Cunts should have stayed behind it. As should the Scotch with Hadrian’s wall.

      • So what about all those English cunts who live on the wrong side of the wall in places like Newcastle ? They should fuck off.

      • That’s the trouble, JCG. I actually live in the Borders and I’m terrified Wee Nicola makes a land grab and demands that we go back to a border based on Hadrian’s Wall. I’d be split down the middle.
        If they think that the Irish border’ll be a problem for Brexit,they should see the bother that I’ll be if I discover that they plan to make me Scottish. The Reivers’ll ride again.

    • # 96 Un Bung Gwei Lo: the recipe is a jealously guarded secret. You were (though you didn’t know it) unusually honoured.

      • I was unusually fluid,more like. I could have shit through the eye of a needle.

    • You got off really lightly Dick… I mean, they could have done something really nasty, you know… like short changed you on the bean sprouts.

      • Bean sprouts,indeed. No wonder the Cunts all stink to High Heaven. I’ve noticed that Orientals share the same high odour that vegetarians tend to waft…most unsettling.

  5. Until I actually saw the new menu from my local Chinese takeaway, I had totally dismissed the rumours that in an attempt to keep down wages, the owner had even gone as far, as to employ poultry to work in the kitchen, but the proof was there…

    No.23 Chicken Fried Rice….

    • The LGBTQXYZ specials board had Cream of Sum Yung Guy on there too!

  6. My brother-in-law travels to China on business every now and then. He says the smog is so bad, practically everyone wears those surgeon face mask things when outside.

    On the plus side, the restaurant around the corner from me does the most incredible General Tso’s Chicken.

    I also have a massive weakness for oriental women. Fortunately I managed to snag myself a Japanese American. Mrs. Yank could not be happier. At least that’s what I keep telling her.

  7. Nice cunting Dave… I really enjoyed that one and yes, the Chinese are cunts and so are the cunts that decided to let them get rich.

    Stupid idea that we’ll all regret eventually.

    Cunts moan about the white man’s slavery but at least we had the decency to do it to foreigners …. Britains never ever shall be slaves and all that ….
    They’ve got over a billion slaves and the lefties don’t moan about that.

    The ching chongs are far bigger slavers than the west was, they just do it to their own instead of foreign cunts.

  8. “Besides Sheriff, I’m also tax collector, Captain of the Fire Brigade and Chairman of the Nonpartisan Anti-Chinese League.”

    My great nation has a (relatively) long history with the lemon colored vermin of the far east. In fact when dealing with those slanty eyed, slope headed, rice eating motherfuckers we passed a law restricting their entry into our fair land…

    https://www.britannica.com/topic/Chinese-Exclusion-Act

    Ah…those were the days!

    🇺🇸

  9. About 20 years ago, following a run of the mill Chinese meal out, my wife (without my knowledge) left a 2p tip. Fuck knows why. Once outside and ambling off up the street, we heard this horrible squawking from whence we’d come, “Hey, wha’ you think you do, you thin’ you funneee? Here, you take back – wha’, you think you funneee? Fuck ‘ou an’ yo famly! FUCK ‘OU AN’ YO FAMLY!!!

    Oblivious to the reason behind this insane outburst, I defaulted to Basil Fawlty “thank you so much” mode, turned my back, and we continued on our way up the road to much background squawking noise, and the mysterious chucking of a 2p coin that only narrowly missed my head.

    Fuck them. And their families.

  10. “One in six people on the planet is Chinese.
    There are six people in my family, so one of them is Chinese. It’s either me, my Mum or Dad, my brother Pete, my Uncle Howard, or my sister, Kwang-Chung Kwook.

    But I think it’s my Uncle Howard.”

    – Tommy Cooper –

    • That was pretty horrible though, that recent violent beating the Police gave that little Chinese feller, simply because he wouldn’t tell them his name when asked.

      “I’m going to sue the hollible lacists” said the victim, Fuk Yu.

  11. Any more Flied lice jokes not flucking fanny.
    Won Hung Lo ….plopplieter,

    • The Donald’s love of fast food is well known, lets hope a late night request of “nuke the Chinese” is not taken literally.

  12. They are good at Olympic weightlifting too , largely because they are even better at taking performance enhancing drugs. Dodgy cunts

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