School reunions


A lightweight cunting for school reunions.

A friend a few years older has received an invite to a 20th school reunion and is fretting like an old woman whether to go or not. I have told him it’ll be no more than a grown up pissing contest, who has the house, job, flash car or married well. If Facecunt is a yardstick then they are all middle class execs, 2.1 kids and a nice semi but in reality are probably divorced, overweight with one too many kids and type 2 diabetes.

Reality isn’t Hollywood, the once fit secret crush is now a frumpy housewife, geeks are still geeks but minted after investing in Bitcoin or some bollocks and the hard lads are probably doing a stretch. You see your mates because they are your mates but school is just circumstance and there is a good reason you haven’t seen the rest in twenty years.

Nominated by.Liberal Liquidator

73 thoughts on “School reunions

  1. Just remember this sentimental bollocks is park of the reason cuntbook is so successful. Eurgh!

  2. Why in fuck would anyone want to revisit their schooldays. Unless it was to see Miss Watson the PE teacher with those amazing gravity defying tits, and that wicked “come all over me” look in her eye. But that was 62 years ago. What the fuck she would look like now!…

    • I must add, that memory of her remains to this day, firmly embedded in my wank bank !

    • ASA asked:

      “What the fuck would she look like now!…”

      As your teacher she had to be 10…15…20 or more years older than you so my guess is after 62 fucking years…a corpse!


  3. Agree with LL 100%. The friends you still know from school are the only ones you need to keep in touch with. Anyone else can go fuck themselves. People who go to a school reunions are 24 carat cunts.

    Is anyone else fucking sick of the royal wedding? And it hasn’t even happened yet ffs. Fucking mongs camping out for a two second view of something they could watch on the telly from the comfort of their own sofa. Twats. Typical solipsistic cunts who want to be ‘involved’ in other people’s lives – do they really believe the ginger prince and his Yank bird give a fuck about plebs do, say or think?

    This made me laugh…

  4. Oh fuck, tell him NO! I’ve only been to one and never again. It was just a load of cunts bragging about how rich they were and, five years from now, i’m going to be richer than the richest cunt in the world. As far as I know nobody actually got their cock out and said , in five years time my cock will be……..but it was a close run thing.
    Anyway, after half an hour I excused myself to nip outside for a fag and never went back.
    Needless to say my cock is far bigger than theirs will ever be. Cunts.

  5. An invitation to an evening of crass boredom, pretend friendship, and manically dull one-upmanship concerning how many toys everyone owns.

    Psh. I’m busy.

  6. The last school reunion we had was for a mate’s funeral.

    Very sad, but at the same time no egos, no one upmanship, and everyone being nice to one another.

    Even the gobshite ginger cunt who everyone hates.

  7. Went to one, years ago. only ’cause I thought I’d regret it if I hadn’t gone. I regretted going…

    I did, however, take the precaution of making myself a T-Shirt, with the wording – “If I look puzzled, kindly state your name and exactly why I’m supposed to know you”

    Saved a lot of precious time with those toe-curling “you don’t remember me, do you ?” cunts !

  8. School reunions in a nutshell…

    School slags are still slags, and have either married someone well off or a wifebeater….

    Noisy look at me cunts are still noisy look at me cunts, only bigger and uglier…

    Bullies (the sort of cunt that used to terrorise girls) are now Mr Nice Guy, and his missus has no idea what a little sadist he used to be…

    The girl you used to think was well fit now isn’t….

    The girl you didn’t like is now well fit…

    The suspected poof who used to bitch about Farah strides and sweaty PE socks is -you guessed it – an authentic doughnut puncher (and still a whinging bitch)…..

    • Lots of good cuntings in this thread. Everything has been summed up but I may as well chip in. I only left school about 5 years ago. I don’t talk to a single fucker that I went to school with. Most of them are either weird, irritating or floating about and getting into trouble. All my current mates, I didn’t go to school with and most are at least a few years older than me. People my age are cunts and are either immature or try to prove themselves all the time. Some are okay though but not many. The conversation is also boring and mostly trivial shite that I don’t care about. Plenty of idiots about.

      • I never went to one – even though I was relatively academic, really loathed the place.

        The only thin we all had in common was that we went to the same sodding comp. together.
        That’s it, folks.
        We moved on, one guy went to Oz, others went elsewhere, one of my best mates from the place died of lung cancer in his v early forties, and hadn’t so much as touched a cig. Several went to prison (teachers, that is…).

        Could never see the point…

  9. This year’s fortieth fatal London street stabbing last night. In Barking, my old stomping ground where I went to school. These days Barking High Road is just a street out of Islamabad, the Odeon where I fingered my first fanny in the back row is now a fucking mosque!
    School reunions? Not round there……it’s another country now.

  10. I went to a school reunion once, Unfortunately I got rather drunk and beat up one of my old “chums”. I’ve got no recollection of what he’d done to offend me.
    I wan’t invited to the next reunion.

    Fuck them.

    • It’s irrelevant how he offended you. You achieved the honour of banishment and exile from the next reunion so you won’t have to make cuntish excuses not to attend. A job well done.

  11. I would like to cunt the royal wedding. I don’t have time to go into the myriad of reasons for this but I do think its necessary to make my feelings known at this stage so that when future generations look back and ask, ‘what did you do about this pure cunt’ I can point to this post and hold my head up high.

    • Seconded.
      Groom’s father not in attendance, Markle Mhegane to be walked down aisle by ole Flap-Ears.
      Wonder if he’ll do her up the shite-chute first, while Camillaaah bends over to spy through a keyhole.
      HRH Phil TG comes up from behind, and kicks the old bitch up the cunt.

  12. Never been to one but I have lived a long way from my home town since the 70s. No interest in my old school people but would like to see my mates from back then.

  13. Why would I waste a whole evening having to listen to strangers waffle on about their lives when I could just as easily waste 20 mins at work looking them all up on facecunt to determine their level of pretentious wanktitude.

  14. My bird in my final year at school was generally recognised as the best looker in the school and could be summed up in two words….fucking stunning.

    A few years back my mate attended the 30 year school reunion and sent me a photo of said girlfriend and in fairness could still be summed up in two words….fucking moose….

    • Seems to be the trend that the fit girls from my school year have all turned into mingers and the ones that were mingers have transformed into little fuck bunnies… There’s 1 or 2 from my year I’d love to rut now!

  15. Brilliant cunting. Attending one of these things would be my worst knightmare in the world. I keep in touch with 2 lads I used to go to school with and that’s it. The rest I’d be happy if I never saw again my entire fucking life, absolute bunch of bell ends. I see some of them in town at weekends shopping with their dog girlfriends/wives and the brats they’ve spunked out. And you all used to take the piss out of me at school and thought you were all so fucking with it. Oh where am I now? Oh yeah, happy, no kids weighing me down, going out getting on the beer whenever I want, going to whatever gigs and soul nights I want, going out on my Vespa WHENEVER I want! Feasting on as much online pornography as possible and collecting all my classic 80s and 90s porn. Happy Days… School Reunions can be summed up in one way: a night out for people with no friends and no social life… Fuck em

  16. I’m afraid I’m going to have my say here,distasteful or not.

    Alfie Evans’ family are left heartbroken after sick thieves steal gifts left under memorial tree near the hospital where he died

    Read more:

    Obviously the thieves are revolting scum,but just how mawkish and nauseating is the whole “Alfie’s Army” sentiment. No matter one’s views on the rights and wrongs of the child’s treatment,the fact that these maudlin people feel the need to continue to virtue-signal by placing their pound-shop tat around the bottom of a tree is truly bizarre behaviour. The unfortunate child is dead.If the family choose to remember him,well,fair enough,but “Alfie’s Army” should accept that their day in the spotlight has gone.

    • 100% agree Fiddler, I would extend this to any grief-jacking attention seeking vermin who feels the need to light candles, lay soft toys, petrol station flowers and barely literate condolence cards. It should be a personal time but how much control the families have over this behaviour I suppose varies.

      • Ditto…these ( and other ) roadside memorials, banners and so on are not helpful to the environment!

    • And let’s be frank: the little chap’s dad looks like he’ll be staying at her Maj’s pleasure very soon…never seen a more scallyish fella.

    • Seconded.

      Perhaps HMG could d/w Alfie’s Army in the same way they have d/w IS.

      And what did the family expect ? A load of alternately rain-soaked, sun-dried crap that they could collect and sell on ebay after a few weeks (“Property of a Little Warrior” &c.) ?
      I always thought that they looked like the sort of twats who would virtue-signal about recycling. And that, I imagine, is what’s happening to the items in question right now.

      They’ve lost theit kid, for which I genuinely (really !!) feel sorry, but this circus bubbles my bile, and brings forth the foullest gaseous stench from my arse…

  17. Went to one abaaaaht a five years or so after leaving school in 95′ (Before Cuntbook and Twatter) and it was shit. Your School days are that School days and belong in the past, you got to live in the now and look to the future. I sometimes get pissed and get some old school tunes on youtube and sit there for 3 hours listening to tune after tune… I then realise I’m being a soppy cunt and go to bed. Nostalgia has its place but it can be a cunt when overdosed on.

  18. John Berrow is a hypocritical cunt.Calling Trump and Boris sexist but happily calling Andrea Leadsom a fucking useless stupid woman.I don’t particularly care about what he said however to say it from the speakers chair after being such a virtue signalling sanctimonious wankstain irritates me.This man consistently breaches the notion of impartiality which is a fundamental component of being the speaker of the house.He now will have no legitimacy if a member of the house says the same thing on the commons floor.He brings parliament into disrepute regularly but because he is a virtue signalling cuck gets away with it as the progressive MPs know he will lick their arseholes clean by facilitating their anti Trump anti Brexit agenda.If Corbyn Javid or Bojo said that on the commons floor their careers would be over but this slimy dwarf who is expected to be held to a higher standard worms his way out of it.

    • Could a petition be started to remove Berkoff from parliament ?

      I wish he’d just fuckow and do one. A cunt who is right up there, with the verminscumbag Verhofstadt.

      Cuntitude truly transcends nationalities.

  19. So George ‘the git’ Osborne turned out to be jewish this week after the silly cunt went to, so this mean we can’t criticise the unlikeable cunt now for fear of anti semitism?!

    The prick is probably like 2% jewish but hes gonna use this now as a get out of jail free card or to wage things in his favor. I mean, believe me its George Osborne we are talking about FFS hes gonna milk this cow any chance he gets!

    • Religion is not the be all and end all of being Jewish. 50% of Jews are thought to be secular, Jewish by descent only.

    • The Jews started off as a single, semitic ethnic group in the near East (Judea).

      They comprised and still do comprise a nation of people and have a national religion (the identifying name of which being unoriginal and the same as the identifying name of their people so they often get confused as a religious group, which they aren’t) hence why David Baddiel calls himself a Jewish atheist.

      • It’s also why a person can have a Jewish nose…………. Never heard of anybody with a Christian nose though.

  20. It’s a strange kind of person who gets a kind of vicarious thrill out of some child’s illness. Fair enough if it was relatives (although even then I’d personally find it too much), but when complete strangers attach themselves, like leeches, to some tragic event,it really is nauseating.

  21. Off topic.
    Some Royal Wedding ‘Fans’ in London are having celebrations and incuded is a Meghan Spoon race… racist cunts. I thought we had overcome this racism.

    • Cunts in Windsor queuing, and in some cases camping out, for a wedding they’re not even invited to….
      Am I missing something or are these people just first rate wankers..?

      • I wonder if Mr. Izzard and Mr. Norton will be camping out, or maybe it’ll all be under canvas…

    • Was on the blower with my mum yesterday. She asked if I will be watching the royal wedding. I had two thoughts. First, how long have you known me you daft cow? Second, oh wait, you’re north of 80 so the senility must be a bitch.

      For those interested (of which there will be few) I will not be viewing the proceedings for 3 reasons:

      1. Harry is a cunt. Now that he’s getting hitched we’re all supposed to gloss over and forget his drink and drug infused shenanigans, including dressing up as a Nazi officer at some toff’s party that was splashed over the front pages of the tabloids. Seems to me William got the class gene and Harry got the massive prat gene.

      2. Although hardly a handsome specimen, with position and cash comes a much greater choice of squeeze. This prat had his choice of how many smart, intelligent, refined, beautiful ENGLISH females? Quite a few I’d say, but no this cunt chooses some 2 bit non-entity Yank actress divorcee. Lovely. How’s that for 2 fingers to all the eligible ENGLISH girls out there. Cunt.

      3. These cunts choose FA Cup final day of all days to get hitched. How’s that for 2 fingers to a long standing English tradition? It’s not as if they didn’t realise. Prince fucking William is the President of the fucking FA and is the cunt who’s supposed to hand over the trophy.

      I give it 2 years, max.

      • When Harry rocked up to that party dressed as a nazi it merely confirmed my suspicions as to the true identity of his father…….. Phil The Greek. Same sense of humour.

  22. Never been to a school reunion, have no temptation to attend one its a awkward event to go to see all the cunts you went to school with an talk about how you are a complete failure now or you brag how you made the big time.

    A better alternative is just go to the school you attended unannounced went to my old school a few months back it was quiet a nostalgia high and I didn’t have to talk to any old memories either just a quick tour around and out again. Smoked a joint out back and a teacher came out and yelled at me haha lol. Said I was trespassing I was gonna offer her a puff if she asked nicely but well fuck her then and I left with my can of carling … ironically it brought back the good times much better then a reunion I tell you

  23. If any cunter wants a bit of work (Cash in and) I’ve decided to go to Wedding and sell a bit of Rice an Pea and Jerk Chicken and Pork. I aint got no food hygiene certificate and if any officials ask us what were doing we say ‘I know naffink abaaaaht it’. If things get a bit heavy I’ve got a picture of the Windrush ship to prove my persecution. Should make a killing. Pay is £3 pound an hour.

  24. My first serious girlfriend from school – a real stunner back then. Saw a photo of her on Arsebook recently. The years haven’t been too kind. She is still slim but the years are evident and she now looks, let’s say, a bit “mumsy”…

  25. The thought of sitting around with a load of people I knew a little at school nowadays makes me sick. Listening to everyone say how amazing their life has been and still is and that they own their own business and they have so much money blah blah.
    The truth is they are in a job they dont like like and are not the boss, they’re struggling to pay the mortgage, they hate their wife who suck’s their dick once a month if they’ve been good and secretly they wish they were still at school so they could live it all again and not marry that cunt and be in the shit they are in. Happy Reunion you cunts.

    • A wife who sucks their dick once a month? I have know far, far greater intervals between fellatial fun. Some people are never happy with their lot.

  26. I occasionally see people I went to school with in the street. An awkward “Hi” is usually exchanged, we have fuck all else to say to each other.

    • I wouldn’t recognise many people who I went to school with. Given I left school 30 years ago, appearances often change markedly over such a time. Although I have become far dishier, the older I get!

      • Take your point, but I’ve been seeing these cunts on and off over the past 48 years, every 5-10 years or so since leaving. That said, probably passed several others without slightest recognition.

        Btw, can’t say I’m as dishy now as I was as a young chicken…

  27. The only decent consequence of ‘school reunion shit’ has been the film “Grosse Point Blanke” which is mad, full of humour and has a frankly brilliant fight scene where the loser is stabbed in the eye with a reunion pen.

  28. People you went to school with are no different to people you used to work with – most of them are cunts. And that’s the reason you don’t keep in touch. Who wants to touch a cunt?
    That’s a rhetorical question.

  29. Was this the one that the headline read;

    ‘Barking man stabbed to death’

    If so, stabbing to death does seem a bit harsh when a clout round the earhole would have sufficed.

  30. I have never been to a school reunion and have never had the inclination to do so either. I think my old school has a reunion committee or something like that and I believe reunions have taken place in the past, but it’s not for me. Plus living in Yankland does complicate the logistics even if I were interested. Which I’m not.

    I’m with my fellow cunters who’ve suggested your school days belong to a bygone era and meeting the people you knew back then but in the present would be awkward and superficial. I’m not one for small talk at the best of times. I have no particular interest in the people I went to school with and I’m sure the same is true in reverse. Nothing wrong with that either. We’ve all moved on.

    No one is going to be honest either. If your life has turned out really shit, with multiple divorces, massive debt, illness, rubbish house, crap car. etc. you’re hardly likely to want to advertise that fact. I’m sure most people will have done OK, some better than others as is life, but the opportunity to embellish will be too great a temptation for most. Why would anyone want to listen to hype doled out by people you sort of knew 40+ years ago? Seems like an act of folly to me.

  31. A quick update, said friend has decided against reuniting with cunts past. After failing to recognise the organisers name he did a little digging and the quite, non sport playing slightly effeminate boy known as Kevin is now Carole.

    Enough said. He has quite forthright opinions on such matters as well as other topics that make Sir Nigel look like a handwringing bedwetter so is probably best for all concerned.

  32. cf. Toksvig Towers United.

    Am surprised Linekunt isn’t their trainer.

  33. I didn’t like most of the cunts when I was there at the time, I’ll be fucked over backwards if I want to see the cunts now.

    I have kept in touch with the three mates I had through school. We live hundreds of miles apart but we have these things called “Telephone Numbers” to keep in touch every few months or so.

    “Friends Reunited” it should have really been called: “You were an utter cunt at school and I’m only on here to see if you did ended up with a worse life than mine. After that you can fuck off dot com!”

  34. Makes me laugh most of these twats hated each other at school now they’re best mates on faeces book, load of falsely hypocritical knob heads, couldnt get me to go to a reunion at school for any amount of loot fecking hated school from start to finish. WANKERS.

  35. My only pleasant memories of my school – a boarding school for the sons of cunts – are those of going out of bounds and far away whenever I got the chance. The relationship between me and my contemporaries was one of mutual loathing, the food was shite, and I was compelled to do subjects for which I had no aptitude and less interest. It formed a good basis for contrast with my subsequent, very independent and rather fulfilling existence, largely conducted without money. Why the fuck would I want to revisit it? Strictly for cunts who never grew up.

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