Living statues

Living Statues are tedious, talentless cunts, aren’t they.

The first glimpse of Spring and I’ve already seen a “Living Statue.’ If you’ve never seen one (lucky you), they’re “artists” who dress up/paint themselves as something famous, stand still on a plinth and expect you to place money in a hat.

No, that’s it. That’s all they do. Sometimes it’s intriguing for a second or two while you work out just how they’re “floating” but it’s either a drab, dull answer or you feel the breath of a pickpocket on your neck.

I actually used to approach them and appear to be dropping in a nugget, but then freeze, mid action. I’d hold the pose and watch them squirm a bit before fucking off, chuckling.

Lazy bastards.

Fuck me, at least do something! Move, dance, busk, sing! Anything! Don’t just paint yourself gold with a wreath on your head and stand like an twat expecting coinage.

‘Artist’ my arse! Bone-idle, indolent cunt, more like.

nominated by Captain Magnanimous (neighbourhood watch sandford)

103 thoughts on “Living statues

  1. When you fail to get into mime college this is the result, you turn into some rigid golden bellend. If you’re so shit you can’t move in silence to impress the plebian masses then it’s you’re only hope at that point.

    At least it offers a smooth transition to retirement though, when all that golden spray paint gives you Alzheimer’s at 45 and you find yourself standing in the centre of your living room for half an hour starring off into space.

  2. Buskers,mime artists,living statues,chuggers,Romanian Big Issue selllers, etc….doesn’t matter a fuck to me,I treat them all the same. A few sharp words of advice along the lines of “Fuck Off and get a proper job,you sponging leech” will be of more benefit to them than any pound coin.

    Fuck them.

    • There were two Iron Curtain eurovermin types on the bus yesterday… Bad enough that it was red hot and the journey home took an hour longer than usual, but these two cunts sat opposite each other – in the elderly/disabled priority seats I might add – and they chattered their gibberish for the whole journey (why do these Eastern Eurogyppo types always speak so fucking loud?!)… To make things more irritating, these cunts kept kissing each other every ten seconds or so… Straight up, it was enough to make one sick… In fact, the only English people now on buses are either OAPs or millennial student cunts, every other fucker is a foreigner who doesn’t (or refuses to) talk English… Britain is no more…

      • Is there a hearing problem with these East Euros? Perhaps it’s years of Communist propaganda roared from speakers. They make Yanks seem eloquent and reticent. The only people noisier are Italians travelling on the Tube. Ear-bleedingly loud.

      • We lost Britain fucking ages ago Norman. Its getting more “Cosmopolitan” (which is posh speak for full of blambos of every hue except the cunts that used to live there) than Marseilles and that was one shithole I will never visit again. I would rather do another 3 months in Djibouti. Off topic as I don’t know if you watch it – QT from Kensington and Chelsea tonight – and it just happens to be the 2nd Anniversary of the chocolate bonfire party. Diannasaurus Flabbopotamus and an unpronounceable named gnardiu hack – blambo of course will attempt, along with the ever so evenly balanced hand picked AlBBC studio audience, to discuss anything as long as it has an ole man river theme or any pickan inny subject that Dumbledore allows him to prove his cuntitude is immeasurable.

        • A lot of Grenfell vets in the audience tonight
          “you weren’t there maaaan”

    • Remember when the big issue was for our own homeless guys in this country? Only ever seen Romanian wimmin selling it the last ten years

      They even cunt the homeless…some told in no uncertain terms there old patch is now a Romanian patch and better fuck off

  3. “I am sure that all of you will have noticed the return of a blight to our streets. It’s made all the more disturbing as the Village of the Year contest looms. I refer, of course, to the extremely irritating Living Statue.”

    Hot Fuzz

    • *instantly skips to ‘Pliskova attacks umpire’s chair after controversial defeat’* (linked below comically stereotypical cunt/mongs)

    • BBC cuntishness at its peak. The only ethnic female football fan in the country next to a geeky looking cunt who actually cares about football.

    • Apparently it’s gonna be screened on the new channel WHO GIVES A FUCK!!
      Both look like remedial types!
      Fuckin ugly too…..
      I want a TV license rebate!! 😡

      • Looks like being a big weekend on WHO GIVES A FUCK TV
        If viewing you can switch between remedial lovers at the FA CUP or tune into
        Wonder if her dads turning up??
        Who gives a fuck!!
        Wonder what the weathers got in store?

        • Well, Meghan’s dad may or may not turn up but Harry’s definitely won’t because they didn’t even invite the cunt!
          Fucking rude if you ask me.

          • The rank hypocrisy of the virtue signalling ‘mental health’ promoting couple and the way they’ve dealt with Mogan Merkle’s mentally challenged dad is fucking jaw dropping.

            Not that I give a fuck about the privileged fucks or her estranged kin.

          • This will be a weekend of radio and tv silence for me. No lickspittling creeparsing for the wedding of inbred and half breed and no football bollocks, I feel a long, satisfying walk coming on.

    • Now how fucking excellent would it be if it turns out she has Tourette’s and he is on day release from the local summersault factory??? That would fuck the BBCPC brigade right up the shit chute

  4. On the plus side, they’re generally silent, drunks can piss on them with impunity, thus compensating for the Disappearing Public Toilet (redeveloped as vegan safe space). If your gaff is big enough, you can take one home and install it next to your water feature. (A dopamine-2 receptor block may be administered as needed to maintain rigidity). Collect a few. and use them as a buffer between you and the police at your next demonstration against the injustice of it all. Or airmail a living statue to Syria for target practice. Be constructive, and have a nice day.

  5. Only slightly less irritating than cunts who go out in the street dressed up as Micky Mouse or Goofy (and a myriad of other cunts) and expect you and your sprog to be overjoyed to see them making a bee line in your direction.

    Do these cunts have a license to beg, btw? Presume they’re all benefit cheats /tax evaders?

    Cunts however you slice ’em.

    • Demand to see their CRB (now DBS) clearance if they approach your offspring. OR hand the sprog to Mickey with a smile, in the hope of being effectively bereaved (delete as applicable)

  6. Dumb cunts!

    Here’s an idea on how they can use their “skill” and make an honest living at the same time. They can stand still long enough for the pigeons to shit all over them. Then, they can scrape off the guano and sell it for fertilizer.

    Problem solved. Now they are productive, working, wage earning, members of society instead of worthless, mooching, good for nothing, social parasites.


    • Have you got them in ‘Murica as well, General? I thought it was a British, idiosyncratic foible.

      • @Capt. Mag.

        Having read a number of your posts be advised that as a General I can assure you there is always a spot for you as a Captain on the staff of the 7th Calvary. 😀

        If we have these dumb cunts here in ‘Murica* I am unaware of them. They may exist but I’ve never seen or heard of them.

        *Good one on ‘Murica! Not sure about UK accents but that’s exactly the way an old Iowa farmer with a mouthful of shit would say it. 😀. 🇺🇸

      • Thank you Q. I’m an admirer of your posts! 😀

        As for ideas…it’s all part of my international campaign against International Cuntkind. Cunts are where you find them. 😈

        🇺🇸. 🇬🇧. 🇨🇦. 🇳🇿. 🇦🇺

        Why are the flag icons all of the English speaking nations descended from the Empire. 🤔

    • Absolutely WS.

      I heard it on the news bulletin on the radio at dinner time.

      As a parent myself it genuinely choked me up.

      I can only imagine the pain this poor bloke must have been in a pain so insurmountable he obviously felt the only way out was to take his own life. That is beyond tragic.

      What ever tragedy or violence awaits these pieces of shit it won’t be enough.

      • Pity he wasn’t able to hold out long enough to kill the cunts on release before topping himself.

        • They know who these cunts are in the big house. Lets just hope the screws look the other way untill they are dealt with. Bastards .

      • I know full on that if I lost two of my three I couldn’t have gone on as long as he had. I would be buried with them. A cowards way? I don’t know as I hope I never have to face the black dog that may make me take my life. I am of the opinion that when certain dreadful things happen in your life you become so encompassed in grief and utter despair that ending your own life seems like the only alternative. RIP Sir and I hope there is somewhere else and you are playing with your beautiful boys.

    • Looking at their ugly mugs,these murdering filth are obviously dragged up inbred scum cunts… I hope they both get what’s coming to them….

  7. Very off-topic, but…

    Saw a SHOCKING photo of Camillaaaah, so horrendous that the camera’s lens must surely have been made of bulletproof glass; she looked like Alistair Campbellend dragged up as Myra Hindley, and wearing a sort of green Mrs. Doubtfire dress.

    • You forgot to mention where this photo can be found, in order to avoid suddenly discovering it for ourselves and vomiting extempore.

      • Komodo, I was so appalled that I navigated away from the…sight asap !

  8. Meanwhile, in other news.

    Meghan Markle’s nude pics are on celebjihad.

    Just waiting for the sex tape to emerge. Won’t be long now. 😁

  9. Even further off topic, but…

    I hear “yanny”, the wife hears “laurel”. A mate first heard “yanny”, now he only hears “laurel”. I guess he’s bi-aural… he’s definitely a pre-vert.

    Our next door neighbour hears “yanny” AND “laurel” simultaneously. How is that even possible?

    This country is well and truly fucked.

    • Yea I hear laurel on the tv but yanny on the phone.
      The world is a cunt.

    • There’s another one doing the rounds, a total mystery, and for the like of me, I cannot imagine the possible source…

      Some people hear “I had a friend who died in Toksvig Towers”

      Others hear “My Dad was a bus driver”

      Stream-of-cuntishness in parallel universes ?

    • Some cunt played this to me today.

      I thought it was a joke. I said I didn’t get it.

      “No listen again! What word do you hear?”

      I was hoping for “Cunt!” but what I heard was “Eerie”.

      “No it’s LAUREL or YANNY!”

      Another listen, nope nowt sounded like either of those.

      2 minutes of my life I won’t get back.

      Must’ve cost the company £1,000’s in man-hours today as they were all at it, especially the greasy snowflake teccy cunts who you can get high on their B.O. – scruffy cunts!

      “Now can you hear SHOWER GEL or BUBBLE BATH?? Neither eh. Not fucking surprised you Pig Pen twat! Your stench would gag a maggot! But hey, you’re mint on League of Legends on PC though right? Just as well cos you ain’t getting a bird any time soon with your musty eau de vagrant!”

      Always amazes me how these so-called intelligent tech wizards have no fucking idea when it comes to social interaction!?!

    • Am I the only one reading these comments that has absolutely no fucking idea what they are all about?

      Hear Yanny, hear Laurel…. what the fuck is that about?

  10. I liked generals idea about the pigeon shit.
    Next time you see one, buy some bread and scatter it around the cunt.
    Nothing like a bit of authenticity in an artistic interpretation of something.
    ….see how committed the cunt is when the pebble-dashing begins.

    • @DtS

      I thought my idea was pretty good too. I think yours is fucking genius.

      😀. 🎓. 🍞

  11. The biggest cunts are are in Trafalgar Square. Every evening there’s about 6 of them with fucking Yoda masks on pretending to hover next to a stick. Pointless fucking parasites.

  12. Fuck me!…….a fucking Somali!
    In fucking Sheffield?
    There’s nothing else to say.
    Except…….we’re fucked!

    • I always thought Sheffield was the only part of Yorkshire worth visiting. (The Sheffield Tap at the station, great pub, great introduction to the city) Fuck me, it’s off my list now. Full of Roma gyppos with a Somali mayor. Oh dear.

        • Has turned, I’m afraid. A poignant contrast between one of the most magnificent Victorian buildings in Britain, put up at the height of the empire’s success (if, admittedly, on the backs of the poor and labouring classes) and the grinning nomark who proposes to dispense with our traditions – though not his own, I’ll be bound – desecrating the stonework.

  13. Off point….
    did anybody else hear that snivelling cunt Lineker on Nick Clegg podcast?? According to the human FA cup people were brainwashed over brexit??
    Old jug ears then tells an even bigger porky by saying some of his best mates voted leave? And that he has healthy debate with them on the matter?? As we all know at ISAC Lineker is a bigoted wanker of the 1st order!
    Jog on big ears!! And take your overrated crisps with you!! CUNT……..

    • JC, I love that…
      “One of my best friends voted leave”

      The other one’s Dad is a bus driver, and another died in Toksvig Towers…

  14. Gary Taxdodger and Clegg? There’s a marriage made in the bowels of Satan.
    We had a healthy debate Gary. Then we had a vote. You fucking lost.
    That’s it.
    Now fuck off cunt.

  15. I shall be scouring the news outlets to see which “bad news” stories are quietly released on the royal wedding day….what chance a strategic repositioning over some aspect of the Brexit negotiations.

    • The more I see (inadvertently) of this bread and circuses wedding nonsense and its accompanying propaganda, the more I cannot help thinking there must be something to David Icke’s assertion that the Royal Family are a bunch of humanity controlling lizards from outer space or summat. Maybe Komodo can shed some skin – I mean light – on this?

      • I must say for someone who just wants to be “one of the lads”,the half-blood isn’t half keen on a bit of Royal privilege when it suits him.

      • Nothing to do with me I assure you. Icke wouldn’t recognise a lizard if it bit him, and I shall. The royals are homomorphic simulacra only, and the Chinese will shortly be mass-producing them to sell on Ebay.

        • Will they talk like Alexa, and will they have anatomically-correct orifices ?

          Reckon Fergie-Duchess is a sort of armadildo.

    • A good day to release bad news Dick. And yes it will probably be the worst Brexit Scenario we could imagine.

  16. Evening gents, can someone do a thick cunt a favour and explain what all this Yanny and laurel stuff is? I’m perplexed!

      • All I’m hearing is wank puffin!!
        The mc gurk effect is far better, you watch a video and hear one word, close your eyes and hear a different word!! Both times it’s actually the same word being spoken……… it’s a visual / audio trip up….. Unable to post link.. have a look cunters…….

        • This Yanny audio is utter nonsense!! I’m blaming blair!! I’m hearing CUNT CUNT CUNT

    • Its a retarded experiment that clearly demonstrates the fact that people hear things differently.
      Innocent fun perhaps?
      Is it fuck.
      It’s another example of people wasting their lives with inanity.
      And doubtless will be used to justify a second referendum.

  17. It’s bollocks Mr Cuntengine, don’t worry about it.
    Meanwhile the Flabbot is on QT tonight. It doesn’t matter how she hears the question the answer will always be the same. Fat bitch.

    • Fuck me, she was on only 3 weeks ago, wasn’t she? Labour clearly mean business…

    • Does anyone on here still watch that shit? It can’t be good for a cunt’s blood pressure….just seeing that fucking mongorilla enrages me. Why would anyone put themselves through it willingly?! A test of endurance perhaps?

      • I cannot watch QT anymore than listen to that cunt James O’Brian , It really isn’t good for my ticker.

    • Fuck me!!! what the fuck is wrong with the Flabbapotamus’ teeth?
      They’re like something from River monsters

  18. I saw the old bastard on the right on the telly. He’s not as dumb as he looks. He’s going to have his pick from thousands of lonely old biddies milling around in Windsor.
    Sly old cunt.

    • Thousands of lonely old biddies eh? With a bit of luck the stench of stale piss will kill everyone within a two mile radius.

  19. Saw a cunt begging last summer in ayr high street
    Only he was sitting in the sun reading his kindle ( I kid you fuckin not) cap at his feet
    Now call me an old fashioned cunt but I kinda like my beggars to fucking beg
    The Cunt

  20. Flabbott on Qt looking like a member of Sgt Peppers lonely hearts club band.

    • Fucking cheeky cunt waving her fat finger at Dominic Raab. Tell her to go to fuck.

  21. Off topic.

    Just got back from the 75th anniversary screening of The Dambusters.

    What a film, what brave boys fighting a just cause. They’d be spinning in their graves at the sate and content of this country today.

    Biggest cheer of the night, when it was announced that the name of Sir Guy Gibsons pet dog, wasn’t going to be changed as it was historically accurate and of the time.

    A bit of common sense for once.

  22. wtf is she wearing? it’s hard to concentrate on anything she’s saying, leaving aside as to whether or not that’s at all worthwhile.

  23. Looks like Diane has been taking fashion advice from Kylie. The trouble is Kylie is very small and very skinny. Sorry Diane it ain’t working.
    Of course, it could be that, when she’s finished with this shit, she’s going to do the nightshift as a doorman at the Dorchester.

  24. Years ago I was going down some steps at a London Underground station. At the bottom, camped out by the wall facing the steps was some – let’s be nice and say a darker gentlemen wearing a multi-coloured head piece – I’m sure you have the image. Said git (sorry that slipped out) was shaking and banging a tambourine and (sort of) singing “give me some bread, give me some bread”. Over and over. On the one hand I respected the straight forward message being presented. No frills, just hand over some form of baked dough. On the other hand, this cunt wasn’t being very specific. Was he seeking some sliced white, whole grain, sourdough or perhaps a crusty cottage loaf? No one knew. Dare any of us offer him any not knowing if he perhaps had a gluten allergy ?

    In the end I just kicked him in the throat because he was making a god awful racket. The cunt.

  25. There’s a guy who turns up in Manchester City Centre every now and then with one of those jarg electric keyboards.

    Sometimes he’s dresses as Mario, sometimes Darth Vader, more recently he’s been a ninja turtle.

    He plays the theme music for whoever he’s dresses as at high speed over and over again for hours, at very high speed.

    It’s fucking impressive and awesome, and he’s a fucking shining example to street performers worldwide.

    Legend. Fucking total legend.

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