Car thieves

I want to nominate car thieves. Last night, some unknown, cock sucking, inbred, donkey fucking sack of monkey shit stole my three week old DS3. I loved that car. It was fast as fuck, beautiful look at it, with it’s dark blue paintwork and drove like a dream. Now, I’ve slagged the Old Bill off many times here on ISAC, but I have to take my hat off to them. They found the car within two hours. It had been crashed into a wall and torched, but I really can’t fault the police for their work on this occasion.

The plod who broke the bad news actually told that they knew who had done it, because, believe it or not, the spot where the little cunt crashed it was covered by the brand new, HD cctv camera of a local shop, and they had a crystal clear image of the little shite, and his butt buddy. He was genuinely sorry that he couldn’t give me their names and addresses, but as he said, I’d end up being arrested. That it’s very true. I would’ve been arrested for murder, because I would have strung the little cunts up from the nearest lamp posts, after I’d beaten seven different shades of shite out of them, and their parent/s.

Car thieves, like other criminals are scum. They should be shoved back up their mother’s the second they slither out. I’ve never had a car stolen before, probably because, for the most part, they’ve been parked overnight at an Army camp, patrolled by armed men and women, and dogs that love to bite scum bags. I can’t describe the anger I feel right now. Homicidal doesn’t seem to come close. I just hope that one day, these two little cunts have something they value stolen. Then they’ll know what it’s fucking like. Cunts.

Nominated by, Quick Draw McGraw


37 thoughts on “Car thieves

  1. I am sorry to hear about this, My brother was a regular victim of car crime, Normally they would nick his car strip the stereo, music collection and dump the car.
    It became a monthly thing towards the end, when my brother fitted another stereo from the scrap yard but upped the innings with blue tack and razor blades behind the dash, again the car was nicked the stereo stolen but the police were able to tie in the perp on DNA from the blood he left behind, Twat would drive almost 40 miles to nick radios? what a wanker.

  2. QDM

    Sorry to hear that mate. Totally agree, in this new world full of offended pussy’s and apologists, I too uphold your right to string these cunts up a’la Mussolini and exert old fashioned justice

    In fact , kicking in their parents front door , beating fuck out of them in front of the wee bastards before bringing your full violent capabilities to bear on the cunts should be standard punishment for this………

    Just like I did in A Fist Full Of Dollars, A Few Dollars More and The Good/Bad/Ugly

  3. Thieves in general are arseholes. Whether it’s the recently arrived caravan troupe of travelling tax dodging cunts, or the tax dodging multi millionaire cunts who are so bored they need to swipe something for nothing through their massive corporations. The feeling is the same, you feel violated.

    One of the pitfalls of modern society I say. Back in jungle days if you caught some cunt stealing your food or limited possessions you could just smash his head open on the nearest rock.

    Brazil takes a blunt approach to thieves. As in shooting them at point blank no questions. Lots of videos of that around, might provide you some catharsis.

    • The recent footage of the female cop shooting the thief through the chest was awesome..Wish it could happen here.

      • Was that the one outside the primary school? That was sweet. No doubt he thought it would be a safe and guaranteed mugging. Probably quite embarrassed as he lay their dying, evaluating his choices, as toddlers looked down on him.

        • I watched the footage but can’t remember where it took place. I know she was an off duty military cop. He approached the group of women with a handgun, she pulled hers, put it against his chest and emptied the magazine. Fucking awesome!! I’ll try and find the link again

      • @ASA

        If it’s the one I’m thinking of it happened in Brazil last week. Instead of explaining to the miscreant the dangers of gun ownership…instead of asking him not to do it “for the children”…instead of taking refuge in her safe space…running into a “gun free” Starbucks…writing into Reddit or starting a MeToo campaign on Cuntbook…she shot the cunt! Dead!

        And now there’s one less cunt sucking up the air the rest of us could breathe. Gotta love a woman who can handle a gun!

        🔫. ❤. 🇧🇷

  4. How do these pikey cunts get around the modern immobilisers in cars, I thought they were virtually unthievable unless they had the keys or physically lifted them off the road onto a lorry.

    I hope the cunts get an AIDS related cancer by the way and that they end up somehow living a Bill Murrayesque Groundhog Day whereby they live the last day of that existence ad infinitum . CUNTS

    • its actually quite easy, the remotes are pretty much the same as the universal remotes that you buy for your telly,
      two ways are used, the first is they scan the area when you unlock, pick up the frequency and then re play it.
      or they broadcast through the band widths until the good old ping ping sounds.
      I had a number of clients who took their work vehicles to a sports event, someone scanned the car park and suprise suprise no tools in their vehicles after the match.

      • Interesting, perhaps another cunting required for car manufacturers then, who can’t be bothered coming up with a way to secure vehicles properly. My mistake , they won’t care once they’ve made the sale. Maybe I should start taking the fucking wheels off my car and removing the engine every time I pop into the fucking cornershop.

        • Think that’s bad?

          The plant industry tend to use low cost barrels and universal keys, so if you own one JCB product the key will fit at least 6 other variants (or just buy a key for £1.50 and nick 15k worth of digger)
          I had one client break a key off in a lock on site once, I didn’t have any WD40 with me so I used a little red Diesel in the lock to ease the key out and….. the whole barrel came out because they were glued in with araldite and the diesel had dissolved it!

    • The cunts at the EU decided that all car mechanic businesses should be able to work unfettered on all cars – ergo, once you have the software, the car is at your mercy once you get to the ODB port. Suffice to say, the software is now in the wild.

      Ebay & Amazon are also a bunch of cunts – they sell the key cloning devices and keyless boosters for which the only use is stealing cars. I had a motor stolen 2 years ago via OBD key cloning and think that these firms are just utter cunts for selling the necessary equipment.

      Having taken delivery of an 18 plate Audi RS3 (I understand the top dog for car thieves) I have had an Autowatch Ghost fitted – it will give me plenty of time to make my way out to the car with my cricket bat and meet out street justice to any pikey cunt trying to nick the thing.

  5. GREAT NEWS for all you car thieves out there:

    Kent is about to be turned into a massive car park!

    James O’Shithead just said so on the radio, so it must be true.

    Have a teeny-weeny polka-dot suspicion the story might be Brexit related…

    My condolences to you QDM, btw. Fucking justice system not fit for purpose.

  6. That’s a fucker…. They are nice citroens
    The cunts love them for parts
    Sorry to say … You might be lucky and get it back… Hopefully
    I had it with a Saab … On my drive
    The dog went mad ….. So I let him out he was only 2 at the time
    … But a rottie is a rottie
    He downed him and I kicked the fuck out of the sack a shit

    • Intrigued with the terminology now regarding the right to defend ones property.

      Proportionate. And reasonable force? What exactly the fuck does that mean? Do I have to wait for the intruder to kick the shit out of me before I can return the favour? Surely proportionate means balanced, meaning I can only act after they have started with the aggression?

      And more importantly in court the definition can be interpreted differently by one judge to another?

      The simple answer surely is to remove the “proportionate” bit, and just say you can use whatever fucking force you want when an intruder is in or on your property and tries to steal your stuff.

      Lets see what that does to the crime figures.

      • It would make a massive difference and completely clear up any confusion. Let’s face it , you don’t find yourself in someone else’s house by fucking accident do you .
        This is irrelevant to my mind anyway because anyone I find in my house whilst my kids and wife asleep, I will beat them to a pulp first and foremost and then face the music later, knowing that they are safe and I didn’t pussy out when it mattered . Most of the US states have this issue sorted.

        • The simple answer is not to report it and bury whatever the dogs don’t want under the patio.

          The closest we ever came to getting burgled was hearing the Rottweiler go apeshit in the garden and getting up to see a prison white Reebok beating a hasty retreat over the back wall.

          I make a point of making the dog sit and wait on the doorstep for a minute or two before walkies.

          It lets the local scum know that they will be facing a well trained and obedient 9 stone killing machine if they ever try getting into my place uninvited.

          Sorry to hear about your motor QDM.

        • ” Let’s face it , you don’t find yourself in someone else’s house by fucking accident do you” …..well, I did.

          Years ago I was at a neighbouring village agricultural show. It was about a half-mile from the showfield to the village pub,and as I walked with a group of pals I suddenly got one of those feelings in my guts where I was utterly desperate for a shit.
          “Don’t worry,man” said one of my mates when I said we’d have to stop for a second while I did that standing with arse-cheeks clenched pose. “Just nip into my Granny’s bungalow,it’s just up the lane there. I’ll follow you in and explain to her,she won’t mind”….So I did. Up the old-people’s bungalow path,.through the front door and first left into the toilet. I heard my pal behind me shouting “Granny, Granny” at the top of his voice.Old Dear must be a bit deaf,I thought the way he was bellowing…..Well she was neither fucking deaf,nor related to my pal. There was such a screeching and banging on the door…”Come oot o’thar, ye dorty bastard” Granny bellowed as I shot past her still doing my pants up. I’ll give the old dear her dues,her walking-stick caught me a pearler across the back of my neck as I retreated from this 4 foot tall virago. I was outgunned. My “pals” were in hysterics as I fled down the path chased by an extremely irate ninety year old bundle of fury.

          I went back a few days later and apologised with a bottle of sherry. She was actually laughing about it and I never went to that village pub again without stopping by to say hello to Auld Minnie.

          • Similar thing happened to me when I was 18, was pissed in the middle of the countryside and woke up about 5am on a mate’s sofa but decided to walk back to town without knowing the right way or distance involved.

            Walked for about 20 minutes, got Lost, then walked back and in through the front door of what I thought was my mates house.

            The retired couple who found me wandering around their house were actually really sound about it, made me a cup of coffee to help me sober up and even called me a taxi.

  7. Off topic… but

    He’s at it again – Carney says Brexit has already cost me (and you) £900!!!

    Fuck me, shows how little I take notice of my finances, didn’t have the slightest inkling! Time I gave Mrs Creampuff’s austerity screws another turn or two methinks…

    Or could it just be another page from Son of Project Fear?

  8. No one wants to steal my piece of shit car, Once your in goood luck getting out! The front door is fucked you have to lift the handle and wank the lever and push it outward really tricky broken door You are actually doing me a favor if you steal it i’d get more money from the insurance then selling it as is

  9. On the matter of car thieves getting their comeuppance. I once had a detainee in IRC who had no fewer than 109 convictions for theft,TWOC, assault on Police etc. He was illegal of course, and was awaiting a depo order. IAS ( Immigration Advisory Service ) were ( as usual ) representing him and at great public cost. He had been detained for some 6 weeks before he was released on T/A ( temp release ). He of course absconded again but was arrested 2 weeks later in Bristol for killing a woman for her mobile phone.

    The law is not only an ass, it is a cunt. Our new Home Secretary may promise the earth, but the slap headed olive skinned cunt will ( like the others ) do fuck all!

  10. Ffs I hadn’t finished before I posted my comment. What a truly useless cunt I can be.
    I am sorry to hear that QDMs car was stolen, crashed and then torched by 2 scum cunts that should be splattered on the nearest pavement. My brother had his car stolen a few times and it seemed squaddies were responsible as they had to get back to their barracks. At least they weren’t smashed and torched and the cars could still be driven.
    About time we gave victims the choice of punishment to be dished out to these cunts.

  11. So it took the police two hours to find a burning car. Truly, we can all sleep peacefully in our beds.
    Sorry to hear about your car, I know what it’s like. Years ago I was almost mown down with my own car whilst trying to stop two cunts from nicking it. The police were fucking hopeless, I got a call a couple of weeks later to tell me my car had been located but they couldn’t go to the location as they were very busy, this was ten o’clock on a Sunday morning ! When I enquired if the morning doughnuts had just arrived I got a very sniffy response, cunts. Ended up going down in the Land Rover and attempting to mow down some cunts who were getting ready to torch it, me and my mate towed it back but it was a right off.

  12. I think new justice for cunts like this, the victim gets a choice of weapon and half an hour in a cage with the cunts, and if you are a woman the cunt can be tied up and you can zap the cunt with a tazor until he shits himself, but alas the snow flakes would never condone this [until its their car]….sorry to hear it QD MC,D hopefull the cunt will und up with knob cancer or something…..

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