Nana’s magic soup from Tesco

First post so you’ll all probably think I’m a cunt (which is bang on the money to be fair) but anyway Nana’s Magic Soup is over ripe for a cunting.

Just had to sit through this sickeningly twee and smug inclusivity propaganda film from Tesco, which despite peddling this soft and fuzzy shite ironically enjoys taking over new territory as much as the Nazis. Not so inclusive when it comes to putting the local peaceful’s corner shop out of business by undercutting him with yet another fucking Tesco Metro are they?

In case you’ve missed it this exercise in cuntery consists of a bog average British grandmother (i.e. not white) cooking some soup for her equally British grandson. It’s clearly aimed at trying to increase the health of the retarded Greggs chomping public and not designed to get them to buy a shit load of produce from cuddly old Tesco rather than a tin of Heinz.

At the end of the day though I don’t need any fucker giving me step by step instructions on how to put some ingredients in a pan and boil them up so fuck off with your diverse recipes for fucking retards Tesco cunts.

If you’re too fucking thick to cook basic food then gorge yourself every day at the local fried chicken shop so you die at 55 and I haven’t got to have my taxes spunked on paying for you to sit clogging your arteries and watching Homes Under the cunting Hammer on your fat, thrombosis ridden arses.

Patronising PC Tesco cunts and spastic general public cunts. Fuck off the lot of you.

Nominated by Sutcliffe’s Truth Hammer.

35 thoughts on “Nana’s magic soup from Tesco

  1. Why are all the security guards in Tescos straight off the banana boat? Could it be that all-inclusive Tesco are exploiting our immigrant friends with minimum wage, zero hours slavery to fill the overflowing pockets of their shareholders?
    Surely not.

  2. Nana looks remarkably like an old brass who used to hawk her pearly in a knocking-shop in Carlisle that I used to visit if up that way. I never went with her,mind,unless Rhianna fancies giving me a ride,I’ll spar clear of the dark meat.
    Her son appears to be a spoiled,chubby malingerer. I bet a bucket of chiggun wings would help him forget his illness even quicker than Nan’s magic soup. There seems to be no mention made of a mother or father. Mother’s probably out shoplifting and father shacked up with a new “baby-momma”.
    I like Heinz tomato soup,or at a pinch, oxtail. None of your fancy shite for me,and certainly none of Nan’s magic soup if she actually is the old banger that I believe her to be.

    • I’d only heard the LBC radio version (identical soundtrack) – pictured a fat white old bag in a flowery dress and apron, with rosy red cheeks and white hair – devastated to find it’s a fucking peaceful!

      Another fantasy destroyed.

  3. What a great cunting STH. In total agreement about cooking. It pisses me off when I hear some bloke say “I can’t cook”. It’s so fucking easy, buy a recipe book and follow the instructions. We are not talking string theory are we, for fucks sake. The cunts are intellectually lazy and a Greggs jumbo sausage roll is their gourmet meal.

    • I think blokes who can’t cook are cunts… I just picked it up off my old lady and the birds I’ve been out with… It’s a piece of piss…

      • #MeToo Norm, I do all the cooking. And being a control freak I wouldn’t have it any other way. What we eat, what time we eat, all up to me. The wife is a very lucky woman.

        • Yep, my ex-missus was one lucky fucker too. I did all the cooking, washing and ironing when she decided to get her own shop. I was also working full time whilst she was cunting around with a till. Fuck this for a game of soldiers I thought, and promptly kicked her out after a year.

          I love cooking and have all that I want, now the silly bitch is gone.

          • Nice one CN. I also do all the washing up. But to be fair, Mrs B does the washing, ironing and the toilet. I Spring clean once a year, the hoover otherwise seeing light of day occasionally if someone the wife wants to impress is due to visit.

      • I have to laugh, I occasionaly go to houses with large kitchens, meat agers (to hang your own meat) multiple ovens, and the rich twats wife spends her time buying ready meals from “Cook” so all they really needed was a microwave from lidl!
        (They are cunts too! but its “Cook” the ritch mans iceland)

        • The wife keeps bugging me to get a new kitchen. Nothing wrong with the old one, just not as over the top as the ones on telly and some her fancy friends own. I have to keep pointing out she doesn’t even no cook, apart from Cup-a-Soups and Pringles for her lunch. Or on Christmas Day cos I can’t be arsed.

    • Yep, blokes that can’t cook are definitely cunts. It is not hard a bit of intelligence, savvy and timing and off you go.

      I learned off my Ma and then taught myself, in fact apart from the occasional cod ‘n’ chips we never had takeaway ever. The first takeaway pizza I had was after I has passed my drivers test, the cunts wouldn’t deliver to my village’ so had to go and order it there, I remember going in and not knowing what the fuck to order, genuinely, a foreign language to me, pepperoni, what the fuck is that? Hawaiian? Huh? Ended up with something with prawns and pineapple on it, not nice but hey, I tried.

  4. Welcome STH. Good cunting and you certainly have the septic cuntish temperament which this site encourages.
    Fucking hate Tesco from my days as a factory manager supplying the arrogant cunts and wont set foot in one. They can stick their diverse soup up their arses.

  5. Personally I find tesco’s marketing department a little insulting.
    Getting ugly people of different ethnic backgrounds on your posters DOES NOT make me feel an affinity with them. What the fuck is that? I know they are paid models and not ‘real’ people. So get some smokin’ hot ones please and stop wrecking my food fantasies with the oogly ugly and fugly. Fuck off cunts.

  6. Totally agree CNR and with this particular cunting.

    Making wholesome home made soup and bread (albeit the bread with a bread maker) is fucking easy.

    Far more nutritious and flavoursome than the bland tinned crap, relatively quick to make, using only natural ingredients so more healthy, absolutely no chemicals or preservatives, and a fraction of the price.

    What’s not to like, and who the fuck needs to but tinned or cartoned crap?

    Perhaps in view of this should change my name to Fanny Stroker?

  7. That fucking cuntgroid in the picture is in desperate need of a good cunting herself. And the same goes for any other fucking PC libcunts who think that bombarding me with cuntish pictures of the latest bunch of cunts made redundant after the demise of the PG Tips adverts will make me somehow not think of them as, well…..cunts.

  8. Great cunting, nice and viscous.

    I’ve asked Tesco if they’d like to market my new product and offered to be the main character in the advert, physically demonstrating how to make it.

    It’s called ‘Daddy’s Special Extra Thick Cream’…..

    I’ve not heard back yet….

  9. Nanny’s (knows best – socialist) soup. Just add fanny batter of Abbott, some crusty brown croutons clinging on desperately around her stretched arsehole and just a couple of drops of sweat from her fucking bloated, shiny cantaloupesque head.

    Serve with shavings from Corbyn’s filthy beard.

  10. I did my usual raid on the crisps aisle at a Tescos during my trip home last October. Three things I noticed about the experience:
    1) Crisps are super cheap, so yea for me.
    2) The old slag at the checkout didn’t pack my bags. WTF?
    3) I had to buy a fucking bag or two to transport my groceries to my car. Double WTF?

    My local Super Target here in Yankland may only sell diarrhea and vomit flavour crisps (or “chips” as the Yanks insist on calling them), but at least the checkout person packs my bags, asks if I want paper or plastic and doesn’t charge me for the bags either.

    WTF is wrong with fucking Tescos? Cunts!

  11. Just stocked up on soup at Tesco, and the winner is………Crosse & Blackwell, on offer at 60p. Three good varieties, chunky veg & beef, roast chicken & veg and the best one, vegetable broth. Don’t like the others.
    Heinz have stopped making most of the ones I liked, only one of theirs worth buying now is minestrone.

    • Heinz are cunts who screwed up there recipes;

      They added cheese to the minestrone, they put more sweetener in the tomato and they killed the lentil years ago too, but I can’t remember what the stupid cunts did but they made it utter rank.

      Either that or “the one” who had the magic recipies retired and left them a load of bullshit when he left.

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