Glitter on cards

What cunt decided that spraying teeny little sparkly bits on Christmas and birthday cards was a good idea?

Mrs D is cursed with a December birthday and the other day received a card covered in red glitter. The bloody thing was opened on the kitchen table and, being aware of the evils of fucking glitter, has remained there ever since. OK so the fucking table is covered with little red shiny bits that we clean up every day with a damp cloth, but…

Why the fuck am I finding this shit on the bedroom floor?
Why is it on the sofa in the lounge?
Why is it on the bathroom mirror?

The fucking house is covered in glitter! All from one fucking card! It’s even on my face and clothes ffs!

Glitter is a cunt, and any cunt that sends cards with glitter on is a cunt and will be instantly removed from my Christmas card list, the sadistic cunt…

Nominated by Dioclese

66 thoughts on “Glitter on cards

  1. What’s a Christmas card? You mean they actually make these things commercially? Have to admit, glitter looks nice on the one shown. You fucking live and learn.

  2. To add to your woes, I saw the other day they can’t recycle cards with glitter on them. That means every time you get a glitter card 6 fish die.

  3. My house is perpetually covered in glitter and other shiny dust from clothing, bags, art projects, books etc… Everything girls own today is covered in glitter.
    I’ve even sparked a glittery doob once. Get a grip wimmin. It might be glittery but the world is still shite without you cunts adding to it with shiny shite.

    Years ago I cheated on my ex bird. I got caught coz the bird I snogged was covered in fuckin glitter.
    I was covered head to toe and even tho I got caught, I bet I looked dazzling when being dumped.

    • You mentioned the other day that you are shaved from the neck to the knees. Do you ever dust yourself in glitter and go out in a Flasher’s Mac? I know I would if I had a pushbike on which to make my getaway. 🙂 .

      • Haha, you wish.

        I was talking about flashers and their macs the other day
        Where the fuck have all the flashers gone??????

        When I was a kid, every now and then we’d be warned not to got to certain place because a “flasher had been flashing”. Wtf???

        Is it not cool in the world of perverts anymore?
        And what did they get from flashing?

        I suppose it’s an easy hobby tho. A Mac, socks, shoes and seedy spectacles and yer off.

  4. I solve this problem by not sending any cards and so receive very few either. The only ones I get are from senile old distant relatives,I carefully open them in case the batty old Cunts have put a fiver in. They never have,so I just chuck them straight on the fire.

      • Tbh I’ve had nothing for years,it’s just the fear that one of the old Cunts might get senile enough to forget how much they dislike me,and I them.

        • I get very few cards. Maybe two of at birthday and Christmas. And even tho I’m physically an adult, I still instinctively flip the card upside down for a note to fall…….. It doesn’t.
          When there’s no money in it, that card looks shite on the shelf.

          • Nothing says the spirit of christmas and the celebratory birth of jesus christ more then “you old bitch where is my fiver”….

          • I remember when I was 10 years old… I ended up in Booth Hall Hospital for 3 months… My kidney was smashed in and I was pissing blood and I nearly copped it…. My auntie sent me a get well soon card with a 10p piece taped to it… Never came to see me, but she sent 10p… Fuck me…

          • You could have got a 10p mix up from the wop cunt in the van that would last a while, even longer if he gave you the right amount.

            My local icey cunt couldn’t Tally up to save himself, always to his advantage.

          • Bloody hell Norman, Booth Hall struck a chord. Spent 9 months in there as a 3 year old after pulling a teapot over my head whilst tugging at a tablecloth.Vague memories of being covered in a red paint that dried like a crust, and my hands being tied to the railings of my cot, to prevent me picking at it.

  5. Even when the card is not festooned with glitter, you’re still not safe because some twats fill the envelope with mini “Merry Xmas” confetti type shit that’s guaranteed to spill all over the knot-end including your fucking tea!

  6. You know when you’re a kid, you open the envelope which has a card and money. Why the fuck does that stop when you’re grown up? I bet Hammond is behind it.

    • More likely that Um’Bongo down at the sorting office has already been in and had the money out.

    • You will know if you get a throat lozenge in your card from any cunt that Spreadsheet Phil is behind it. Scroogey cunt, but she’s shaking the tree like fook.

  7. “elf on the shelf” is a cunt.

    Don’t know what it is but I’m hearing it everywhere.
    I don’t know that if I understood it I would be cunting it, but right now I am.

      • Cheers Shitcake Baker.

        “a Christmas tradition ” wtf?

        I’d never heard of it but this year I keep hearing it being quoted. Everywhere.

        Thanks for the info, but I’m still none the wiser.

        • A real cheesey “tradition” which I heard tonight for the first fucking time. What a crock of festering shite. And fuck me…..look at the price!

      • Christ on a fucking bike! I simply refuse to believe that this elf on a fucking shelf cuntishness exists, surely it is a joke?

        You would have to be some sort of monumental, sans taste, council estate dwelling thick as pigshit cunt to part with your hard earned on this pile of cunt.

        A product for the tasteless tacky human vermin if ever there was one. How fucking depressing.

        • Bet there’s a small army of the little tykes behind the doors of those houses covered in Christmas lights!

          • Quite, one can only imagine how tasteless the inside of house must be, packed full of tacky gaudy ornaments and collectibles (snigger) from the ‘Dangleberry Mint’ or whatever its called.

            Even more tasteless than the inside of a pikey caravan.

            Bet they have a fucking Westie too.

      • Will they be doing a dark skin boy version I wonder?

        Even though they don’t celebrate it.

  8. I’m surprised that there has been so little publicity about today, as it’s officially ‘Finish writing every Christmas card by adding the words ‘YOU CUNT’ day.”

    Made writing my nans’ card a little awkward this year.

    “Happy Xmas Nan you cunt, you cunt”…..

    • No no no. You have to wait until after the 9 o’clock watershed before you can write them.

  9. There actually is a company that will send glitter bombs and glittery turds from your anonymous self to your chosen cunt. For a fee of course.

  10. Right cunts. Just been Christmas shopping on eBay for my daughter and purchased a signed photo of Sir Noel G. Only cost 40 quid and you are all gonna be pigshit with envy, but don’t pester me with offers to buy it off me.

  11. I love to make my own Christmas cards but don’t cover them with glitter. No I prefer a more personal touch, cuttings from around me nether regions taken after a visit to the gym. My contribution to recycling 🤩

        • Cunts will be wanting millions of pounds compo and that Grenfellian citizenship / key to the country compensation for the full family. If its good enough for one victim?

          Bet that racist cunt Lammy chips in. I’d ban the cunt from my camp site anyway.

    • I can’t believe cunts are funding this trouble making cunt.

      Imagine he had let her on a ride and her scarf got caught decapitating her. Would he have been OK as she was having fun and noboby was watching her bleed out over the carnie cunts ride?

  12. I thought this thread was about bald, pointy-bearded, squinty-eyed, stinky-fingered, infant-worrying, neer do well, Paul Gadd.

    I have just breathed a sigh of relief upon realising my fears were ill-founded. I was half expecting someone to announce he was out on parole before Christmas and in the nick of time to release a Christmas album.

  13. Absolutely no fucking way on Sports Cunt of the Year!

    Two “who?”s and the Somali Pirate winning it.

    Fuck off ABBC you cunts!

    Also Liverpool is hardly the other side of the world to Londonistan is it – the disrespectful “peaceful” cunt – and yet “live by satellite” from the “Sir Mo Farrah Sports Track” in Londonistan. Pity HS2 wasn’t ready for the cunt!

    And you’re not telling me he doesn’t know a few mini-cab drivers who could get him there on time, in between grooming a few white teenage girls on the way??

    • He has retired from the track and is now concentrating on Marathon running, an anti-terror unit chasing him should see a new world record for the London Marathon. Could always go on I’m a Celebrity….but not sure how they could get away with calling him King of the Jungle if he won.

  14. ‘Sir’ Mo Farah wins ABBC Sports Cunt Of The Year… Didn’t see that one coming…
    What a crock of complete cunt…

    • Please note that it’s only Fox News that will carry this story as being noteworthy.

      That would be Fox News which has been forcibly removed from UK and most Western European broadcasts.

      I wonder why?

    • The triple world superbike champion? He probably got the Northern Irish vote given that’s where he’s from and he was their only representative. I’m glad he well, it’s good to see bike racing getting recognised over poncey diving faggot footballers and former drug dealing boxers with a fake persona.

  15. Sports Personality of the Year 2017 – Mo Farah. A cunt with zero personality who can barely string a coherent sentence together. The only words I can recall him being able to say with any regularity include “yeh”, “so proud” and “Arsenal init”.

    I suspect some fuckery-pokery went on with this vote – my money was on Mekon-headed cunt Chris Froome (4th TdF, 2 grand tours this year), but the Al-BBC likely beat a hasty retreat facing the prospect of another doping cyclist getting publicly celebrated by them.

    The whole thing is now reduced to an Al-BBC political correctness orgy anyway. Even if it was a legit accolade without the quota-packed agenda, the holy cunt trifecta of Gary Lineker, Claire Balding and Gabby Logan remain enough to make cleaning dog-shit off the patio more appealing.

  16. Starting new job soon…

    As Dr. Thomas Utterfraud, I shall recommend that all sporting “personalities” consume half their body weight in Ex-Lax every day, and swim towards the Belgian coast.

  17. Was tradition not that you only send cards to those you don’t see through the year?

    All greeting cards are a cunt…where does it end?

    To my wife’s brothers sister in law on her birthday etc etc.

    I hate them all (if no cash inside).

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