The Stress Crutch

I would like to cunt the “modern stress crutch”

Most of you are pretty much non aware of my back ground, not that it matters because I am not writing mine kampf. cut to the chase a long time ago a lot of diazepam and a military shrink, then a total breakdown in civy street and a 3 month wait to see anyone because I refused medication.

Well fast forward to today (last year, and the year before) as a “stable” tax paying member of society who has dragged themselves up by their boot strings, I find myself running a small part of a retail organisation, I have an assistant (dogs body) young chap mental age of 9 physically 28 years old, he lives with mummy and daddy who supplement his poor wage due to lack of attendance.

Well to cut to the chase, sado was jilted by his girlfriend last year and this had a profound effect on him, making him not turn up for work, come in late ect and just when I was about to fire his little arse, he pulled the “mental health ticket”, he had “stress” no medication required, just a good rest and talking therapy. so I sat and watched his social media profile as he went fishing and went to festivals in holland, but could do nothing as it was “stress relief” and pretty much what the doctor ordered.

I find myself thinking of the time it took me to see a mental health consultant when I was doing my damndest not to kill myself or anyone else going through a system choked with wasters like him.

However the sun shines upon me, because although we must respect other peoples mental health issues, They in turn must respect the terms of their contract, on this occasion shit for brains has left the nest to cavort with a single mother again publicised on their social media, yet has failed to report in sick, a letter is winging its way to his parents house now asking him to attend work, it is so sad that I have to use a contract technicality to fire a piss taking little shit who has been absent from work for almost a quarter of the working year under the guise of stress!

So on that I would like to cunt the fuckers who sign people off from work for stress! and not tell them to grow up.

Nominated by Lord Benny

68 thoughts on “The Stress Crutch

  1. It must be all the more galling with what you went through yourself, to see this fucker living the life of Riley by taking the piss out of his employer.

    Long-term sicknotes for stress need a serious fucking revamping. I’ve been amongst people who have taken them before; and whilst matters like genuine depression are no joke, just saying ‘stress’ seems to invite weeks – nay months – of paid sickness leave.

    I hope you have better luck finding a less cunt-like employee once this shitheel has cleared out his desk.

    • Yes indeed, good luck Lord Benny. Next time, perhaps you should simply be more of a cunt from the off. All is not lost, though. Where I work, we employ alot of young people and they’re told right at the start that if they piss the boss off by taking time off with spurious illness claims, are lazy, etc that they’ll be fucking sacked without a second thought. Maybe you should consider a probationary period for you next chap/bird? It works very well for weeding out useless cunts. We sacked a young bell-end for timekeeping the other week, but the two other young fellas that started at the same time as him have proved to be excellent in most regards. So there is hope that not all late teens/early 20’s are total twats.

    • Genuine stress and depression are terrible demons to battle, but it is clear that this simpleton ballbag is taking the piss wholesale.

      Write to him formally and invite him to a disciplinary meeting. Ensure you state that he is allowed representation during the meeting, especially because he is a numbnut. Hold the meeting and present him with the evidence. Make it clear that the company is considering his behaviour as gross misconduct, as the evidence suggests this very clearly.

      Conclude the meeting by putting him on suspension on full pay whilst the Board of Directors considers what action the company will take.

      After you have made the decision, invite him in again for a formal meeting to discuss the Board’s decision. Again, afford him the opportunity to bring along a representative. You are then free to let him know tha the board has determined that he has committed gross misconduct and his contract of employment is terminated with immediate effect.

      Do it right and do it fairly to ensure he is discouraged from giving his case to a no win, no fee compo cunt lawyer. Even if the numbskull did, his chances of success would be seriously low if you follow correct procedure.

      Good luck, old chap.

      • Bring back the days Paul when you could say OI YOU LAZY PISS TAKING CUNT HERES YOUR P45 NOW FUCK OFF .

    • I agree.

      It’s a modern phenomena, driven by social media, whereby you take any very real victim or circumstance and then claim the same but so diluted that it is a nonsense and detracts completely from those who are, or have been real victims or victims of circumstance.

      An actual rape case is reported and immediately social media explodes with “joiners” claiming the same. The reality being that victim 0 truly did experience that most heinous of events, and then by victim (joiner) 1,000, rape is now categorised as someone holding a door open for them. Victim 0 is forgotten about and victim(s) 1,000+ expect people to sympathise with them the same.

      Similarly people bravely recount their own struggle with clinical depression which has cost them everything – marriage, home, job – oftentimes returning military personnel who have experienced and/or witnessed things so distressing that to even think of them would melt the average Joe on the street. And then you get another trenche of cunts joining on the bandwagon extolling their own stress at there being no caramel waffles in CostaBucks to go along with their soy, skinny-latte – and expect to be sympathised the same.

      These joiner cunts only do it for one reason: to get the attention they think there sad little lives deserve! It’s Munchausen syndrome by proxy but on a global scale. Everybody wanting to be seen as being the victim just in order to garner a few desperate likes.

      And while all this is going on actual victims/sufferers get forgotten about, their story so diluted that it makes a mockery of the whole thing, exacerbates their anxiety and ultimately causing them to clam up again which is the absolute worst thing for them.

      These joiner cunts simply have no idea of the pain and damage caused by their tenuous and vacuous claims on the real victims/suffers.

      Of course should anyone question these grief-jackers on the reality of their claim and on their true motive for “joining in” then the immediate response it to refer back to victim/sufferer 0 and claim that you don’t believe their story. No I believe them implicitly – just not YOU! YOU CUNT!

    • Not that it matters, but just to clarify, reading my post again, by ‘being amongst people who have been on extended stress leave’, I meant being in the workplace where others have been on the sick – not me myself.

  2. I have several people in my life who have suffered the disabling effects of depression.
    Funnily enough, none of them ran off to holland to smoke tonnes of weed and go to music festivals.
    ALL of them shared a common behaviour of withdrawing from everyone, hiding their condition and not wanting to get out and about. A difficulty they all had in fact, was that their doctor had advised fresh air and exercise which none of them could handle.
    This diplomatic immunity for mental illness is a misinterpretation of both employment law and mental health in general – a situation that twenty somethings abuse with shocking frequency born from their lack of self discipline in general and their inability to rise to the challenge of life. It’s because they have been allowed by the parents and society to remain soft as shite.
    I say this guy of yours is a fucking faker.

  3. My mrs works for the NHS and you can fucking GUARANTEE that if someone’s pet rabbit dies or so and so gets kicked out of Strictly then it’s 6 months off sick with STRESS on FULL, yes FULL fucking pay!!! And another 6 on half pay if they really do want to extract maximum piss. Mind you it must work because as soon as the 6 months is up they get better! Amazing. So it’s tough shit on most other people if you get sick or work for yourself like me. No sick pay, no holiday pay etc. Cunts.

    • I used to work with a cunt who said not to bother him with anything difficult workwise in the afternoons because he always felt a bit sleepy after eating. I wanted to kick him in the Jacobs until my leg broke.

    • When Ella, one of my bunnies died, I drank half a bottle of whisky, and cried.
      But I went into work the next am as usual.
      Life went on, the shite jobs went on, and then, one day…
      The animal sanctuary recommended another bunny to us.

      Nervous stress/exhaustion PTSD exist, a nightmare for those that GENUINELY suffer them.
      Having a slightly shite day does NOT count.
      People who take the piss and use the above as an excuse are cunts.

      I was going to add that no-one would use a physical illness such as cancer for the same ends, but sadly there are cunts out there that have used it to get money (usually saying it’s a kid with cancer)…

  4. Stress ma fucking baws !
    The work shy wee cunt on his first day back should be horsewhipped then a new contract signed that if he is off again within a 6 month period for ” stress” he will be termed unsuitable for work and will press ganged into the army / navy etc
    Good 2 yrs of national service thats what needed -CUNT

    • Jesus, could you imagine the outcry and indignation from generation snowflake if National Service was brought back!

      It would be nice to give these feckless cunts a bit of backbone and discipline in the hope that it would transfer into them becoming decent and productive individuals in civy street, unlike the utter cunts they’ve been allowed to become (or groomed into – courtesy of the ultra-liberalistic education system).

      As a child of the 70’s/80’s I never saw National Service but – like a lot of my peers – our Dads did. They weren’t tyrants (well mine certainly wasn’t) but that discipline, behaving correctly and using manners was transferred through to me.

      Generation snowflake was born of the New Labour era and what a bunch of cunts that’s produced! National Service – if nothing else – would at least show them what cunts they are and no “safe spaces” to run to when the drill sergeant shouts at them: “YOU USELESS CUNT!”

      • To True Rebel, They need the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket screaming things at them like, I WILL TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK, and , YOUR THE SORT OF GUY THAT WOULD FUCK A GUY IN THE ARSE AND NOT HAVE THE COMMON DECENCY TO GIVE HIM A HAND AROUND.
        If i said that to the snowflake pussies at work i would not only be fired but the outrage would extend to national news

        • Another Spine Millington gem, in his film about his military duties…

          The RSM screaming at the squaddies, “If Gerry doesn’t get you, I bloody well will”

      • As a case in hand, we have transgender , lib mong, cock sucking pansies in the forces now. Queers now qualify for married accommodation. You are not allowed to call them names, and there are polite requests now instead of orders.
        If you have ever seen the midget coldstream gaurds at Buckingham palace you would piss yourself laughing. The forces are fucked, real fucked. Remember that incident when our navy got captured by the Iranians? And the female sub Lt cried and shit herself ? FFS. I tell you we are all fucked!

    • Ito easy to fix NHS. Smoker with Cancer? Fuck off. Alky with liver disease ? Fuck off. Fat cunt with diabetes? Fuck off. Want to see your GP? £5 co-pay, no benefit exception. A and E? £25 co-pay, ditto benefits.

      I used to know an A and E nurse and she said you wouldn’t believe the number of cases where someone got a dildo sucked up their arse. Mind you, it’s Brighton we are talking about.

      • Theirs a rumer going round CNR That news reader Fred Dinage had an object extracted from his bottom in Worthing A&E.

  5. An excellent Cunning Lord Benny, nice to hear your turnaround. A good pal of mine tried to run a care office staffed by the cunt cream of feckless pieces of shit useless 20 somethings, and he would lie awake most mornings waiting for one of the pointless wankstains to go off sick and ruin not just his day but the day of the people they were meant to look after. When he tried to tackle them the company told him repeatedly “ooh mental health, ooh stress, protected status. Give the poor loves a hug”
    The thank you gift the company gave him? Sidelined out of the company. HIs useless wanker staff shafted him royally.
    We have literally bred a generation of people who can’t get out of bed without someone wiping their arse, or taking diazepam because they didn’t get enough “likes” on their Cuntbook page, but the real cunts are the people who listen to this shit and sign them off sick at the drop of a hat. (joking aside, i had one particularly repellent cunt signed off once with Fanny warts, no kidding!)

    The second North Korea get their shit together I’m blowing my brains out, cos if we are expecting these feckless pointless lazy arsed depressed cunts to sign up and defend us, we are fucked.
    “Sorry Mr Drill Sergeant, Johnny can’t come and fight, he’s feeling a bit down today”

    • You’re talking about the generation expected to make a go of Brexit!

      What will they do without Druncker and to do up their shoelaces and wipe their arses?

      The end is truly nigh…

  6. I have the same situation where I work Lord Benny, HR send me certifiable loony’s and I am told I have to support them because the organisation wants to be high in the next 100 best employer ratings.
    Take one cunt for example, he is not aloud to do early shifts in case he self harms him self, and staff have to constantly ask the cunt if he needs support, he also can go home at any point if it’s all getting a bit to much for him. In the summer months he strolls in off the beach with a tan telling us how life is so hard for him. This cunt is the tip of an enormous iceberg who know how to screw our joke of a system. Oh and he’s an east European cunt.

    • And probationary periods are not worth the paper their written on . If some feckless lazy cunt with a so called mental health problem declares their a cunt at the interview and like my company they accept and take them on then you have a real problem sacking the lazy feckless cunt

  7. To change the subject for a second.

    Most of you will have received your invitations to the “……is a Cunt.” Christmas party. They were e-mailed to the address associated with your account. Please keep the details of the venue secret to prevent the uninvited gatecrashing the party. If you have not received an invite,this was not an oversight. It was deliberate. As I offered to host the event,it was left to me to decide who was invited and who was spurned. Check your inbox to discover if you were one of the lucky ones. If not,it’ll be because I profoundly disapprove of you. I am therefore not expecting a large turnout…in fact there will only be me,the dogs and several bottles of port/frosty jack shandy.
    Fuck them.

    • Appreciate the heads up Dick. And the invite – just seen it – cheers!

      Does it include the wife?

      • No, I’ll entertain none of your inflatable friends. The open fire might spark her up and scatter bits of well-worn latex all over my shag-pile.

    • Sorry dick, can’t make it. It’s on the same day as my works Christmas cunt fest of which I’ve been ‘obliged’ to attend again. To give you an overview of how many cunts I work with, and how much we actually dislike each other – Boss pays for an end-to-end do, 4 courses, unlimited free booze (all the good stuff) entertainment, full transport (there and back again) and most of the day off work if you go. 52 invites out, 6 going (and 2 of them have been forced)… Merry Christmas.

      • Do you work for Gareth Southgate? No Cunt wanted to turn up and play for him last night. When I looked in he seemed to have raided an inner city benefit office to find the required players.

        P.S. I’m glad you can’t come. All the more cheap drink for me without you guzzling it down like an alky in a paraffin factory.

        • Spooky. It’s as if you actually know me. That’s pretty much exactly how I behave at Christmas parties… and on weeknights.

  8. Re above comments and national service – yes bring it on!
    And there’s no need to worry about these cunts defending us, as 95% of them are only skilled enough to be cannon fodder.
    Fuck yeah! Win win.

  9. And while we’re talking about excuses for not working, how about paternity leave? Some cunts have no shame.

  10. And those snowflake student cunts are no better…. These indulged little fuckers now claim to be victims of ‘stress’ over exams and – this is the best bit – they want said exams to be easier and qualifications just handed out… Because if the decadent lazy entitled thick cunts fail they fall victim to ‘stress’… And these luminous haired snowflake i-phone fucking gonk student cunts never get up for an OAP or pregnant woman on public transport, and they put their designer backpack on the window seat and sit on the isle seat, while some poor old ‘un stands up for the best part of half an hour… Yet their phone conks out or someone disagrees with them on social media these cunts whine on about ‘safe spaces’ and ‘stress’… These twats bring out the Paul Calf in all of us… They are cunts….

    • Students.
      School, then on to college. A full time college course is actually only part time.
      Then on to University for a degree. Shame a degree is worth fuck all now..only a Masters will do now.
      Then all coming out of university with a qualification that is utterly useless in the real world and thinking they’re all going to start working life on £40k+ .
      Having slagged them off, it’s not really their fault… it’s the system.
      The snowflake education starts early. At school they are programmed to pass as many GCSEs as possible at the highest grades possible to enable them to get on the best college courses so they can pass exams again to enable them to go to university.
      Nobody is being taught the value of leaving school and going out to work. They are all being told that they MUST go on to further education or they will be failed write offs. Once they have completed their left wing snowflake indoctrination (sorry, I mean education), they are all in for a big shock because the sort of money they think they will earn isn’t being earned by a lot of their prospective employers.
      I’ve got four kids. The oldest two have been to college and university. One of them has a masters and one a degree. Neither of them has a fucking clue about life despite my efforts. They both voted Labour for fucks sake. I despair, I really do.

    • I can believe it of the molly coddled snowfucked generation. A bunch of feckless idle moronic cunts.

  11. Trouble is, they don’t prepare you for work during your education. No one tells you work is hard, that any position of responsibility means you are going to take it home with you, that there is a very high chance you will find work boring and you will hate it, that it’s inevitable your colleagues on the most part will be cunts and you will hate them, that some afternoons you are going to find it hard to stay awake, that team building weekends are excruciating, even more so if it involves golf and you are probably going to embarrass yourself by getting drunk in the clubhouse, there is no fucking chance that Denise in HR will go out with you, there is 65% chance your boss is a cunt, that when you take a two week holiday you will enjoy the first three days and the next eleven dreading going back to work, that there will be some smarmy cunts on “the career path” who work 14 hour days and let everybody know and they “pop into the office” at weekends, that most people will have either shit or no musical taste, that if you want to take a few days off between Christmas and New Year you can’t because there is no cover because others booked it 4 fucking years ago, that when you get a 3% pay rise, after tax ni and pension you are £4.27 a week better off, and finally there is still no chance a Denise in HR will go out with you.

    Apart from that, work is OK.

  12. Some GP’s use the term ‘nervous debility’ on the sick notes of these lead swinging twats, as a catch-all term for the snowflake’s stress excuse. The term was first coined during the First World War, to describe many of the effects to soldiers mental health from battlefield stress. At the time, the medical establishment was concerned that returning soldiers who suffered with Nervous Debility, weren’t getting the treatment they desperately needed because they were too embarrassed to admit they needed help.
    What the fuck has happened to this cupcake generation of childish, self-serving fucktards? Who are happy to use any excuse to ease their pathetic little lives. Sorry for the rant, the historic date didn’t help.

      • Hopefully Brexit will sort them out, assuming it’s as bad as Project Fear would have us believe. Let’s hope. Bring it on motherfuckers!

  13. Hi Lord Benny, what these stupid little fuck twats don’t realise us that all the posting on twitter, facefuck, etc, etc just publicises what the silly cunts get up to when they are supposedly to ill or depressed to come to work. Great ammunition for you to get the cunt fired.

  14. Sorry to hijack a thread like this with inconsequential off-topic, but I had to share the latest #MeToo sexual assault bandwagon passenger: Rebel Wilson.

    Who? Indeed, who. Cunt me for knowing but an utterly talentless Australian cunt who appears exclusively in shit-tier films and took a news agency to court earlier in 2017, because SHE was exposed for lying about her age.

    She is now claiming she was ‘sexually assaulted by men in a position of power’. For those strong of stomach, this here be Rebel Wilson:

    Jesus H. Corbett Christ. The only people likely to be ‘assaulting’ that abomination can be found on a Japanese fishing fleet, equipped with harpoons.

    • Four words came from me as a sort of acid reflux.
      “Oh my fucking God”. I’m sitting in the conservatory , listening to Physical Graffiti, all kind of Saturday mellow, now I think I need a lobotomy. There is no way on fucking earth anyone … I can’t even say it.

    • Unfuckingbelievable!!! The thing should be grateful it’s even allowed to live, not to mention use up valuable resources…

    • Seriously, anyone who ‘sexually assaulted’ that unfunny fat fuck should be done for bestiality….

        • @empire – dude, you did not give fair warning. Having seen that against my will my eyes are now depressed. I have to take time off work in order to convince them to open again. Damn you!

          • Seeing that picture of Rebel Wilson has conjured up that immortal scene from ‘Bottom’…

            Richie: ‘What on earth are you eating?!’

            Eddie: ‘Lard!’

  15. As a psychiatirc professional I coomend you for your honesty, your bravery and determination:Good on you. Also, you are wholly correct.

  16. Cheers Dick – no can do its my wanking night – tbh thats every night !
    Harpoon for ms wilson 100%

  17. No Corbyn and no peacefuls.

    Surely the absence of such cunts from such a cornerstone remembrance must reinforce the fact beyond any doubt whatsoever, for the terminally hard of thinking, that both Corbyn and the peaceful community are indeed gargantuan cunts.

    • Being a colossal pervert, I would smother them in Sunpat and set about cleaning them up with my tongue.

  18. Currently working with a bunch of vegan Corbyn loving rug munchers. One of them (who has children:brave man there) says she hopes she gets flowers for her birthday! I said “Surely that would be an expression of self internalised male patriarchal violence as flowers demonstrate systematised enforced biological gender identity and mens belief in visual gender identification and patronisation through capatalist and inhetent sexiat dogma.” They just looked dumbfucked….

  19. Used to work with an excellent G.P who diagonsed people with “crap life syndrome. ” Also the NHS, as mentioned above, cures people 1 day before the end of their six months paid sick leave…

  20. Well to end this after a total of 47 days unauthorised absence (not sickness) he has been issued with a final written warning which will last 12 months.
    I can not truly express my despair at the situation.

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