Michael McIntyre [2]

Perhaps it is an age thing. I find Michael McIntyre deeply unfunny, his humor being banal and childish. Staggering to think he was the highest earning comedian in the world in 2012, his tour grossing £21m!!

He describes himself as being a bit like Marmite. Brown (or more orange really) and a bit like shit? Of the Seasoned campaigners Lee Mack always good for a giggle, as is Sean Lock and Mickey Flanagan (in my humble opinion) however the up and coming comics of today (such as Jack Whithall have nothing new to say, it is too safe, and leaves me completely cold.

Nominated by Willie Stroker

84 thoughts on “Michael McIntyre [2]

  1. Off topic straight away but has any Cunters seen the John Lewes advert? Guarantee you will not be happy.

    • Take a look at their range of Moz the Monster toys, Jim jams and associated crap and you’ll be even less happy.
      Talk about milking it. Thank fuck I don’t have young kids any more…!

      • They have had to remove the bacon from the play food. Will probably replace it with some goat shank.

    • A cool £7million spent on that bollocks. I think JL feel obliged to roll out a customary huge advertising campaign now, like a millstone around their necks – thanks to the press and chattering simpletons on fucking Twitter making such a monumental fuss over what their ad will be this time.

    • Back on topic. I saw a few minutes of his TV show once, enough time to extract the remote from the dog’s arse. Certainly no longer than a Wankstain second audition.

      I noted that the audience was rammed with Apple IPhone Device social media user types (young females, young men wearing salmon handcuffs and poofters all IC1). That’s his profitable audience demographic it seems.

    • I wonder if 20 years from now the young man will claim to have been molested by the giant paedophilic monster from under his bed??
      Fuck John Lewis!!
      Particularly nauseous was them showing his mother was white!!
      Look look look!! We’re fuckin PC..

      • …the kid is as black as two o’clock in the morning … no mixed race there … but mother was still as white as the driven snow.
        If there was ever a reason to boycott JL this would be it… Cunts.
        An article on the radio this morning reporting retailers arses are twitching due to the lack of spending on the run up to Christmas (November for fucks sake) …. as it’s lost all religious meaning and it’s now purely commercial…. it would be nice if there was a complete boycott on spending at the major retailers this year, although there’s (TV) pressure on all families to get themselves into the neck in debt…. fuck the lot of them. However, Brexit would be to blame.

        • The black kid is obviously adopted, its white mother a virtue signalling Mongonna type.

          Sick of hearing about Government offering to pay £££tens of billions to leave a club that has never given us a penny net in the whole of its profligate existence.

          Those cunts owe us! When are we going to wake up and realise that…?

  2. Without doubt one of THE most unfunny cunts to infect our TV screens. As you say Willie Stroker childish is an understatement. The cunt thinks banging on about trying to find a couple of socks that match in a sock drawer is somehow funny. The only amazing thing is he manages to ‘draw’ it out to 10 fucking agonising minutes while shaking his stupid bouncy hair. All the time the camera pans out to brain dead morons pissing themselves pretending to find it funny in case their friends see them and talk under their breath about them afterwards. Sad cunts.

    • In fact as a post script I think the cunts that pretend to find him funny are bigger cunts than the cunts who actually find the cunt funny. Cunts.

    • McIntyre is rivalled only by Sarah Millicunt in my opinion.

      Talk bollocks in an exaggerated regional accent and after delivering the shit punchline, swivel eyes around at audience until they feel obliged to fucking laugh.

  3. Willie Stroker – thanks for this top nomination. I had, incredibly, forgot about McIntyre in recent months but always had him pencilled in for a biblical cunting that could fill the fucking Bayeux Tapestry several times over.

    Of course he’s unfunny – that is the pre-fucking-requisite now for any Al-Beeb championed comedian. With this slimy fucker though, I find that the source of much ire is more to do with the superficial – the way this perennially grinning cunt prances around the stage, like a hyperactive autistic kid who has just drank a quart of Um Bongo, then proceeding to pass off the most inane, trivial facts of life of as ‘cutting observational comedy’.

    Like so much comedy now, there is this ethos that mainstream stand-up must appeal to the chattering middle classes; see Jack Shitehall, Miranda O’Beast, Stewart Lee and all the other insipid gravy train interlopers. This is easily identified by the ‘slebs in the audience that are often name-dropped during their gigs. And just as W. Stroker identifies, as infuriating as the restless MM cunt himself are the half-fucking-wits laughing their tabards and corduroy off at the arsehole passing off ‘facts’ as ‘gags’.

    The only thing that could ever make me laugh concerning this bastard buffoon would involve a still-breathing McIntyre, a Solvite-sealed coffin, and 40,000 fathoms of empty ocean. McIntyre remains a pioneering astronaut of a cunt – boldly going where no comedian cunt has ever gone before.

    • Sorry, meant to say “And just as Kendo Nag identifies…”

      I am one reading comprehension cunt.

  4. As funny as having a sand coated catheter rammed down your japs eye. Seems being fat posh and twee makes you hilarious apparently.

    A safe and by the numbers funny man, who never made me laugh and panders to his leftie Al-bbc mates.

    i seriously believe that most people must be gormless twats now with comedy like this being so widely accepted and praised by the masses .

  5. I genuinely do not get this cunt. He actually makes me feel physically I’ll. I saw a bit of his show on tv. He was going on about why do people have a coffee after dinner when it keeps you awake. That was it! He went on for 5 fucking minutes, The audience was in hysterics.

    I’m probably a bit cynical in me old age but only Jack Dee manages to make me laugh.

    • Jack Dee’s stand-up back in the late 80s/early 90s had me crying with fucking laughter. Unfortunately, I don’t rate his turn in the last 15 or so years as a reborn curmudgeonly actor in some of the worst trite terrestrial TV has to offer.

      • Indeed TECB , back in the day jack Dee was genuinely funny!!
        Caught him live a couple of times and he had me rolling about, also worthy of a mention Bernard manning!! Unfortunately only saw him twice but I laughed so hard my liver popped out of my ear!!
        I think the beautiful thing with manning the more PC the UK became the funnier he was……

        • The blessed Bernard. Now you’r talking. Visited the Embassy club many times between 1973 and 1990 when I Ieft Manchester. Have been personally insulted on more than one occasion by him. Once told the club my wife was the stripper for later. Also did his trainee corpse act on my old man (was it cold in the ground last night?etc) which had my mother in stitches. Best comic of his generation and way above any of the cunts around now.

          • CC
            The last time I saw him was on worthing pier, the week before some black waitress had complained to a National newspaper about his racist show where she was working….
            mannings open gambit “ it’s been a funny week, I’ve been all over the papers, look I just wanna ask are there any wogs in tonight? “ Silence he then does every racist name you can think of coons etc etc etc still silence from the audience “ I can’t understand it, I’m sure those Cunts are snubbing me” My brother laughed so hard he fell off his chair ( I think the 6-8 pints) helped…… Seriously I came home and felt like I been punched in the ribs I laughed so much!
            Absolute legend……

          • Roy Chubby Brown used to do a good turn at Blackpool pier. Not sure if he is still going as strong now though.

          • Loved Bernard and the Embassy Club.
            Also liked Jim Davidson if you can get the DVD of his X rated pantomime with Charlie Drake, Sinderella. You will laugh your balls off.

  6. I’ve only ever seen this intensely annoying cunt doing his stand up routine once on live at the Apollo and that was more than enough!!.
    As a previous poster said Mc intyres unfunny observations can be excruciating long And bereft of anything remotely funny, at some points it appears the only person laughing at his inane banter is Mc intyre himself!! , as the camera pans out into the audience most appear to be laughing
    from a mixture of embarrassment and the need to belong…..
    I suppose comedy like music is an individual thing and noting what WS said that he was the highest paid comedian obviously lots of easy to please, laugh at anything individuals like him??
    For my money he’s a blithering idiot!! Albeit an extremely well paid one……….

  7. A cunt, a floppy haired, posh boy cunt.

    Get me my flamethrower, McIntyre needs a burning!

  8. FFS….Today I have learned something that I did not know.!!!
    Michael McIntyre is a Comedian !!???????????????

      • Even Michel Barnier – who has just been talking in that annoying phoney Frog accent live on TV – is funnier than anything McIntyke has ever said.

        Flamethrower too good for them!

  9. Most modern ‘comedians’, like McIntyre, are shite. However, Lee Mack is funny (and I would love to shag his flatmate Sally Bretton) while Stewart Lee is an unfunny, Left wing, tosspot cunt. Has he been cunted yet?

    • Some of the stuff Lee Mack comes out with has me in stitches and some of it is so fucking simple as well. On one of the episodes on that Not Going Out he asks this guy if he’d like a cup of tea, the guy says “I’ll have a Bourbon” to which Lee replies “right I’ll go and get the biscuit tin” that had me in tears for a bit.

    • Would much prefer to do things with Megan Dodds (Not Going Out first series). Each to their own.

  10. Apparently this deranged cunt McIntyre is a comedian, actor and a presenter. So many cunts in the world that think they are better than they actually are.

  11. Only Miranda ‘Sweetums (the huge gallumphing hairy thing from the Muppet Show)’ Hart eclipses McIntyre in the cunt comedy stakes…

    • Miranda Hart’s vast bulk eclipses everything.

      So large is she of the arse that she is permitted to only stand South-facing after sundown, lest all vegetation in a 2-mile radius is deprived of sunlight due to mammoth cunt-induced solar eclipse.

      • Sat through one of her programmes…
        Laugh ? I thought I’d never start. Killed a good number of brain cells. Half an hour I shall never get back.
        I would sooner be tied up, flogged and done with a strap-on.
        At least the woman involved would be hot.
        Which Miranda is NOT.

      • Infact it’s been said her arse is so large its gravitational pull exceeds that of the moon!!
        She’s also a monumental unfunny Cunt!!

  12. Most modern ‘comedians’ and their shows are generally shit. Comedy is subjective but if you stick to the mainstream its the same tired bullshit material. Lampooning of Brexit/Trump, racism, hamstrung by political correctness and so-called ‘alternative comedians’ are no longer the counter culture, just another cunt who looks and sounds like the last one.

    Australia is one of the last bastions of political incorrectness in the Western World, nothing like Europe or the US, where you can just about get away with calling a cunt a cunt. Summer Heights High with Chris Lilley was great, casual racism and homophobia, jokes about mental disorders and some cultural appropriation thrown in, enough to make every snowflake melt in their own menopausal indignation.

    • Mate, unfortunately Australia is been run over by PC cunts. For example, a racing driver in our touring car series made an innocuous joke about some female drivers in the same series (called their car the ‘Pussy Wagon’). The femcunts in the media went ape shit and he was fined several thousand dollars, presumably to be made an example of – those poor wimmin can’t be made fun of now, can they?

      There are more and more lefty cunts in the media and identity politics are becoming the norm (another example, some feminist cunts in Melbourne got the pedestrian lights to have women on them because it’s sexist to have only men…). It’s fucked. Fucking cunts.

  13. Definitely not an age thing Willie. I wouldn’t have found this cunt funny at ANY age! Or in any age.

    You’d have to be a pretty sad breed of snowflake to find this bland pumpkin fuck even remotely amusing – probably the type of cunts who consider it their inalienable human right to not be offended by anything ever, or have their tits clocked on their way to John Lewis.

    Caught the wife watching him once. Says it all…

  14. McIntyre is ideed a cunt of great magnitude. Well cunted Willie Stroker.
    I would however like to nominate Lenny Henry.
    There’s loads of unfunny so called comedians but the worst and most annoying for me has to be Lenny Henry He’s such an irritating hypocritical cunt. This is a man who has been banging on for decades about the need for diversity and the ”Lack of opportunities for blacks and other races”. Fucking ironic that is really, considering:

    1/ His parents were welcomed here from Jamaica
    2/ Presumably they were given housing.
    3/ Presumably they found employment.
    4/ He is one of seven children. Not all were born here.
    5/ He had schooling here.
    6/ He went to college here.
    7/ He went to Blue Coat school here.
    8/ He was given a touring stage contract in The Black and white minstrel show. (Which he later said he regetted of course).
    9/ He was able to enter New Faces along with everyone else and of course he won it.
    10/ Hehas been able to have his own TV shows, do tours, and become a multi millionaire, etc etc.
    11/ He has been given a Knighthood.
    I’d love to know where else he’d have had that lack of opportunities.

    Oh, and the unfunniest of the unfunny females for me has to be Jo Brand.

    • Choice pick there: Lenny Henry is a fucking humour fraud and had he not affiliated himself, almost Geldof-like, to Comic Relief then this instantly forgettable wog, with enough chips on his shoulder to prevent the great Irish famine, wouldn’t be driving us insane with his Premier Inn stint of infuriating voiceovers.

      As for female comedians, I find that term a misnomer: there are none. I can count the women on one hand who have made me laugh – the one who played Susie Green in Curb Your Enthusiasm, Lynn from Alan Partridge and inexplicably, one of the Golden Girls, once.

      • How can you think such things TECB?

        Did you not catch Lenny’s critically acclaimed portrayal of Antipholus of Syracunt, at the National Theatre in 2011, ffs!?

        Let alone his award winning role in the Premier Inn commercials.

        (PS: Susie Green rocks!)

      • I’ve to say … I did like a bit of Joan Rivers. Didn’t fuck around … and allegedly was assassinated during a routine (well, routine for her) bit of plastic surgery operation … after she highlighted Michelle Obama used to be a bloke … Only saying.

  15. Yep, I too have caught my missus watching this twat.
    As he skips across the stage (probably a pigtailed schoolgirl trapped in a hippo’s body) I see only another contestant for my gameshow where, straight after whitehall, MM gets to attempt to avoid the clutches of a viagra fuelled brown bear in a barb wire lined pit.
    Love those screams….

    • He skips across back & forth for the full duration. I think he hypnotises the audience into laughing.

  16. Off point but funny……

    BBC interview this morning
    Outside Parliament MP Peter bone and smug brexit denial specialist chuka umunna….
    The were asked about May,s latest declaration that brexit is going to happen….
    bone basically said the usual things democratic will 17.4 m people blah blah
    Que weasel worded slippery cunt umunna who was trying to give the impression that because he had voted to trigger article 50 ( probably with a gun to his giant noggin) that he was some sort of moral guardian of brexit! A clearly irritated bone could take no more “ you want to stay in the EU don’t you?” Chuka tried to ignore bone, again “ you just want to stay in the EU??” Chuka then we into ramble mode!!
    Although we are all aware of Chuka,s Machiavellian shite it was bones obvious irritation at the Cunt that made me chuckle…..

      • Apparently he slipped out of the challenge for the Labour leadership position the time of Milliband giving up and Corbyn getting the job …. due to his lavish and opulent lifestyle …. wouldn’t have looked too good to the Labour following.

  17. With a face that resembles 10 kilos of uncooked dough thrown on a table with 2 raisins pressed in it for eyes i wouldnt tire of punching the fucker even once my knuckles were broken. Laugh ? Never. Every time im unlucky enough to see the adverts for his new show i feel the bile rise swiftly. As funny as being gang raped by chimpanzees on live tv for the blue planet 3. The funniest thing is, and this really is the kicker – our hard earned cash pays the tv licenece that funds this glob of horse spunk. Fuck you mcintyre and all those who sail in you

    • Well said titslapper- I thought I was the only dopy cunt on here – glad there’s two of us. I thought cunting had to be nominated by a cabal of old hands 😉

      QT last night – cant be arsed doing a full cunting but just to throw a couple of names in the mix. Stella Creasy (contrary condescending liebour cunt and Aditya Chakrabortty horrible gimp mouthed gnardiu columnist. Oh, and a member of the audience – a fucking Nigerian who kept referring to (thanks to a benevolent liebour MP who got him a gaff and a visa) us whites as “we” – you aren’t me old china – you are a wog who got lucky – the irony being ? He was upset about tax evasion. Fucking irony right there.

  18. Comedy in the UK is dead. Nobody can take the piss out of anything without offending some cunt, causing a twitter storm and having to apologise. This can be the only reason bland cunts like McIntyre get on. But who the fuck pays good money to see them? These are the real cunts. If I could become a millionaire making pointless observations and waving my hair I would certainly be up for it.

    • What’s stopping you Cuntbubble? No hair? No pointless observations? To be fair it’s probably quite a crowded market now – best you forget about the £millions slipping thru your fingers and stick to making us sad cunts laugh on IAC instead…

  19. Never heard of this cunt! I’ll check YouTube later, but need to get ready for work now.

    In a few hours my working week will be done and I can get stuck into a lovely bottle of New Zealand Sauv Blanc. I highly recommend this to my fellow cunters. The world seems less cunty by the time you’re 2/3 the way into the bottle.

    Happy Friday!

    • Sounds good. Raising a glass of courvoisier to you (well, at least I will be come 7pm tonight).

    • Ha ha, you’re gonna need more than one bottle to cool that boiling piss after you’ve seen 5 minutes of this cunt.

      • I have a couple of reinforcements in the fridge CF, just in case. Let’s hope they won’t be needed. Oh go on then, they probably will be.

        I watched 3 McIntyre vids on YT and his cunting is absolutely justified. Massive cunt. With a face you just want to punch. Again and again and again and again…..

  20. Actress Hayley Atwell has been talking about Harvey Weinstein, and how he called her a ‘Fat pig’….

    Well, I wouldn’t mind porking her….

  21. Side-cunting (not worthy of the Nominate section) for TM Lewin.

    Time was when I used to purchase all court appearance menswear from this once-respected tailor-turned-retailer.

    Quality has dipped considerably since years gone by; but even worse than that, today I look up at a bus advertisement and only seem them promoting Gary Lineker, everyone’s favourite sanctimonious cunt and tax-loophole shitworm. They’ve given this cunt an entire clothing range of his own, FFS. Yes, you too can look like a champagne socialist scumcunt with an exclusive Lineker tie…

    Made in Barbados.

    • That’s them on the slippy slope having cunts like him endorse their wear.

      Won’t be long until the butch rug munchers are demanding access to the changing rooms, ripping the knob off anyone who gets in the way.

  22. So, Smarmy Lineker has also been rumbled for dodging tax?
    As Cilla Slag would have squawked: ‘Surprise Surprise!’

    I only hope Banana Gob, Dickie Branson, Slob Geldof, and a certain rapeugee loving mong are also on the list…

  23. Honestly, who the fuck is gonna buy anything from a Gary Lineker range of Clothing? Maybe if each piece came with a free crisps grease stain.

  24. An english man an irish man and
    Scotsman went into a….

    Three poofs were….

    Three Peacefuls….,

    In fact any person subject of a joke years ago have complained and made any “jokes” now a form of hate crime. These cunts have got away with murder, killing off comedy itself which is a culture of the western world.

    They didn’t have or in some cases weren’t allowed comedy and now it seems neither are we thanks to these cunts.

    Comedy of tomorrow;

    Two daisies on the grass in the park, along comes a dog who urinates on one. The other laughs…ha ha ha, you’re all wet now.

    Ha ha cunts!, you can’t complain about me as I didn’t specify what sex the flowers & dog were!

    • No the comedy of tomorrow is this…

      “So, er, yah, I was in CostaBucks…”

      – titter –

      “…getting a skiny-latte…”

      – giggles –

      “…and they didn’t use SOY MILK!!!”



      I have no real opinion on Michael McIntyre, he’s not nasty or anything but I don’t find him particularly amusing.

      He’s like the nice bloke who no one wants sit next to in a works do. Nowt wrong with them, just dull.

  25. Michael McIntyre kinda of looks like fred west they both have that derpy creepy smile that scares young children

  26. Back to the John Lewis ad. Yet another pc correct ad, chocolate kid, mother like Snow White the old man probably an African refugee. What a load of bollocks. Think the name of the group in the 70’s was blue mink, who sang about turning out “coffee coloured people by the score”. How right they were. Only difference is it’s not by the score, it’s by the millions. Why can’t we have white man, white woman, white kid, or black man, black woman, black kid. Why the fuck has everything got to be based on multicultural bollocks.

  27. Well, I’m back home after a tedious day of dealing with the ‘tards at the office. The lovely wife will be collecting her man’s pizza and garlic cheese bread on her way home from work (well trained is that lass) and while I wait, I stepped up to the plate and sampled some McIntyre on YT. I watched 3 different clips, so he had 3 chances to make me laugh. He failed to do so. Not even close to a chuckle. His delivery was OK and he presented his material with a certain degree of energy and gusto, but I found him to be absolutely banal. If comedy were a colour, his would be beige. Middle of the road, lowest common denominator, utterly obvious ‘observations’ with a complete lack of cutting edge or bite. A rather pointless addition to the entertainment landscape I have concluded. Now…..time for me to get stuck into that Sauv blanc. Welcome to the weekend!

  28. Which leaves us with the huge puzzle. How does Macintyre earn £21million from one tour and becomes the highest earning comedian on the planet and he isn’t funny?
    All those people need to be told urgently that he isn’t funny before they go to his next tour and sit there laughing again! Poor bastards.

  29. Shite sells. The magnolia paint of comedians.
    Love Sean Lock and Micky Flanagan but I’m from Lancashire and Lee Mack reminds me of too many pub smartarses.

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