Michael Heseltine

It seems that Charlton Hessletine has driven his chariot into the brexit arena, and has declared that Brexit will never happen, and that we will remain. He predicts that Members of the House of ill Repute have no stomach for such an arduous task such as managing a country, and would far prefer if someone else would do it for them. Hesselslime also predicts that we will eventually replace the pound with the Euro, and within a generation or so, we will all be happily little eurodumbs.

Sadly, following the capitulation of that most useless piece of shit Treason May, he could well be right.

More painful cuts to welfare, NHS and Public Services, a further tightening of the belt ( because we need to be prudent ) yet we can shell out fucking billions to the Slimeshits of the EU.

There is only one change that is required now, the change that can be purchased with a full metal jacket!

May is a cunt, and Hesselslime is the condom for Barmy Barnier’s cock.

Nominated by asimplearsehole

94 thoughts on “Michael Heseltine

  1. Monster Raving Loony Party.

    Your time has come.

    Go back to your constituencies and prepare for Government!

  2. Heseltine was a total cunt in the Empress Maggon’s government.
    Ever since the 1980s the man has been gradually honing and refining his cuntishness to produce the MASSIVE cunt that he is today.
    Fuck off and die (in Europe, naturally) fucking Tarzan…

  3. What a shit load of fuck.

    The Conservacunts look so ridiculous now that people are listening to Comrade Corbyn and taking notice. I’m so pissed off with what’s going on I would probably vote red too.

    Sad fact is, if there was an election tomorrow, the Blues would be wiped out.

    May is very much the worst PM I have ever lived under, worse than Blair, Brown, Major, Callaghan, Heath and the rest of the dreadful shower. Her government is a complete shambles, about as effective as a butter knife.

  4. Looks like we may have to rely on the I Ti’s to wreck this failing Euro state that is built on a foundation of something with the strength of diarrhoea. I don’t know if they have the bottle for it tho. We clearly haven’t, the krauts have made a gesture but no doubt our friends from Italy will revert to type. As for Heseltine that cunt needs to get his fucking nose and ear hair fucking sorted the filthy unkempt cunt. I bet his favourite armchair stinks of dried piss too. And while you’re at it you monster twat get yourself a No1 on ya fucking swede. Old smelly treacherous cunt.

    • Kid-Mong_Ill, Trump, Heselslime…

      What is it with these dodgy barnets ?

      Has he got a CD (Coffin Dodger) plate on his limo ?

  5. Good Jesus. Visiting a relative and have for the first time, been exposed to the biggest pile of audio/visual sub-human excrement I’ve ever seen.

    The Wright stuff.

    If any cunt can watch it and not have an urge to smash his fucking face in, well he’s a better man than me.

    • A real foot-through-the-telly-screen cunt. A loathesome jug eared smug lefty-celeb-arse-licking London tosser.
      Makes channel 5 look even shitter than it already is…

    • Follow it up with 5 minutes of Loose Women and you’ll wanna eat your own head. Daytime TV is utter cunt.

    • I successfully nominated Matthew Wright a few months ago.

      His fucking face already looks like someone smashed it in. Extraordinary cuntitude.

  6. Vested interest cunt… He’s worth 200 mil, his shit business are failing but he’s sucking in those EU farm subsidies like an American at breakfast – 90k pa for owning a field and doing nothing with it. Would you vote against that? He’s a cunt of highest order, absolutely complicit in some of the worst treasonous backstabbing around. Any of of the younger cunters on here familiar with Westland?

    • Westland Helicopters … dragged on for ever .. What was in it for him ? There must have been something as he campaigned to support them big time … Didn’t Maggie T. fuck him off over it ?

      • Westland was in a bit of financial trouble which could have been solved with a simple handout from Cons (in power at the time), but they don’t do state aid and loathe state owned companies, so instead two cunts (hesseltwat and Brittan?) got into a fight over which foreign (state owned) company they would strip its intellectual property and sell it off to. The europhile wanted to sell it to the French and Italians, the pedophile to Yanks. A long and protracted fight ensued over who could destroy the UK’s last helicopter manufacturer first. Hilarity ensued.

        • Re Westland. Yes Westland had short term financial difficulties due to pressures applied to the cabinet by ( guess who ) the EU.

          The financial state of affairs brought Westland to the verge of bankruptcy, and there was a juicy order for the UK forces that was near to completion. It was Hesseltine who favoured merging Wesland with the European Defence wing of BAe and giving the intellectual rights to Europe.

          Hesseltine wanted THEN to betray all to Europe, and did sweet fuck all to help with the award of the UK defence contract. ( Hesselshite was Minister of Defence at that time and could have , and should have put Westland over and above his ambition to fuck over Thatcher.)

          Hesseltine is a treacherous and very dangerous cunt, a leech on society, and a 5th Columnist for Europe.

          Hesseltine needs to stand a round…preferably heavy calibre, full jacket, and to the fucking head.


  7. If Hesslecunt loves Europe so much he should fuck off and live over there.
    ….I reckon he’d make a good Frenchman.
    He fuckin sucks at being an Englishman.

  8. In the photo he looks like he has already surrendered to EU and is ready to bend over and let Barnier, Junker and co go round robin on his arse. Brexit will happen, but I fear will be a shadow of what people wanted. It favours the EU for negotiations to be bogged down in arguments,technical bullshit and creating a sense of disillusionment among the public, Britain is to be made an example of for quitting their club and a warning for any other member state who has the audacity to vote for true sovereignty.

  9. Speaking of anti-Brexit cunts. That doddering old prick David Attenborough is in desperate need of a cunting. Speaking to Greenpeace magazine, Attenborough said that we shouldn’t have had a vote because we weren’t presented with the full facts. He also claimed we didn’t understand what it meant, and that we were spitting in Europe’s face. He also called the referendum “and abrogation of parliamentary democracy.

    Jesus…fucking…Christ. Somebody get the old twat some Anusol, he clearly needs it for his persistent butthurt. Once again, and idiot remainer DELIBERATELY confuses EUROPE with the EU. They are NOT the same. And to be honest, if my voting to leave the EU is spitting in the face of the likes Juncker, Tusk, Verhofstadt and Barnier, I can live with that. I’d happily do it for real given the chance.

    I’m sick of this now. At first it was amusing to watch pro-EU traitors going nuclear over the fact that a majority of voters had dared vote to leave their precious EU. Now it’s fucking tedious. It’s been FIFTEEN months since the referendum, and STILL we have democracy hating wankpuffins hurling insults at us, disrespecting democracy and basically still throwing a tantrum. Call the Guinness book of Records, I reckon they’ve broken the world sulking record.

    Just a couple of days ago, that upper crust faggot, Colin Firth announced he had taken Italian citizenship because he just couldn’t bear the thought of the UK becoming a sovereign nation once again. Anyone noticed how most of those who’ve been whingeing about Brexit, Attenborough, Firth, Branson, Heseltine, Clarke, Miller, etc, are all rich bastards who have been completely unaffected by the EU’s less pleasant laws, like open borders.

    We’ve also had Labour arseholes like Clive Lewis saying that Brexit is racist, and David Lammy comparing Brexiteers (I love that name) to Nazis. What prize fuckpoodles.

    • Here here. It’s unbelievable how these remoaners can’t see how ridiculous and pathetic they look, still bleating on about a vote that they lost over a year ago.
      I heard some of James o’cuntface’s radio show the other day…
      …brexit brexit brexit, whinge whinge whinge…
      2 days later I tuned in again.
      …same fuckin thing.

    • I wonder the last time cunts like Branson, Firth and Clarke saw a drunk Polish man naked from the waist up driving up and down the local high street drunk on a quad bike….or a group of East European gentlemen drunk outside the Post Office at 9.30 waiting to get their benefits.

      It’s the people who have this kind of thing happen in the place where they grew up who want out of this fuck load of shit EU

    • These cunts, just becoz they don’t like the result of the referendum, think we can just ignore it or have another one.

      I am very concerned that Brexit won’t happen.

    • “Colin Firth announced he had taken Italian citizenship because he just couldn’t bear the thought of the UK becoming a sovereign nation once again”

      He took Italian citizenship because his wife is Italian and he spends most of the year in Italy. Don’t trust the deliberate misreporting of The Sun, Mail & Express.

      • Firth went up in my estimation recently, when he said that the opinions of actors were of no greater value than anyone else’s.
        Wish some of his fellow thesps would admit that too…

      • Quite right Fred. His two kids have dual citizenship. He’s taking dual citizenship not renouncing his British citizenship and his Italian wife has applied for dual as well.
        Doesn’t make quite as good a headline when they include all the facts does it?
        Fucking newspapers only ever pursue their own personal agendae…

        • I was also taking into account his many anti-Brexit rants. I don’t read the Sun, it’s actually worse than the Mail.

    • People like these high profile remoaners are the first to say that people who voted leave are all stupid, didn’t know what they were voting for, aren’t intelligent enough to understand the issues at stake etc. At least I’m intelligent enough to be able to differentiate between the continent of Europe and the political movement known as the European Union. I know that all French people aren’t cunts like Macron or Hollande, or that all Germans aren’t cunts like Merkel, just as I know all English people aren’t cunts like May, Corbyn or Clegg, or all Welsh people are cunts like the Kinnocks, Owen Smith or Leanne Wood. If we are all to be judged by our politicians, who we all know are professional, never worked a real job in their lives cunts, then we are all fucked.

      • Right, it’s not ordinary people, whatever their nationality, that are usually responsible for the cuntish circumstances we find ourselves in, it’s the cunt career politicians and bureaucunts who impose themselves upon us with a ‘democratic’ choice between Shit and Diarrhoea.

        Clegg clone Macron isn’t the Frogs. May & Corbyn bear no resemblance to anything remotely British I’ve ever rubbed shoulders with – they might even be North Koreans for all I know! At least Trump (who I have little time for) does a passable impression of being an authentic sounding American.

        Thing is, we’re fucked.

        • SB, a great insight into the real problem with this country. The cuntocracy will do for us all if we let it.

    • Attenborough was advocating the State killing off people over 70 a few years ago.Needless to say the cunt wasnt practicing what he was preaching. Loathsome wanker.

  10. On a separate note, I’m off work this week and I’ve just seen countdown for the first time in years.
    Rachel something I think her name is.
    She makes me want to get ill more often.

  11. Seems that Triang Air has had to cancel another 18000 flights , and further cuts to the schedule until March of next year ( providing they are still in business )

    Following the half hearted tv advertising campaign that commenced this morning ( desperate and hilarious at the same time ) I think that they are fucked.

    I have a feeling the pro European EU munching little gerbil has found himself deep in the shite ( of his own making ) and that he will no doubt blame it upon Brexit.

    Can’t be arsed Airways, will collapse for sure for sure for sure and it serves the little retarded leprechaun fucking right.

    • Would you believe that their share price has risen on the news of their latest fuck-up. It’s beyond sense.

  12. Fuck me, the Labour conference sung Happy Birthday to thicky Diane Abbott. What’s the collective noun for 3000 cunts in a theatre?

  13. Another lumbering old Tory dinosaur, think cuntasauras ken clarke and your on the right track!!, both should be immediately tranquillised and relocated to a small uninhabited desert island to while away their final years….
    Both are just horrible reminders of days gone by, as old as they are irrelevant!! …….

    • Or if they could round up a few more has-been cunts from the House of Lords and it could be a Hunger Games style survival show. The winner gets to keep their gold plated pension and £300 daily allowance for doing fuck all.

  14. Can I cunt the two women on this morning who said they couldn’t find men intelligent enough to date…..so first of all the ginger one is undatable not just for being a ginge with lab rat eyes, very pale pink nipples,raw looking ginger bush or poultry style shaved either way not good,this cunt also has zero personality and sence of humour so what she really means is most men don’t like her because she,s a ginger twat,girl number two I could trunk all day and night as long as she dosnt talk,once she opens her north and south you just wanna head but her in the face…….so fuck your degrees girls and trying to find your educated equals just means the same as most wimmin your gold digging cunts trying to get someone elses money………CCCCUUUUUUNNNNNNTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSS

    • I would have gladly wiped the kidneys of the younger brunette with my purple headed womb warrior. As long as I could have done a ‘Fritzl’ and bound/gagged it to stop it shrieking and waving its fucking arms around.

  15. Nomination :

    Meaningless surveys

    What the fuck. Some bunch of cunts just pulled a couple of dozen people off the street and asked them “Where is the best place to live in Britain?”

    Answer ? Skipton

    Skipton for fucks sake? Skipton? Have you ever been to fucking Skipton? Well, I have and it definitely ain’t the best place to live in Britain. No way.

    And where is the friendliest place in Britain? Keswick – probably because no cunt lives there apart from b&b owners and shopkeepers selling walking gear and tacky tourist trash.

    And apparently the best place to live in London is Peckham. Even their Labour MP – one Harriet Harman – lives in Herne Hill which last time I looked wasn’t in Peckham.

    What is the fucking point of these surveys other than to fill newspapers with meaningless bollocks?

    • Yea I’ve never realised how they manage to judge public opinion by going to a town centre … when everyone is at work… and asking a few randoms.

      They ask 1000 people.
      500 don’t give a fuck and say FUCK OFF.
      100 disagree with what you are trying to steer them towards and tell you to FUCK OFF.
      400 have nothing better to do on a TUESDAY AFTERNOON, when anyone that matters is doing something productive and nod their head and feel important for the first time since they stopped suckin on their mummas titty.

      That somehow equates to a survey and “public opinion”.
      Noticed the same thing with the post brexit surveys.

      Yea …CUNTS

      Well cunted dio.

    • Favourite survey question….

      You disagree with people more often than agree…

      [ ] Strongly disagree
      [×] Disagree
      [ ] Neither
      [ ] Agree
      [ ] Strongly agree….

      • And always, at the end, the moronic question…

        “Why did you respond in the way that you did ??”

        Because you asked me for my opinion, and that’s what it was.

        All these bloody questionnaires are constructed so that it is near-impossible for the self-aggrandising client organisations to come out smelling of shite (a commodity much in abundance, these days…).

  16. Tarzan is living in fekking lala land, needs his cunting head examined…
    Preferably with a shotgun.

    As for the collective noun for socialist workers (a contradiction in terms if ever there was one) how about a colostomy of socialists?


  17. Heseltine, Corbyn, May & Flabbott etc?

    See, I told you all the other day that old people needed a good cunting!!!

    Okay it’s not for the same reasons as this lot but I rest my case.

  18. Emma Dent-Coad may not look very fuckable,but I’m prepared to chuck one up her in gratitude for her thoughts on the Royal family. I particularly liked her her assertion that the sponging ginger bastard can’t actually pilot a helicopter,and just sits in the copilot’s seat saying “Vroom,vroom”…she should be invited to expand on her ideas on this very site.
    I,for one,think that she has the makings of a fine Cunter,and I’m willing to bet that her thoughts on other matters will be enough to ensure a lively debate with some of our more staid contributors.

    • You seem to have a problem with the Royals, Dick Fiddler.
      You are an ignorant cunt that fails to realize the sacrifices these parasites make to lord it up over us.
      These cunts spend a lifetime of being waited on hand and foot for us. How would you like be financially stable, want for nothing, demand everything and get it and have the use of tax payers money to bodyguard an American tart of an actress that one of your brood was squiring?

      The guilt these thieving bastards must feel every morning when being brought the world cant be an easy thing to live with, so lay off, and get with the programme.
      We are lucky to have these shitehole fuckface slimycunted glory hole licking fuckwitted bastard fuckin cunt lizards.

      Respect for your master is required Dick Fiddler.

      Anycunt noticed that Mega(cunt)n is the spit of that slaaaaaag Pippa?

      Two dogs of war

      • The Cunts are a drain on the public purse. People witter on “Oh,it only costs each taxpayer a penny or two a year”. I object to paying anything to keep a bunch of thieving ,inbred parasites. The Russians had the right idea when it comes to Royals..slip the better looking princesses a length,herd the whole tribe into a cellar and bang,bang….Save the taxpayers millions.
        We could use the saved money to fit cladding onto a few more tower blocks. It makes them much more easy on the eye,and easy to light.
        Fuck them.

          • I’m not having that warning about the dangers of generational inbreeding frightening the animals. If you want to go about your foul business with that swamp-donkey,it’ll be nowhere near me.
            You have some dubious attributes Birdman…veggie,pushbiker etc.,but really,your latest manifestation as a Beatrice fucker is appalling. If I as much as catch a glimpse of a lentil-powered cyclist driving a particularly ugly warthog up my track,it’ll be the cattle-prod up the arse for you and the object of your gross attentions.
            I’ll accept nothing but a full apology and a promise that you’ll consult an exorcist.

          • Everycunts got a weakness, or three, and the wide eyed, perpetually startled looking Beatrice is one of mine.
            Don’t know why, and its not even sexual. I think its love.

            “lentil powered cyclist”. Brilliant 🙂


            I grew up in a royalist family. Every family member has a pic or two of the Queen on their walls, and my dickhead da even has a portrait of her above his bed, the seedy wee cunt.
            I’ll admit i used to be a royalist until, like Quick Draw McGraw, i was asked “why?”
            I had no answer and realised i was a cuckolded cunt.
            Since then my eyes have been opened and i see them for the freeloading, nose butting scum they are.

        • Said it before…the royals may be cunts but I’d still rather have them than what a lot of other countries have and at least they’re not peacefuls.

  19. Get in Boris. At least someone has the gonads to stand up to these fuckwits. He’s saying we need a short transition period. I reckon about 2 seconds should do it. Just about the time it takes to say ‘FUCK OFF CUNTS’ . Cunts.

    • Amen to that Kendo.

      The sooner Doris May fucks off and we can have Boris as PM the better.
      If he’s let off the leash he’ll sort the cunts out.

  20. George (c) Looney and Nespresso (what else?) are cunts.

    After years of (c)Looney making these coffee ads, showing how sophisticated, non inclusive and wealthy Nespresso drinkers are, he’s now got a new ad for them were they celebrate that they’ve made life better for poor coffee bean pickers.
    The farmers still live in a shanty town shitehole, but their lives have been bettered by having time to take photos of butterflies.

    I don’t mind a couple of his filums, Men Who Stare At Goats and some spy filum with Sam Rockwell was good, but the rest are tat.
    Looking back, he’s had many a flop, but somehow is still an A-lister. Possibly due to middle aged wimmin flickin their beans over him.
    I’ve always had the cunt marked as schizophrenic. I cant trust a cunt that has outfits for different occasions. Tuxedo for red carpet, linen suits for holidays, and ripped faded jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket for when its time to take the Harley out (see also David Beckham).
    Then this mega rich man of the people marries a mega rich “human rights lawyer” and they both want to save the world, but only after they buy expensive jewelry, lakeside villas, cars and bikes and all the other tat the super rich love.

    He and his wife are a pair of hypocritical cunts and i pray for some bad to come their way.

    Oh, also this fairytale prince is pro rapeugees.

    I have never understood how this cunt gets roles when in every scene he’s involved in has him being spoken to, he looks down, looks up, mumbles some pish and looks down again.
    Every fuckin scene.

    Mega rich human rights lawyer?, i fuckin ask you.

    • Well cunter, Birdman.

      As Clooney nudges towards his late fifties, his complexion begins to resemble a gorilla’s bollock sack; silky smooth but with some deep wrinkles.

      His acting skills are toilet and his wife, Anal, looks like a tranny. Although she clearly thinks she is a stunner and her shite smells of Coco Chanel.

      Cunt Clooney’s ambition is to be the head banana in the Whitehouse. Why is it the berks most unsuited to leadership are drawn like flies to creamy pigshit?

      • I’m glad you said that about his Mrs looking like a tranny… I thought it was just me that thought that.

        • Google photos of ‘Anal. He/she/it has no hips – straight up and down.

          A large square jaw with a cleft chin like Robert Mitcham, Pat Jennings shovel hands and a masculine neck like Stallone tells you all you need to know.

      • Just googled her images. I ever paid attention to her before but fuck yeah, that’s a bloke.

        Jeez, that nespresso ad is on as I’m typing this.

        “I guess we are the choices we make” he says.
        Its lost on me.

    • No disrespect to ImitationYank, but what have mericuns ever had to do with coffee ?

      Nude posters of Greta Scacchi cradling an espresso cup in her delicious cleavage would be very welcome.

      Lots of cream on top.

    • Agree, Flexicunt.
      Nothing gets done in Spain or Gibraltar without morning coffee.
      The cunts are in the cafe at 6 am ffs.

      Its the same with smokers. I smoke cigarettes, but i can do without one especially if my toil is needed.

      • my missus is a cunt for it bm she fucking stomps around the house every fucking morning cos ” i havent had my coffee yet” well fuck off into the kitchen and make one then ffs dont get that sort of behaviour from a tea drinker cunt

  21. Macron (Le Petit Con) has said that Brexit is a crime. He’s entitled to his opinion; my opinion is that he is an arrogant toad’s arse. He has raised arrogance into a form of high art – amazing, really, when he lives in a cuntry which excels at this, where every fucking taxi driver fancies themself as Jean-Paul Sartre or Simone de Fucking Beauvoir (but oddly never know how to get from A to B; Paris had ubercunts before San Francisco invented them)…

    I say that the EU should be listed as a terrorist organisation, and banned forthwith.

    Does he write pen-letters to Wayne Rooney about grannie exchanges ?

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