Compensation

Still no fucking cheque from the Greenfell Tower compensation fund. You’d think my badly written, rude demand written on the back of a KFC container claiming for the Porsche that I was garaging in the spare bedroom would at least be dealt with.

I need a car to get to my job… Oh fuck, I’ve just realised..A JOB…how ridiculous. No wonder they saw through me.

No matter. They haven’t heard the last from this Mr Rastus Goodwill Umbongo! I’m still owed for 3 wives, 17 kids, 3 tellies, 12 mobile phones (drug business) and a leather pouffe.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

16 thoughts on “Compensation

  1. I fucking despise compensation culture. Everyday, as soon as you turn on a TV or radio it will be thirty seconds before there’s some cunt saying “gimme, gimme gimme” and “it’s not my fault”

    A whole industry has grown and got rich on this sickening way of life.

    It’s not my fault I ate too many burgers and got fat, it’s McCunts fault.

    I got ill on holiday so give me some money.

    I crashed into a family of peacefuls so now I’ll be paying whiplash claims from now until eternity.

    It’s not my fault, you’re a cunt now give me some cash.

  2. Dick, we can cuntfund your sad losses. Donate goods and auction them. I will kick things off with a tattoo voucher and a selfie stick. Both much treasured possessions.

  3. Did anyone see the list of places where you are most likely to be a victim of a crash for cash scam that was published by insurers yesterday? Five out of the top ten were in Birmingham, the rest in Bradford, Oldham and Manchester. It doesn’t take Poirot to work out why this would be. However, it’s probably beyond the ability of British law to sort it out.

    • Bradford is also the car jacking capital of England so that just adds to the appeal of that most delightful of cities.

      To be fair to the peacefuls they are more into dangerous driving, drug dealing, insurance fraud and the black market to bother with crash for cash or car jacking, that more of an east European thing.

      Bradford deserves a cunting all its own but I can’t be bothered.

  4. Rastus Goodwill Umbongo good one dick, should of told them you’re from Diane Abbots cabinet and you are claiming to be reimbursed for her “fried chicken orders” she has been tallying up over the years

    • When I was a kid, we were so poor that a trip to KFC was considered a big night out, even though it was just to lick other people’s fingers…..

  5. Just to let fellow cunters know that I’ve taken out a contract on The Flabbott.

    From now on, she will be getting three FREE gut-buster specials a day from a specially-dedicated KFC Surge and Rapid Response Unit

    Hopefully that’ll finish her off (along with a good fisting from Steptoe)

  6. Have you caused an accident??
    Are you to blame??
    Nonsense!! Just call shitcunt and co professional blame adjusters and get the payout you (don’t) deserve……
    Why blame yourself when we can blame someone else for you!!
    Call shitcunt and co now!!!

  7. Don’t forget the dodgy used freezer DF,i have to say I’m sick to the back teeth with hearing about these grendfall towers cunts it goes like this….
    [1] It was one of these benefit scrounging cunts that started the fire in the first place with probably a freezer that he scrounged from a back lane and has been listening to it making funny noises for 2 years,and a rusty nail instead of a fuse.
    [2] If you don’t have insurance why should the government have to bail you out.
    [3] Your fucking lucky your getting help so shut the fuck up and stop you moaning you cunts.
    [4] Half of you cunts shouldn’t be here anyway so fuck off home wherever that may be.
    [5] Those that are here legally can feel free to get a job and support yourselves,it will give you something to do apart from fucking moaning.
    [6] People who have empty mansions in Londonistan don’t have to let you cunts move in,because you would never leave again[the world dosnt owe you a favour].
    [7] I’m sure you cunts are going to be launching lots of no win no fee legal challenges on legal aid so costing all of us money again.
    [8] you should be happy you got to rub shoulders with Adele[free publicity for new album and comeback] and Lilly the musical mong [who saw lights ,camera ,action a chance for a photo opertunity and to show that she really cares by giving lifts to people to some other journalist so she can get her stupid face on the telly again]…..same as the immigrant shit storm in Calais anything to be on the telly the cunt any cause next she will be campaigning about the government……all you grandfall cunts can go and live with her….you can have the same ear fucking we have had to put up with from you….
    [9] Oh fuck it I could go up to 50 if I wanted to……..buy tents you cunts,same as you would have to in your countries if this happened there…

  8. Where theres blame there a cunt who thinks he can screw a few quid out of you and a vulture soliciter to help him…die .sponging cunts die

  9. And an extra cunting for the supine insurance companies who have acquiesced in these scams because it’s easier to pay up and bung the costs on all of their customers premiums than to fight them.

    What they should do is:

    Prosecute anyone they can prove has filed a false claim. Ensure the case is reported in the national press.

    Report any solicitor involved in soliciting such claims to the law society, with a recommendation that they be struck off

    Stop paying compensation in cash. If the claim is for whiplash, pay in non-transferrable and time-limited vouchers for physiotherapy.

    Have nothing to do with the parasitical “claims management industry”

    All pretty simple. Why doesn’t this happen?

    I wonder what is the cost to the economy of all of this villainy, including claims for miss-selling of financial products?

    If you have an accident you should have been more careful. Take some fucking responsibility.

    Compensation should be to rectify damage, not to provide a nice family holiday

    Fraud is not a victimless crime

    If you’ve ever bought PPI you are a credulous cunt and deserve to have been fleeced.

  10. I work in the Hire industry, I provide equipment to the construction industry.
    The word “Compensation” pops up every so often.
    Normally the client claims “faulty equipment” as the cause for a shit job.
    About 3 months ago a client hired a belt sander, sanding at waist height wearing loose shorts, the fabric was caught in the rollers causing the gentlemans shorts and penus to be dragged into the machine.
    The machine was not faulty, just the operative, However because of the possibility of a legal claim for “compensation” the machine is now bagged up and will rest in forensic storage for the next 4 years.
    so we lose 4 years income on a piece of kit and he has a sore knob…. why can’t we sue him for lost revenue?

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