Turned on the news the other day to see some cocksucker with a waxed moustache wanking on about fucking Shakespeare. Number one, anyone who has a waxed moustache in 2017 is a cunt and anything they say can be safely ignored. Number two (ooer, missus), I fucking hate the way Shakespeare is routinely described as the greatest writer (in English) ever. FUCK THAT STRAIGHT UP THE ARSE.
I’m pretty sure most cunters would agree that Shakespeare ruined their English lessons at school. Fucking pages of boring, barely understandable crap, interwoven with shite jokes and bullshit history. Shakespeare doesn’t hold a candle to Orwell, Hemingway or even Isaac Asimov when it comes to writing a decent fucking story.
Nominated by Cunt’s Mate Cunt.