Essex celebrity

A bit of an impromptu cunting for the Essex-ification of British fucking TV. Apologies in advance if anyone hails from Essex – before arranging my lynching please remember that this cunting is exclusively reserved for ‘celebrities’, presenters and assorted wannabes.

With that out of the way, let’s start as we fucking mean to go on shall we – this phenomenon has been the scourge of free-to-air broadcast viewing across the last 3-4 years, principally due to ITV’s bargain basement output. It seems to me that Essex has disproportionate representation on mainstream TV – why? These fuckers appear to be the most fame-hungry of any in the UK. Reality TV is flooded with them – and watching these cunts wrap their infuriating estuary vowels exaggeratedly over every fucking word drives me Tucker-esque; constantly fighting the manic fucking urge to tear off my eyelids, scrunch them up and use them as earplugs.

The obvious, grotesque, enormous elephant in the fucking room – no, not Gemma Collins – but the shitty fucking wankfest of a programme which gave birth to her, TOWIE. The excessive posturing from these cunts demands militant torture methods to be employed on the fucking double. I once worked with a guy whose nickname was Arg. This programme is so toxically cuntish, that I consigned this otherwise decent chap as an extreme cunt, purely due to the association with his TOWIE namesake.

Christ have mercy on my cunting soul, if only it stopped there. TOWIE is just the resultant reality TV verruca on the diseased footprint from this Essexification; marching unstoppably across prime fucking time TV. Everywhere you fucking look – Jeff Brazier, Stacy Solomon, that frumpy shitcunt who won X-Factor, Adele, Olly Murs, Joe Swash, Mark Wright, Ferne McCann, Joey Cuntfuck, Dominic Littlewood (that bald fucking dwarven cunt truly makes my shit hang sideways!), Dermot O’Leary, Russell Brand, Jade Goody (don’t rest in peace, you thick fucking cunt), Alan Davies, endless Apprentice contestants…

The sheer cuntitude on that list alone is more radioactive than weapons-grade plutonium. But special mention must go to professional slut and all-around shitcunt, Katie Price (as well as her equally-diseased imitation, Jodie Marsh). This fucking cunt, even relative to her Essex brethren, is a stratospheric cunt of biblical proportions. The epitome of zero talent trash with tits, I was hoping we would see the last of her when her but no – a few pay-cheques from Loose Stool Women ensured her necrosing baps were fixed up, and she is back in the fucking saddle, like some kind of shitcunt Terminator.

Last word to Rylan Clark. Holy fuck, this insufferable cunt – complete with almost cartoon-tier veneers and an appetite for shirt-lifting that even exceeds his obvious inspiration, George Michael – really sums up everything that is wrong with modern TV, full stop. Someone who pretended to want to be a shit singer, simply as a gateway into TV stardom. This man has less talent than a paraplegic with locked-in syndrome, and arguably less appeal. I cannot begin describe the sheer brutality that I wish upon his person every time the camera flashes on his blindingly bright Hampstead Heaths. Hopefully the midwife slapped this cunt’s mother repeatedly for unleashing such a fucking excremental smear of a human being upon the world.

TV ‘personalities’ from Essex, you are all high-ranking cuntlords.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

67 thoughts on “Essex celebrity

  1. Did Diane Abbott call for calm with the rioting scum smashing her constituency up? No, she defended their behaviour by saying they had ‘understandable anger’. Who is surprised at her position? No one here I guess.

    • What she said was “hu-uh- de-eh-oo-stand-abew bee-hay-vi-awe”

      White people love divide and rule.
      Black people love to spit the dummy out and riot, and loot, and bring mayhem to any decent cunt trying to go about their lives.

  2. In a months time the Landahn stab fest will have finished. God only knows what state the streets will be in. Frankly I don’t live there so I don’t give two fucks. But I bet the BBC don’t pay attention to the fuck headed violence . And we all know that as soon as the stabbings, robberies and fights start, Black Lives Matter will be absolutely no where to be seen. And it will be black on black crime mainly. From time out website theres this little snippet………..What time does everything kick off?
    The Carnival floats and bands set off in the morning on both Sunday and Monday.
    I’d have thought the real and correct answer should be as soon as the knife pierces the flesh.

  3. Thank fuck for ISAC.

    I’ve been getting taunted and abused all fuckin day from Celtic fans and white guilt anti British cunts on Fuckbook all day.

    I’ve had middle aged wimmin call me ‘thick’ , ‘knuckle dragger’ , and that I’m an ‘idiot who spouts nonsense”.
    They middle aged wimmin were attacking my views and support of the EDL march in Rochdale.

    White guilt treasonous bitches.

  4. Abbott is a racist, troughing, non-reflective supremacy supporting hippo. With all the mental agility of a fucking coat hanger.

    This lumpen old hag is what many daft cunts in this country have voted for. Voting should be banned for anyone with an IQ lower than 100. That will immediately and significantly reduce the number of voters in her constituency.

    Thick as a castle wall but great at winding up her black brethren. Unfit for purpose.

    Black Lives Matter? Fuck right off.

  5. Anyone lamenting the (hopefully imminent) departure of Marouane Fellaini is a massive cunt…
    There’ll be loads of never been to a game online knobheads how great he was… They are giving it all that ‘But he gave 110%…. He was a trier…’ First off, someone should tell these fuckmongs that there’s no such thing as 110%… And as for him being a trier?… So were Arnold Sidebottom and Alan Brazil… And they were both fucking shit and all…

    • Whilst watching Real v Man U last week i was hoping that Fellaini and Marcelo’s hair was going to get entangled and the two doss cunts would need to get their shitty do’s shaved.

      I’ve always been aware of my hatred for any cunt who grows curly hair.
      Why would you grow a ball of wire on yer head ?
      It looks shite and all joking aside, i have to refrain from attacking curly uncut haired cunts.

      Who would want to look like Rod and Todd Flanders?

  6. While the unemployed blacks are wrecking their own communities, the ones with jobs are making racist remarks at whiteys expense. This Tweet from @jasonosamede who is head of student equality at Cambridge University:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/07/29/university-cambridge-investigates-student-head-equalitys-alleged/

    “All white people are racist. White middle class, white working class, white men, white women, white gays, white children, they can all GEDDIT.”

    It goes without saying that if any white person had made this comment, the cops would be kicking in the door of whoever posted it. It also constitutes a hate crime.

    I would urge everyone to report it as a hate crime here.

    Unless lots of people complain the police will do nothing. You can report hate crime on-line here.

    https://beta.met.police.uk/true-vision-report-hate-crime/

  7. Emergency cunting for Jason Osamede Okundaye. He’s the piece of shit that tweeted…

    “All white people are racist. White middle class, white working class, white men, white women, white gays, white children they can ALL geddit.”

    …in response to the violence that has followed the death of Rashan Charles.

    Okundaye happens to be the head of Cambridge University’s Black and Minority Ethnic society. Can you imagine the storm this tweet would have caused if the word ‘white’ had been replaced with its antonym?

    Okundaye has also tweeted his racist views about white people “colonising” parts of east London…

    ‘Watching these middle-class white despair over black people protesting in their colonsied Dalston is absolutely delicious.”

    Not sure English people can “colonise” their own capital, you thick cunt.

    Can you imagine the scale of the meltdown by the twittermongs if Okundaye’s ravings been tweeted with the word “Muslim” in place of “white” and “terrorist” in place of “racist.”

    https://mikesplace2017.wordpress.com/2017/07/30/this-is-exactly-what-i-mean/

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