David Beckham

So David Beckunt is being slaughtered in the press, read a bit about it in the Daily Mail. It seems they are gunning for the cunt and his ‘brand’ what a fucking cunt he is and if this means him and that ‘looks the same in Every fucking picture cunt’ Victoria now fuck off into obscurity I might go and buy one of his shitty ‘Aftershaves’ and donate it to some tramp outside a supermarket. Overrated cunt who still have cannot accept his football career is over and is now an annoying cunt. FUCK OFF.

Nominated by Black and White Cunt.

It grips my shit when these fucking celebrity wankers hire a team of “advisors” to nominate them for honours of one type or another. Sir Fucking David indeed, the irony is, this retard actually believes he is deserving of this award like many others do in his profession (and I use that term lightly) I have been in a job for the last 27 years where normal people have done extraordinarily things, and in the last 15 of those years it has become the norm for us/them to continue in this manner. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is involved with people operating well above and beyond. Do they ask for awards? No, they say “I’m just doing my job”. So fuck you David, fuck your PR machine, fuck your “charity activity” we know it’s a big act to promote your brand, you vile self-serving twat.

Nominated by Thorax Cockslammer.

60 thoughts on “David Beckham

  1. I think Becks is spot on to be fair to him, he should be on the honours list. Receiving an honour does seem to be reserved mainly for cunts these days doesn’t it.

    There could a an alternative honours list for ordinary people who do selfless acts and get nominated by other ordinary people. Not some fucking useless meaningless title, how about some money, making sure the country looks after the people who looked after it.

  2. i think more deserving of a cunting is anyone who buys any of the products his name is associated with or anything he endorses. whenever i see him plugging anything i just think you got ( not earnt , got) more for that shit that probably took a couple of hours to do than a lot of people doing far more worthy things earn in a year and that can’t be right. but it seems there must be people who rush out and buy something just ‘cos it’s him . incwedable.

  3. I can imagine going out for a pint with that dunce would be about as fun as trying to get them five little balls into the holes of a christmas cracker prize. The most retarded statement I ever heard from his dopey gob was when he was asked about the soldiers serving in afghanistan. He sez ‘fruout my caweer I have always been proud to serve my cuntwee. It’s the same for the soldiers, they are out there representing their cuntwee too’. Representing you cunt. It’s not a fucking cricket team, they are there putting their asses on the fucking line you douche bag. More than you ever fucking would. Thick cunt.

  4. When Fergie kicked that boot at him (for him being a useless cunt against Arsenal) and he minced around town with an alice band (big fucking girl!), a giant ‘x’ shaped plaster, and of course loads of cameras and press, Beckham became despised in Mcr overnight… He wasn’t a young lad made good…He wasn’t even a footballer any more… He was a media whore: who would do anything to get noticed and that even included private team business from within the dressing room… He was bad for that stuff then, I dare say he’s a hundred times worse now… Everything is a PR stunt and a publicity opportunity… Even having breakfast with his daughter ‘in a cafe’ was conveniently caught by the press… Does he have cameras there when he’s taking a shit too?…

    • Thing is, by that time, he hadn’t ‘slummed it’ in Manchester City Centre for ages… Beckham was only seen at home games (and he was increasingly shite in each one)… It was well known that his horrendous wife hated Mcr just out of total snobbery and because it wasn’t London or LA, the fucking bitch… And like a showbiz lapdog, he did everything she and Simon Fuller said in those days… And he was not seen about any more… But after the boot incident he suddenly reappears in Mcr with ridiculous plaster over a tiny nick on his big head… It was for publicity obviously, but it was also to paint Fergie as the villain and to engineer a move away from United… Beckham even referred to United’s defeat to Real Madrid (which he played in and also did a deal with Real before the actual game) to his sons as ‘Daddy’s big night’… So the team he played for (and supposedly loves) goes out and he’s happy because he sealed a move to Spain on the same night… That’s the sort of cunt he is, and the knighthood story is totally in keeping with his past self serving gloryseeking behaviour… The little twat…

    • Didn’t Tony O’Neill really give it to him at an airport in Croatia for fucking united around?

  5. Is that photoshopped? Or did “bend it like battyboy beckham” really have braids at one point?! Well They look nasty on basically everybody especially white people but yeah basically everyone… fucking nasty Tarantula leg hair

  6. I can’t imagine why anyone would want an “honour” these days. Although I’m sure that there are deserving people,the vast majority who get awards seem to be crooks,second-rate politicians, civil servants,political donors or people who are merely doing the job for which they are paid.

    I don’t think that Beckham is alone in expecting his “charity” work to reap a rich reward for himself,most “celebrities” are only involved in it to benefit themselves.

    Personally, I think that Beckham should get his knighthood plus a medal the size of a frying-pan for putting up with that disgusting wife of his,plus his equally repulsive children.

    • Mr Fiddler, I’m sure if you were awarded a MOPI (most orgasms per inch), you would gladly accept it. It all depends on your view of what is important to you. Beckham thinks that a knighthood is important when we all know that only cunts are considered and only complete cunts get them. I’d rather have a good wank than an award, unless it was a wanking award. People who look for recognition should automatically be ignored.

      • “Awarded a MOP,you would gladly accept it”…Accept it !!! I’d be driving like a Muzzie through the streets of Nice to get there.

        As it is,the only award I’,ve ever got was a “Most Likely To Be Featured In The News Of The World” mug from the lads at work……Ha, I’ve had the last laugh there, It was actually the Sunday People.

  7. Average footballer at best
    No intellect whatsoever
    No personality whatsoever
    Plays dress up, everyday
    Whores out his kids
    Sucks off shite actors
    Prefers Adams to Loos
    Wears wooly hats in LA

    And now we know he doesn’t use his own money for charity and demands donated money be spent on him, even when he’s in the company of the dirt poor kids he’s meant to be helping.

    Surely this is the final nail in his coffin.

  8. How inadequate do you have to feel, to be that desperate to have people call you ‘Sir’? I suppose it’s the same as giving your kid a stupid name and having it tattooed on your body.

  9. I see that one of his kids is a model.
    Looks like an ugly fucker to me.
    Pretty sure if he’d been invited over by Michael Jackson…. the cunt would’ve got his own room….

  10. The rain of shite on the heads of the Beckham’s increases by the second. Not knighted, considering most of the cunts who get tapped with the steel I am not really surprised he is pissed off; he surely is as stated earlier an enormous cunt married to another cunt so qualifies on at least two counts. He has served his country just like a squaddie he has been there when the coins and bottles rained down. He has taken the vile abuse about his wife on the chin, just like a private would take half an AK mag.
    He has put his image on the line so many times he deserves the gratitude of a grateful nation; his self (less) serving is a beacon to all. I will finish this appreciation of saint Beckham by offering up the following prayer. “Oh big man in charge please when the navy test a trident missile off the coast of America make sure that the full compliment of re-entry vehicles are carried all live of course and that said re-entry vehicles all land on saint Beckhams fucking house and all will be sorted though somewhat crispy.”

  11. I don’t know if ye get this in Britain, but i see loads here.
    Do ye get grown men on scooters ?
    And by scooters, i don’t mean mopeds.
    I see them all the time, and one has passed me just now, scooting along the side of the road with a flashing red light on his back.
    I think the red light is so motorists don’t knock him down, or it could just be a “look at me, I’m fab” light.
    Either way, he’s a cunt, and anybody over the age of fifteen that uses one as a vehicle, is a cunt.

    • Sadly yes. I have to service a lot of the fucking things. Made mostly (and badly) by the Chinks and generally ridden either by poofters who are shit scared of a proper motorbike, or skint desperate cunts on zero hours contracts.
      On a good day I’ll make an exception for the classic Lambretta, but the Vespa is a badly designed pile of shite.

      • I wish in meant those types of scooters, that would be a lot better.
        I’m talking about the one that four year olds push with one foot.
        Seriously, grown men pushing/scooting to work on these fuckers.
        I’ve even seen over forties going to work on motorised skateboards.

        And i take stick for being a cyclist.

        • Ah, those crappy folding scooters that look like they’re made up of leftover bits of supermarket trolly?
          Those scooters, yes I do see grown men on them. Usually the sort of cunt popping a can of extra strong lager at 9.30 in the morning while dressed in expensive sportswear as their tired and bruised looking missus tries to control the horde of snotty nosed kids while wondering how she’s going to feed them because Daddy has spent the Giro on Special Brew and estate weed. It’s usually either a kids scooter or an equally ludicrous looking undersized BMX bike. Scratter cunts…

    • Mopeds are like fat birds you never tell your friends you ride them

      As for scooters basically the fatfucks last refuge for getting around, that and old people need them because there bones are brittle and would probably shatter on impact

      • When I were a lad, mopeds were push bikes with a small petrol engine attached, which you could pedal or use the motor, hence MOtor PEDal or moped. A scooter was a small wheeled Zundapp, Vespa or Lambretta ( all were commonly known as poof chariots) which had the gear change on the handlebars and were used by mods to get to Brighton. The cunts didn’t pedal to get there so please don’t call scooters mopeds. They are two separate and distinct things.

      • There’s a bird who lives local to me who rides a scooter and she is fuckin’ huge.
        I saw her in the pub and she was wearing a t-shirt that said.

        BEWARE…REAL MANEATER.

        I walked over to her and said.
        “That slogan on your shirt”…..

        But before I could finish the sentence she said. “Let me guess, you wanna know how many men I’ve eaten, I have trouble with my weight, I can’t help it”….

        “No, I wouldn’t be that insensitive” I said, which put a smile on her face.
        “I just thought I’d let you know that’s not how you spell manatee”…

      • A particularly annoying ex of mine was going on about how great the city of Rome was (just because she’d been there), and all this endless babbling about Italian men and the Colosseum … To which a mate of mine replied, ‘Look, love… Once you’ve seen one skinny twat on a moped riding around a pile of rubble, you’ve seen ’em all…’

    • For any confused cunters out there, i’m talking about a child’s toy that you balance on with one foot and push yerself along with the other.
      A skateboard with handlebars.

      A SCOOTER ! 🙂

      • There’s fuck loads of grown men on those things here. You see the cunts shooting along the pavements on their way to work. Business suits or workboots and high-vis jacket, the cunts are all at it. The fact that it is illegal to use ANY form of transport on the footpath doesn’t seem to deter them. And for the really cheap fuckers, they just use a standard skateboard. What a bunch of wankers.
        It is good fun though to watch them all waiting at the pedestrian crossing, then taking off like an F1 race when their light turns green.

        • The start to their imaginary F1 race is hilarious.
          I think the thing that gets me most is that when you look at their faces, they truly believe that they’re cool as fuck.
          Bunch of Bogans, the lot of them.

  12. Beckham 100% overrated as a player and married to possibly one of Britains least talented people, can’t sing , can’t dance, has a single facial expression and the body of a 11 year old boy…..

  13. Excellent cuntings. I hate the whole fucking family from his stupid kids to his bag of bones miserable bollocks wife. All hype and look at us, endemically thick and just a decent footballer sometimes.
    Held up by our reptilian press as an icon, a best of British rags to riches lovely family. Greedy publicity seeking cunts who live to mix with other fifth rate celebrity ringpieces.
    I would pay loads to see them all ritually buggered senseless by a silverback gorilla/

  14. For all the money in the world you could never – as a family – exude more cuntishness than that of the Beckhams.

    I rember watching an interview with Becks during his ManU pomp asking about his impending marriage to frozen face spice and he said: “Wey’ull oy was watchin’ that vid of her in that rubber cat-suit and that’s wots don it for me!”

    So basically he had a Michelle Pfiefer catwoman crush when he was a teen and then inflicts *that* on society for the rest of time!

    Here’s the video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ro0FW9Qt-4

    It’s the one where you could screen the latest iMax film on her forehead!

    And now we have the artist (well the poor cunt was never going to be a scientist off that gene pool was he) Brooklyn passing off his iPhone selfies as art…

    What a family of cunts!

    P.S. When they did get married – for anyone who cares to remember – they had this do like they were royalty and even had a flag done up with their initials like a coat of arms except it read (left to right, top to bottom) VD AB. A coat of arms of the clap! Fucking morons!

    I wish I could find the pic but I’m knackered and 3 down on a 4cer of McEwans Champion!

    • I remember the day he met Skeletor Spice… The poe-faced bitch (and another Spice Mutt) did the half-time draw at Old Trafford… The Stretford End sang ‘Who Let The Dogs Out?!’… Only saw her once after that in the club bar… She deliberately ignored people and had a face like a smacked arse… And I bet she does take it up the old Rick Witter….. An improvement on looking at her from the front, I suppose…

      • And I remember how ‘offended’ and ‘upset’ Golden Bollocks was when the City fans took the piss and started singing a song about Dog Spice taking it up the Khyber… But when that unfunny cunt Ali G joked about it, they (him and her) suddenly thought it was funny…
        Celebrity arselickers and total cunts…

  15. At my uni last night some arseholes burnt the American flag and all the leftists are saying so what it is only a flag and when I replied so what about the LGBT flag they lost their shit.Cunts.

      • I think I would last about six minutes at a university these days. Having to listen to some cunt with the life experience of a fucking mayfly bleating on about some cause they have become obsessed with after reading a single tweet would be mental torture.

        • I can feel an aneurysm or stroke coming on.I am starting to believe that the higher education system is merely a means of indoctrination which makes studying hard.

        • That has been my life for over 3 years now Gutstick Japseye.Fir a year or two I indulged it then I became more confrontational then backed down but now I am getting to that point of being so pissed off with hearing the same arguments again and again that I am starting to lose my cool again.Nearly called them cunts earlier online but then remembered where I was.I dunno what it is that annoys me about them the most.Probably the way all their personal issues get deflected onto other people or how they stoke up people to insult them and then cry the victim.

          • Glad to hear you are resisting the temptation to say fuck it, and hop on the sunshine bus. Try not to weep, as you come to terms with the fact that they are the future.😤

    • I can gauge the seriousness of a terrorist attack by looking at the Spanish flag across the road.

      Its outside the Guardia Civil compound, and when an major attack in Europe, America or Australia happens, they’ll lower it to half mast, but when it’s minor, they leave it up.

      If it’s Turkey, Russia or beyond, it stays up.

  16. There’s talk of stripping sir Philip green of his title?? A little premature I feel, I think he has been doing a tremendous job, a greedy self serving cunt with little thought for others , and absolutely no social awareness, in fact when I hear sir !! I’m expecting the name called out to be a bit of a Cunt!!, sir Richard Branson, sir keir starmer etc etc
    If beckham becomes a sir I will referring to his missus as lady boybody of goffs oak ….,,

    • It should of been done years ago but corruption breeds corruption especially with the nonce MPs making sure Sir Green doesn’t get prosecuted. Yep Sir is a predecessor for being a bloated greedy cunt

  17. The man can bore for England,his wife is fucking rancid,what the fuck is the celebrity obsession with under nourished skinny women,bet most of you guys on here prefer the fuller figure,big arses and tits is what makes us want a wet cock,did you see Helen Flannagan on Corrie,she is painfully thin now,she used to be pretty tidy for a thick as fuck third rate actress,now she looks like Lena Raviolli……

  18. Lena ravioli?? Class, apparently she was so thin the fire brigade had to rescue her when she got blown up a tree in What was reported as no more than moderate breeze….
    Helen flannagan was indeed a hottie , not so much now due to having the appearance of a stick insect but without its intellectual capacity……

    • Always remember when Bet Lynch and Lucille Hewitt did that dancing on the Rovers Return bar… Neither of them were what you could call skinny, and Julie Goodyear in her prime had a great figure, and I’ll never forget her arse in those shiny blue hotpants… Those cunts at ITV have taken the clips off Youtube though… Bastards…

      • Even when i was about four or five, i was aware of some big blonde tart dressed in Lycra and leopard print.
        Another one to blame for my deviant mind.

        D’ye think i can get a claim in ?

          • She’s bisexual as well, so the chance of a threesome was slightly higher than with yer average tart.

            Ye’d just have to hope it wasn’t Justin Fashanu that she invited.

        • Yeah but you were thinking of Rod Stewart!

          LGBT power to you Birdman and don’t forget, black lives matter and no-one is illegal! 😉

          • Nah, the Rod Stewart had a big nose and flat arse.

            My CUNT of a Da was an avid fan,,so that was my first reason to hate that cunt.
            Add to that his music, voice, mannerisms, being a cunt to wimmin, even though they blonde tarts deserved it for getting caught up with the cunt, basically everything about the cunt.

            See when he sings ‘ you’re Celtic, United’, is he singing about two teams or did he call Glesga Celtic, Celtic United ?

            Have ye seen ‘So I Married An Axe Murderer ?
            When Mike Myers Scottish Da sings ” if ye wasn’t ma boady, and ye fink am sexy, cum loan babey let us know.

            Funny as fuck.

          • “If ye WAANT ma boady” that should’ve been.

            Fucking spell check canny grasp the Scottish language.

  19. Victoria returns home after a week away and says..

    “David, I’ve got something to tell you…..I’m afraid I’ve returned home with a case of gonorreah”….

    “That’s OK” says David. “I was getting bored with Chardonnay”….

  20. My favourite…

    Becks turns up to ManU training with a flask. The lads are all looking and Giggsy says: “What you got there David?”

    “It’s a flask! It keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold.”

    “What you got in it?”

    “Two cups of tea and an ice lolly!”

    • DAVID Beckham is celebrating: “57 days, 57 days!” he shouts happily.
      Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: “Well, I’ve done this
      jigsaw in only 57 days.”
      “Is that good?” asks Posh.
      “You bet,” says David. “It says 3 to 5 years on the box.”

    • DAVID Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went riding.
      Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and down
      out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good.
      With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the ground. His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop or even slow down.
      Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending. Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworth’s’ manager came along and unplugged it.

  21. I hate that little goblin cunt Bercow, he is the embodiment of smug, smarm, prefect, power hungry, attention seeking cuntitude. Fucking arsehole. I hope Trump batters him.

  22. So many cunts these days get in front of the camera and all of a sudden they feel compelled to “speak on behalf of the nation” – just speak on behalf of yourself you self important cunt and leave my opinion to me.

    Bercow you little cunt!!!

  23. I’d stuff him and his fucking family into an oil drum. Seal it and drop it into the middle of the Pacific if I had my way. I’d also necklace any cunt working for them, or profiting from “the brand”, in Trafalgar Square. The bloke, his vile twat of a wife and his celebricunt spawn are a shining beacon of how shit and bereft of morality society has become. It’s a right old pile of cunts.

  24. The last 20 years of this cunt and his horrible wife have been pure brand management…. Going to PSG and donating his ‘wages’ was pure attention grabbing shite….

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