I’d like to give a solid gold cunting to certain selfish fucking cunt HGV drivers on the motorway. Prime example this week whilst trying to get onto the motorway using a seriously short (correction, fucking dangerously short) fucking sliproad, on the way back from a works Christmas do.

The fucking cock who came screaming up my arse like he was in a fucking Yorkie advert, and then giving me a minute-long blast of his horn can cunt off. Stop hugging the other HGV in front’s arse and trying to form a mile long juggernaut train you fucking spastic cunt. It’s illegal to stop on a sliproad as far as I know. Knob. I mirrored and signalled, and had to do a Donald Campbell just to get out the way.

At best, I had to slam my foot on the gas and take off full throttle like fucking Iceman roaring off the carrier-deck of the USS Fucking Hell in his Tomcat just to try and get ahead of the macho twat. Most HGV drivers aren’t too bad, but this one was a prime of life cunt in the premium selection. Fuck that bollocks.

Smell it? I was fucking sitting in it. Twat.

Nominated by: Twatvarnish

85 thoughts on “Lorryfucks

    • “Planned operation”
      Wonder if plod planned to shoot him anyway ?
      Either way it works for me.

    • BBC are stating that it’s not terrorist related, but then again nothing ever is.

      I suspect that if a dirty nuke want off in centeral London it would be just a bit of a misunderstanding

    • “Mohammed Yassar Yaqub was obviously Norwegian, a fine upstanding citizen, and the police are just racist murderers.”

      I would imagine tomorrow’s Guardian front page will be along those lines with Lily Allen giving a eulogy and apologising on our behalf again.

      • I’ve already read the Guardian’s report on it.
        It is full if eulogies, some saying he was no angel, but the polis done wrong.
        One even hoped Allah has a special place for him.
        The guy has been involved with guns his whole life. He narrowly escaped assassination not long ago, and got cleared of attempted murder due to lack of evidence.
        The guy seemed to be a menace to society and got what was coming to him.
        Live by the gun, die by the gun.

  1. So, Ryan Lock, truly “concerned” about the Kurdish struggle or just some youth who wanted to shoot guns Call Of Duty style without any form of formal training?

    Yet again I could be letting the pictures chosen by the media colour my judgement but the last time I saw someone with a “knowing” half-smile smugness – while holding a fully automatic assault rifle – it was on a PC game called Duke Nukem just before saying: “Come get some!”

    Alas Ryan you discovered that real bullets do real damage and don’t just reduce you by a few hit points.


    In another news article I see that Sir Ivan Rogers has resigned as ambassador to the EU just weeks before Brexit negotiations are about to start.

    Or as I read into it: “Fuck me, when I took on this role I thought it was in recognition of being a slimey cross-bencher sucking up to whichever cunt suited my career – like Ken Clarke and Tony Blair. They said it was ‘money for old rope’ and now they want me to work for that money!?!?! Fuck that! I’m off. I’ve still got Phil Green’s number somewhere so I reckon I could tap him up forra cheeky chairmanship somewhere. I am a Sir after all and I’d make a great lobbyist.”

    Workshy cunt!

    • They were discussing Rogers’ resignation on radio cunt 4 earlier, and über cunt Clegg was on, saying the soapy cunt left because of the pro brexit sneering press, all supposition of course. He then started a bit of sneering of his own, going on about needing someone who hadn’t ‘drunk the brexit cool aid’.
      What a prick.

      • Clegg probably told him to resign.If an ambassador cant deal with the media then they should quit.

        • Who the fuck would listen to what Clegg says anyway? I’m fed up of all those condescending cunts who will tell you that you didn’t know what you were voting for. Yesterday’s also ran, trying to be relevant. Fuck off, and take your replacement, the odious tiny face Farron with you.

          • When you’re the ambassador to the EU and you go against your own government by saying it will take ten years to achieve brexit, it’s hardly surprising that they tell you resign or be publicly dismissed…

  2. On a lorry note. On my travels I go through miles and miles and miles of fucking 50mph “average speed” speed camera enforced roadworks (even though there is no road “work” being done – shovel leaning cunts).

    Now I use cruise control and set it to 55mph (which is probably more like 53mph in real money) as I go through them.

    So why is it these lorry cunts go ripping past me way over that limit and get arsey if you’re in the middle lane overtaking another cunt – but at a few miles an hours – flashing their lights for you to get the fuck out of their way?

    Do those enforced limits not apply to these cunts?

  3. So Sir Ivan Rogers has resigned.No doubt a carefully orchestrated resignation with the intention of delaying Brexit further!

  4. Lorry drivers are part of the problem and it does sound like you’ve come across a cunt there, but folks really need to read and stay up to speed with the highway code. That’s why in the UK we’ve all signed our driving licenses.
    The accelerating lane is to accelerate up to motorway speed before FILTERING into the traffic. It is not up to every cunt in the 1st lane (the only lane that isn’t solely for overtaking) to move out of your way. My wife is the worst for doing that! Drives me fucking insane!!!
    The thing I hate the most is filter lanes (or Twat! lanes) on normal roads. No fucking point at all other than to cause a bottle-neck by giving cunts (usually in their VAG-slag cars and shit vw vans they’ve pimped up at halfords) a way round a few decent and patient motorists stuck in the same shit queue. They also confuse the fuck out of folks who are unfamiliar with that particular road.
    Another one is the cunting motorbike riders who feel the need to impersonate a police officer with their yellow jackets and white helmets, then holding all the traffic up because no cunt dares to overtake them. It doesn’t make you safer, it just makes car drivers (& me as a fellow biker) hate bikers even more. the safest thing for a biker to do is to GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!!!!

    • Anyone riding a bike with hi vis on is fair game as far as I am concerned, You want to ride a motorbike? look like a man ffs. And don’t hang round with other leather clad men at the weekend either, that only makes you look more closet gay. For the record, i did ride motorbikes, I never wore leathers, and did it for the adrenline rush, before I got old and slow, and scared

  5. These shitskins should be wiped out for taking up air Kicking an infant, ouch. Bad optics for the EU/ Merkel multiculturalism program

    I mean, in my experience, if there’s one thing people don’t like, it’s baby-kickers That’s pretty much universal. This story is from December 28th, and I’m just hearing about it now It’s good, because if people heard about this story, they might get the wrong impression that migrants do some of the most evil things possible like kicking babies and trying to prevent paramedics from getting to the baby

    Brilliant stuff! diversity is strength right?! http://www.express.co.uk/news/world/747942/Rampaging-Syrian-migrants-KICK-BABY-bus-attack-paramedics All because the pram was taking up too much space Anyone kicking babies should be put them long grueling, painful and humiliating punishments at the very least filthy sacaren horde out out out!

  6. Fucking Lorry drivers cause loads of middle lane hogging. When you have a Lorry every 3-4 hundred yards in the slow lane whats the fucking point in even bothering to go in the slow lane you’ll end up moving in and out because the cunts go so slow that you catch them up have to move out then back in again and so on, and when the cunts take an hour to overtake another slow Lorry cunt it takes the middle lane up as well. So most people stay in the middle lane to avoid moving around lanes all the time. Make the lard ass lazy think they own the road cunts drive between the hours of 10pm – 6am and give the car drivers some fucking room on the already fucking overcrowded cunt roads.

    • The problem with lorries, as with most things, can be traced back to Europe. Lorries are supposed to be limited to 56 mph (even though the limit is 60 on motorways), but speed limiters are very inaccurate, so one lorry doing 56 wants to overtake another doing 55; it takes fucking forever to get past at 1mph difference, and hills can affect who is going faster.
      Truckers aren’t out for a drive in the country; they’re doing a job, have tight schedules and are monitored all the time, so they want to get where they’re going in good time.

      The best solution is to remove the limiters and put more traffic cops on the roads. Let them do 70 to overtake each other, which will reduce congestion, but they risk being caught and fined, just like other (less well-trained) motorists.

      • That is an awesome solution, give them 2 minutes of DRS time (look up formula one) so they can overtake quickly, and not impede us. Then they don’t get any more till they catch up to the next lorry. Another social problem solved by IAC. Well done !

      • We had an old Mann truck at a previous employer. No govenors on the fucker. It would hit 56 and stay there for a minute or 2, then suddenly it would let rip. Nearly 90mph with a trailor on is fucking scary…
        That little fucker hammond had the erf version on twat-gear years ago (have a look on youtube chaps) 👍

  7. On the subject of roads, these fucking Lane narrowing schemes are a cunt. They narrow the old (oversized) lanes to fit an extra lane in or whatever and put this black tar shit over the old white lines from the old lanes. It can get a bit confusing when you’ve had a few white lines yourself.

  8. People who wish dead celebrities a happy birthday are cunts.1)They are never going to read or hear about your messages and 2 you didn`t even fucking know them.I mean if someone posts about their dead Mum or best friend on what would have been their birthday then I can understand it.But celebs: Fuck off!Fishing for likes I reckon.Cunts!

  9. Also the fat acceptance movement is a cunt and another by-product of our blind acceptance of cultural Marxist delusion.Women convincing themselves that they are beautiful if they feel confident enough it is true.What horseshit if you feel beautiful but look like Jabba the hut you are deluding yourself and will get rejected by men who aren`t in most cases attracted to chubsters.Worst of all you if you convince yourself that obesity is fine then you make sure to embrace diabetes and heart disease with open arms.I swear these feminist movements today proactively want women to fail in life and be miserable.

    • They had some shit show a while ago about Stobart trucks. It looked like a load of fucking cunt.

      • Them cunt fuck stobart drivers are the cunts of the road,They think their the celebs of the motorway net work.

  10. This is not the cunting i thought it would be. I though”lorryfucks” was something to do with lay by sex.

    • A lot of serial killers are lorry drivers bird,And like footballers a lot of them love dogging,Its just the way it is.

  11. I have some very good friends that are truck drivers and I suspect they all turn into cunts behind the wheel of a HGV. The favourite place for truck drivers to put on a full cunt exhibition is the A14. This is where truck drivers take turns to over take each other and take at least 5 miles to complete this most pointless of manoeuvres.

    These cunts think they own motorways and use the size of their vehicles to intimidate the rest of us. Their other favourite move is the indicate and pull out no matter if safe or not. Add to that the eastern European left hookers driven by apes who purchased a HGV permit from the post office and no wonder the roads are carnage

    • We have the same in Oz with Chinese drivers. They’re not in lorries either usually just late model posh cars. The vehicles are often dinged-up from their piss poor performance behind the wheel. They are competent at driving in a straight line – better if no other cars happen to be nearby – however when it comes to the mystery of the corner they slow down to 5mph (we use metric here, but I was raised on imperial measurements) and still stuff it up. It is something to do with their sense of spacial placement that they struggle with. I mean, they’re not dumb cunts (mind you many of ’em are cunts nonetheless), but their driving and especially their parking is atrocious. I’ve often seen Chinese drivers at parking stations attempting to align their vehicles into a generous space by going backwards and forwards on the same spot for almost 5 minutes. One Hung Low’s behind the wheel with a puzzled look on his boat.

  12. Al Jazeera are having a field day over Benjamin Nuttyyahoo being interviewed by Israeli polis over corruption allegations.
    Nuttyyahoos responce is to tell everyone to stop celebrating as he is clean.
    Bit of a coincidence that he gets this only a few days after telling the UN and America to fuck off.

    • The Samson option FFS I know the whole do as I say or I’ll blow you all into smitherines act and are mongy governments gives how much money a year to israel? US gave something like 15 billion this year Fucking Nuttyyahoo can piss off

      • I cant think of any politician in the history of politics that i would rather have fighting my corner.

          • Everything he does is for his country and fellow countrymen.
            He is there to get the job done, whatever that job may be, whereas all other politicians, and i mean all, are in it mainly for his or her self.

            And he takes no shite.
            And he’s cool as fuck when cunts try and give him shite.

            Just my opinion, i may proved wrong, but it’s just my opinion.

  13. Off topic, but I think Dioclese has done a fantastic job with this site. I do not know him personally nor am I much of a contributor here. But I think it is a really good place to come for a good old laugh, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

    • I cunted Womens Magazines a while ago and now would like to cunt Collectors Magazines. I’ve just seen an advert on telly for “Build Your Own R2D2” magazine,first issue priced £2.99 then the other 99 at £8.99 each.The lucky subscriber gets a different piece of plastic shite each week for nearly two years,to stick to the bits of plastic shite they’ve already got and the whole thing will cost £893. Christ,I thought lobitomies were illegal now. What sort of cunt gets into these situations?

      • Oh we are getting building the delorean time machine, touted as the famous time machine (did they forget the tardis? (gives me an idea for a new series, but we will get back to that). Crap actor doing a bad impression of the profesor saying we can build the delorean. FFs why would I? The magazine would disappear after 5 issues aand I would be left with some gull wig doors

  14. Those gargantuan cunts at the BBC are now commissioning drama to hammer home their agenda since no one takes any notice of their biased news anymore… Silent Witness tonight was nothing short of an ‘all migrants are great’ propaganda piece… The cunts almost even had me feeling sorry for migrants… Lily Mong must be blubbering bucketloads of crocodile tears in true eppy spaz style…

    Oh, and The cunt who was shot dead by police on the M62 got off a murder charge a few years back had a firearm in his car, “he was a good family man” apparently…. Righty ho then…

    • You know the ABBC is becoming a parody of it’s self when my wife, who is not particularly politically motivated, notices Silent Witness was a thinly veiled attempt to show that muzzies good – white man bad.I didn’t catch much of it myself but I got the gist.

      They can’t help themselves, the cunts. The last 2 times I’ve had the misfortune to be about when CUNTRYFILE is on, british rural life has been represented by some refugee woman who makes cheese, and a sweaty rag-head.

      To register my protest I shall not be knocking one out over Emilia Fox tonight!

    • … I did scratch my head this morning when the story went with … ‘A 28 year old father of two’ …. not a fucking sausage on his dubious past, straight into painting a picture of a ‘family man’.
      Somebody posted the fact the other week that when the rookie police officer in Italy killed the Berlin truck murderer, he should go down as a hero … if the same happened in the UK, the cop would be suspended and a great lengthy enquiry would take place.
      ‘You live by the sword … etc, etc.

  15. Oh Got a new idea for the Doctor who series, they could all fly in the retrdis, there would be Lily mong, and Doctor Corbyn, and their lame comedic sidekick Diana Abott. Doctor corbyn would arrive on an alien planet, and see Daleks, and say there there, we love you and we are not going to nuke you. Diane abbott would make dreamy eyes at dr corbyn cos he is so worldly wise and such a nice guy, then shag him. Lily mong will interview the Dalek who will say it was so hard for him growing up with a bunch of daleks. Lily mong will cry a bit, partly because she is shallow, and party because she has no career. Grand chancellor Merkel of earth will say come here you poor daleks, we will accept you with open arms, because we are peaceful, and we can make you into us. And She was right, until they started raping and exterminating and fucking her political career. To be continued……

  16. Gay sherlock: What happened?
    Watson: some people got shot in a nightclub in Turkey
    Gay Sherlock: who did it?
    Watson, Police aren’t sure, they have an idea that it is someone from one of three countries
    Gay Sherlock: so none of those countries are Turkey?
    Holmes: no
    Gay Sherlock: so he wasn’t from Turkey?
    Holmes: apparently not
    Gay sherlock: So he was an immigrant?
    Holmes: lets not jump to conclusions, He might Have been a turk who forgot register at birth
    Gay Sherlock: Ahh the gamesafoot!
    Holmes: they just found a video of him filming himself wandering around turkey
    Gay Sherlock: Doing a ducky face?
    Holmes: no
    Gay Sherlock: what a fucking loser #nofriends
    Holmes: Lily mong just tweeted that it was racist calling him an immigrant even though he murdered ppl and was not Turkish
    Gay Holmes: Ah well that is our case fucked then, will never see him convicted now because it is the fault of us white men
    Gay Holmes: Fancy a shag holmes?
    Holmes:Yes please

        • Moffatt really is a pube haired premium cunt… Dreading the all new all cool all black all feminist companion and Matt fucking Lucas and all…

          Would love to hear Michelle Gomez/Missy talk dirty though…

      • Another Sherlock script:

        Sherlock: Who the fuck is that over there, Watson?!

        Watson: That’s my bird, Yoko Abbington…

        Sherlock: But why is she here? Should I investigate her for dodging tax?… Is that it?…

        Watson: She’s here because it’s PC BBC policy to have a pointless and irrelevant woman character, and I’m slipping her one…

        Sherlock: Slipping her one?! Are you fucking blind?!

        Moriarty: ‘Oooh! I’m free! Look at the quality of that sausage!’

        Mrs Hudson: Get out of my fucking house, you cunts!

  17. Just stick with Elementary, at least Dr Watson is fuckable in that.
    The downside is you sometimes have to put up with Rhys Iffans.
    An annoying cunt in whatever he’s in.

  18. Just need to work in some gay ” Oooh white wee wee” Daleks now, then we are on the BBC gravy train

  19. Gay Sherlock: Great Shag thanks watson
    Holmes: No reach around then you selfish fuck?
    Gay Sherlock: No time for it now, My immense detective skills, along with a tweet I have just received just told me that the the turkish police have identified the killer.
    Holmes: Was it a white man?
    Gay Sherlock: No it was a Syrian who fought with ISIS jihadists
    Holmes: So it was an immigrant?
    Gay Sherlock: Apparently so
    Holmes: So Lily Mong was wrong?
    Gay Sherlock: Yes, but if you tell her that, she will block you.
    Holmes: Fucking snowflake
    Gay Sherlock: Never mind, on to the next case, let’s find Stephen Moffat and shoot the pube haired cunt.

    • Rumour has it David Tennant saw the Moffatt scripts that were eventually used for Matt Smith… Tennant saw it as becoming ‘The River Song Show’ (which it was, before it fucking became the Clara Show!) and said ‘I’m not doing this crap’ and quit… Even Benedict Cuntberdinck is too good for the steaming pile of turd that is Sherlock…

      • I might actually watch that Sherlock after all… I hear that horrendous woman, Mary Watson (played by Yoko Abbington) gets shot and bumped off… Then again, I’d have to endure Moffatt and Gattis and their ‘aren’t we clever cunts?’ shite…. So maybe not…

  20. Kudos to the Newsnight producer who stuck the mandatory funny-haired snowflake warbler in the desk beside the ultra sinister besuited American Trump supporter in tonight’s ‘exam’ edition. Said producer obviously had a sense of humour. The spasmoid SJW regarded the American gentleman as a vegan might looking at a KKK advocate eating a spit-roast baby while he in turn exuded an aura of anti-libtardness that could have reduced her to shit and piss had he deigned to look at her . Hilarious – a treasured moment from a corrupt institution , even if accidental.

  21. Apparently the sadistic Cunt Charles Manson is on his way out.Get the champagne ready folks!

    • Had old Charlie in the dead pool a few times, but not in the last one…
      Hope he goes though, horribly… And they play ‘Helter Skelter’ as the cunt dies in agony…

  22. In no way am i a fan of that creepy little hunchback, but its got to be remembered that one of the worlds most famous murderers never murdered anyone.

    • Indeed, he just brainwashed others into doing the dirty work for him. Manson should have been a politician…

        • ” its got to be remembered that one of the worlds most famous murderers never murdered anyone”.

          Actually birdman, he killed Bernard Crowe and sliced off Gary Hinmans ear with a sword

          Also masterminding up a grand scheme to murder people is in fact illegal

  23. According to the Highway Cunt Code, yes indeed, you can stop on the slip road if necessary. In fact, it’s positively encouraged to do so, especially if some triple-chinned, micro-penised, northern, fray-bentos pie eating, 1000 cigs a day tripe-fucker is point-blank refusing to get over to allow you access to the lane he has bought and paid for himself, solely with the VAT on prawn cocktail and beefy cunt flavored crisps.

  24. If Lily The Musical Mong had said about black men what she has recently said about white men, the despicable little cunt would be banned from Twitter… But, as white males are fair game, she gets away with it… Only white males commit sexual assault? Ever been to Cologne, Paris, Gothenburg, or Rotherham? Fucking snowflake misandrist attention whore racist spaztard fucking plug ugly drooling mong of a cunt…

    • Thing is I doubt that lilly mong has much to do with persons of colour apart from ordering take aways etc. She is after all middle class.
      So take a running fuck you pathetic retard and do not ever take it into your libtard, mockney cuntfest of a brain to apologise for what “my country has done to you” on my behalf. God, why do cunts prosper?

  25. Dead right…. And don’t be surprised if a ‘horrible white male oaf makes an aggressive pass at Lily Mong’ ‘story’ surfaces… Just like the ever so convenient ‘racist taxi driver’ tale… The racist taxi driver who has never been found or named, because he doesn’t (and never did ) exist… Maybe the little spazmotron should go into films… She could star in Lily Liar…

  26. In fact, if Lily Ultramong had said that about anyone else; Jews, Chinese, Africans, and especially the sacred cow muslims, there would be loads of people taking offence and spitting indignation and venom… But to say only white males are sexual predators is apparently acceptable… Somebody should wash her mouth out, with quick drying cement…

  27. Had to include this one. The now infamous footage of that guy on the M25 who was spotted watching a grumble film on his phone and rubbing one out at the same time with his meat poking through his trousers…whilst driving. Multi-tasking at its finest. Hilarious…


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