German Car Syndrome

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“German Car syndrome” (AKA “Panzer Fever”) a complaint which transforms even the most reserved, mild mannered individual into a selfish impatient lead-footed cunt, the minute they slide behind the wheel of an Audi, Beemer or Merc.

VW beetle owners can be cunts too, sneering down their noses at “lesser” classic motors while preaching the virtues of their nasty, rattly, draughty Nazi-memorabilia-on-wheels.

Nominated by: Mr Bastard

136 thoughts on “German Car Syndrome

  1. Yea absolute cunts!

    I hate the way they come flying into a roundabout that I’m already on at about 40, almost slam into the back of me and then pull alongside and shake their heads like I’m in the wrong.

    Fuck you bitch!

    If was emperor of Britain my first action would be to round up every Audi and BMW driver and have the cunts shot! …or at least given a savage beating!

    Utter cunts!

       14 likes

  2. It used to be Merc and especially BMW drivers who were the biggest cunts but now it’s Audi drivers hands down.

    I dunno when this happened – probably when they put their prices up to match the other overpriced, overrated Gerry tat?

    To be fair I have to say BMW’s feel well built as do the older Mercs but my gaffer had a new Merc as a company car a few years back (S model too so not entry level) and it had the build quality of a Kinder egg toy! He fucked it off after 6 months and got a 6 series beemer instead.

    As for VW group, well they are just cunts! I’m sure they program their expensive (for what it is) car to fail in the 1st month after the warranty expires, you know, a bit like they put software in them to knob the emissions tests?

    Worst customer experience I ever had was with VW. Never again. Had a similar experience with Vauxhall but then again you do expect their cars to be shit!

       7 likes

    • VW T5, the new mid life crisis mobile. The roads are full of them, well, when they are in between gear box changes. Pimped up, lowered and chavvy as fuck, with stickers that say ‘dub life’, and flowers hanging off the rear view mirror. Tacky cunts. What happened to buying a really fast sports bike, dressing up as a power ranger, and turning your wife into a widow third ride in?

         8 likes

  3. I admit they can be a fucking nuisance but for sheer cuntery you cannot beat the Range Rover sport , double cuntable if white, who think size is everything and are M Way bullies [or try to be]
    Massive fun making them go slower, you must be a wanker to start with for buying one, let alone a sport version , like buying a Aston and putting tractor wheels on it.

       11 likes

    • I’d never buy a Jaguar/Land Rover vehicle. They look great and exude class in the showroom (a subjective opinion and not mine) but they break down more often than Kerry Katona, even in this day and age of modern technology.

      My manager had the sporty Jaguar XFR with the greedy 5.0 Supercharged V8 in it. It would pass anything on the motorway…apart from a garage! It was never out of one! It was about as reliable as a Nigerian bank account!

      To me a car is a tool and I pay no more attention to it as I do a hammer or drill. I couldn’t be less arsed what other folk drive, good for you, but the best car in the world – to me – is the one that doesn’t let you down. Fuck bells and whistles, just get me from A to B and back again. When you depend on a car which does a lot of miles (as I do) that’s all I’m bothered about!

      The Mrs is a car “magpie” though – always looking to see what shiny-shiny car some other cunt’s just received. I barely know the names of the cunts within a 5 door radius, so I’ll be fucked if I could give 2 shits from a tramp’s arsehole about what fucking car they drive!

         14 likes

      • Try getting parts for the landrover (I had a second hand one) its near impossible and if you do they are triple or quadruple the original asking price. Because they either stopped making it or the part your looking for has to be flown from durka-durkastan or taiwan or whatever

           5 likes

        • Or just rusted away like the rest of the shit parts on it.

          Still built in Coventry by the the last gasps of the “Red Robbo” British Leyland monkeys.

          If these Jags and Chelsea tractors were built by the Japs they’d be great unfortunately they’re not, so they’re basically a pile o’keech!

             8 likes

          • Tit slapper, I feel for you, but believe it or not a lot of car parts are shared! Yep even accross brands, I have an old “premium” 4×4 the parts for the engine are expensive! However the same engine is used in a family hatchback and the parts (same part numbers) are cheaper! Likewise suspension parts, strangely enough german compatible with Japanese. I learnt this when the auto gearbox on my volvo 960 went funny (volvo is very expensive) and found the same gearbox was in a Toyota! (Turned out to be a relay, but hey ho)

               2 likes

          • I jump on ebay. Find the part I need for my car, then note down all the other cars/models it also fits.
            Then keep searching till you’ve found the cheapest and bob’s your uncle.
            Some also list the actual part number, jot this down and keep searching still.
            Then call round the local motorfactors (sometimes they’re a hell of a lot cheaper than online).
            Keep fixing your own shit chaps. Most of my mates are mechanics and I wouldn’t trust half of them to put air in my tyres

               3 likes

    • I agree with you on this one. Why is it that these cunts (who already drive a wide-mobile) insist on driving as close to the centre line as possible? With the range rover it’s less an issue of penis length than one of girth.

         6 likes

  4. The “legendary” Kraut build quality is a myth too. I had a brief flirtation with owning an Audi 100 followed by a VW Sirocco back in the late 90s and both cars were in a state of constant disintegration despite mileages of less than 70k on the clock. No staying power whatsoever. I then got the classic bug, purchasing a sound but scruffy 1964 Hillman Minx (94K on the clock) which I used as a daily driver for the next 8 years with only two easily fixed breakdowns. I was working in a TV repair shop at the time and one regular customer was a VW Beetle fanatic who would constantly bang on about the superiority of his ugly air-cooled horror while slagging off my Minx.

    The old cunt wound me up so much that eventually I ate his liver, with pork scratchings and a nice real ale (Fithithithith!)

       7 likes

  5. Audi drivers, definitely are the psychopathic drivers of the road. I have Audi drivers who work with me who are vain/egotistical.
    I hate Audi’s, unfortunately they are becoming a common high earning chav car.
    And why anyone would want a own a French car baffles me, often I pass broken down Renault megannes, citroën Picassos and Peugeot 206 cars daily on my way back and forth to shitty work.

       14 likes

    • Very true. There’s a whole raft of cuntings to be had with Audifucks. I had a 206 several years ago from new and it was a total pile of cunt. The electrics used to go spastic if a hog farted in Cambodia. “You need a new coil-pack mate”. How many cunting coil-packs does it need? I deeply regret spunking my hard earned on a pile of Gallic toss. I’ve no idea what Peugeots of today are like, but I’ve no interest in finding out.
      No way in hell would I own another French car. It’s just a bottomless pit to shovel cash down into. Once bitten.

         2 likes

  6. Can I cunt been forced/pressurised to use a self service check out?
    You supermarket manager cunts will not not make me use self service check outs, I will stand and wait to see a human, supermarkets should no That the customer is always right so bring back humans!

       9 likes

    • If I may add to your excellent cunting, I have the attitude that if I’m supporting your Supermarket and I then have to do the work (in checking through my own things saving you paying staff to do it) I will ‘accidently’ put a through some of the more expensive things without scanning them. It works 9 times out 10 because when the stupid machine says unexpected item in baggage area it let’s you press ‘I have my own bags’ button and when the over worked staff member comes over they simply put a code in and overide the machine. If any cunts accuses me orb deliberately not scanning I’ll simply say I heard a beep (as there are loads of other cunts around you) scanning their shopping. I must have got around £50-£100 worth of things for free. Lovely. It’s not that I can’t afford it its because they are taking the piss.

         13 likes

      • Tip: you put your finger over the bar code and scan it as if you were properly scanning it. Don’t throw it there without pretending to scan you theiving cunts.

           10 likes

    • They are truly the work of Lucifer. The only plus is that there is a way to shut up “Bitchin Betty”. “Unexpected Item” it wails, it’s YOUR feckin product, whar did you expect, me to smuggle in a piano rather than your crap? They exist only to let you share the soul crushing boredom of being a minimum wage peon.

         1 likes

    • I on the other hand avoid the staff, there is little doubt in my mind that sainsbury recruit directly from MENCAP, and I suspect ASDA has deals going with help the aged and the probatin service.

         2 likes

    • The Waitrose system works well. You use a hand scanner as you bag it and then just pay at a terminal. These self service tills are just a half way house staff killing compromise.

      And they don’t work half the time…

         3 likes

  7. What I want to know is why chav pimp drug dealing twats follow the latest trend of driving sales executive cars. What are they thinking, by buying an ex fleet German cunt mobile they will blend in and be indistinguishable from Mr Respectable sales rep?

    The joggers, t-shirt, bling, tatts and reversed baseball cap with shite music pumping out at full volume scream respectability do they? Is it should they get shot dead by the police at least their family can get the blood of the leather interior?

       8 likes

  8. Carrie Fisher’s ashes carried in Prozac-shaped urn….
    Those Yanks really are the most tasteless of cunts….

       11 likes

    • Err… It was actually a prized possession of hers apparently a rare one of a kind antique too, Carrie suffered from depression and addiction throughout her life prozac was a life saver for her in the burned out 80’s phase of her life

         3 likes

      • Still tacky though… My sister suffered from chronic depression and OCD… But she’d never want to be sent off in a pill shaped urn… It’s just not British, is it?…

           9 likes

        • I have no axe to grind about Carrie Fisher. I understand TS’s point as I do Norm’s point.

          For me, this highlights one of the many differences between the Brits and the Yanks. Brits tend towards an air of dignity and understatement. Yanks don’t. For them, the more razzmatazz and egocentric self indulgence, the better.

          I was sorry to learn that Fisher suffered mental illness in her life. But pulling a stunt like this will just turn her passing into a Trivial Pursuit question. Seems rather daft to me. It’s not like she won’t be remembered for other things she achieved.

             2 likes

          • I cant think of anything she achieved.
            She was in three kids movies set in space and a comedy for sad saps with the ex fuckable Meg Ryan.
            Her career was pretty piss poor.

               3 likes

          • Fisher was good in The Blues Brothers, and Empire Strikes Back was the best Star Wars film… But there seemed to be an over-reliance on(and over-exposure of) her ‘problems’…. Going on about mental problems, personal issues, and things that should really be kept private became her thing and what she became famous for before the recent Force Awakens comeback… And on the back of that another book deal was signed: detailing more ‘problems’ ‘revelations’ and a kiss and tell about Harrison Ford… A bit like a female Dave Clifton from Alan Partridge…

               4 likes

  9. And why do most of these ‘Beemer’ driving cunts play that horrendous ‘Der-Chick-A-Der’
    Jungle shite, with some arrogant rap cunt gibbering a load of bollocks at ear splitting volume?!…. Not everyone wants to hear your shite and diabolical musical taste, you cunts…

    And hippies drive vintage VW Beetles… And all hippies are cunts….

       14 likes

    • To top it all every time England are getting a lesson in football, often from Germany the cunts hang England flags off their German cars.

      Audi Irony GB Ltd Edition

         7 likes

      • Rap the genre and the rap artists themselves need to be round up and killed off Their music sucks, the dregs of society its music creates sucks and it is a cancer on the world of respected music

        The world cant push forward in a positive direction with mongs like these rappers spouting violent shit and supporting gang war mentality

           10 likes

        • Yo, you be talking crap
          About my rap
          You be getting a
          Pap pap pap

          Yo, white guy
          You be high
          You betta watch out for
          The slow drive by

          Yo, you be a git
          If you talk shit
          One more word
          And there’ll be a hit

          Rappers are the new poets ?
          Fuck off.

             14 likes

          • Hi Bird,Rappers need fucking off they give me a fucking headache Its just babbling shit,They knock me a fucking sick their cunts.

               3 likes

          • Totally agree Andz, but I’ve just had a call from Syco records.
            It turns out Simon Cowbell wants me to write an album for Honey G.
            So look forward to seeing Honey and myself collecting MOBOs and Ivor Novello awards.

            When in say bird, you say man.

            Fuck, there’s already a rapper called Birdman.
            That cunts getting whacked.

               3 likes

        • You are correct, TS. You simply can’t use the word “rap” and the word “music” in the same sentence. One has nothing to do with the other. Same goes for “country”. That twangy affected accent drivel is so beyond utter aural diarrhea.

             5 likes

          • I hate country.
            Gibraltar has loads of cuntry fans.
            But why ? The rock is 1 and a half miles by 2 miles, surrounded by sea on three sides and a runway and border on the other.
            Yet these cunts love cuntry.

               0 likes

          • Country is twangy steel guitar bollocks, usually about broken hearted truck drivers, dead dogs and blankets.
            Dolly Parton should’ve got those baps out thirty years ago for all to see and that should have signified the end, cos there’s fuck all else of any interest where country is concerned……

               3 likes

    • Der-Chick-a-Der

      For at least the last thirteen years, all i seem to hear is
      Boom biboomboom, Boom biboomboom.

      Every “tune” that comes out a car or club
      Boom biboomboom , Boom biboomboom.

      Thirteen fucking years these doss cunts have been listening to the same beat.
      If they can put up with that over and over, then to me , that proves the younger generation are fizucked.

         5 likes

  10. I drive a BMW, and to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever drive many other car brands. Mine is one of the older solid 7 series and it is like a tank. I love the top British cars like Jags, Bentley’s and Aston Martin’s but they aren’t really British anymore as they are owned by who the fuck ever. What the fuck happened to luxury British brands even Aquascutum is owned by the Chinese apparently. This country has sold itself to the highest bidder. Cmon Great Britain I hear people say, sat in their Swedish furniture drinking Danish lager or Russian Vodka who also drive a foreign owned and built car, eat a curry on a weekend and I dunno. Don’t forget though we still produce er… Onions. We really fucked it.

       11 likes

      • Yes indeed an e38, Got it off my uncle he owned it from new. Had 52,000 on it still only done 115 or so. I love it. It’s black as well for Black and White cunt.

           2 likes

    • The ABBC never let’s the truth get in the way of a good virtue signal.

      “Criminal, scumbag, firearms carrying, drug dealing, ‘peaceful’ cunt shot dead by armed police fearing for the public’s and their own safety!”

      \/\/\/ ABBC PC FILTER \/\/\/

      “Racist police shoot dead a loving son and highly respected office worker within a local Huddersfield community.”

      See how it works? The ABBC is a mountain of a cunt, and Tony Hall sat atop it is the biggest cunt of them all!

      A nest of twats!

         13 likes

      • That’s paki twat got what he deserved, he had a criminal record as long as my arm and a week before he was shot put a gun to a woman’s head. Justice was served removing him from the genepool

           5 likes

  11. The guy who lives across the road from me has just bought a new BMW 4 Series. I’ve owned three of these BMWs in the past (got it all out of my system in my late 20’s and 30’s). Two of them broke down well before their sell by dates.

    I fear that my neighbour, who is a paramedic, very polite and used to drive a Ford Mondeo, will now learn a hard fought lesson of BMW’s and their expense and their ability to change a normal nice person into a total cunt. I didn’t become a cunt when I owned my BMWs, but fuck, my missus did when she drove them.

    I drive a small car these days with a 1200 cc engine. A to B and that’s all I give a fuck about…………….at the moment anyway. I always win a fight on the road as I don’t give a fuck about my car getting dented.

    AUDIs are definitely the generic cunt car at the moment, behind Range Rover Sport drivers of course.

    Nice people become cunts when they get behind the wheel of an AUDI or BMW. Those who drive Range Rover Sports – in white as mentioned above – are just cunts whether they are in their car or out of it.

       6 likes

    • Meant to say I’ve owned three BMWs in the past. None a 4 Series. Just to save any counting confusion, etc, blah blah fucking blah.

         1 likes

    • I was just about to comment on that too, kendo. I’m watching Spike at the mo and this advert came up a few mins ago.

      It’s just PC bollocks and has made me not buy Maltesers anymore.

         6 likes

    • Is that the one with the Raspberry in it?

      You could’ve cast anyone in that role and the advert would have still been the same but it wouldn’t have covered the virtue signalling quota that must be met these days.

         5 likes

      • I ask myself what is it the are trying to say. Is it to bring attention to thr needs of disabled people or is it just exploitation of current trends for profit. We could ask the same of the BBCunts about Silent Witness.

           5 likes

    • I find that fucking ad off-putting,it certainly wouldn’t encourage me to buy maltesers. I’m just amazed that they couldn’t find a black monga to join in the hilarity of a sexed up,4-wheel drive dwarf crushing someones foot..

         8 likes

      • I also find that ad off-putting. Sorry but seeing some particularly creeping looking raspberry does not give me any desire to get some maltesers.

        Can someone cunt Political correctness? Again?

           5 likes

        • Interesting ad; spat my bacon sarnie over the couch when I first noticed this wonderful piece of “embracing” the all advert. What I would like to know is, were can I get one of those robot things that was stuck in a wheelchair. I could scare the granddkids shitless with that little beauty, well bad!!

             6 likes

          • No, you’ve all missed the point… the ad featuring a person of different abilities in a mobility ad clearly establishes her as a vibrant personality and human being in her own right and not a two dimensional cliche….
            That said, as a person she appears to be a fucking horrible hateful Cunt…. Malteser anyone??

               6 likes

          • I think they should be showing us a fucking photo of this best man. And whose fucking number did he actually give her?

               5 likes

  12. Lets hope the family of the lorry driver shot dead in Jerusalem, get a good puff piece from Al Jazeera.
    Their sons life was cut short after mowing down a group of Israeli soldiers, killing four.
    (tongue firmly in cheek)

    I look forward to the payback.

       6 likes

    • Chances are you and I will be funding the payback. Pallies pay the families of the murdering cunts while they are in jail or have been purged from the gene pool. Where do they get the money? From us in “Aid” payments…

         4 likes

  13. German cars and their drivers really are selfish cunts.

    I enjoy regular jaunts in my Fiat Cinquecnto,or “The pussy-wagon” as the sticker along the top of the windscreen says. One of my favourite destinations is a local dogging site,colloquially known as “Gobblers Gulch.” I like to park up and put a bit of Right Said Fred, (I’m Too Sexy) on the audio-entertainment system. You can say what you like about home recorded C90 cassettes,but mine sound like the Fairbrass brothers were actually sitting in with me,as I cruise about.

    After disrobing and putting on my gimp-mask and posing-pouch, I like to let my aged mother out so that she can go for a woodland amble with her Pekinese. After making myself as “large” as possible (my beer-belly tends to droop over,making maintaining a hard-on difficult) I creep up to my chosen victim and peep through the windows. This is where my problem with German cars comes in….the cunts must have no demist capabilities,you can’t see a fucking thing.

    If I can’t see anything I tap on the windows,but I have noticed that if it is one of those Merkle-mobiles the cunts inside are usually over made-up, not so yummy-mummies accompanied by short-dicked,moustached Gary Lineker types,who, I’m afraid, I have on desire to peep.

    This is when I normally let Mummy back in the car,and we go down to the local lorry-park to watch a wagon driver murder a Romanian prostitute,after letting his load of asylum-seekers out of the back.

       11 likes

      • I agree with kendo nag. For one to have such a hobby that can be shared is a wonderful thing. If you get over to Lincolnshire there was a very popular site off the A16 at Stickney plenty of space for your Mum to walk the dog and much action! Loads of Poles, Lithuanians, Bulgarians, Romanians, Moldavian etc. etc.

           8 likes

    • Have you ever thought of writing for Mills and Boon,Dick? They probably need to move with the times,I reckon you’re the man for the job.

         5 likes

      • I sent a copy of my “sexual adventures” to several publishers. They sent a “Cease and Desist” notice,and the Obscene Publication police squad.

        Just wait till they get my “home movies.”

           5 likes

  14. I think it’s about time Islam got cunted again. For the usual reasons and for the fact they fuck goats.

       8 likes

    • I go with that and it is not only goats they fuck they can fuck whole countries and cultures look at ours whats fucking left thanks to fifty odd years of fucking pc cunt traitors who feel guilty cos we had an empire. Can I just point out that the “empire/commonwealth whatever” was just about fucked when I was born and to the best of my knowledge none of my blood relatives was ever involved in crushing locals or trading slaves at least for the last 160 years anyway.
      So pc traitor cunts can you please explain to me why I should allow an alien culture completely at odds with my own to cause merry hell and fuckwwittery in the country I was born in worked in even served in the forces in and make haste to give them better treatment than you give me and mine. My eldest daughter would rather eat grass in a Perth park and starve than come back to England. How bloody sad, as soon as my youngest daughter finds a decent position she will be gone too. So because of these fucking traitors within I and many like me say goodbye to our children and grandchildren; the country loses bright very hardworking people and we end up with a pack of parasitic cunts most of whom go straight on benefits have x number of kids that fill our schools, hospitals etc take 10000 times more out than they put in and to cap it all blow up buses and trains, rape and pimp schoolgirls, our kids of course. Shit I hope I live long enough to see the backlash which is building despite the media, government etc. As one of the great Roman’s said (and I paraphrase) “No country can survive the traitors within” I get the feeling that England is commiting suicide.

         14 likes

      • Totally agree with you BB. The decent young people are choosing to leave this country,and who can blame them? If I had a young family, I’d think that I was doing the right thing by them if I took them to Australia or N.Z.
        Meanwhile,we replace them with the scum of the earth.

           9 likes

        • Yep, all so these lib brain dead cunts can feel happy about themselves when they go to bed thinking they are buying their ticket to heaven. Carry on this way w and they’ll be going sooner than they think. Can’t wait to see their faces when they realise there aint no fuckin heaven. Loseurs!!

             7 likes

          • I served in Iraq and Afghanistan with the Royal Engineers and I can tell you from being in those shitholes that Islam does not want to be equal with anyone, it wants to take over and kill. Anyone who can’t see that is a deluded fuckwit

               7 likes

  15. I’ve been a VW driver for many years, but currently drive Hondas (car & motorbike). Huge fan of the Golf GTI – owned a few of those down the years. Then in 2008, I was able to upgrade to the ultimate (for me anyway) and buy a brand new R32. As good as that car was, it wasn’t without its faults. Still a great car and the last hurrah for that classic VW V6 engine. I’ve found my VWs to be pretty reliable, though a little pricey to maintain. Overall, I’ve no major complaints.

    That said, VW does make some other god awful pieces of shit. The Beetle is just a cunt mobile. The wife had one as a loaner car while her GTI was in for service. So I know from first hand experience it’s piss poor power delivery, schizophrenic handling and general air of cheapness. Biggest VW cunts though are the utter wank heads who customise (i.e. ruin) their GTIs. Dropping the suspension, massive rims, pathetic body kits. The GTI is a fast, sporty car with great lines and an understated air of high performance. THAT’S the point. It’s not supposed to be a shouty ‘look at me look at me I’m fast’ kind of car. That’s left to the utter wank fests like the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo or Subaru Impreza WRX. Cunt wagons.

    All that said, my entire driving career (30+ years) in the UK, a little bit in Europe and a ton in the US, BMW drivers have been known to be utter cunts. Their air of ‘ultimate driving machine’ fantasy leads them to believe they own the fucking road and can do whatever they like because they drive a BMW. A bit like pickup truck drivers, except BMW drivers tend to wear suits instead of ancient baggy jeans, check shirts and baseball caps facing the right way.

    All that said, in more recent times Audi drivers have been competing for Top Cunt on the roads. I don’t know what it is, but there’s definitely something to this German car thing. Merc drivers can be cunts too, but they’re still far behind the antics of the BMW and Audi drivers.

       5 likes

  16. Calum Best is still a cunt…
    The shallow as a maggot’s grave professionalfamous for nothing celebrity may be the son of the greatest footballer who ever lived (Messi? My arse!), but Calum is a skidmark of shite on the Y-Fronts of popular culture.. Such is his lust for fame, but having a lack of talent and charm, the little cunt is frequenting the Media Whore Big Brother house again….

    This is his second time, and this time the pea brained pumpkin headed cunt will be alongside such ‘stars’ as Gazza’s plastic titted slapper of a daughter, those two Mekon head Jedward nonentities, and that fat media hooker, Coleen Nolan… What a dazzling array of pure cunts…

       10 likes

    • Who the fuck decided that this bunch of charmless scum are “celebrities”? I’ve never heard of most of them,and wouldn’t look out of my kitchen window to watch them,unless they were the star-turn at a public hanging.

      Trouble is,too many young’uns nowaday think that you an get rich and famous just by being a twat or a slag.

         9 likes

      • I only know Calum because the little fuck cashes in on his dad at every opportunity… And Nolan because every time I got Morrisons with the mrs I see the lardarsed bogtrotting media whore on the front of one of those ‘wimmin’s’ magazines: that always feature mingers and Fourth Division celebrities like that Denise Welch slag, Stallone in drag Natalie Cassidy, and those Birds Of A Feather cunts…

        I suppose Coleen has to get noticed somehow,,, From what I remember, the Nolans were mostly very screwable… But the fat Nolan was never blessed with her sisters’ looks…

           7 likes

        • Talking of which, I saw one of these low-rent wimmins rags in said supermarket when me and the mrs were there on Thursday… It said on the magazine cover: ‘Pauline Quirke – My 17 Stone Hell!’

          Hell?… Well, I suppose it would be if she sat on you…

             8 likes

          • You made your bed, Pauline.

            I bet she loved every fucking minute getting to 17 stone.

            nom nom fucking nom fat cunt nom nom.

               9 likes

      • I was about to remind all the cunters Norman to drop and cancel everything to watch ‘Celebrity’ Big Brother. It’s always been shit and now it’s become even more desperate and embarrassing. As for Calum cunt I saw him in a convertible driving around Portobello Road years ago and I thought he was a cunt then. He has now confirmed without doubt his desperation to be famous. He has no talent but he has more than Jedward, I cannot begin to describe these cunts. The fact most of these cunts have made a tidy living out of being useless cunts shows where we are in this country.

           6 likes

  17. Never purchased a German car, I never will.

    I make a point of avoiding all German products, dont like the Krauts. Should have finished the fuckers off after WW2.

       2 likes

    • I remember that smug cunt, Ken Barlow, getting a VW Beetle in Corrie around the mid 70s (a VW Bug… The perfect car for libtard paint drying cunt, Ken)… And Albert Tatlock refusing to get in it, or go anywhere near a ‘Jerry Car’… Fucking classic…

      Good old Albert….

         9 likes

      • I’ve been in a VW Beetle exactly twice in my entire life so far. The first belonged to my cousin and the shitty thing wallowed about on the road so much that I puked. The second, belonging to an old girlfriend, did the decent thing and burst into flames while stuck in a traffic holdup. The fact that I stood laughing as the engine compartment blew out flame and smoke might possibly have contributed to her becoming an ex girlfriend I suppose…

        Overrated piles of shit every single one of them, along with everything else that has the engine in the wrong end.

           2 likes

  18. For me Audi drivers are the arch-bastards on the roads; tailgating, cutting up, undertaking and generally driving like complete maniacs. Oh yes they are right up there on my list of least favourite road users:

    Cyclists
    Women drivers
    Cyclists
    Asians
    Cyclists
    Africans
    Cyclists
    Mad Poles
    Cyclists
    Left hand drive lorry drivers
    Cyclists
    Corsa driving boy racer chavs
    Cyclists
    Fiat 500 drivers
    and cyclists.

       11 likes

  19. … I believe I heard on the radio news today, that the German ‘Authorities’ are telling people to be prepared for their up-coming elections / (results) to be very possibly ‘hacked’ by the Kremlin.
    Sounds like Merkel’s mob may be preparing for a bit of an election upset. Got to get in there early with some tosh excuse …… watch that space. Cunts.

       9 likes

      • So will Germany be the first nation to overturn their election result “because of Russian Hacking”? Oh wait sorry it was the US hacking the German leaders phone.

        Never mind the facts none of them have yet got the balls to say we are denying the election result because we don’t like the way you cunts voted

           4 likes

    • Did anyone see the Daily Mirror today?. Hayden Cross,a 20 yr old female to male pre-op transexual is expecting his first baby from sperm donated by someone he met on Facebook. Christ on a bike,not exactly the Waltons is it?”I hope to inspire others”says the peculiar cunt. What next I wonder? I may go and see my GP tomorrow and say I want to be a fire engine or a fucking turnip so he had better not oppress me or I will break a chair over his head or sue him!

         9 likes

      • Last time I looked it’s fairly difficult for a male for grow a baby.

        It’s not a “female to male conversion”, it’s just a freak wasting much needed funds on a vanity project.

           6 likes

        • Well at the end of the day I blame the MOT men who fail cars for bulshit reasons, I have tangled with the MOT man a few times on the practicality of their refusal a few examples.
          Battery not secured.
          Well I checked it and it was all original fit and asked him what the problem was, he called the rubber strap a bungee and not sufficient.
          I pointed out it was factor fit original and shouldn’t be a problem.
          He came back with a “change in regs story” uter shit! If that was the case I would have to install air bags!
          Next wank chops claims rust near a supension member…..I had a look at it and confirmed that there was infact rust in the engine bay where the shocks poke out, however the shocks and springs were connected to the turrets on the chassis not the body work which funny enough is not connected to any part of the suspension!
          Yep, MOT men can be cunts, anyone else probably would have payed a massive bill or scrapped the car.
          Then the wanker did me on a perished seal on the fuel cap! I had to let him have that one.

             2 likes

      • Hayden Cross as in cross dresser, at least it’s got a sense of humour.
        I was watching Catfish last night (there was fuck all else on for insomniacs) and some girls online boyfriend described himself as “PANSEXUAL”. A new one on me, but supposedly it means it doesn’t recognize gender and sees love in everyone. It turned out to be a masculine “female”.
        It turned out alright as the girl who was being “catfished” turned out to be bisexual.
        And they lived happily ever after.

        Its a mad, mad world out there, and I’m glad I’m out of the dating game.
        Nowadays it seems to be like playing Russian roulette.

           7 likes

        • I’m not sure, might be an idea to follow Trump’s advice and “grab it by the pussy”

          If its more fowl than fish, make your excuses and leave

             4 likes

  20. Their was a bloke the other day caught fucking a car it was on the news on the p.c,He was wearing a blue coat it was the same color as the car,Iv’e forgotten how to cut and paste or i would of put it up.

       5 likes

    • It’s getting weirder and weirder ANDZ, there was an article in the local paper about some loony cunt who liked stripping off a f wallowing in the nearby farmers slurry pit,the farmer had to go to court to keep the cunt away,and there was another cunt who got excited by cracks in the pavement and lay down rubbing his knob against them,I’ll be afraid to go out soon.

         8 likes

  21. Fuck me Mary wot a fucked up world,I thought i was strange liking women sqirting milk out o f their big tits,I feel ok about it now,Fucka me wots it gonna be like in twenty years time.

       7 likes

  22. Had to watch the end of Sherlock to see Yoko Watson get killed off… Supposed to be sad, but it was fucking hilarious… The killer was like Tweety Bird’s Granny, and there was the usual cheesy ‘slo-mo’ bullet aimed at Sherlock Cuntberdink, and then Mrs Wonderful Watson dives in front of him (in ‘slo-mo’ naturally) after the bullet has been fired… How the fuck can the daft cow be faster than a fired bullet?! Is she Super Token Woman? Faster than a speeding bullet (and a tax bill!)?!… Funny as fuck… And her death scene? It was like some terrible cross between the death of Nelson and the Prince Regent copping it in Blackadder The Third… And for someone just fatally shot near the ticker, she didn’t half babble on and talk crap for several more minutes Waltons style, and everyone is blubbering like babies (wasn’t she an ex-heartless contract killer/mass murderer?)… But was it over? Was it fuck as like…John Freebloke showed his ‘grief’ by grunting and going ‘Nnnnnngh!’ every five seconds, and Mrs Wonderful came back from beyond the grave: giving Sherlock (who is supposed to be the world’s finest sleuth) ‘instructions’ on ‘what to do next’…

    Best bit of BBC comedy I have seen in years… Moffatt and Gatiss are still cunts though…

       2 likes

    • Sounds Emotional. Did CumberCunt reappear at the end to make an emotional but inaccurate harangue against Western policy in Syria and oppressive attitudes towards terrorists, sorry, cheerful “rebels” .

         5 likes

      • Engeldict Cuntberdinck blubbed when Yoko Watson snuffed it (after her babbling melodramatic crap for several minutes before she actually did so!), while John Freeman grunted and moaned like the creature from Young Frankenstein… Utter steaming, flyblown shite…

           3 likes

  23. Any debate this long that does not mention that Jeremy Hunt is a waste of a perfectly good birth certificate and makes as much sense as a skunk dead of venereal disease viewed through the matrix is not a complete debate. And him with that brain-damaged grin all the time.

       0 likes

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