It must be hard for some of these fuckers to drive when they’re checking their wankbook status with one hand and wanking with the other. Fucking idiots. Car body repairs are not cheap.
Also just this week, I was sitting in my car waiting in the town carpark reading the paper, and some fucking cunt slammed his door up against my passenger side, trying to get out of his car. Even winding down my passenger window and shouting at him “Oi fucking watch what you’re doing, you dozy cunt”, he looked at me like I’d just shit through his letterbox. One of these affluent retired old boy cunts who has “Me Myself Fucking I” stamped on his forehead. Having a long fulfilling life clearly hasn’t stopped him being a cunt.
I’m not bothering taking the repairs through my insurance. Less hassle to pay for it directly to have it fixed. Paying-out for other people’s cuntitude is the way things are these days. Like pretty much all of us here, I work my cock and balls off to have a decent car, and these damaging pricks just sail through life being a cunt. Fucking not right.
Nominated by: Twatvarnish
“Paying-out for other people’s cuntitude is the way things are these day” Twatvarnish you have given us the motto of the times!
I am very lucky in being able to run two cars. The only reason I have two cars is because of the cuntishness you have highlighted in your very well done cunting. One car is used for shopping, hospital visits and any other journey requiring car to be parked in carpark, street, dodgy area etc. If the old girl takes a hit well she is old and not worth much (to insurance companies) though I am very fond of my old, battered reliable Subaru. My other car is used to relive my fucked up youth and visit family (this car was inherited). Repairing her body panels is not cheap.
As stated in your excellent cunting and by the multicolored dents and scratches on car park exit bollards and the various dents,scrapes etc on my car. We live in a World of cuntishness that beggers belief.
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Awesome Cunting Twatvarnish.
Had some dizzy old cunt reverse into my passenger door at Wetherby services whilst I was inside the car still. The dizzy cuntwent forward again, straightened up, parked, got out and was about to walk off. Fucking cheeky Cunt!!!
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I can’t really say to much about bad drivers. According to the lads who sit in with me on the way to a job,I drive like Mr Magoo on acid.
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My rule(s) of thumb … if there are no totally empty spaces at the back, and there usually are ( it’s already been discussed how some people would rather squeeze out their drivers door from between two parked cars to be nearer ‘the store door’ .. rather than walk and extra 100 yards) …
Park at the end of a row, park next to an older well kept car ( a new car doesn’t give away how well it has been kept), park between two cars with their passengers doors next to yours. (Taking a bit of a chance on that one … assuming the car WILL have a driver but maybe not a passenger … the downfall is if there are passengers, they really don’t give a fuck as neither of the cars are theirs ).
Never park next to .. a car with ‘L’ plates, a car with any child seats, a workies truck / van with company name on the side, a car with tosh stickers and /or furry toys in any windows, a ‘Chelsea Tractor’ or anything that smells of (Daddys / rich hubbys) money.
If in doubt … park elsewhere, take the bus or walk. Carpark etiquette is shocking, although car parks are an excellent place to see Cunts of immense proportions.
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I park in the parent/child spaces. When challenged I reply that I have two children and there’s nothing on the car park terms to say they have to be with me at the time…
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Drivers that don’t give a fuck? Yours truly is proud to be one orf the same. Have driven me old Bentley for nigh orn 60 years. Built like a tank, nice heavy bodywork and bumpers orf the curly wurly chrome on steel variety that have totalled the rear and sides orf many a modern cunt car. All motors now have painted plarstic front and rear ends now which can only be repaired at extortionate cost. Bodywork made oit orf the thinnest monkey metal. Indeed made to crumple at the slightest aggro. Buy one orf those bastards and you deserve all you get.
Me old motor proudly carries the scars orf countless encounters and has always come orf best. Have no intention orf ever having a polish twice a day poofmobile. Will be buried in me old motor. Insured on a classic car policy so pay next to nothing and never claim anyway. Cherished vehicle so pay no road tax either. Who’s the cunt now?
In short you cunts are welcome to park next to me old motor any day. Feel Lucky Cunts?
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And here’s a parking suggestion for you bollockless wonders:
http://wwwsailaway.blogspot.co.uk/2013_06_01_archive.html
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Another hot tip for our Guardian readership:
http://lh5.ggpht.com/_m0AY-010Fg0/SqdpTsCXY9I/AAAAAAAABLI/jBeTNhy748g/s800/Car.jpg
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Bentley, a once fine name now sullied by association with rappers, footballers and Russian gangsters.
And Fred Goodwin…
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Loved my old Volvo 240 estate for the same reason. Goes on forever … until somebody wrote thefucker off on the M1 one day.
Now drive a 22 year old Honda. Never let me down and if it gets scratched I don’t really care!
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Bentley!?!?!
Couldn’t you afford a real Rolls then?
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Off subject here but has anyone heard the interview by that new mp bird Sarah Olney on talk radio? It’s worth a listen as she was fucked on the first question. Very funny indeed!!!!!
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Just had a listen, thanks for the tip, Some sort of cunt.
What a delusional, smug cunt.
I also looked at a couple of photos. She looks like a character from The League of Gentlemen……..
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My dick’s too big to drive a bentley
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You could relate this cunting to those drivers in flash sports cars who park in two spaces to prevent dents happening.
However, The missus and I used to own a nice flashy sports car so totally understand why they do it. I don’t drive one anymore. We had kids and the rest if fucking history.
People who park in disabled bays who can still give Usian Bolt a fucking good challenge are cunts but, yes, anyone who decides that Tesco car park is the local demolition derby stadium needs a cunting.
0
Got shunted up the arse in my old Volvo a few weeks ago in Asda car park by some cunt in his works van. Not a scratch on mine but his little Renault thingy looked a bit kinked. Funniest thing was the hapless twat pleading with me not to go through insurance, which I had no intention of doing anyway. Kept a straight face until he left then pissed myself laughing…
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For the cunt in the silver BMW who put a ‘Tesco kiss’ in the rear quarter of my old SAAB in Gatwick long stay car park.
If you’re looking for your wing mirror, its about 20 meters south of your car in a hedge.
Fuck you!
1
Well cunted, Twatvarnish. I was driving across the Harbour Bridge last Christmas and some dozy bint rear ended me. After securing our vehicles on the roadside she approached me. The first words out of her mouth were “I’m sorry, it was my fault. I had a micro-sleep. I’ll pay for your damages.”
To date she has not paid one dollar. I repaired the car at a cost of about a thousand bucks. The vehicle is an ’89 Mazda Miata (an MX5) part of a small collection I own. Okay, it’s not a Ferrari nor are any others, but bloody money doesn’t grow on fucking trees.
She drove an uninsured rattler. She was unemployed. However, she obviously had enough money for breast enhancement surgery. She told me that her “partner” was selling a house and after settlement she’d be flush enough to pay me.
We spoke once on the phone when I told her the how much I’d been quoted for repairs. Subsequent calls I made to her, two … were unsuccessful. She clearly wasn’t having anything more to do with the whole situation despite my courteous attitude throughout and my openminded understanding of her situation.
Fucking slapper!
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Why do we expect any different?
The ability to drive a car is the limit of most peoples capacity, driving a car well is way beyond that.
2
Bastards at HIQ replaced 3 tyres on my wifes car, in the process managed to scratch the alloys in the process , all fucking three of them.
Did not notice at the time I picked the car up, it was dark. They are now denying liability. Cunts
Anyone know if there is anything I can do ?
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Hmm you could go to Citizen’s Advice or Trading Standards and see what they say and explain the situation. Some of these tyre fitters are fucking cro-magnon monkeys who can’t even string a sentence together. Alloys are another thing that aren’t cheap, especially original ones. Take photos and really push the situation. That was a seriously cuntish thing of them to do. If that was my car, I’d go cunting mentalism.
1
… can you point out to them that it’s odd that the only three alloys damaged are the ones with the new tyres …? Does it look like the damage to the three is ‘consistent’, therefor must have been done in the same fashion … e.g. a ham fisted fucker with a tyre changing machine ?
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The damage is consistant across all three wheels, the same distance in, same depth of scratch, it’s like someone had a protactor and eched it in. The fuckers had even dirtied the alloys so I did not spot it, till I washed it off
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Flaxon would burn the place down. Arse!
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Audi drivers are cunts, Audi’s seem to have no indicators. Audi drivers drive up your arse, Audi drivers are fucking maniacs.
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Indeed Harry, I am always surprised that folk spend tens of thousand on a car only to find for the indicators do not work. They must be up in arms about that.
Shoddy workmanship I guess……….
1
ignore the ‘for’, too much beer and no edit function. Bollocks
0
It’s called “German Car syndrome” (AKA “Panzer Fever”) a complaint which transforms even the most reserved, mild mannered individual into a selfish impatient lead-footed cunt, the minute they slide behind the wheel of an Audi, Beemer or Merc.
VW beetle owners can be cunts too, sneering down their noses at “lesser” classic motors while preaching the virtues of their nasty, rattly, draughty Nazi-memorabilia-on-wheels.
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Christ in a guitar shop that’s so true, and a totally accurate observation of today’s trend of “Indication doesn’t apply to me”. Flicking that little side-lever next to the wheel, requires massive effort amongst some sections of the motoring world. It cunts me out in a massive way.
These cunts can be further divided into sub-types. The usual boy racer Dev types in their knackered green Saxo’s, the repmobile in his cunt Audi and cunt shades, and the doddering 100 year old casket-dodger who started driving in the mid 1500’s. “I’ve been driving for 60 years and never had an accident”. No, but I bet you’ve seen thousands you accident-causing cunt.
There’s a seriously massive logbook of cuntings to be discussed concerning cuntish drivers. Fucking tailgaters are another thing which drops my cock through a meat grinder.
Always very early in the mornings when I’m off to work at cunt o’clock, some fucking smallcock (either an Audi fuck or a white van cunt) screams up behind me and sticks his balls in my exhaust, demanding I get out the way.
A simple message to these shit stains of society: Cunt Off. If you can’t be arsed to organise your time better and get up earlier, don’t blame it on me…or on others who are a bit better organised. Stop wanking to dodgy housewife porn, wake up earlier and stop acting like a hornet on crack. Cunts to a man.
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I drive a little focus,ive never been over 40mph,Its a due its fucking m.o.t next week.
0
It’s the Cunts that do 40 in a 60, then stay at 40 when it drops to 30. Cunts!!!
If you’re going to stick to the speed limits, then fair doos, bunt don’t be such Cunts!!!!
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Some cunt near me has still got a red nose on his moto,Its been on it about 5 fucking years.
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When i was a kid , me and my mates would split up into two teams , equipped with Stanley knives, and see how many red noses we could nab of the cars.
We were probably doing the cunts a favour……….
0
When I was a kid, EVERYONE used to steal VW badges.
0
Fuck me with a curtain rod, what is it with the latest cunt craze of suddenly slamming on the brakes in front of a line of cars, taking a turning off and all with no indication whatsoever? How in the cunt are these cunts driving legally? “I’ve just spotted my exit…I’ll just slam on regardless of what’s behind me”.
I followed a purebred cunt this morning with this scenario, and although I wasn’t up his arse, I still had to drop the brakes and my baggage on the back seats shot off and went everywhere. Inconsiderate mirror-wanking lethario. Funnily enough he was in a black Audi (smallcock compensator) which sums it up. Cunt.
2