Today (with the mrs, you know how it is) I watched that Legend Of Tarzan film… Utter bollocks, of course (apart from when that cunt gets eaten by crocs), and way too much ‘Ebony & Ivory’ diversity bollocks… But the animals looked absolutely shite… The gorillas and elephants weren’t real and you could tell they weren’t… Same goes for those crappy Jungle Book and Planet Of The Apes remakes… Give me the originals over that expensive, overproduced Hollywood shite any time…
Same goes for all that 3D Animation crap… It is not animation, it is some cunt with a lazy arse who can’t draw pissing about on a computer… Stuff done by Tex Avery, Chuck Jones, Friz Freleng etc were real art and animation… Not Shrek, Monsters Inc and all that bollocks…
And if that makes me a grumpy old cunt, then I’m a grumpy old cunt…
Nominated by: Norman
Well put Norman. CGI makes film directors lazy and sloppy, yet also prone to overindulgence (see any film by Zack Snyder or that Abrams cunt for proof of this).
That’s why the “cheesey” old Bond movies were better because they had real stunt and effects work with real stuntmen. Compare the Moonraker opening skydiving sequence (real plane, real parachutes, real skydivers thousands of feet up risking their lives) with the “homage” (i.e. ripoff) CGI based scene in that Quantum Of Bollocks shitfest. It looked like two plastic action figures in a wind tunnel but was much cheaper to bang out, thus leaving more cash spare for the Scouse Midget to stuff in his trousers. If they made Thunderball today the divers, Vulcan bomber etc would be CGI and would look shite. At least with model effects it really is something being blown up which is part of the fun in any action based movie.
God I miss Derek Meddings..
1
There’s some good CGI pornography, especially when you can make women’s Tits huge.
While old Cunt Harry is here, I’d like to call MICHEL ROUX jr a CUNT for hoovering up any tips for himself and not sharing it with his staff, greedy cunt!! And he probably gets money for TV appearances and for selling his books…..fucking makes scrooge look good, you mega cunt Michel Roux!!!!
0
Sorry Norman, this has fuck all to do with your post but I still get a big grin every time I read this “readers” letter courtesy of who else but Viz.
I USED to love that American comedy show where a man called The Fonz, played by Henry Winkler, lodged with the Cunningham family in a room above their garage in Kenosha, Wisconsin. He was best friends with Richie, Potsie and Ralph Malph and they all used to go to Arnolds Drive-In and Fried Chicken Stand.
The trouble is I just can’t remember what the show was called. The theme tune used to go:
Sunday Monday
Something Something
Tuesday Wednesday
Something Something
Thursday Friday
Something Something
The weekend comes, the cycle hums
Ready to race to you.
These days are ours, happy and free,
(Oh something something),
These days are ours, share them with me,
(Oh something something)
I wonder if any of your readers can remember this show?
Dappy Hays
Richmond
0
Nice one… I remember the banner that was on the Stretford End in the 70s: ‘The Fonz is cool! But Buchan is cooler!’
I also had a bit of a thing for the flame haired Mrs C off Happy Days when I was a young ‘un… Wouldn’t have minded her tucking me up….
0
Two of my favourites:
Went in to B and Q yesterday and this bloke in an orange and black costume confronted me and asked if I wanted decking.
Luckily I got the first punch in and that was that but be on your guard, you may not be so lucky.
These wind farms they are putting up everywhere are ridiculous.
It’s not as if the country dosent have enough wind of its own already without using tax payers money on electricity to run these giant fans to make more.
0
Norman you are a grumpy old cunt, that’s why your here. The whole point of being a man is not running round shagging spreading your seed but living long enough to learn about real life and maturing into a well rounded grumpy old cunt. It is my firm belief that grumpy old men are meant to run the world. We all grew up during the cold war, you just knew that the crazy funster that was Leonid Brezhnev or the cowboy actor Reagan were not going to wake up in the morning and decide they needed to start WW3. Both were too busy dealing with aches and pains and doing a victor meldrew because their morning cuppa wasn’t just right.
The rece4nt trend for letting ever younger leaders run everything is seriously fucking up the world. Age gives you experience, up until fairly recent times most leaders had lived through the war and knew war was a shit idea to be used as a threat but ultimately would fuck everyone. With Bush Jnr and Blair, Putin and a few others we had people in control full of young idealistic ideas and a belief wars are winnable.
Grumpy old cunts used to be called the respected elders who were relied on for their wisdom.If I want to watch Tarzan give me Johnny Weissmueller or Ron Ely, CGI has it’s place but like women and children it should be seen and not heard.
0
Well put. Idealism should remain within the sixth form common room, it has no place in the outside world until it has been tempered with life experience.
0
Michel Roux is a greedy cunt, his father has been on telly this morning saying the shut the restaurant for 6 weeks, bet they do, because the greedy cunts keep all the tips, probably don’t even pay the staff for the 6 weeks it’s shut! Cunts charge £240 for a set menu!
0
I’d think twice before I paid £240 to eat out Gemma Arterton,never mind a plate of poncified shite.
0
No
I would definitely pay £240 to eat out Gemma Arterton
0
The way things are at the moment,I’d probably pay £240 to eat out Gemma Collins.
0
At least you’d get a lot for your money…
0
With your luck it would be Phil Collins who turns up.
And he’s skint so he’d keep the £240
0
CGI is a load of piss… Things Like Bambi and Fantasia were made before the war, yet over 70 years on and the stuff Disney is making now looks a million times inferior to those two films and is totally shit… Give me the ‘Bald Mountain/Ave Maria’ scene from Fantasia over any CGI animated shite that has ever been put out…
And JJ Abrams is a cunt… His Force Awakens should have used the Sesame Street ‘One Of These Kids’ song… ‘One of these cunts is a posh feminist, another of these cunts is a token black bloke… One of these cunts is a Darth Vader rip-off….’
0
His Star Trek films annoy me because they’re so sloppily written, which is a shame because some of the actors and visuals are spot on and the original TV show is a pleasant childhood memory . The first Abrams film had such a massive plot hole you could have flown the Enterprise plus the rest of Starfleet through it. Lazy writing covered up with flashy effects that quickly become tiresome…
0
Now you’re talking Norman ; when I read your original cunting I thought about Fantasia and other Disney classics . Remember Burl Ives singing the Ugly Bug Ball in Summer Magic ? Magic. The modern CGI generated films just don’t have the heart of the ‘old’ ones. They’ll still be remembered fifty years on though.
0
Or what about the Ray Harryhausen stuff like Jason And The Argonauts. It all looks a bit creaky now but back in the day it was pure magic.
0
I agree – the jerkiness just made it more frightening (to a child , anyway).
0
There was an idea a few years ago to remake Yellow Submarine with CGI and all that stop-motion shite with celebrities doing the voices… But Apple (the original one, not the iPod cunts) decided to fuck them off and restore the original 1968 film… Those Blue Meanies were ace… Top class cunts…
0
Who do you reckon they’d get to walk/fall down the stairs with all the cream cakes?
0
P.S. The new Darth Vadery bloke looks a bit bi too, so full house there then apart from a raspberry in jet powered hover chair. Missed opportunity there JJ me auld sausage but you’ve still got two more to introduce Obi Para Pleegi.
0
The new Darte Vadery bloke reminds me of Frankie Howard.
0
Ooooooooohhhh! Saucy!
0
I reckon the worst thing about films nowadays is the fact that most of the leading actors look more like batty-boys than action heroes. I grew up with the likes of Clint Eastwood, Yul Brynner,Charles Bronson,Steve McQueen, Eli Wallach etc. Now it’s the likes of Redmayne,Orlado Bloom,Daniel Craig, Cumerbatch…..none of them have any of the “menace” that the older stars could convey.
Noone in their right mind would persist if the likes of Charles Bronson told them to “fuck off”,whereas if the likes of Cumerbatch told you to fuck off,you’d kick the kick the cunts arse while he screamed like a 6 year old girl.
Bring back proper role-models for kids and get rid of those effeminate nancy-boys.
0
Well said . The modern breed of actor , almost without exception , look as though they are acting , conveying emotion through histrionics , whereas old stagers like Burt Lancaster and John Mills were understated and yet still dominated the screen. I reckon one Mills’ raised eyebrow trumps the collective gurning of Redmayne , Bloom , Cumberbatch etc etc
0
I agree, Dick… For me it was McQueen, Eastwood, James Coburn, Paul Newman, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Richard Harris, Gene Hackman… And on telly it was John Thaw, Edward Woodward, Patrick McGoohan, Martin Landau, Lewis Collins and Martin Shaw… Now it’s the likes of Benedict Cuntbercunt, Michael Fatbender, That Scouse dwarf. Daniel Craig, Tom Hiddleston, that Danish girl cunt, and that Harry Potter cunt…. I like Peter Capaldi, but the stuff he’s being given as Doctor Who is fucking shite and now he’ll have a ‘sassy’ token black lezzer feminazi companion to put up with… Moffatt should be put on trial for crimes against television, the cunt…
0
It’s referred to as “Outdated Machismo” nowadays. Mostly by the weedy thespian types who would’ve run away screaming if Ollie Reed, Richard Harris, Robert Shaw, Richard Todd or Sean Connery walked into the room.
Masculinity threatens the new order of things and pessimism is considered a sign of intelligence, hence even escapist fantasy and superhero movies have to be more gloomy and downbeat.
Barbara Broccoli referred to it as “inappropiate frivolity unsuited to these serious modern times”
Poor old Cubby would have wept…
0
I read somewhere that Dr Who’s latest companion was chosen to reflect life in Britain today. Well,a thousand year old bloke with two hearts hurtling through fucking space and time in an old phone box doesn’t reflect any reality I’m aware of. The daft cunts.
0
When Connery, Sir Rog or even George Lazenby or Brosnan walked into a Casino, all heads would turn because they had the correct physical presence and bearing. When Daniel Craig enters a room everyone assumes he’s there to fix the plumbing.
All the tight fitting Tom Ford suits in the world can’t fix that…
0
On the subject of Sir Rog and films that are so bad they’re classics could I nominate “The Wild Geese”, an action packed and realistic take on Spec Ops , at least it would be if your knowledge of military affairs in based on “Commando” comic. The clincher was the jaunty way they wore berets. I assume this was based on advice of the bbc costume department who have achieved a standard of sartorial elegance in berets unknown outside of a Basque street market.
I can only assume Richard Burton was doing it to pay off a bar bill.
A good taster for the main course.. “Wild Geese 2 ” with Lewis Collins and… unbelievably but truly… Sir Larry Olivier.
Henry the Fifth eat your heart out……
0
If they remade it today they would wear Eddie Izzard beret’s.
0
Indeed Sir…
And it would be a heartwarming tale of a group of good hearted and environmentally aware Mercenaries who fast rope into some extreme African dictatorship to educate the locals about the dangers of global warning and install mains water. The locals kill them and steal their kit. The End. Cunts,
0
I agree. The trouble is with today’s films, there’s way too much sloppy CGI cuntishness which serves as nothing more than to bail-out weak as piss storylines. I watch films to get involved in a decent plot and have a bit of escapism for a couple of hours.
Today’s CGI overkill are all aimed at the under 16 attention-span-of-a-goldfish audiences.
Really decent practical effects are still the way to go. A good example being Rick Baker’s work on An American Werewolf in London. Fucking awesome and the transformation scene remains unbeaten to this day. All done with mechanical effects which had to be invented from scratch.
Too much prettyboy Twilight bollocks these days. I’m not saying all CGI is shit, as some of it is really good…but the problem is there’s too much of it being made for a disposable “What did I just watch?” “Texting and Facewanking during the film” generation.
0