Aerosol Tea

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The end of the world is coming and the proof is in these cans of squirty tea, apparently it’s a Tea volution… see what they have done there Clever eh..NO YOU FUCKERS not clever at all.
Apparently the humble tea bag is now redundant with this new mucked about better version.

It’s claims are these.
1. Properly brewed better tasting tea
2. No more used Tea bags to dispose of
3. Easily controls the strength of your tea
and
4. Hotter Tastier tea in an instant.

FUCK OFF!

Jesus whatever next!?! I like my cuppa, it’s natural and not mucked about by too many things, this new tea in a can is an abomination and needs consigning to the rubbish bin of history without further a do . As for the people who designed and marketed it I hope they are drowned in a swimming accident on the Kent coast. Because clearly they are nearly as stupid as people who don’t know how to swim safely in the sea around Britain.

Maybe they can get beardy girl to market it for them that should push sales “you too can have facial hair like her, Just drink squirty tea in a fucking can” .

I think I need a sick bucket!

Nominated by: Kath Gillon

18 thoughts on “Aerosol Tea

  1. Aerosol tea? What in the name of four types of shit? I thought it was bad enough seeing a whole cooked chicken sealed in a can, but this tops that one.
    That sounds fucking horrible. I’m partial to Aldi’s Earl Grey as I like the flavour, and at least with a bag, you can leave it in there to get a proper strong brew. I don’t like weak as piss tea. I like mine looking like treacle. I think this idea is going to drop faster than a concrete parachute.

    Clearly some spaced out hipster dipshit or radical “think outside the box” graduate thought of this abomination. It could be fruit flavoured tea in aerosol next? “The man from Del Monte…he says Fuck That Bollocks”.

    • Used to be partial to the odd cup of acid tea in my teens but combining it with solvent abuse is maybe a step to far..

    • Is this spelled correctly ? surely you are describing arsehole tea. Couldn’t taste any worse I reckon.
      Cup, milk, teabag and boiling water. That’s how you make a cup of tea you cunts, not out of a bottle !

  2. Arseole (not a typo) tea. Whatever next, hedgehog flavour crisps? If it ain’t broke don’t fix it say I. For some reason there is always some cunt that wants to fuck about with what we eat, how we live and generally fuck things up. I have no idea what this new product costs and needless to say I shall not be purchasing nor knowingly trying it. Papa blew a gasket when teabags were introduced. Tea was leaves infused in a pre warmed china pot with freshly drawn boiled water.
    Can you imagine the furore caused by Camp chicory and coffee essence? The name suggests homo and a jock sharing a cup with Mr. Kumar from number 43 would not be too well met either.
    Just a quick cunt of myself for rambling on. Must be all the e numbers, flavourings and colours in my M&M’s (Smarties) Cunts

    • P.S. I just checked the price of this stuff. Ahem, from £4.95 but actually £5.95 buying online for 20 cups. Tesco own brand tea bags £5.50 for 480. Shall we do the math together children? Yes exactly what I thought. The biggest cunts are the ones that end up paying £142.80 for 480 cups of Arseole Tea. Makes my wayer boil

    • My mater only used leaf tea as did my grandam, until her twat scouse plumber told her “er missus errr T leaves clog yer drain luv” Most people don’t know what a T strainer is these days thinking it’s from removing eggs from boiled water…CUNTS.

  3. glad to see they are finally going to tackle cunts using their phones whilst driving,there is nothing worse than sat at a green light cuz the cunt sat infront is checking his facebook…and then they look surprised when you blast them and shout GREEN LITE, MOVE CUNT !!!!!!……if only you could have a gattling gun bolted to your car bonnet and blow the cunts away…….let the police keep the revenue from these mo-pho cunts fines and they they should be bothered to prosecute properly and the wankers will be walking in 3 months

    • Fucking right, its a dumb fuck thing to do. It’s not just phones though, the other week I was in the motor with my boss and as we awaited on a junction of a roundabout a fat ugly countess was sat in her motor spooning ice cream or maybe cum into her cavernous mouth out of a bowel, I shit you not.

      If people don’t have the common sense not to do things in a car that are likely to endanger the lives of others they should be banned from driving.

      If you can’t figure out that eating a bowel of whatever and driving are not compatible you should be walking and as bonus losing a few stone of fat.

      • The worst one I’ve had so far, was many years ago when some fucking knob in a battered old white minivan was driving straight towards me, on my side of the road and he had his newspaper propped up on the steering wheel and reading it as he was driving. Honest truth. I held my hand on the horn shouting “Oi you dumb cunt” and he saw me at the last minute, nearly shit himself and swerved out the way. Fucking cockend. He was the usual six fingered tobacco stained toothless gummed his own sister inbred fuck, so it didn’t surprise me on reflection. Plod are never around when you need them.

        99.9% concentration on the roads isn’t good enough. Sadly you have to think for other people. These cunts who drive while on a mobile need to be pointed up to hell on their licence. A Bluetooth hands free kit or something similar solves all that crap. Some people are thicker than a chocolate shake.

    • These cunts are fucking dangerous and should be dragged from their cars and strung up from the nearest lamp post.
      It’s so important for them to see who has facebooked them. Well worth killing somebody.
      Saw one bloke this morning who was sensible for stopping to answer his phone but a complete cunt for stopping in the carriageway and blocking traffic. Clearly well aware of what was going on around him. Useless, cuntish cunt.

  4. Don’t believe in the devil, but if there was one, this aerosol tea would be the work of it…
    Absolute fucking shite… But watch the clueless knobheads queue up to buy it… The same cunts that buy bottled water (and pay a water bill!), purchase frozen yoghurt, and who go to ‘cereal cafes’ and pay a fiver for a bowl of rice krispies… Twatbags….

  5. Aerosol tea? My old nana (rest her soul) would have attacked such an abomination with a blowtorch….She had making tea down to a fine art… No doubt that lazy and more money than sense cunts will buy this tea-spray shite, along with their pre-peeled boiled eggs and oranges… Wankwipes…

  6. My perfect cuppa – Milk, 4 sugars and Tbag all in mug then pour water and wait for right strength.I know a lot of you will be thinking ‘Yuk,what the fuck’ but we all like our tea to be made a certain way but this squirty tea thing is a fucking joke to all tea drinkers. I bet the little Tetly men and the PG chimps are fucked right off with this piss taking excuse for a cuppa.

    • I couldn’t agree more Terminator making tea is an art for each individual. so this spray T is a load of old fanny.
      And as Dioclese pointed out, instead of biodegradable tbags we will have heaps of rusty old cans headed for landfill HOW GREEN is my valley NOT with fucking spray T

      • Kath, there was coffee in a can a few years back. It wasn’t on the shelves long before it was withdrawn. I think it was NesCunté. You pulled a tab, two chemicals mixed creating heat and the result was absolutely fucking vile. Life’s too short for bad coffee and how NesCunté is allegedly the nation’s favourite I’ll never know.

      • The worlds gone to hell in a hand basket Alan and I don’t see it getting any better, certainly not while the likes of Aerosol T is considered a viable product for public consumption.
        There is a school of thought that points to the rise in autistic children and plastics that we all think is normal for our food and drinks to be smothered in. I don’t know if it’s another “theory” or if there is any fact to it, but I sure as hell don’t remember all these psycho hyperactive kids when everything came in glass cardboard and paper> Makes one wonder!?

  7. Granulated “Instant tea” has been about for years. I tried it once and it was fucking horrible. The fact it’s still on sale means some cunts must be buying the stuff…

  8. Arsole tea? Recycled enima? Not for me! Even that shit out of a bag, but tea leaves in a pot, yep I will do that.

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