Blimey O’Rielly or should that be blimey Mossack Fonseca, here we go again into globalised finances ie Dealings Dodgy. Right in the frame is Cunt Cameron and family. Seems his dear late rich daddy made lots orf moohlah in global slush funds. All allegations denied by Cameron junior and delightful wife. Should allegations be substantiated then our upstanding PM will join the select secret trough alongside the likes orf Putin and ruski olligarchs various, Kim Wrong-Un, Castro, Mugabe and any evil dictator you care to mention – and a special mention for Donald Trump and the Clintons. Many fingers pointed at our own MPs and Ministers. Denials and No Comments all round so lots orf fun in store.

Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, that weird ugly cunt that plays Mr Bean, a stellar cast orf allegations in the world orf showbiz and music. Plus HSBC and a direct link to China and many honest as the day bankers and money mongs. Poor cunts must have somewhere to salt away their bonuses.

Talking tax havens me dears, orf shore wanking and anonymous companies. All as old as the hills but this is how it works:

Complex networks orf companies are set up by nests orf august lawers with nominee shareholders and directors and each company is in turn owned by another complex orf anonymous companies while any funds benefit from massive tax deductions acrorss the world. All deliberately blenderised and obscure so tax authorities have not a clue and very little chance orf finding oit who owns what. That bit is simple and also legal. Would we suggest otherwise?

Favourite tax havens are mostly UK linked, Bahamas, Jersey, Virgin Islands (is that owned by Branson as well?) and old favourites Andorra, Luxembourg, Lichtenstein and Switzerland, the latter an old stamping ground for our friends Platini, Blatter and tah dah, FIFA.

Just think anywhere that dear old Dioclese might encounter as a port orf call on one orf his voyages with the good lady wife. Ever thought orf offering tax consolidation seminars in between the all you can drink buffets Dio? (me brief advises I put Without Prejudice at this juncture)

As an indigent old aristo have been negotiating me way around the tax system all me life and naturally feel that any rich buggers should pay their dues. Caveat being me sympathy for any poor cunt caught in our draconian divorce laws and recommend stashing any portables oit orf sight and smell orf the old harriden’s lawyers. Have only stayed alive this long to avoid paying death duties.

Want to protect your savings from your dole or that little nest egg the wife knows nothing orf ?

Rather pertinent for the start of the new tax year today, don’tcha think?

Nominated by: sir Limply Stoke

It’s that fucking time of year again when we desperately try to get all the paperwork together so we can claim back all the overpaid tax that the cunts at HMRC have overdeducted for the previous 12 months.

I love the 6th April – like a fucking hole in the head. Every bloody year I submit a tax return for myself and then just to prove I’m a masochist, I do one for the other half as well.

Last year we got about £1,600 back between us. That’s £1,600 they helped themselves to and we should never have paid them in the first place. It’s like a savings scheme – but without interest. But fucking Jesus Christ help you if you owe them money. Then is threats of dire consequences and big fines if you don’t do all the paperwork on time and cough up the dosh.

Yeah, I fucking love the 6th April. It’s my own bloody fault for being an ex accountant…

Nominated by: Dioclese