Fake watches


Anyone who wears a fake watch is a cunt. Any one who knows anything about watches can tell a fake from 100m so by wearing one you are announcing to the world “I’m a faking cunt” Just be honest and wear a Tag instead.

Rolex are prone to this. Any Rolex, genuine or fake is assumed to be fake. And even if they are not fake they say “CUNT” as clear as day. We call them clitoris watches, i.e every cunt has one.

The cunts who have a Rolex are the same sorts of cunt who think Bang and Olufsen make good hifi, Harley Davidson make good motorbikes and Hugo Boss make good suits. Cunts.

Nominated by: Fat Rich

( I’ve got a fake Rolex. Ed. >

31 thoughts on “Fake watches

  1. There’s a Bang and Olufsen outlet close to where I live. It’s a stand alone building situated along an major roadway. Bloody pretentious looking architecture an all.

  2. ” wearing one you are announcing to the world “I’m a faking cunt” Just be honest and wear a Tag instead.” Ho Ho calm down there Peter Henlein not everyone can spend a small fortune so they can tell time personally I have 1 fake and a antique pocket watch my father gave me. Guess which one I leave at home and tags don’t tell time.

    • I do have a genuine Longines as well as a fake Rolex. I take the fake Rolex on holidays just so when I get mugged, the little fucker is going to be very very disappointed when he tries to fence the watch…

  3. This was originally a mammoth exchange of watch and motorbike posts between FR and I, sadly the bromance was cut short though as FR vanished soon after 🙁 Some say it was his shame of cunting the Rolls Royce of watches and motorcycles that is Rolex and Harleys….only FR knows for sure 😉

    My Rolex 18238 compared to my other watches is a guilty pleasure to wear but Rich wasn’t really on the money about every cunt having one, I see more people wearing Tag’s than Rolexes, in fact to date i’ve hardly seen anyone with a Rolex on a night out. FR was kinda right in his own way though because I am a cunt but for all the right reasons 😉

  4. I have agree on the fake watch, you are cunt for wearing one, the real thing is different altogether, however a Harley genuine or fake makes you a noisy, unreliable, oil leaking, slow, wanna be yank ubacunt,same as the yank car drivers, they should be melted down and turned into fake watches, at least you will know how long rescue a cunt aka rac the fourth emergency service take to turn up

    • Never really understood the fascination with Harleys ?

      Driving around on 1 tonne of under engineered American shite, draped in Nazi memorabilia trying to look hard ?

      • Yup, by all means make some more generalisations and get it wrong again.

        I’ve had motorcycles for 35 years and the one off custom chopper imported from Arizona that started life as a Harley softail I bought two years ago has given me the biggest grin factor yet….and that’s fucking good enough for me 😉 However I have nothing to do with the motorcycle riders that went and bought a stock Harley because they were also buying a lifestyle too, I have a lifestyle already and it doesn’t include those cunts.

        I will also say that the people who cunt Harleys off have generally never had one…a good indication of that fact is the nonsense reasons they include when doing so like they leak oil and break down, much the same as the people who cunt Rolexes off and don’t know anything about those either actually, fnar fnarr fnarrr.

          • Ridden the Harley 800 Sportster a few times in the course of servicing them and it was ok but not my sort of thing (healthy appetite for voltage regulators by the way). Most of my bikes have been rebuilt from breakers yard ruins that cost not a lot of cash, because I’m a tight cunt. 70’s Hondas and Kawasaki Zeds all the way for me…

          • Oh my 70s Jap bikes are very dear to me too, I have a 1978 Suzuki GS1000S, another GS1000 along with a Yamaha XS850, a Honda CB750 sohc…and more frames and engines in various states of repair than is probably good for me, yup too many projects not enough time sort of cunt.

  5. Fucking ell, Diocese is off on holiday AGAIN. I guess after having to put up with hearing from all the cunters and reading about cunts all day every day a Holiday is deserved, even if it is your 1st of nine this year.
    I am going to treat myself to a nice Watch, I was thinking Omega or Tag Heuer, any suggestions or advice?

      • 10 Holidays! Well if you can afford it go for it I say. Life is too short, and there is so much of the world to see (even if its mostly full of cunts). “Travelling enriches the soul” or some crap is what they say don’t they.

          • Whatever happened to “The Holiday Program”? I used to watch that for ideas of where to go. These days just about everywhere you wanted to go has been developed into somewhere you really don’t want to go – e.g. Tenerife. Used to be nice, now completely fucked…

        • Thanks B&W. I completely agree. Life’s too short and running out fast. And who the hell wants to die the richest man in the cemetery? My ambition is to die broke and owing money to HMRC…

          I don’t like to be home for more than 6 weeks at a time – especially as my neighbours are cunts and the town I live in is in “Crap Towns”

          • Go on – reveal all and tell us which crap town. Can’t be worse than fucking Derby, the gastric band and motability scooter capital of the fecking universe. Now that shower of obese shit deserve a serious cunting, if only they could see their own twats.
            And I thought I’d retired early at 57, fair play old horse, enjoy those early doors, I do.

          • Oh fuck it – posted this in the wrong place, I was trying to be a clever cunt and follow Dioclese claiming he was 52, that’s what 5 pints of Guiness does when you’re older than D.

    • Go for a watch that will hold its value or appreciate.

      I have a Ulysse Nardin and a Zenith that only come out on special occasions (like my wedding). My every day watch is Tissot that has been doing it’s thing for the last ten years without missing a beat.

      I find Rolex too big for my wrist, like wearing a carriage clock. Omega are the same.

      At the end of the day, they all tell the exact same time whether you buy a twenty quid casio or a £300,000 Ulysse Nardin.

      • Mine’s a Rolex Cellini. Nice and thin not a bloody great ostentatious brick like most of them. Understated. Most of them are just gangsta bling…

        Cost me £50 so I’m not worrying about it holding it’s value 😉

      • Well the Rolex Submariners I looked at I found quite bulky, I tried one on and the crown and winder dug into the back of my hand so it wouldn’t suit me as it would be uncomfortable long term but my President 18238 is small in comparison and quite sleek but hey horses for courses I guess.

  6. Speaking of Time did you know marc bolan predicted his own death on the russell harty show I didn’t even know he did that creepy. https://youtu.be/imz0i4X4xac
    Fucking Hell Dio another holiday? I can barely even afford 1 holiday each year. Have you inherited a small fortune or some shite

    • No – just retired at 52 having worked fucking hard and sold a bloody great converted barn and moved to a new build three bed somewhere cheaper.

      You can’t take it with you, you know!

      • Well good for you then, to true we could all die any given day or moment. “You can’t take it with you, you know!” guess you don’t believe in the afterlife? mansions in heaven and what not.

  7. Transfer Window bullshit is a cunt….
    Every January or Summer these cunts go into a frenzy… And it’s always the same old crap: Ronaldo is coming back to United (when he isn’t), Gareth Bale is coming back to England (when he won’t), and other such bullshit… It’s the same bollocks every time… That cunt, Harry Redknapp, commenting on the latest lot of Bale rumours, ‘There must be something in it… Because it’s talk that comes from somewhere…’ No, ‘Arry you cunt, there is nothing in it and this ‘talk’ comes from attention seeking Twittermongs who take in ignorant and clueless nu-footie, post-Premiership cunts…. It’s sickening to see what the game has become… No longer ‘Hey, we won the Cup’ or ‘We’ve been promoted….’ We now get spunkbubbles saying ‘We had a good transfer window…’ Which basically means they’ve signed some foreign mercenary or some donkey for about a hundred times their real value… What a load of bollocks…

  8. I have an original Tag Heuer, got it for my 21st birthday (cost over £800) and it has worked flawlessly for the last 20+ years.
    A friend of mine bought (what he claimed) was the exact same one in Spain on holiday about 20 years ago for 40 pesetas lol, stopped working within 2 months and putting it side by side with mine you could tell it was about as real as Tom Cruise’s sexuality!

    Every man should have a nice watch!

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