Tube travellers

londonunderground

That large red object there is known as ‘The scum shovel’ for obvious reasons.

The cunts that boil my piss are the arseholes that get to the tube barrier and then dig about in the bottom of their handbag for their oyster card, only to find it needs topping up. The dozy fuckers then try said oyster card half a dozen times before giving up and trotting off to the ticket machine to recharge it, creating a massive queue behind them that they have to wade back through. If half a dozen of these fucking imbeciles do this almost simultaneously at a busy station it becomes the perfect storm of fucktardedness.

Don’t even start me on fucking tourists who try and stick their oyster card into the paper ticket slot, causing the same kind of mayhem behind them previously only seen on the beaches of Dunkirk 80 years ago.
When the stupid twats finally figure it out they then stand the other side of the barrier waiting for the rest of their party, creating a human obstacle that gathers in size with every passing second.

Oh, and tourists, don’t forget to stand on the left and the right of the escalators and never bring a suitcase smaller than the northern hemisphere onto the tube in rush hour for people to trip over.

Also, don’t forget to stop at the bottom of the escalator and look totally confused as to where your going next. The pile of human bodies that is backing up behind you will really appreciate this.

You fucking retards!

Nominated by: Odin’s Balls

11 thoughts on “Tube travellers

  1. Like so many things, all public transport could be improved by the removal of all the other cunts. And the staff. And the management.

  2. And the cunts also pack themselves onto the trains like it was the fall of Saigon. There will be another one here in 2 minutes you stupid cunts.

  3. Good cunting, I use the Tube a little as possible don’t like the thought of being that far underground on usually busy tubes. What really pisses me off are the people (mostly tourists) who decide to congregate with the other 70 cunts in their party at the bottom of the stairs which lead to the platform. I mean they have the whole fucking platform to wander down yet they stop at the very beginning of the platform and gather like a load of dumb cunts. All us other cunts have to wade through the cunts to get on the platform.

  4. Pete Wishart is a gobby, two-faced cunt.

    Wishart has been scathing in his criticism of “English Votes for English Laws”, the proposed measure to limit the voting rights of Scottish MPs to vote on English (and Welsh and even N Irish where applicable) policies in the Commons.

    “This is an oootrage!” snarled Wishart in the face of the Tory plans, “this is oooor parliament too! This is the UK parliament! And we’ll be made second class MPs in it if this goes through!” squawked the apoplectic Pete as he cast doom-laden predictions about EVEL accelerating the break-up of the UK (you would think a Scot Nat would be pleased at the idea…) and looked on the verge of running up and punching the speaker before chinning the sergeant-at-arms.

    All fair and good (and a bit batty) but Wishart was only last year saying “the issue of EVEL is of no consequence”, dismissing the idea of being unimportant to Scottish voters (who as we all know are the bright centre of the observable universe) and mocking the other parties for getting involved in an unseemly spat.

    So which is it? The increasingly apoplectic, vein-throbbing-in-his-temples pub bore sounds more and more like a classic politician – a two faced, opportunistic hypocrite, and with every spittle-spraying outburst he is undermining the SNP’s claim to moral superiority to the “evil Westminster” system they claim to despise.

    Pete Wishart, pub bore wannabe, hypocrite and loud-mouth, may not stand out much from his countrymen, but for being an MP stood in full opposition to any semblance of English devolution (and it can barely be called that) he is truly one big stupid cunt.

  5. Whist on the subject of Tubes, hasn’t the world ran out of fucking tourists wanting to visit Notting Hill? Every Saturday the station exits have a constant stream of Tourist cunts leaving the station. Don’t go to Portobello road on a Saturday either, full of the Tourist cunts a lot of them looking for the House out of the Notting Hill film and generally wandering around getting in the way taking photos of street names etc. The cunts.

    • The Tube; that lovely warm incubator of airborne disease and viral infection, replenished daily with the influx of a million(ish) new coughing, farting carriers of “who knows what they were up to last night and who with”.
      No one has done a biological test of what bacterial mutants live down there, it could hold some scientific new breakthrough for curing cancer but somehow I doubt it and if it did then Glaxo-Smithkline or Bayer would patent the organism and bury it as a cure for anything doesn’t make a profit for the pharmaceutical industry even if they get it for free.
      If I went down there I’d feel safer wearing a full NBC suit with independant oxygen supply and a cattle prod to move the idiots who suddenly stop at the bottom of escalators, stand at the exits, take anything larger than a fag packet with them …… Aaagghhhh! ………….. and b-r-e-a-t-h-e …….

      • I think with the stuff that people sneeze, snot, gob, piss and vomit all over these places, not to meantion the dirty cunts that have a sly shit on the platform or, in the elevators, its probably responsible for the contracting of cancers as opposed to curing it, but your still probably right.

        All these cunts should be simply chained up.

  6. never mind the tube London as a whole or a hole? is the epitomy of Cunt, and a very large cunthole filled with cunts of the first cuntitude. lets hope isis blows the cunting shithole skyhigh soon, kill all the miserable cockheadney cunt twats up in their coon and paki infested stinking cuntcity in one fell swoop

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