’m in a right Cunt of a mood now. Not only have we National News coverage of A level results -as posted elsewhere- and the dippy recipients thereof, but after a bit of Googling I present for your edification a selection of Cuntworthy degree courses:
Parapsychology – various colleges
David Beckham studies – Staffordshire University
Surfing Studies – Plymouth
Doctorate of Philosophy in Ufology – Melbourne University B
Queer Musicology – UCLA
Star Trek – Georgetown University in Washington
Computer Games – Abertay
Golf Management – University of Birmingham
What is the fucking point. I suppose with a degree in Beckham studies you’ll be well fitted for cleaning the public bogs. Star Trek: a degree but not as we know it. Parapsychology: Defeating a two hundred foot Pillsbury Dough Boy, or two Jags Prescott which are pretty much interchangeable.
To hell in a hand cart is where we are heading.
Cunting Hell!
Nominated by: King Cnut
You missed out Media Studies. Other than that, good cunting.
I’m nominating the Royal Mail. In particular I’m nominating my new postman. Until two years ago, I had a great postman. He had Asperger Syndrome, but he was brilliant. He delivered the mail in good time every day, and it was in excellent condition. Then he was replaced by a female postie. She was pretty decent at the job. Not as good as her predecessor, but she did a good job.
Two weeks ago, she was replaced by a new postie. And he’s a cunt. Sometimes the mail arrives in the morning, sometimes it arrives at midday, sometimes in the early afternoon. Twice so far, it’s turned up at 6pm. After a recent downpour, I came home to find TWO letters, that were so wet, they fell apart when I tried to open them. I may have mentioned that I’m archer. On Monday, I ordered a piece of equipment called a bow square. It’s basically a ruler, and is used for various measurements. Anyway, my bow square arrived today. Shoved through the letterbox with such force, the dumb cunt bent it.
I collared the twat, only to be given a shrug of his apelike shoulders, and the mumbled words, ‘I’m just doing me job mate”. Well no, fuckwit, you’re not ‘just doing your job”, because you’re job is not simply to put letters and parcels through letterboxes, it’s also to ensure that the mail you deliver is the same GOOD FUCKING CONDITION that it was despatched in.
I went to this numbnuts’ sorting office and complained to the manager, who made it clear he couldn’t give a fuck. So now I’m taking it further. The Royal Mail is SHITE. I used to be against privatisation. Now I look forward to the day when we can choose which postal service we use. Because if the Royal Mail can’t even be bothered to look after the letters and parcels that we place in their ‘care’, then they don’t deserve a monopoly.
Incidentally, one of the two letters was regarding a hospital appointment, and the other contained my car insurance docs. I had to phone the fucking hospital to find out when my appointment was, and I’ve had to ask Aviva to send my copies of the documents. If this shite ‘service’ continues, I’m afraid I’m going to be punching this fucker’s lights out.
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At least yours get delivered.
Anything CD, DVD or book shaped never seems to make it through the badlands of Kensington. Anything too big to go through the letterbox never gets delivered and I have to yomp up to the sorting office, red slip, passport and one utility bill in hand to collect it myself on Saturday morning.
The bills on the other hand I tend to find scrunched up on the doormat when I get home.
They always get through.
Lazy fuckers.
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Passport and utility bill? I’ve never been asked for them when I’ve had to pick up a parcel. I’ve shown my driving licence or Army I.D. but never my passport.
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I kid you not.
Photo ID and proof of address.
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Yeah, I’ve also encountered this at my local office
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Yeah the Royal Mail are cunts, I had my ILOK sent from London to me its important as I need it to authorise Pro tools software and other software. It was posted on the 31st July ‘Signed for’ and turned up today and guess what it was put throughout the letterbox without anyone ‘signing’ for it. Anyways I rang the stupid cunts today and they said Its been recorded as lost even though it was delivered today. They said I can make a claim and they will pay me up to £50 and the postage costs. I will be claiming the full £50 + postage, thank you Cunts.
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Sorry to piss on your chips, but the £50 will probably turn up as postage stamps, my £17.80 did so I sent them back and told them to stick them up their letter slot. That showed em. I’m not only a cunt, but a self righteous cunt and now out of pocket £17.80. Peeling off un-franked stamps and reuse with a dab of Pritt gets the cunts back.
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Blimey – someone else does that too?
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TNT have delivered most of the mail in my area for the last year or so, QDM, and they’re pretty good… I remember my dad reading his mail while having his breakfast before he went to work (at around 8am)… In recent years the mail has turned up at 2pm, 3pm, 4pm and on a couple of occasions, even 7pm…. The Royal Mail service has improved recently, but only because TNT have provided a far better service…
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It’s about time that the Royal Mail had proper competition with letter deliveries and the like. The shitty attitude I encountered might improve.
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Even the fekin dogs can’t stand the taste of them anymore.
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Beckham studies? Does this involve studying how to be unable to tackle, beat a player with pace and actually head a fucking ball? Crosses and free kicks were his limit… Maybe the Becks Diploma also teaches people how to marry a bloodsucking, emaciated talentless fame whore and then destroy any sort of standing or respect they once had in their original chosen profession….
And that moneygrabbing, Mourinho shagging dago cunt, Pedro, can fuck off and all…
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If they are doing Beckam studies they could do an investigation into who were the paedos at Old Trafford who devised the Masturbating right of passage for the young players Becks refers to in the Class of ’92.
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I’d hope you have to write at least one essay on “Fucking a pig-wanking whore”.
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I would like to cunt any gentry sexual male who attended Cillas funeral today. …….if I could find one. Just as well I’m not cynical or I would think Cilla was a lesbian in an arranged showbiz marriage a la John Mills etc for many years.
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I wonder if she like playing the violin with small goats.
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Thank fuck she can only have one funeral. I live in Manchester, so we’ve had to endure TWO fucking stories of her being put under. Once on the national news, and again on the Northwest News.
I couldn’t help noticing they had TWO hearses. Why? Did they cut her in half or something? And of course, we had the obligatory fuckwits lining the sides of the road. Occasionally, one of them would throw a single rose at the hearse. It’s been fucking ridiculous. It was like a state funeral.
And there were interviews with dickheads who had never even met her. “She was lovely”, “She was brilliant”, “She was a true Liverpudlian”. Like fuck she was. As I pointed out in the Griefjacker cunting, the first thing she did when she found fame was get the fuck out of Liverpool. Just wait, 12 months from now there’ll be a memorial service.
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I’ve heard it’s going to be done again on ice at Christmas…
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FFS hetro not gentry !!!!!!
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I’m trying to quit smoking again and its just fucking hopelessly difficult to do. I feel there’s a little satan over my shoulder going “Come on light up you know you want to, everything will be better buddy once you do” and theres a bit of truth to that. Cigarettes does go good with music, drugs, sex,porn,coffee, relieves stress(kind of) and its a time killer when bored. If I didn’t have such terrible anxiety, depression and adhd I’m positive quitting smoking would be very easy to accomplish.
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buy some extra strong mints, have one when you get the urge for a fag but as someone who’s never smoked that could well be bollocks
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Its more psychological then that mate but it helps if you brush your teeth,mints gum,to keep yourself busy but its a cunt to quit I’ve quit on an off time and again but to fully give up is a difficult feat guess I just love it to much. If the cunts in power didn’t keep on upping the price i’d be fine but the greedy cunts just want more money and the nonsmoking cunts say it should be increased and says “it serves them right they should pay more” well fuck them I just feel like choking the cunts. The world isn’t going be safer if you take cigarettes out of it , you got paedos ruining the world, guns killing people,bombs , chemical warfare, fracking, and everybodys fooking worried about fags this world is bloody backwards run by cunts.
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Bollocks, smoking is easy to quit once you understand why you “need a cigarette”
When you smoke your body releases endorphins as a natural pain killer to counter act the nicotine (it’s poison).
Your body gets used to these endorphin rushes and the craving for a cigarette is actually the craving for the endorphins, not the cigarette and certainly not the nicotine.
nicotine patches and vaping works because you are still giving your body nicotene and still getting the endorphins.
The good news is you can easily quit if you REALLY want to, much like trying to kick heroin you will suffer cold turkey for 48-72 hours but if you force yourself to do it you will never smoke again.
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Look at the wage packet. Then look at the price of 20 fags.
If that doesn’t convince you, then nothing will!
I was on £1,500 a year and smoked 80 a day at £1 a pack when I quit… 10% of my income up in smoke. It was the £1 a pack that did it for me. Simple economics…
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Titslapper – I used the miracle drug Champix. It’s a prescription thing from the GP, and trust me it works. I have crippling stress and anxiety levels, yet giving up was astonishingly easy. I’m not being smug, more surprised, as I have no will power whatsoever. You take the pills for a couple of months, stop smoking during it, and I now have £200 at least extra to spend on meth.
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Its more the tax I’m pissed off about , I want to cut down more if anything not quit,I’ve quit before the last time was for 3 months without tobacco but one of my dogs died my pug charlie and few other stress inducing reasons. I’m moving again soon and I can’t smoke in my new place so I’m considering electric cigarettes as a alternative cause you can buy different strengths of nicotine and it won’t stink up the house also not as toxic less chems. Tried the patchs and gum both a disappointment so its e-cigs or cold turkey(which i’ve done before can do it again if I really want) like I said its the bullshit tax.
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“I now have £200 at least extra to spend on meth”
😀 😀 😀 😀
Holy shit Dioclese, 80 a day!
I thought I was bad when I was smoking 30+ a day!
I am sure I read somewhere that over £4.50 per box of 20 is fucking tax,
Did anyone notice that the media is reporting that vaping cigarettes might be made available on the NHS?
I said a couple of years ago that the government would tax vaping cigs and the liquid, and now they are proposing giving them away on the NHS,
So what you might think, well to be given away on the NHS means they will have to be licensed by NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) and once they are licensed they can then be heavily taxed!
Our caring politicians don’t want you to die from Cancer, honestly, it’s nothing to do with tax is it LOLOLOL
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I had a very high stress job and an addictive personality!
It was a long time ago. I moved on to booze – whiskey and brandy mainly – then gave that up and didn’t drink at all for a year.
These days I do enjoy a drop of reasonably priced wine…
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Wine is the perfect alcohol I’m not a drunk like my dad and my granddads who all died of alcohol poisoning one died from withdrawal from it. I could always handle wine though anything with higher alcohol content like whisky and spirits makes people more violent and stupid. I ‘ve been addicted to countless substances I’m surprised I’m still kicking actually I’ve done alot more drugs then some rockstars but oddly hard alcohol wasn’t a problem for me never got addicted to it and wine was my favorite, beer was a close second but drank in moderation. I’ve always been a polite addict never did I show a violent rage,never became unpleasant or become a thug from it but I don’t do dope anymore 7 years clean actually. Just hash and smokes now thats all I can tolerate and enjoy.
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I was on 40 Bensons a day when I was younger (and a good few cigars)… But my dad was on 60 Park Drive a day in the 70s… I don’t like those E-Cig things…. People ‘smoking’ them always look like cunts….
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I agree about that vape cigs, but they seem to work, a friend of mine who has smoked for 25+ years gave up tobacco in like a week after getting one, but the irony is he is now puffing on it all fucking day long, he can’t go 5 minutes without chugging on it and the e-cig he bought was like £60, that was after he dropped one that was £40 and broke it!
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