Mens Fragrance advertising

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I wish to nominate those poxy ‘Mens Fragrance ‘ ads.

For fucks sake come on! Do the the admen who make those fucking irritating things think we are that fuckin stupid. ‘Wear this stuff and you too will become a member of the ’beautiful people’! Errrr, no you won’t – you’ll still be Lee getting up to work your 10 hour shift down the abbatoir. And what’s with those hushed tones? Its just some poxy perfume ffs.

Oh and its also vastly over priced. Thats because its got the word ‘designer ‘ in it innit? There’s not so many of these idiotic ads around at the moment but just watch from late September they’ll be everywhere.

Nominated by: Ozymandias

27 thoughts on “Mens Fragrance advertising

    • Nah, combination of Brut 33 and Hai Karate gets them frothing like bottled Bass.

      You’ll have to fight them off with a shitty stick.

         5 likes

  1. I have to disagree with this Cunting in part as although the adverts are cheesy shit you can’t beat the smell of quality Eau de toilette, and anyone who disagrees is smelly and I guess you would rather smell of Cunt you cunt.

       1 likes

  2. As my old Dad used to say:
    “Son, splash a bit of Brut around your cock and balls, throw a bit of Blue Stratus under your armpits, add a splash of Old Spice on your face and the women will be all over you like flies round shit”

    Truth is it didnt work, and the irony is I ended up smelling like shit 🙂

    Designer fragrances are shit, my wife got me a bottle of Armani Code for Christmas, it was pleasant enough but at £55 for 50ml I nearly punched her in the face, stupid bint!

       6 likes

      • I had a look on-line and it appears you are correct,
        But still, £90 for 100ml, if the wife had bought me that she would be fucking buried under the patio right now, and the Armani Code would be used to hide the stench of her rotting corpse from the neighbours!

           4 likes

  3. Yep! Deserves a good Cunting. Pour les hommes? Pour les grande folle! More like.

    How the fuck did we survive till the advent of hide-an-odour- inna-bottle. I can see how the french would want to hide the rank stench of cowardice, but an Englishman….

    Taking the perpetrators of these ads out will probably get rid of some of the car and insurance ads as well; yes good try LV, but we can see it’s not England, doesn’t look like England even if you drive on the left. Hang on! Liverpool and insurance in the same sentence. Odour des Scam if ever I’ve sniffed one.

    Have you noticed, on Sky at least, they’ve sync’d the ad breaks so you can’t dodge the annoying Cunts without resorting to the Beeb Beeb Sea. Be a Cunt: record and skip; that’s what I told the market research drone I do, not the answer she wanted. Fuck me! I had to walk past her three times before I got my Cunt of the day chance. “No”. I’d never seen any of her sample products advertised. “No.” I never watch adverts on tv. “No.” “No.” “No.”……….A simple life with small pleasures is all I ask, and that means no adverts. Without the adverts there would be no funds for making tv programmes they tell me. Oh no! No more: X Fucktor, Britain got mentally challenged Twats, Cum Dancing, Bo Bo Duimpling and her fat fuck family, Pikey weddings, Barearse Grills doesn’t die again (Bugger!)…………..Okay. And the down side here is? Why is there no ‘Exclude This Programme’ in the planner. (Yes spell checker two ‘Ms’, that’s how we do it outside of the colonies.) Jam rag ads! f’fuck’s sake I forgotten them. I was all right till I came here now I’m in a right Cuntish mood. Off to scrub me bollocks and crack with carbolic even though it’s not Christmas, Aw God Christmas ads………………….

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  4. My old man loved his Old Spice and his Hai Karate….. I’ll put a bit on after a shave because my skin dries up like fuck if I don’t… Not really arsed what sort of aftershave it is though… If it stings then it’s working…

    Talking of poncy men’s toiletries adverts, my sister met some model who does that sort of thing… Someone called David Ghandi (if that’s the way it’s spelt!), and he was a cunt who thought he was god’s gift…

       3 likes

  5. And that cross eyed Hollywood cunt, Ryan Reynolds, is now all over our telly doing these men’s cosmetics (for fuck’s sake!) commercials… My mrs thinks he’s good looking…. Good looking!? The cunt looks like Tyrone off Coronation Street…

       3 likes

  6. “Danny” Blanchflower…..an economist who launched a media-cunt career on the back of sharing a last name with a famous footballer?
    I would not hang a dog on any evidence provided by this lefty always-wrong Guardian-Darling headline chasing cunt.

       3 likes

    • Danny Blanchflower…. Captain of the League and Cup Double Winning Spurs side from 1961… His brother, Jackie Blanchflower, survived the Munich Air Crash but never played for United again due to his injuries…

      The imposter ‘Danny’ is indeed a prize cunt…. The fact that he works for the Guardian proves he is a cunt… Sachin Nakrani (another Guardian twat) is also a cunt… I wonder if the dirty little fucker has stopped flashing on the Internet yet?

         3 likes

  7. Wayne Rooney is still a Mount Rushmore sized scouse cunt… The last time Wayne Rooney scored a goal, that ugly cunt, Caitlyn Jenner was still a man…

       3 likes

    • The last time Rooney scored a goal that granny he fucked was still drawing her pension and not lying in a box in a cemetery

         3 likes

  8. Claire Aksew is a cunt… Anyone who describes themselves on Twatter (without a hint of irony or humour) as an “Intersectional feminist poet, writer, teacher, groupwork leader” has to be a cunt the size of that sinkhole in the Mancunian Way….

    https://twitter.com/OneNightStanzas

       5 likes

  9. The whole male-grooming industry is breeding a bunch of fucking nancy boy shirt lifters, the whole was my chest, pluck my eyebrows crew should be round up and shot – cunts.

    In my day all men needed in the mornings was a shit, a shave, and a shower, Not fucking dermal regenerative nano replenishing mosturiser with added boswelox and organic peptides.

       4 likes

  10. The whole country has got soft, we used to be able to get by with a bar of Imperial Leather and a bath once a month wether we needed it or not.

    and that was just the women

       3 likes

    • I agree, I dont understand these fucking guys who moisturise 3 times a day and spend 2 hours doing their Hair in the morning. The worst are the ‘Men’ who run for cover when we have a bit of rain, fucking wimp cunts need a slap. I am sometimes a smelly cunt, but when I freshen up I like my nice Eau de toilette.

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  11. Anybody who buys a ‘celebrity’ fragrance (Beckham, Kunty Perry, Beyonce, Ladyboy Gaga, One Direction etc) is a first class whopper of a cunt…

    Some cunt got me some ‘Intimately Beckham’ aftershave and deodorant one birthday… I flogged it on ebay…. The name alone (Intimately Beckham) just screams ‘cunt…’

       4 likes

    • Some of the celeb fragrances are actually quite telling:

      Desperation – By Katie Price
      Cunt – By Bono
      Rancid – By Bob Geldof
      Computer Conviction – By Gary Glitter
      Monotone – By David Beckham
      Emaciation – By Victoria Beckham
      Retarded – By Peter Andre
      Puke – By Kim Kardashian

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  12. At least these firms knew their market in the 70s…. I remember Gordon Hill, Steve Coppell and Tommy Doc advertising Gillette razors in 1977… Kevin Keegan (cunt), Big Enery Cooper and Barry Sheen on the Brut adverts… I also remember the bloke with the Darth Vader on strepsils voice on the Denim (which smelled like shit) commercial and the lovely Valerie Leon advertising Hai Karate… I think the great James Hunt also did an aftershave commercial… George Best did one too…

    Some airbrushed, facewaxed, lantern jawed ponce/celebrity/Hollywood cunt on a pretentious black and white advert is just going to get up most ordinary blokes’ noses….

       4 likes

  13. A couple of years ago, I saw an advert on television just before chriistmas for a man’s fragrance called UOMO – pronounced ‘Oo-omo’. I’m sure it was made in Italy. I thought “Are you fucking kidding me – You Omo? How do they expect to sell that in this country?”
    I only saw it once. Did anyone else see it? Please tell me I wasn’t imagining it.

       4 likes

  14. now which cunt thought of 48 hour deodorant for women! I have no problem with rustic armpits on real men, but the fairer sex not washing for 48hrs? puts me off my tartar sauce!

       1 likes

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