Now to blow me own trumpet am a pretty large distinguished looking old gent (and not so much orf the old) breeding will out ect ect. Country long went to the dogs but beyond the pale now. Unable to manoeuvre me old arse in to a retail premises these days without some poxy cunt in a high viz vest eye balling me. “Can I help you fella?” “You awlright fella?” “Oi.Lookin’ for sumpthin’ fella?” The last from a mincing arse rat in a charity shop.

Having hazarded me bollocks for both King and Queen and Country am now taken for a dodgy character by a breed orf door/store security cunts young enough to be me grandsons – not that I would have jumped their rancid minged grandmas in me drunkest hour in the darkest days orf the blitz.

Respect is a word foreign to the youth orf today and their inbred pound shop parents. Which is why I may blow from time to time. Hate this England orf little Hitlers with their ciftificates orf community development skills, inclusion workshops and risk assessment surveys. Fuck you one and all.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

( You might need some of these then, Sir Limply? )

I wish to nominate those poxy ‘Mens Fragrance ‘ ads.

For fucks sake come on! Do the the admen who make those fucking irritating things think we are that fuckin stupid. ‘Wear this stuff and you too will become a member of the ’beautiful people’! Errrr, no you won’t – you’ll still be Lee getting up to work your 10 hour shift down the abbatoir. And what’s with those hushed tones? Its just some poxy perfume ffs.

Oh and its also vastly over priced. Thats because its got the word ‘designer ‘ in it innit? There’s not so many of these idiotic ads around at the moment but just watch from late September they’ll be everywhere.

Nominated by: Ozymandias