Paralympic Rules

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The rules of the Paralympic Summer Games.

There are a number of little-known rules that are very rarely known by paralympic athletes:

*In the finale of the men’s 100m, the lane on which a competitor runs legally becomes the territory of his nation.

*In the Javelin, the use of actual javelins is not required. For example, during the 1974 Games, a Canadian paralympic athlete with no arms used a bow and arrow.

*It is legal and encouraged to use leg or arm attached spring pogo blades.

*Any disabled baby born inside the main stadium during the course of the Games gains diplomatic immunity.

*In case of a death during an event, the late paralympic athlete’s nation gets double points.

*If, during a contest (such as weight-lifting) a competitor dislocates a major joint, “no attempt shall be made to mask or in any way hinder the audience’s viewing of the injury”.

*Anyone under 16 is allowed to take part in the Paralympic Games if he/she is Russian.

*The UK is not allowed to win the overall medals tally, as nothing but complete failure will please the rest of the world. (This rule was abolished in 2012 for the London Paralympics).

*The Paralympic Sports can only be televised on the BBC if the British are good at it.

Nominated by: Entopy

Jenny Eclair (2)

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I walked out of a Jenny Eclair gig some years ago. (Wife bought the tickets) Lasted 35 minutes. Fuck knows how I stood it for that long.

Same old wimmins humour. Tampons, menstrual cycles, husband can’t piss in straight line, men leaving the toilet seat up…Nothing, but nothing new. Bet she does the same material now, 15 years later. She’s an unfunny, slack-skinned hag… Like an Iceland chicken when all the pumped in fatty water has been drained off. Very funny to look at, not even mildly amusing to listen to.

Fucking cunt.

Nominated by: Fleaboy