Daily Archives: May 16, 2015

Chukka Ummuna

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So you Chukka’d in your hand, you slimy little creep? Good riddance!

But why? Well the official reason is that you don’t want the personal attacks on yourself and family that come with the job. You don’t want the scrutiny and transparency either. Well I say ‘If you can’t stand the heat, then get out of that kitchen’ because if you can’t live with all that it entails then you’re not going to be a lot of use as PM are you?

But is that the real reason Britain’s Barack Obama has pulled his bid? Nothing to do with referring to Londoner’s as ‘trash’ or slagging off ‘jetrosexuals’? Nothing to do with his comments about gangsters being ‘great entrepreneurs’? Nothing to do with him handbagging Mandleson for an endorsement on the Andrew Marr show? Nothing to do with his premature canvassing on election night before the votes were even counted? Nothing to do with him being so left wing that even the unions find him extreme?

No. It’s none of the above. I suspect it’s just because he can’t find 34 Labour MPs willing to sign his nomination paper. I wonder why?

Nominated by: Dioclese

The Koran

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Koran

It seems pretty clear that most of the contributors to this delightful website have very little time for the bizarre totalitarian creed of Islamism. Numerous micro-cocked closet homosexuals like Horner, Choudhury, Rahman (you must be a cunt to be slagged off in The Independent by Yasmin “Muslim Feminist” Alibhai-Brown) and even arch-twat Mohammad have been nominated on these pages.

But I want to go to the source and so I hereby nominate the Koran for a cunting.

I set myself the task of reading this book late last year. I was fucking sick of hearing the black/white discussion of Islam every time some Dalek/fucktard/Islamist/paedophile blew himself up. Guardinazis would scream “Islam is a religion of peace” whilst right-wing nutjobs would foam about how all immigrants should be kicked out. I thought I’d go back to Allah’s own words, as reported by Mo when he wasn’t looking for dates at the local kindergarten.

Muslim types and their fuckwitted friends in the “liberal” media claim the Koran is an inspired work of genius, a beautiful work of art, full of forward-thinking ideas for the good of humanity. The aforementioned foamers claim it’s a terrorist manual. Surely, the truth must lie somewhere in between?

I was kind of expecting something like the Bible – a pseudo-history book with supernatural elements and some half-baked philosophy thrown in. But, fuck me ragged, that is not what I found. The Koran is, to use the immortal words of Comic Book Guy, the. Worst. Book. Ever. Worse than Tolkien, worse even than that twat Shakespeare who has ruined English lessons for so many generations of children in the English-speaking world.

The Koran is complete and utter garbage – incoherent, dull, repetitive. The order makes no sense and the focus of chapters, paragraphs, even fucking sentences changes seemingly at random. I may be dim but I could not find a single unifying theme beyond the constant assurance that Allah is going to punish you if you don’t do exactly what he says, at all fucking times. Allah is the Nelson Muntz of deities – if you don’t follow his rules then he’s going to fuck you up, eternally. Christ, I lost count of the number of descriptions of the fate of unbelievers in the Fire (capital fucking F, ya cunt).

If you don’t believe me, try Sura 66 Al-Tahrim (Prohibition). It’s like that all the fucking way through. But I got through to the end and now I can quote whole sections to the twats over at the Guardian’s website.

Anyone who claims to live their life according to this fucked-up elephant turd of a book is either – 1/ a liar, 2/ someone who hasn’t read it or 3/ a mad fucker who needs professional help (either from a psychiatrist or Flaxen Saxon, I don’t care which).

Oh, and for some cultural diversity a la Guardian, try Judges 19. God is a mad cunt.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt