Brookes and Coulson

Cameron Brooks Coulson photo

Brookes and Coulson are inextricably linked, their alleged criminal cuntspiracy plain for all to see in the dock of the Old Bailey, and thus these evil, amoral scumbags deserve joint nomination as cunt of the highest order, namely the CBC or Commander of British Cuntitude.

Now it turns out that this gruesome twosome have been knobbing each other, thus compounding their vile cuntitude a hundredfold.

In any other industry, the discovery of a clandestine shagfest between two senior executives would have been pounced on eagerly by these spiteful tabloid cunts, splashed all over the front pages day after day, sanctimoniously banging on about “the public’s right to know” and hounding the individuals concerned (and their families) until one or the other resigned.

But Fleet Street never turns its spotlight on itself and so those who work there need not conform to the exceptionally high standards of conduct that the hypocritical cunting newspapers expect of everyone else, thereby allowing Brooks and Coulson (and all their feral colleagues) to shag, lie, bully and allegedly break laws for many years with apparent impunity.

Originally I’d planned to conclude with the line “Hang The Cunts”, but that seemed a little too forgiving for Brookes and Coulson. And with Bonfire Night approaching, I’ve been inspired to suggest something even better. Let’s go to the Olympic Park and build a massive pyre out of every issue of The Sun and The News Of The World that this pair of cunts ever edited… Then lash Brooks and Coulson to the back doors of tabloid scumbag Paul McMullen’s famous “undercover van” and have The Stig drive it from the News International HQ at Wapping to the Olympic Park. The cunts might be a tad sore when they arrive so probably a good idea to give them a good rub down with salt and lighter fuel before the main event.

Hang signs around their necks proclaiming “I AM CUNT” in letters cut from Sun and NOTW headlines and hoist them to the top of the pyre. Then set the whole fucking monstrosity alight and enjoy the spectacle of a packed stadium cheering as these cunts burn. To be televised on primetime Saturday night television too, just after the Lottery. Now that’s what I call a proper fucking jackpot. CUNTS!

Nominated by: Fred West